Chapter 8: Second chance?

"Peeta!" I'm quite in awe to see Peeta here. Unsure about how I'm feeling I walk towards him and stop exactly in front of him. "What are you doing here?"

"I have to tell you something that I've been wanting to tell you since the first day I saw you again." He's still out of breath and panting. He tries to steady his breathing and made his stance straight and stare directly at me. He reach for both of my hands and grip them tight. "I love you Katniss Everdeen! Always have and always will!"

"Peeta, I think this is not the right time for this."

"I know but I can't hold back anymore." He slightly loosen his grip and let go of one hand to touch my cheeks. I feel my face get flushed from this contact and can't help but let my eyes close. "I've been e-mailing you since the first day you left. I've never felt hurt in my life than the moment you turn your back on me. But even then, I can't manage to stop myself from loving you."

I bit my lip to prevent the sudden urge of crying. I feel my hands gripping Peeta's. I still have my eyes close and my head down to stop myself from having the urgency to look at him. "Peeta, please don't. Please."

"Katniss, I know now more than ever that I want nothing more than to be able to spend the rest of my days with you." He lean into me and place his forehead against mine. "Please, let me back in." he bring our hands to his lips and kissed mine softly and I feel something wet dropped in my knuckles. I open my eyes and see his eyes close, and he's crying. "I'm asking for a second chance. I know and I feel that you still love me. Please, give us a second chance." he open his eyes and stare directly at my grey ones. "Please."

I avert my gaze and shut my eyes again. I can't seem to think straight. I don't know how to respond. For the first time in my life, I'm at a loss for words. I raise my head breaking the contact of our foreheads and survey my surroundings. I'm starting to feel dizzy and out of breath. I see a few people that we seem to have their attention. I can now hear Peeta's sob and I feel my hands gripping his tighter. I look around and catch a glimpse of the figure behind me. I turn my head and Cato caught my eye. He lock eyes at me for a brief moment and bow his head, he close his eyes with his hands close in fists. I turn again to focus on Peeta who still have his head down. I inhaled harshly and try to keep my tone normal.

"Peeta…" I let go of his hands and hold up his chin so that he's facing me. "I do still love you." I bit my lip again and keep my eyes locked on him. I sigh and reach to mimic him and touch his cheek, "but we can't."

Peeta gape at me and shake his head, "I- I don't understand Katniss. What do you mean?"

As always, I'm the one who first brake our eye contact and cleared my throat, "It's true that I still love you. But I can't give us another chance."

"I really don't get what you're saying Katniss. You're not making any sense!" he grab both of my shoulders and lean in. "Why are you doing this to me?!"

"I'm sorry Peeta. But I don't see enough reason for us to give us another go."

"Can you tell me why?! And please be very concrete this time." His tone is neither pleasant nor angry but the intensity his giving in his looks are becoming unbearable. This is the first time I've seen this look on Peeta. I can tell that I've pushed his buttons. But I have no intention on backing out on my words. His grip is getting tighter that I feel my eyes widen at him.

"Hey man, easy on the hold." Cato back him up and set me behind him.

"Back off! This is not your business." Peeta hiss at Cato but not enough to make him stand down.

"Oh, I think it is my business. When it comes to Katniss, it's damn well my business." Cato looks like he's about to punch Peeta any moment. I step in the middle and try to break them up.

"Okay, let's not do this please." I eyed them both and head to seat at one of the empty chairs in the middle. They both followed me and seat in both sides. I look at Peeta and he nod at Cato's direction, "Right." I turn to face Cato and see him clenching his hands, I tap him and smile, "Can you give us a minute?"

He gaze at me and then to Peeta and back to me. He smile at me and tip my chin up, "Okay. I'll get some drinks." He stood and gave Peeta a knowing look and made his way.

"Very bold." Peeta scoff and lean back. His attitude change and he seems different now than the Peeta who came running here. "Is it because of him?"

My thoughts were startled by his question, "No. Why'd you think that?"

"Really? You have to ask?" he's now smirking at me and I can't help but shake my head.

I feel my cheeks getting flushed again. It's pretty obvious for Peeta to think that Cato's the reason I can't give him what he wants. "It's not what you think."

"Then what is it?" it surprises me how quick Peeta can change his emotion. It's not until now that I realize that he already change so much. He's not the same Peeta who I loved so much 4 years ago. "You said you still love me yet you don't want us to have a second chance. Why is that Katniss?"

"It's just that, I'm not ready for you Peeta." I turn to face him, Peeta is already eyeing me.

His brows furrowed and his jaw clenched. "Enlighten me."

"4 years ago, I have no choice but to leave you. You were getting serious too fast and it scared the hell out of me." I clasp my hands together still not averting his gaze to me. "I wasn't' ready for you then. And I realized now, that I'm still not ready for you."

"Bullshit Katniss! You had a choice." His tone is starting to rise that it slightly startled me. I back up a few inches but I'm still not leaving his stare. "You know that you only have to ask. You know that I'm willing to do everything for you." His voice quickly change, it become gentle and subtle that it somewhat came out as a whisper. "Didn't that ever crossed your mind?"

"It has. Every day. There's not a day of that 4 years that it doesn't cross my mind. It made me think that I made the wrong choice of leaving you. But there are things that I'm not certain that it won't become a hindrance in our relationship."

"What's that?"

I shake my head and feel a tear fall from the side of my eye, "Me." Peeta extend his arm to reach and feel my hands but I dodge it and wipe my cheek. "I'm not certain about myself that I can be where you are in our relationship at that point in time."

I look straight at him and see his eyes wide and tears are about to fall again, "And now, I'm sure. I'm not ready for you Peeta. I now know that I can't give you what you deserve. I may live a thousand lifetime and still not deserve you Peeta. That's why we can't. I can't let us have a second chance."