Chapter Four: Breaking

Kaoru's stay at the Ryu-Mitsurugi camp became a routine. In the morning, she would wake to the sound of a sword sweeping through the damp air. Her other senses had become keener as time passed by, her body getting accustomed to her lack of sight. It bothered her extremely, but she had no choice. She felt the world around her had turned into a world of sharp corners, deceitful pebbles, and unforgiving edges. Her body hosted a number of slight bruises from the number of times she blundered into a painful obstacle. After a month, however, she learned to count her steps to the bathhouse, the dining room, and back to the bedroom.

Waking up, she would plod over to the bathhouse, ignoring Kenshin's pause to look at her in his morning exercises. Her walking stick waved in front of her, feeling the familiar terrain of the courtyard. Ignoring him was a chore she would much rather do without, but his gaze was always on her, so she had no choice.

A week ago, she had tripped, so Kenshin rushed to her side. She snapped at him while haughtily trying to get up on her own, her eyes blazing with blind fury. 'I don't need help. I'll never learn if you keep coddling me!' She turned her back on him and marched away. Kenshin silently consented to her wish. Confused, he didn't know why he felt both tense and at ease around Kaoru. Perhaps it was the consciousness of knowing so much about each other's past that gave him the false feeling of intimacy between them. He knew he could be himself, both as the aimless wanderer and brutal warrior, under her gaze, but he couldn't explain why he felt so tense. The want to protect, hindered by the desire to remain aloof, distracted him from his morning meditations nearly everyday (because Kaoru goes to the bathroom everyday.)

He wouldn't have recognized it for what it was, for he never experienced it himself. He was a leader who was either feared or respected. His past prevented his people from ever loving him. Alone and unattached, his life had one purpose: to take back his land.

For the rest of the day, she would do what she pleased. Just recently, she got into the habit of tending the garden. The feel of cool soil on her skin was utterly different from the hard pointed edges that often tripped her in the house. She'd found a shed with garden tools and started working immediately from morn until noon. It kept her distracted from the more depressing thoughts such as "I'm blind," "I'm no longer a priestess," and "I'm a hostage." The last thought upset her most of all, not because of the hopelessness that should have been inseparable with being a hostage, but because of the sheer uncertainty of the statement. Kenshin had never once declared her as his hostage.

She found the seeds that Kenshin left under her favorite tree that afternoon (out of fondness perhaps?). A can of seeds on the small plot of ground under the trees. Kenshin watched as she let the seeds sift through her fingers. It calmed him, especially after that tiring meeting. An hour ago, Kenshin had received word of Yukishiro's movements again. It was agreed that they go to war in a week. He stood up straight from where he was leaning and led Kaoru back to the bedroom to eat.

Kenshin watched her movements without restraint. Her blindness was a comfort to him, it was only in her presence that he felt free of criticizing eyes. A pang of realization hit him hard; selfishness had never bothered him before now. It troubled him that he liked Kaoru blind.

"I leave in a week," he said impulsively since the blunt fact had been gnawing at him all afternoon. Kaoru stopped drinking her tea, but remained unmoving otherwise. She willed her eyes to regain their sight so she would know how to react. She didn't know all of his moods—only his unpredictability. She decided to act as if she didn't hear anything.

"Thank you for the seeds. I didn't know that you would notice my playing in the dirt."

"I hired a maid for you. I will be busy this next week, so she'll start tomorrow. She'll continue with your lessons."

"What kind of seeds are they? They must be jasmine. I don't know how to plant them so maybe Tsubame can help me." 'Isn't one maid enough for this man?' she thought.

"You're not allowed to leave the compound when I'm gone. Ever."

Silence.

"I'm not your hostage," she whispered. It was a question begging for an answer, yet Kenshin merely stood up and left.

