Hi therre. I'm sorry this took a while but school's still a topic for me and my last exam's on Wednesday, therefore I was a slight bit busy. Thanks to everyone who followed, favourited or even left a review! You guys are the cookies in my Cookie Dough ice cream :*
Also, if you get where the whole bird name reference thing is coming from, you deserve a price... the gift of knowledge perhaps..?! Okaaay, that's it. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, guys.
Chapter 2 – Guilty Filthy Soul
Around 6 pm the locks of a massive, black cherry wood door clicked open. Moments later the familiar sound only stilettos produced on the hardwood floor filled the large, but nonetheless cozy, 14th floor apartment located in Manhattan. Beams of sunlight hit the living room floor through the tall windows, and dosed the modern furniture mixed with vintage elements of the room. The eclectic décor seemed to have found just the right balance between shaggy comfort and sterile cleanliness, creating somewhat of an enchanted atmosphere.
Wren had been napping on top of the covers of the king size bed in the bedroom, but had opened his eyes as soon as he heard the first hints of his girlfriend's arrival.
And there she was, standing in the doorframe only seconds later, chanting her usual "Hey there" in a certain way no one else could seem to copy.
"Hey there, love" he mumbled into the pillow, slightly turning in her direction, "I'm sorry, those first-years are probably the most unskilled bunch that has ever gotten through med school, and therefore terribly messing with my sleeping schedule"
Even though he couldn't see the grin on her face, he immediately sensed it in her voice. "Are you going to be half asleep every time I bring a bird into your life, then?" Hanna held up the cage with the majestic parrot inside triumphantly. As if the bird had heard her drop its name it cooed in response. An utterly surprised Wren sat up and simply stared for a moment , unable to make the thoughts racing around in his brain come out of his slightly hung open mouth.
"Hanna… are you being serious right now?" He got up and took the cage from her, studying the animal closely.
"Yep" The girl nodded. "I just bought her. She looks so much like Tippi, doesn't she? I couldn't bear the thought of leaving her in that shady pet shop."
No further explanation was needed. Wren couldn't have said no if he had stumbled across this beautiful creature either, not after everything they owed to its predecessor.
"Yeah, she does indeed. We ought to name this one Hedren."
"Obviously." Hanna giggled and took out all the bird essentials she had purchased and nonchanlantly tossed her Victoria's Secret shopping bag onto the bed, while her now wide awake boyfriend was busy looking for an appropriate spot for their new roommate. "You aren't mad that I've just brought her here without asking your permission, are you?
"Of course not, darling" he shook his head, the boyish grin Hanna absolutely adored lighting up his face "as if I was actually capable of being mad at you."
The blonde bit her lip, grinning. Hanna supplied Hedren with the rather cheap bird food she had bought for her, which the bird didn't seem to be too pleased about.
"And what do we have here?" Wren asked sheepishly, finally noticing the pink bag on the bed.
"Oh, that isn't meant for your eyes just yet." She smirked teasingly and made it disappear in a drawer.
"Oh, come on. Really now? Is that fair?"
"Yeah, really" she moved close enough to press her body against his, "I might as well just save it up for a special occasion. I'm still undecided." Having said that, she wrapped her arms around his neck, looking up at him, barely an inch of space left between them.
He wrapped his arms around her waist in response. "Well, I'm sure I'll be pleased, no matter what the occasion."
Seemingly having waited for that answer, Hanna pulled him into a passionate kiss, bound to escalate in an instant. After four years the relationship hadn't lost the slightest bit of passion, in fact their mutual attraction had increased. The never-ending tension between them almost seemed odd to some of their acquaintances. In a matter of seconds their tongues were battling playfully, their movements in perfect sync, making it obvious that they knew a thing or two about their significant other's preferences. Nonetheless, there was a certain roughness in the way they touched this time. The constant variation between roughness and romance was probably what kept things spicy.
Wren broke the kiss and turned her around in the very second she let go of his neck, to quickly unzip her dress. He slowly kissed down her back the more it was revealed. Hanna sucked in a breath, a habit caused by pure excitement she hadn't managed to give up in four years, slid it off and turned back to her boyfriend.
Seconds later they were locking lips again on their king size bed, both of them in just their underwear. "Too bad we didn't try to make this be more like our first time" the girl managed to say in between, causing Wren to pull away and study her face curiously "that would've been kind of epic, I guess."
"Certainly, but you're the one to blame." He bit his lip before his eyes fell on her delicate collarbone, his lips forming a smirk. "There's still a certain part of it we could honor nonetheless"
Hanna understood immediately and tilted her head to the side, making it easier for him to caress the exact same spot right above her collarbone he had paid special attention to on their very first night, on the floor beneath the tall wooden shelves which contained his music collection. The exact same shelves were now located in their bedroom because they both agreed that putting them up there instead of in the living room was an appropriate use of irony. She closed her eyes, a soft moan escaping her mouth when his lips brushed against her skin. Simultaneously, he pressed her closer and skillfully unhooked her bra , having one hand on her back.
