I hope this one doesn't confuse you...for some reason I think this one might be confusing...but I just can't seem to place why...
Review!
All parodies are meant to be hurried here.
:S. Devilin:
We ALL know long-distance relationships don't work…but does that stop people from writing romantic comedies where the insignificant lover—usually our lovely Kagome—goes away from quite some time and then reappear in HIGH SCHOOL (oh goddamn it) as that new girl goddess?
If you were smart, you would know that was a rhetorical question, otherwise the answer is obviously no.
What makes it quite cliché? AMERICA!
America, America, Amerika (A/N: that's a Ramstein song)! You know…in the anime world, that's not good, why? Nobody knows…
Hmmm…
Forget it. Let's get this started shall we? The faster I get this over with, the faster I can finish that drawing of Ha—never mind…spoiler…
This clichéd parody whatever begins in kindergarten.
Kindergarten…that's becoming a cliché, too.
Anyway, here we have Inuyasha and Kagome playing tea party in the sandbox. They look so sweet together, even if Inuyasha looked hella ridiculous in an old lady's oversized Sunday hat in piss yellow.
"More tea, Yashie?" Kagome offered, holding up an empty toy teapot.
"Feh!" Went Inuyasha, turning his head almost snapping it. His hat slid down his chubby face.
"Have some more tea, Inuyasha!" Kagome growled, teeth clenched together menacingly.
"Fine!" Inuyasha snapped back. He held out his teacup and Kagome poured some imaginary tea into it.
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! AIN'T THAT CUUUUUUTE?!?
WELL I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK!
Three grades later, our Kagome was leaving Tokyo, Osaka, Yokohoma WHEREVER city they lived for AFRICA!
Not AMERICA…
Not SOUTH AMERICA…
Not EUROPE…
Not AUSTRAILIA…
And for sho' not ANTARTICA…
AFRICA! Get it?
If some cases of this kind of romantic comedy, the departing loved one leaves without saying goodbye to build drama and get hopeless romantic viewers to leave mushy, heart-felt reviews.Here, she doesn't say goodbye. Kagome says,
"So LOOONNNG, SUCKER!"
And then she leaves her city life for the more TRIBAL and primitive life among the Maasai people in Kenya. Drinking cow blood for protein (this IS true!) and weaving baskets with Naraku and his family members…haha…(A/N: I always thought he was Black…somehow…)
Many years later…don't ask for specifics because it is not that important…Kagome come back to Japan. Yay! HOWEVER, Inuyasha seems to have forgotten his old girlfriend and got a new one! Gasp!
And who is it?
Kikyo, dumbass, Kikyo. Who else? But Kagome doesn't know this yet, of course.
Well, here is Kagome in high school. No, she hasn't become so smoking hot even Sesshomaru wants to get some. No, she isn't a normal student who is secretly hiding from her friends deep dark secrets about abusive home life. And HELL no, she doesn't come to school dressed in these cool clothes you know for DAMN sure your MOMMA won't let you wear!
Kagome…I regret to say (not)…Kagome is fat and primitive. Very fat. Very primitive. No disrespect of course for the "fat" part. In Africa and to some select Americans, fat women are more sought out than skinny ones as wives and as a status of wealth. Cool. But since she has been with hunting, gathering, technology-free people from so long and so early in life she has totally turned from a cute, down-to-earth girl we met in Kindergarten to a super tan, spear-chucking girl.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
But this is in an Inuyasha situation we're talking about so…
"What a freak!" Kikyo commented, clinging onto Inuyasha for dear life and staring at Kagome's half-nakedness. As you can see, Kikyo has already taken Kagome as a threat to her fake partnership with Inuyasha. "Don't you think so, Inu-kins?"
"Inu-kins" forced himself not to beat Kikyo like she owes him money for calling him "Inu-kins", "Puppy", " Yashie-poo", and the like. I'd love to join him.
"Not really." Inuyasha mumbles to himself. He is now starting to remember Kagome just vaguely.
Mmmm…Kinda quick, yes?