Even outside the door, he could hear her soft sobbing. Every night she would ask the question. She had asked it a little too early tonight, robbing him of his dinner. He smiled bitterly. They had come to a silent understanding that she would ask after he had eaten. Of course, she wouldn't exactly ask, she would declare that she wasn't his hostage. But every night, all he could do was leave her, he didn't have the heart to tell her she was wrong, losing his appetite.

Kaoru, in her bed, thought differently. As a woman, she interpreted his actions in a different light. It wasn't necessarily a wrong interpretation—it's just not something a man would understand. By leaving her alone, it only showed that she was his hostage. She had been given the privilege of being his guest during the day. Free to eat, to drink, and to do as she pleased within the compound are seldom the circumstances given to an actual hostage. At the end of the day, she would ask --or strongly assert-- that she had, in fact, been alleviated of this position. Kenshin leaving her, however, broke the illusion that she had created to keep herself from pain. He was her captor; she shouldn't be allowed to be in his company, so he left.

When she finally fell asleep, he came in quietly to wipe the salty trails on her cheeks.

The next morning was very interesting for Kaoru. The new maid arrived before she woke up. Misao was, in a word, odd. She didn't act like a maid. Boisterous in her step and loud in her ways, she was more like the type who could go to war. Immediately she challenged Kaoru to spar.

"Kenshin told me you're supposed to be good." Misao said lightly. The fact that Kenshin would even take the time to say that had initially astounded Misao. She now doubted his words. 'This chick isn't good at all.' Her mind twisted around the thought that perhaps the king was infatuated with the girl instead. She looked at Kaoru on the ground and raised an eyebrow. 'She's pretty, but there's no way she could have used feminine wiles to lure him. She's too…abrupt.' She had heard the rumors of a woman in his bed. Nobody told her she was blind though.

Kaoru used her cane to stand up. Sparring in the early morning was not something she was used to. Misao had landed a heavy blow to her thigh and it was already too late when she felt the wind from it.

"How is she doing?" Kenshin looked across the yard, returning from a particularly irksome meeting with the elders.

"She's blind. What can you expect?" Misao's boredom apparent in her voice. Kaoru stiffened at her words. She charged at Misao, yet Misao easly blocked her ill-aimed surge and hit her on the other thigh, sending her to the ground again. Kenshin itched to pick her up and comfort her. He winced at the thought. Me... help her? What?

"Are you alright?" Kenshin walked over to her, unsure of what to do. He wanted to comfort her, he wanted to help her up and feel her in his arms. He wanted---

"I'm fine!"

"Kenshin told me not to hold back on my hits."

"I know!" She finally obtained balance and stood up. She went over to the other side of the court, counting her steps and lifted her cane into a fighting stance. She won't give up—not when she wanted to hurt someone. She felt a change in the air across her. Her hands tickled at the tension.

"Go away Kenshin, I want Misao."

"I've had an irritating meeting. I need a release. You don't mind if I spar with you, do you?" But Kenshin didn't wait for a reply. With ungodly speed, he crossed the court and attacked her with his sheathed sword. Misao gasped when Kaoru matched his speed in her block. Kaoru jumped back for room and returned the strike. Kenshin parried. She blocked and lunged. They danced.

Misao's eyes widened as the fight went on. All of Kenshin's moves were anticipated by Kaoru. All. She seemed to know his next ten moves, bringing her walking cane to block Kenshin's hits. Kenshin was obviously not holding back. Their patience was wearing thin.

Kenshin was slowly being backed into the wall. In a desperate attempt to get ahead, he ran towards the wall, up on it, and flipped over, hoping to land behind Kaoru. Nevertheless, his feet had barely touched the ground when Kaoru jabbed at his ribs. He flew backwards as the surge of light emitted from her bokken.

She didn't know that her gift was fully awake, and that she delivered a hit that would have killed any normal man. Moments passed and Kenshin still hadn't said anything. She knew she had hit him and had heard the distant crash of a body, so where was he? She started to look for him when she heard a faint cough.

The wind chilled Kenshin's sweating back. He coughed into his hand again, spitting crimson. Slowly, Kaoru found his bearings and wrinkled her nose at the stench of blood.

