"Well gosh finally she updated..." I guess that's what you are thinking.
My Romantic Comedy parodies are back and that's all that matters!
:S. Devilin:
Poor, poor Kagome! How much she wishes that she was prettier! All the girls at school were endlessly talking about how they "popped the cherry" with so much detail you can actually see the image in front of you, like an R-rated movie. Poor virginal Kagome could not wait any longer and decided to become…
PROMISCUOUS! DUN-DUN-DUNNNNNNNNN!
A-hem, anyhow…the next day, Kagome went to the Feudal Era wearing whatever you would expect Kikyo to wear in some other romantic comedy. In this case, a green super mini-skirt and a skin-tight green tube top with stripper heels she snatched from her momma's closet. First, she met up with Sesshomaru, who was as usually sitting under a random, stupid tree while Rin picks some stupid flowers and stupid Jaken watches over her…
…stupidly, of course. I know that was terrible.
"Hi Sesshy," Kagome greeted him, trying to be sexy by swinging her non-existent hips and flipping up her not-so alluring hair.
Come on people, you have to admit Kagome and Kikyo aren't THAT pretty…
"What is it that you want, girl?" Sesshomaru replied rudely like he always does.
"Please, do me a favor and -WOAH THERE SONNY- me!"
Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow. Was he going to give it up to this instant whore, who used to be a proud, sensible, yet sometimes whiny member of his jerk, half-demon baby brother's group?
"Hell no, you slut…" Sesshomaru snapped, turning his head away in disgust. "Go find someone else!"
So Kagome walked, and walked as far as her stripper heels can carry her. She then stopped to see Koga, leading a pack of wolves. 'Koga!' Kagome excitedly thought, 'He would definitely want to screw me!' " Oh Koooooogaaaaaaaa!"
Koga stopped in his tracks to see the not-quite-voluptuous Kagome in all her whorish glory.
"Kagome!" Koga squealed. "You look great today!"
"Thank you Koga. Koga?"
"Y-yes?" Koga said, eyeing her flat chest.
"Would you do me the honor of –SORRY!- me?"
Oh how Koga was so happy! Finally, the love of his life wants to mate with him, no strings attached (he thinks) and that dirty mutt Inuyasha wasn't there to mess it up!
"I thought you would never—"
"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE BUSTER!"
Ayame of all people came swirling up to them, grabbed Koga by his pointy ear, and huffed at Kagome. Koga was making crazy faces in hurt.
"Hell no, you slut…" Ayame snapped. "Go find someone else!" And the two of them disappeared in their usually tornado.
Kagome moved on. She walked and walked as far as her stripper heels can carry her. Shippo—Uh oh, here we go!—was playing with a little rubber ball Kagome gave him at least two and a half weeks ago. Seeing Kagome, he stopped playing with his ball and ran toward her, yelling "Kagome, Kagome!"
"Hi Shippo!" Kagome said picking him up, not caring if she's mooning anyone or anything behind her (she went commando). "I need to ask you something."
"What is it Kagome?" Shippo asked, looking all innocent and what not. He already has an idea what she is going to ask him. Yeah, he read the previous paragraphs of this chapter!
"Do…"
"Yes…"
"You…"
"Yes…"
"Know where Miroku is?"
"YE—" Here Shippo freezes in disappointment and shock. DARN! Better luck next time, Shippo…
"Yes…" mumbled poor Shippo. "He's right over there…" He pointed to his right. Kagome gave him a tiny kiss on the forehead and skipped merrily over to our favorite monk. Shippo was mad and stomped away saying, "When am I going to get some head…?"
Miroku was sitting with Kirara, looking at the sky. Kagome stood over Miroku, blocking his original view to see a much…better one.
"Ah, nature's wonder! A deep valley between two lofty peaks!" Miroku commented (A/N: This phrase comes from the best freaking game ever "Okami" on the PS2) . Kagome smiled, appreciating this joke.
"Hello, Miroku. How is the view?" Kagome joked.
"Spectacular!" Miroku replied, still eye-balling her jugs.
"Miroku…you would do anything to help me right?"
"Yes, lady Kagome. What do you need help with?" Miroku said, getting up.
"Please –BLEEP!- me!"
Miroku was taken aback, or some kind of old school phrase like that. Kagome wants to -COUGH COUGH- him? It was an honor, BUT, Miroku didn't think of Kagome that way anymore. She was only a companion and a friend. Besides, what would Sango think? Speaking of the devil, Sango came into the scene from the hot springs. Before she was actually near Kagome and Miroku, he told Kagome,
"Hell no, you slut…go find someone else!"
Kagome walked and walked as far as her stripper heels can carry her. And finally she came INUYASHA'S way (about time, huh?). Inuyasha was in his in-character place: Sitting cross-legged on a high tree branch, not giving a shit about anything. Inuyasha caught Kagome's scent and a glance at her "new look". He jumped down from the branch only to take a better look at her outfit. He was speechless.
"Inuyasha…" Kagome began. Inuyasha simply stared at her. In the eyes. Imagine that!
"Inuyasha?" Kagome repeated, snapping her fingers as if he was under hypnosis. He was, technically. Boobs can be VERY dangerous…
Now Inuyasha can do one of two things. He can either say,
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WEARING, WENCH? DO YOU WANT TO GET KIDNAPPED BY NARAKU?"
Or… he can say,
"Oh yeah, I wouldn't mind getting a swing at that fine ass!"
But since I like to do things the "Shirabe Way"—which is rated NC-17 according to my friends—all he does is…
Jumps Kagome, get each other naked and did some of that "Adult Wrestling".
That's right, Inuyasha! Go get 'em, tiger!
Yes, they were so loud, Naraku heard them go "OHHHHHHHHH" and "AHH AHHHHHH!" and all that sex stuff.
"Hey, why didn't she come and ask me to give her some?" Naraku asked himself.
Because Kagome doesn't want any of your foreign viruses you're probably carrying around down there.
"Huh, who said that?"
Me.
ANYWAY, moving on into the future. Kagome is worried she might be pregnant, so she took a professional test to see if she was. Two days after, the doctor gave her the results.
"Kagome, you are not pregnant." The doctor stated.
"YES! OH THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK—" Kagome cheered before she was interrupted by more news.
"However, you have AIDS, Gonorrhea, Chlamydia, Herpes, Syphilis, and Hepatitis A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and the ultra rare Z."
See what happens when you force yourself to lose it? Practice safe-sex, and do IT when you feel like it!
Moral of the story: Why buy the cow when you can get the milk free? Oh…wait…that was terrible…
Gosh, Inuyasha was "loaded" wasn't he?