Once he was pleased with the result, his lips left her collarbone area to explore further down and soon they were once again completely lost in one another, experiencing a kind of pleasure and ultimately, satisfaction their first night together definitely could not be compared to.
"Oh God, Wren" Hanna was almost whimpering when he pulled out of her and lie down on his stomach in exhaustion, glancing over at her. Their heavy breathing merged into laughter once they had been looking each other in the eye for a while. "Handling the situation like the mature adults we are" Wren proclaimed, turning to lie on his back. Hanna's laughter resolved into a giggle as moved closer and rest her head on his chest. "Well, you're supposed to be the mature one of us, you're five years older than me. I have to admit I expected more from a guy with a doctorate"
"I'm terribly sorry I don't live up to your high expectations, but I wasn't aware that you value maturity that highly" he planted a tender kiss on her forehead and wrapped his arm around her fragile-looking body. He couldn't help but feel the need to shield her from all potential sources of harm he could possibly imagine. And he would, every minute of every single day.
Smiling shyly, the blonde buried her head in his chest, letting out a deep sigh before she mumbled, "You have no idea how much I actually love you."
"You're right, I probably don't. I just hope you don't love me any less than I love you, I could see that causing some problems in the future" he chuckled, stroking her back lightly.
"Oh, shut up" she giggled, jokingly hitting his chest. If there was such a thing as perfection, it had to be this moment, she thought to herself. She could be so overwhelmed by gratefulness for this guy she had been dating for 4 years. The guy who had encouraged her to pursue her dreams in NYC, the guy who had left Rosewood to be with her, the guy she could always come home to and share a cigarette with if they both had a rough day, the guy who kept her going even when all she really wanted was to hide away forever. Basically, the one person who even gave a glimpse of beauty to the darkest days. The one who made everything okay.
"Hanna…" Wren took a deep breath and sighed in between the sentence. "Look, I guess we should talk about this."
"No. No, there's… there's nothing to talk about. Not now." She quickly picked up her purse and the rest of her clothes from their places scattered around the room. "I'd better get dressed." she stuttered and rushed to the bathroom. Once she had locked the door, she sank down and sat on the cold tiles, hoping that the cool sensation would disturb the numbness she felt. She could've sworn there was heat coming from under them if it wasn't for the goosebumps forming on her legs. Trying to calm herself down with yoga-inspired breathing techniques, Hanna ran her fingers through her hair, fumbling for her iPhone in her extremely unorganized purse with her free hand. What the lock screen had prepared for her, once she had found it, wasn't exactly helpful either.
Three missed calls by the one and only Caleb. Great. How very pleasant this would've been less than 24 hours ago. Now it only made her stomach cringe even more. Oh God. The full weight of her guilt seemed to fall onto her shoulders only now and she was convinced that it would break her back any second. The sound of a half-whispered "Hanna, are you alright in there?", sounding more than just mildly concerned, suddenly made her snap out of it. She had to get out of this bathroom to get out of this apartment to get out of this whole situation – well, maybe not entirely but that was definitely the first step to take.
She returned a not too convincing "Yeah" in almost the same tone, grabbed her headphones and put her iPhone's music player on shuffle before she finally stood back up. To Glass Animals' "Dust In Your Pocket" she managed to brace herself and continued to get dressed. Once Florence + The Machine's "Hurricane Drunk" was playing, she was ready to check how damaged her appearance was due to last night's happenings. She looked up to the squeaky clean mirror that looked like it was about to smash the just as clean sink positioned a little off-center below. Her hair looked rather disheveled, but that wasn't much of a surprise. Neither was the fact that all of her lipstick had vanished. Her skin looked acceptable but her eye makeup was a bit too smudgy. When the song came to an end, the girl had fixed her appearance as good as she could with the supplies she had at hand and stuffed her iPhone back in her purse, all set and ready to go. But was she really? She had to be.
Wren, who had gotten dressed in the meantime, was still waiting for her at the door as she opened it, a concerned and seemingly desperate look on his face. Fearing she might lose control again, Hanna tried to avoid eye contact and quickly looked down at her feet while she was walking past him. Should she just head to the door without further a-do? That would be a terribly harsh thing to do and she highly doubted she was capable of it. Before she could make up her mind, he interrupted her in her thoughts.
"Hanna, please…I- I'm sorry for putting you in this position but-"
She had originally planned not to let the slightest bit of emotion show but now that she saw him standing there like this, all she wanted was to come back to bed with him and stay there forever. Preferably naked. Knowing that hearing him out would inevitably worsen her current state, but lacking the capacity to be as harsh and cool as she had intended, she said softly:
"No, please don't be. I put myself in that position. It's not like you were taking advantage of me or anything. I wasn't the slightest bit drunk. I knew exactly what I was doing and I still remember every detail and-," she rapidly shut her mouth in the middle of the sentence, too afraid to say something very stupid.