Moving on into their first of many classes together, the teacher introduces Kagome to the class, as Kagome stood there almost menacingly at the class with a spear in hand and books in another. Odd sight.
"Class, this is Kagome. She is Japanese, but she spent most of her life among the Maasai people of Kenya for Buddha knows what…" The teacher says.
"Hujambo." ("Hello") Kagome greets her classmates.
"What is that? Alien?" Asks Hojo, raising his hand.
"What ARE you wearing? Are you naked under there?" Sango retorts. Yes, even Sango is mean to her. An escaped from the usual cliché of her being Kagome's best friend and sometimes savior.
"Dang, so that's why there are starving people in Africa…you ate it all!" Jokes Ginta (or Hakkaku. I STILL don't know who's who.)
"Shut up, all of you!" The teacher snaps. "Now don't you worry about them Kagome. Take any desk you like and we will begin class."
Keep in mind that Kagome did not go to a school with desks, so when she found her set—next to the very hot Inuyasha—she sat ON the desk, not IN the desk. By now, Inuyasha is staring to remember Kagome and falls in love with her again, despite how much she has grown…or has become disturbingly primitive.
…Now the authoress is tired. But, I think I will go on.
Climax: usually set somewhere at a party, or at a dance. Pick one. Did you pick one? Well what you think doesn't matter because I'm going with neither! HAHAHAHAHA!
It's not even time for a climax yet, but I'm trying to cut to the chase. Inuyasha has already expressed his love for Kagome, "His" way, don't forget, and it took him forever to get Kagome to understand that because he's a bastard and he's wishy-washy. And it took him even LONGER to get rid of Kikyo for good, because we all read the stories where Kikyo plots to get her man back by any means necessary. A Kagome's house—yes, they live in a house—Inuyasha and Kagome are in her room on the floor.
"Kagome…?" Inuyasha starts.
"Huh?" Replies Kagome, catching a beetle that was flying about with one swift, flawless grab with her hand.
"I-I-I love you."
"Huh?" Now she is working at a small loom on her lap.
"I know you are probably wondering about Kikyo…I never felt the same way about her as I did about you. I loved you ever since we were one."
"Huh?" Kagome is now putting on war makeup.
"And, I-I don't care if you're fat. Other people do but I don't. You will always look beautiful to me." 'Bigger tits!' (The wonders of the male mind…)
"Huh?" She is now throwing spears at a target on the door right behind Inuyasha. Inuyasha dodges sub-consciously, don't worry.
"Kagome…remember when we were in Kindergarten, and we did those things the authoress of this parody wrote back in Line 15? I had known that would have been the last time I saw you…I should have said goodbye and told you how much I cared about you."
"Huh?" Okay, bitches, you should have gotten it through your head now that she is NOT listening!
"Oh…and before I lose my dignity through this mushy-romance crap that is totally not my style…will you mate me?"
Mate her? He couldn't have asked her to –I AM SUCH A NAUGHTY PERSON!- her?
"…" Goes Kagome.
"…" Went Inuyasha.
"…Huh?" Kagome finally said. Inuyasha almost lost his cool.
"ARE YOU LISTENTING TO ME?!?"
"Huh? Sorry. I had cotton in my ear when you were saying all the romantic stuff about me. Don't do that again, please."
"Oh, I thought you had forgotten how to speak English."
"Nah, I just choose to ignore people or speak Swahili to tick them off."
"Well…do you want to mate or not?"
"I'd love too…"
"ALRIGHT!" Inuyasha shouts with glee, getting all naked and what not.
"But I can't."
"What? But why?"
"I'm married, and I'm pregnant."
"Married?" Inuyasha squeaked in horror. He was eaten by some bum! "To who?"
"Naraku."
And the authoress is not going any father than that. Sorry, but this chapter is over. Get lost.
In the Maasai Tribe, girls get married at about as young as seven years old! That means Kagome has been married to Naraku ever since she was seven (you do the math I'm sleepy)!
Lucky Bitch.