Once upon a time, in a land far, far, away—like always—in the land of Inuyasha romantic comedies where monarchy was still a dominant government and cottages in the middle of the woods were the "thing", there once was a beautiful queen named Izaoi. One day, Izaoi said to herself,

"Oh, if I ever have a child with that player-pimp of a husband that I have, let he or she have hair as white as snow, eyes as gold as the sun, doggy ears to attract many girls, and a bad attitude to repel them."

A year later, Izaoi's wish finally came true. She gave birth to a son whose hair was white as—why the hell am I repeating this for? LOOK AT THE QUOTE ABOVE GODDAMN IT!—She decided to name him "Inuyasha" because "Snow White" was gay. And of course she then died a few minutes after pushing him out. Inuyasha grew up to be the handsome bastard that we all know today, and King Inutaisho re-married to some bitchy lady who had two sons of her own named Sesshomaru and Hojo, and then committed suicide to escape from the evilness of his new wife. Sesshomaru and Hojo forced Inuyasha to do all the chores around the palace, even if he was royalty. He would clean the floors, wash the clothes, wax the swords, and anything else YOU can think of.

Now, while Inuyasha was being bossed around, and Hojo was being…Hojo, Sesshomaru would be in his little private room in the dungeon, admiring himself in the huge magical mirror that he had hanging there. Time to time, he would ask the magic mirror,

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?"

The mirror would always reply (while mentally rolling its eyes), "Sesshomaru-sama."

But today, the mirror had a different answer.

"Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?"

"Inuyasha."

"WHAT WAS THAT!"

"I-is nothing compared to Sesshomaru-sama!"

"That's what I thought you said…"

Sesshomaru heard the mirror right, he said "Inuyasha". Jealous he summoned Koga the hunter to kill him, and then bring his heart to confirm that he's dead.

So, Koga lied to Inuyasha saying that he was taking him to the ramen festival and instead took him out in the middle of the forest…which is so typical…Koga felt sorry for poor Inuyasha and told him the truth and to run far away as you can. Koga slaughtered some poor defenseless old woman and gave her heart to Sesshy, who was too stupid to realize it wasn't the heart he wanted until the mirror told him.

Inuyasha ran and ran and ran. He ran so far into the woods that he came to a big cottage in the clearing. The door was unlocked so he went inside. Inside were a whole bunch of sevens: seven chairs, seven cups, seven plates, spoons, forks, sporks, and knives. Upstairs there were seven toothbrushes, seven mirrors, and seven beds. Tired, Inuyasha fell asleep on one of them.

"Home sweet home!" said Bankotsu, as he entered the house with his fellow mercenaries. Yes, instead of the seven dwarves there's the Band of Seven (deal with it!). The put away their weapons and headed towards the bedroom to relax from a long day of killing people. As the entered the room, Jakotsu gave out a big shriek in excitement.

"AHHHH! There's a man sleeping in my bed! And damn is he sexy!" Jakotsu squealed.

Bankotsu just said. "Jakotsu this isn't a yaoi romantic comedy! Get back into character!"

"He is in character, idiot." Renkotsu muttered to Bankotsu.

"Who are you calling an idiot, baldy?"

"Baldy? You better take that back, small fry!"

"WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP AND FOLLOW THE STORY?" Inuyasha said, suddenly wide awake. And the two of them just said silent for the whole rest of the day.

Gah…this is tiring…where was I? Yeah…the Band of Seven let him stay at there house alive because Jakotsu didn't want him dead. Sesshomaru, who now knows the whereabouts of Inuyasha, disguised himself as Kaede, and went to the cottage with a poisonous apple in his—er—her possession. "Kaede" knocked on the door and Inuyasha swung open the door with an attitude.

"We don't want any!" Inuyasha snapped.

"Hello Inuyasha," "Kaede" said calmly. "It is I, Kaede. I used to be your father's royal priestess, until your mother fired me."

"Oh, well what do you want?"

"I have come to give ye an apple."

"Is that all?"

"Eat it, it's good for you. Ye know what they say 'an apple a day keeps Kikyo away'!"

"No"

"Take it and I'll leave."

"Forget it."

"EAT IT DAMMIT!"

"Alright old hag, I'll eat the stinkin' apple!" Inuyasha reluctantly took a bite out of the apple and died from its poisonous goodness. "Kaede" changed back to Sesshomaru and ran away. Hours later, the Band of Seven found Inuyasha dead and mourned for him. The dug up a coffin and replaced the corpse that was already there with Inuyasha's body. Before they could bury him into the ground, Jakotsu gave Inuyasha a kiss on the lips and lo! Inuyasha was alive again and you all got your fifteen seconds of yaoi!

Inuyasha decided that it was time to move on, and left the Band of Seven, and Jakotsu, with a thank you for their lack of realistic hospitality. Thus, he returned home to Sesshomaru (who gave up trying to kill him), Hojo, and his stepmother. Once again, Inuyasha did all the chores. Cleaning the stables and washing their hair, until…it came.