Wren just looked at her for a while, waiting for her to continue, but once he realized she wouldn't, he suddenly seemed to be fascinated by a certain spot on the floor. His eyes still fixed on it, he murmured: "It's just…"
He looked back up, following the invisible spot to the ceiling, and continued, "I was just hoping it wouldn't have to end like this," trying to suppress frantic laughter, as if he had come to realization how ridiculous this notion was whilst putting it into words.
Did he really have to make it even harder for her? The blonde sighed before she responded, a certain softness still in her voice: "I just really need to get home and be alone for a while. Clear my thoughts."
Wren swallowed hard and nodded, unsure whether to accompany her to the door or not. "Can I call you perhaps?" he asked when she started to make her way to the door.
"I don't think that would be a good idea. Not yet." Hanna bit her lip and turned back before she placed her hand on the door knob. "Uhm… thanks. For the bird thing. And letting me stick around."
"It was my pleasure." He stood absolutely still, seemingly having lost the capacity to move.
After letting a half-whispered "Bye" slip from her lips, she was out the door, pulling it shut behind her. It was about 8 am by now but the sun was shining surprisingly bright already. Tempted to turn back around and knock on the door she had just shut behind her, Hanna grabbed her iPhone again, intending to distract herself with music once again. It had worked before, so why not now? The very empathetic shuffle function struck her with "Guilty Filthy Soul" by AWOLNATION. Oh, the irony. At least it was a great song nonetheless. Just about to climb down the stairs, a familiar voice calling her name suddenly made her blood freeze. None other than Spencer Hastings was standing right in front of her, studying her curiously.
The brunette kept her cool but there was undoubtedly a shocked look on her face which didn't seem to be caused only by running into Hanna. She sort of looked as if she was a little kid being caught stealing from the cookie jar. "Oh, hi Spence." Hanna chimed as cheerfully as she could without sounding like what she thought was suspicious. She pulled her earphones out of her ears, while desperately going through different excuses in her mind for her presence at Wren's doorstep at such an early hour.
"Hey….?" Spencer sounded extraordinarily confused. "What are you doing around here?"
"I found a new home for Tippy, the bird." the blonde replied, forcing a smile.
"So you decided to drop her off at 8 on a Saturday morning?" Spencer asked, eyeing her suspiciously.
Hanna simply shrugged. "What are you doing here anyway?" she asked sharply, feeling somewhat… Was she jealous? No, that was simply ridiculous.
It looked like the girl hadn't expected her interrogation to backfire that quickly. "I, oh, I was just in the neighborhood and in need of some medical advice. For Toby." she added nervously.
"What would he need medical advice for?"
"His mother. ….Weren't you wearing that outfit yesterday?" Well, shit.
"Yeah, uhm, I actually got here last night and missed the last train, so Wren let me crash at his place."
Spencer raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I see. That explains a lot. I won't take long, so why don't you join me and then we could take the train after this one together?"
"Oh, I'd love to but I should really get home now. My mom's probably worried by now." As if Spencer believed such a lame excuse. Way to go, Hanna.
"Too bad, that would've been fun." The girls walked past each other but before Spencer rang the doorbell, she turned back around and addressed Hanna once more. "Oh, by the way, Caleb got back last night. He's been looking for you, just in case you didn't get his calls."
"Yeah, my phone was on silent. Thanks Spence. See you later."
On the train, Hanna was arguing with herself whether it would've been less suspicious to have lightheartedly agreed to Spencer's suggestion, "Guilty Filthy Soul" playing on repeat, while Spencer's next move was interrogating Wren. She had gotten into a fight with Toby last night – actually, it seemed the more found out about his mother's death, the more they argued – and, in all honesty, had had some ulterior motives for paying a visit to a certain doctor's apartment. But running into Hanna, who had somewhat of a guilt-trip vibe surrounding her, had triggered her curiosity and purged her mind of all morally questionable intentions.
Wren behaved shockingly distant toward her, completely lacking his usual flirtatious undertone. Worse, he even ignored her subtle hint when she told him it didn't surprise her that he, the gentleman he was, didn't let Hanna sleep at the railway station. Her suspicions having increased, she left him with a snotty remark about what a great boyfriend Caleb was and what a cute couple he and Hanna made.
Hanna hurried up her porch, relieved to finally have reached her house. The walk from the platform to the parking lot had been horrible. So, this must've been what a walk of shame felt like. Okay, sort of. She somehow wasn't able to actually feel ashamed about what she had done. The slight 'shame' must have come naturally with the deep swamp of guilt she was afraid she might drown in any second now.
As she put her hand on the doorknob, she sucked in a deep breath and slowly let it go. Everything's alright. Mom won't notice anything. Because there is nothing to notice. Nothing's weird. Everything's completely normal, she repeated in her head, over and over again, trying to calm her down before she opened the door and stepped inside.