~ hiya sorry i havent uploaded in a while , sorry for any spelling mistakes its almost 2 in the morning , oh and expect a new story soon ~
DISCLAIMER: i dont own victorious
chapter 5
Beck POV:
i knew i would have to take her when she was old enough to comprehend what was happening , i used to take her when she was a baby , but as she got older it started to make her sad , so i stopped. she never remembers coming here. i tried protecting her from anything that could hurt her; here we are in the place i had become so used to avoiding , then feeling guilty, and coming anyway, there was no way i could stop that from happening. patricia knew what happened to her mother i couldnt keep that from her but around the time we stopped coming here we stopped talking about her mother so much , the eventually we stopped talking about her altogether.
hot tears made tracks on my face as i watched my daughter crouched by the headstone of her mother tears also making their way from her eyes . we stayed like this for along time , me watching from afar to give her the space she needs .
End POV
"Dad could you take me home now?", patricia asked , her tear stained face emotionless.
"Sure sweetheart lets go", and with that they walked away from the harsh memorys that had come flooding , for now atleast.
When they arrived home they were greeted by a bone crushing hug,
"where the hell were you , when i got here there were messages from patricias friends asking why she never showed up, when i saw the pictures of ... of Tori out... I thought the worst" , jade finished sadly .
"trix why dont you go upstairs i will start dinner soon okay " , beck said ushering his daughter towards the stairs .
"okay, see ya", patricia said in a sad voice and she trooped up the stairs.
once Beck heard patricias door slam , the anger that always makes an appearence after visiting tori came out.
"how dare you say that sort of stuff in front of my daughter!", Beck shouted in jades face.
" well im sorry if i jump to conclusions ... its not like you havent tried to do it before!", jade yelled back.
" i cant believe you think i would drag my daughter into something like that , when that happened it was right after it happened and i couldnt deal okay , so dont you dare throw that in my face !", beck shouted his temper rising.
"none of us were dealing , obviously you were taking it the hardest and with patricia , but we tried to help but you pushed us away now who is left huh how many of your friends are you still in touch with , huh ?!", jade pushed.
"yeah okay i pushed them away , because i couldnt deal with all the questions , and all the patronizing voices , people trying to be sympothetic, saying they understood ... how could they possibly understand , i lost the love of my life , so i tried to take my own to be with her. and you know what the hardest thing in my life even after all these years , is to live each day pretending im fine but really im like an unopened jigsaw , inside im all broken into peices but on the outside im whole , the outside of me is just a shell to carry around the broken peices of my soul... ".
"Dad ?" , Beck spun around tto the stairs to see patricia sat huddles against the banister looking through at the arguing pair.
"how much of that did you hear...", Beck said slowly.
"... all of it", patricia said as she stood and made her way up to her bedroom.