"Listen up you two!" the wicked stepmother said sternly, "I have received an invitation from another kingdom regarding a grand ball held for the Princess Kagome. She will be picking her husband at the ball, and I want you two to be the best suitors. You know how I want to be queen of the whole land!"

"Can I go?" Inuyasha asked, while on his hands and knees shining shoes. "Just to dance? Or at least drink punch?"

"HA! So you can make me look bad, Inuyasha-rella?"

"Hey, when did I get that sucky nick-name?"

"Just now!" Hojo laughed. And the rest of 'em scurried about trying to prepare for the ball.

The night of the ball has come. Hojo and Sesshomaru were dressed up and ready to impress Princess Kagome. The evil stepmother went with them, since she didn't want to be left alone with Inuyasha. Inuyasha became so miserable that he cried. Cried like a big…that word…the one that starts with a "p"…yeah. All he did was do chores despite him being a prince, and he slept in the dungeon and ate crumbs of bread crumbs and drank his father's secret stash of imported fifty-year old beer, which made him up-chuck.

Unbeknownst to Inuyasha, a small speck of light came floating towards him. And just like magic of course, the light turned into…Kirara!

"Mew!" went Kirara.

"What the hell are you suppose to be?" Inuyasha said, looking at the cat demon.

"I'm your fairy god-pet! –mew-" Kirara replied, twiddling her wand with her tails.

"What the hell? Well, whatever. Can you take me to the ball?"

"Sure I can! Just bring me a pumpkin, four mice, and a rat. –mew-"

"Eh, I only have four roaches, a tick, and a cup of ramen."

"Fine! Then we'll improvise…-mew-"

By now, since every last one of you has heard the original story before you would know what turned into what and he had gotten a nice suit and the whole midnight thing. He showed up at the ball, all eyes were on him. Hojo, Sesshy, and the stepmother did not know that this mysterious young man was Inuyasha. Princess Kagome fell in love with Inuyasha and danced the night away with him. An hour before midnight, Inuyasha took Kagome outside and told her the truth.

"Kagome, I don't really dress like this. I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm really a floor scrubbing prince. I'm can only be here up until midnight."

"Gee, that's not how the story went." Kagome said, getting the "Cinderella" storybook out from nowhere and flipping through it.

"I know."

"Then let's run away! Run far away from here so we can be together and you can be free!"

"…why?"

"…I don't know…because it sounds romantic I guess."

"Well that's good enough for me!"

So the ran away from the palace and followed the yellow brick road back into the woods. Damn, the original fairy tale writers sure do have a forest fetish…anyway; the couple ran until the found a house made entirely out of gingerbread and candy; a dream house for any kid I guess. Since they haven't eaten since that night, they feasted on the house like two termites would to a log cabin. Then they heard a deep voice go,

"Fee-fi-fo-fum! Oh wait, wrong story." And out of the quarter-eaten house was Naraku who was dress up as a witch. Not a wizard, a witch. He had the pointy hat, a broomstick, a black cape, and a black cat on his shoulder. I guess that's what happens when some people confuse your for a woman (not me, I'm only doing this because it's funny).

"Are you enjoying my house?" He asked, looking at the two of them. Inuyasha was on the roof eating the chimney and Kagome was sitting down eating the front door.

"Mmm-hmm!" The two of them mumbled. Naraku invited them inside and gave them a place to stay and real food to eat. But they didn't know that Naraku was really a man eating witch who preyed on children and young adults, which seemed in-character for Naraku when you think about it. And one night he told them his plans.

"Kukuku! Now I will boil you two up and have you for dinner!" Naraku said, stirring a big ass cauldron of water and minced vegetables as the hung on the ceiling over it.

"GODDAMN you're freaky!" Inuyasha scoffed, sweat-dropping.

"No wonder Naraku fan-girls are rare…" Kagome added. There was a nibbling sound overhead.

"Damn squirrel demons…" Naraku said, shuffling to the door that had been replaced. "I'll fix them." Naraku opened the door to see two kids dressed like they were from Switzerland.

"Hi! I'm Shippo, but you can call me Hansel!" Said Shippo, licking a large lollipop.

"And I'm Rin! You can call me Gretel!" Said Rin, chewing on the taffy cement.

"Wait, you two are Hansel and Gretel?" Naraku asked, bewildered.

"Why do you think were wearing these stupid lederhosen?" Shippo snapped.

"…I'll be right back." He disappeared into the house. Inuyasha and Kagome came out of the house flying. "YOU'RE NOT THE TWO BRATS I WANTED TO COOK—I mean—HOUSE! AND STAY OUT!" Naraku lead Shippo and Rin into the half eaten house, slamming the door behind him.

"That's it! No more adventures for one one-shot! Let's just get married before we have to climb a beanstalk or something!" Inuyasha hollered. He grabbed Kagome and got married in Vegas. He kicked his step mom and his stepbrothers out of the house and got them beheaded. The out of randomness everyone in this idiotic parody gathered around the happy royal couple and sang the classic Wizard of Oz song "Somewhere over the Rainbow." Even the one's that died, including Naraku. You know how Hansel and Gretel ended!

AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

THE END

(Now scram!)