So I really enjoyed my 'Dear Loki' story and couldn't help but feel Loki/Thor pain whilst listening to other songs. So I have a list I plan to write into letters, both from Thor's perspective and Loki's. This one is as soon as Loki falls, I feel before falling into the hands of the Chitauri and The Other; so he's a little less crazy. I'm hoping that as I move on, the Loki letters will get less brotherly and more Avenger Loki. I also have one I cannot wait to write based on when Thor brings Loki back, which will be a two sided letter/argument. Italics are lyrics/close lyrics from the song. Anyway, I will shut up now...
He needed to distract himself, he needed to speak the words that were burning a hole in his cold heart, but there was no one to listen, Thor was gone, his home was gone. He was gone. So instead, Loki conjured up a quill and paper, reminding him so much of home, and began to write...
XXX
Dear Thor,
I feel I need to apologize. To apologize for what I did to you and to Midgard. Though I do not apologize for my actions on Jotunheim, in fact, I am sorry I did not succeed. And most of all, I am sorry I let go.
Do you remember all the things we wanted? The throne, power, but most of all to be loved. Not for our position, but for who we were. You got all of that, the Golden son, but I got nothing, only pretense and lies. So now all our memories, they're haunted, full of the monsters, the monsters I turned out to be, this was never meant to be, you and I as brothers, we were always meant to say goodbye. Even with our fists held high, fighting side by side, together, it never would have worked out right, not after you knew the truth, not after my betrayal- at least that is one thing I can say I get from Fath...from Odin, the ability to lie and deceive the ones I am supposed to love. We were never meant for do or die, for the King and his adviser, for brothers, only for death and goodbye.
I didn't want us to burn out,
I didn't want to hurt you, but now I can't stop.
I think the point in this letter, even though I know you will never read it, was because I wanted you to know that it doesn't matter where we took this road, someone had to go. Most of all I wanted you to know you couldn't have loved me better, you were the only one besides mother I felt truly cared for me, however much you made me angry, and however many times you made me feel small, you picked me up again. But I want you to move on, so I'm already gone, that is why I let go, not because I was afraid or angry, but because I needed you to lose me through death, not through my own madness.
I know that you will find happiness again, with people who do not always make you want to cry. I made things difficult for you, whether I meant to or not, I know that, I made you so angry you would destroy anything in sight. A part of me loved that, that I could evoke such a reaction, but now I am ashamed. So just know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go, so please, let me go too.
My true heritage was always going to break us, we never could have lived in harmony once you knew. I could not have walked the walls of Asgard knowing what I was, what ran through my blood. You can't make it feel right, when you know that it is wrong. And I am oh so very wrong.
I do not know where I am going next, or what I will find, I can only hope that you are happy, happier than you could ever have been knowing you had a monster and a killer as a brother. I pray Heimdall can fix the Bifrost, so you can return to your Jane, I have not seen happiness in your eyes like you had when with her for years. But remember this, brother, in my madness I hurt you, and I wish more than anything I had not, because you were the one who loved me most, you could not have loved me better. There is no moving on for me, but there is still time for you, so I am already gone.
Your brother, forever,
Loki.
I am having a bit of trouble to find Loki songs that show him becoming more like we see in Avengers, so if you can think of any just comment and I'll have a listen. Thanks for reading. :)