Chapter 9: Moving Forward

I'm holding my breath as I wait for Peeta's respond. But as minutes pass by, I didn't get any. He keep his eyes away from me, I tried to read his face to see any emotion but saw none. Peeta's not giving anything away that makes me more feel anxious. I move slightly to close our distance and sighed harshly.

"Well? Say something." My tone is soft that my voice came out like a whisper. Peeta, still not looking at my direction shifted his focus to his clasp hands. "Don't you want to say anything?" I bugs me to see him this quiet. The normal Peeta would instantly handle my statements but what I'm seeing now is completely different.

He let out a breath and shut his eyes. I was about to urge him again when he finally speak, "I don't think that whatever I tell you would make any difference."

"I still want to know." I keep my hands in my lap as I fight my want to reach for him.

"You already know what my answer Katniss, as I find your reason to be selfish and shallow." His tone is neither pleasant nor unpleasant. It's cold as I feel myself slightly shiver. So does his look, as he stare at me with his eyes not showing any hint of emotions. "You don't have to hear me say what you want me to say."

I gape at him, "Selfish and shallow?"

He scoff and lean back to his seat crossing his arms in front of him, "Yes."

I bit my lower lip, his sudden change of emotions is really a pain in the ass. "Enlighten me." Peeta, still not changing his stance just stare at me and seems to be studying me. I suddenly feel irritated, "Would you stop that? It's very annoying."

He smirk at me and shake his head, "I find your stupid reason to be selfish and shallow. Selfish for the fact that you denied me that truth and move on without ever telling me, and also without taking me into consideration. Instead of telling me the truth, you lied to me Katniss. All of it to just save your ass to judgment. And shallow, well, because I just think it is shallow. There's nothing more to that."

I keep myself calm as I feel a surge of emotion about to burst any minute. "Okay, first of all, it not about saving my ass. I lied to you to prevent you from hurting even more. I know for a fact that if I told you the truth you're just going to insists on waiting and I can't grant you that. Because I'm not even sure if I'll ever reach the point that you expect me to."

"Expect?" Peeta, now facing me with his face flushed, "Nobody expects anything from you, let alone me. All I ever wanted from you is to be truthful, to me. But then I realized just now, how you can be truthful to anyone when you can't be true to yourself."

"Excuse me?" I now also feel my face getting flushed by unsettlement, "What are you implying?"

"You're all about rules Katniss. You're bound to whatever the hell you think is right. But the thing is, not all of it is right. You think highly of yourself that's why you're scared to ever commit. Always taking the easy way out. You never really consider anyone besides yourself."

"That's not true."

"Really? Then why are we here right now?" His face is serious and his eyes are locked on mine. "But don't feel bad. I think it's partially my fault to actually make myself believe that I'm special to you. Maybe that's why it never occurred to me to point that out even at the start of our relationship."

"Are you mocking me?" my eyebrows, furrowed and face still flushed.

"Oh no! I never mock. I'm just saying something. You know, because that's what you want right? For me to say something?"

I averted my gaze and stare at the exits direction, "I'm regretting it already." I sigh, "What do you want form me Peeta? I already told you the truth. And honestly, whatever you tell me doesn't change it."

I also heard Peeta sigh and move slightly beside me, "I have no intention of changing your decision Katniss." I look at him and see that he's attention to me is still not averted. Only his face looks calmer now than earlier.

"Then what do you want?"

"You know what I want. But now, I actually don't know if I still want it."

I feel my chest tighten, "I know it's too late but, I'm sorry Peeta." I reach for his hand and to my surprise, he didn't avoided the contact, "For everything."

He lowered his head and I see him smile, he gently squeezed my hand, "It is too late, but I'll take it for consideration."

"So, what now?"

He raise his head and look at the exits direction, "I'm going home. You have a flight don't you?"

I shook my head, "I haven't booked a ticket yet."

Peeta raise an eyebrow and half smiled, "Okay. I should go. Delly and I still have some unfinished business." I just nod and we both stood up, "Are you still mad at her?"

I also raise an eyebrow to him, "Are you?"

He just shrug and scratch his hair, "Yes. But I'm also mad at you, but then again I still love you. Kinda annoying really."

"Very confusing."

"Yeah, anyway, I'll go. Have a safe flight." He squeeze my hand again and let go, and start to walk towards the exit.

I start to head to the ticketing booth when I heard Peeta called my name, I turn to look at him, and he's already standing in front of me, "What?"

He exhaled, "I just want to tell you that next time, choose someone who loves you more than you love them. I kind of wish that I should have taken this advice,"

I cut him off, "Are you telling me that I'm a bad choice?"

He let out a small laugh, "For me, yes, but you're worth it. Although for others, I think you'd do well."

I smirk at him, "I don't even get you."

"You're actually wrong, you get me more than anyone I've ever known. As I get you." He smile at me and turn to around, he wave at me, "Bye."