"I…" she held out a hand to find him, desperate to find him alright. Sparks of blue light emanated from her fingers, crackling to the ground.

"NO!" Misao lunged, sensing the power beneath her skin.

"Misao, don't—" but Kenshin was too late.

Misao grabbed the outstretched hand, receiving a shockwave, crashing through her body. Misao screamed but could not let go. Kenshin growled and picked himself up, holding his ribs. Clumsily he pushed Misao away from Kaoru, losing his balance and landing on the priestess. They fell to the ground as a mixture of soft amber and angry blue erupted and disappeared entirely. Kenshin coughed. Blood splattered onto Kaoru's face, her blank eyes widening in realization.

It was with heavy difficulty that Misao managed to get Kenshin to the room. Kaoru silently asked Tsubame to fetch the doctor and then kept herself in silence for the rest of the afternoon.

The doctor had adviced him to postpone the attack, but both of them knew that would be folly. Kenshin got up from the bed.

"Don't get up, please" Kaoru pushed him back down slowly, careful to touch him on the shoulders only. Her voice cracked at her attempt to say something apologetic. His ribs, the doctor said, were broken.

"Where will you sleep?" Kenshin asked tiredly, not sure what he wanted for an answer. Kaoru gave him an amused smile but immediately withdrew it when she felt his head turn towards her.

"Since I came here, you've let me sleep on your bed. I say we switch places." Kenshin shook his head lightly, his eyelids heavy due to the drugs. Kenshin fell into a dreamless sleep as Kaoru continued to stroke his hair in deep thought. She could hear the flicker of candle light, his soft breathing. She could feel the bed move as his chest heaved. Yet with all of this she felt alone.

Misao was outside waiting for her. Kaoru told her everything.

"Well it seems that after that day you "bonded" gifts, you've been more adept with reading his actions then." Misao mused at this idea. Trading memories and all that. "How come it doesn't work the other way for Kenshin? Why can he not read you?"

"His gift is different."

"He does have a gift then? You didn't have to give him one?"

"He has a powerful control over the living. Fear, respect, the legends, his skill, it's all a means of his gift. That's why he's successful as a warrior."

"I don't see how being able to take one's life makes him gifted. Anyone can kill."

"Yes, but not like him. I've seen him move, in his memories. I saw his lusts. The only control us humans have in our lives is over our deaths—and even in that, it's not much control.

"And yours? What's your gift?"

"I don't know."

Misao stared at the blind girl, her night-blue eyes gazing somewhere far away. "How did you beat him this afternoon?"

"I can feel him."

"What about me?"

Kaoru smiled at the girl sweetly. "I couldn't feel you, but that's probably because we haven't traded our most traumatic moments yet while you strangle my neck." Misao tilted her head and Kaoru laughed at her brooding silence. Misao joined in; Kaoru's laugh was contagious.

He could hear her through the walls.

The week ended. Kenshin's bandages were reduced, but he still ached. Misao and Kaoru looked at Kenshin in front of the compound. Kaoru wouldn't let go of his hand.

"Kaoru." Kenshin's voice was firm, befitting a king.

"Don't speak to me like that." Kaoru held his hands firmly in hers, she had dropped her cane in order to hold him back. Kenshin's face softened, his shoulders weighed down on him. He felt as if he couldn't move away. Misao walked away to watch from a distance.

"Kaoru" he almost whispered, cupping her hands in his instead.

"Don't go. You'll regret it, I know you will. You do everyday. Even when we met, you regretted it" she whispered as she alluded to when he first killed her.

Kenshin tried to keep his temper in check. She shouldn't assume what I think, gift or no gift. "Let go Kaoru," he said as softly as before but more strained. He was surprised when Kaoru dropped his hand and just walked away, counting her steps softly in a sobbing voice.

"Victory be yours." Misao whispered as she waved goodbye to him. He walked towards his army in the fields.