Here you go guys! i hope you dont get too mad with me by the end of this chapter...

thank you for the help, i might need some more help for later chapters.

please review. x

Chapter 8

The third knock came louder than the previous and had no intention of stopping. No matter how many times Brittany shouted for them to wait as she pulled on her sweats and a tank top, the banging wouldn't stop. She ran towards the door and swung it open. "Jeez, Q! I was in the shower, chill the fuck out." Brittany pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut. Her head was killing her.

Quinn and Rachel stood in the doorway to Brittany and Santana's apartment, slightly taken aback by the blonde's use of words. "Sorry." They mumbled in unison.

"No, come in. Everything's been really hectic with Santana lately; she won't answer the phone to her family so I have to talk to them. I don't know how to speak Spanish! Her family screaming at me is almost as bad as Santana. I'm sorry for snapping." Brittany sighed and looked towards Santana's closed bedroom door with a sigh.

"She's still in bed?" Rachel asked with an arched eyebrow. Brittany nodded sadly. "It's been three weeks!"

Brittany nodded again and walked into the kitchen with slumped shoulders. "Coffee?"

Both girls nodded and sat down on the stools opposite the blonde. They all settled into a comfortable silence as they sipped on their coffees. There was no need to talk, they were all thinking about the same thing.

Or the same person.

"She doesn't know what to do with herself anymore. She's just sitting around waiting to d-" Brittany clenched her eyes tightly shut. She couldn't say that word. Even the thought of it sent a searing pain through her body. She kept her eyes shut to stop the tears that were threatening to fall.

She didn't want to sit around and watch her best friend die. She wanted Santana to be happy again. She wanted her to be able to live the final months of her life happy with people around her who love her so fucking much. She wanted them both to be happy together.

"It's okay, Britt." Quinn placed a hand over the blonde's to sooth the aching pain that was throbbing through both of their body's. "She'll be back to normal before we know it."

There was so much hope in Quinn's voice that Brittany could almost believe her, but they hadn't been living with Santana for the past three weeks. They hadn't had the Latina screaming the hell out of her because she spilt coffee on the rug or heard her crying herself to sleep every night. They hadn't been told that they only had a year left to live.

Santana hadn't even had a proper convocation with the blonde since they got home from the hospital. The only time Brittany would ever see Santana was when she would go and ask the Latina if she wanted food, the only reply she would get was a simple grunt and a shrug of the shoulders. She hadn't eaten a proper meal since they got home. Brittany knew she was eating though, every time she would get home from school there would be cereal bar rappers scrunched up all over the floor or the fridge door would be left wide open.

Brittany had had to throw four fresh cartons of milk out in the space of three days because they had gone warm.

She had taken two weeks off school so she could help look after Santana but when the third week started, the school had told her she was falling too far behind and would have to come back or leave completely.

Quinn had persuaded her - even if it had taken all of Sunday night – and promised to check in on Santana when she got her breaks at work.

This was the first time Rachel had been round and she couldn't help but shake off the weird, depressing feeling of the apartment. It was far too quiet without the chatter or snide remarks from the Latina. The place was in desperate need of a clean-up and she was sure that Brittany didn't know how to turn on a vacuum cleaner.

She had to grip her cup tightly to stop herself from jumping up and and going on a crazy lady cleaning frenzy.

Quinn squeezed her hand, sensing her girlfriend's awkward posture.

"So she hasn't come out of her room yet?" Quinn asked.

"No, and the only time she gets out of bed is to use the bathroom and sneak food when I'm at school." She sighed and looked sadly into her coffee. "She's like a zombie and I have no idea what I can do to help. She just screams at me to leave her alone." Tears began to pool in the blonde's sad eyes. "She's never screamed at me before any of this happened. I don't know what to do anymore."

Santana bit down on her bottom lip to hold back the sob that was bubbling up her throat. She was standing just outside of her room listening in on the conversation her best friends were having.

She felt so uncomfortable actually leaving the safety of her bedroom but to be honest she was glad to get some fresh air even if she was still inside her apartment. She would have opened her bedroom window but when she last tried it got jammed and she slammed it with such a force that the handle came off so she gave up and curled into a ball.

She could feel her heart – well what was left of it - shattering in her chest as she listened to what Brittany was saying. She hated that she was taking her anger out on her. She hadn't meant to, as soon as she did she immediately felt bad and then that would lead to her crying herself to sleep.

She hated herself for the way she was treating Brittany but she didn't want the blonde to be getting too close because she was dying.

She didn't want people feeling sorry for her because what good would that be?

But what she hated the most was that whenever she looked Brittany in the eyes, all she could see was pure love. There was no anger, hatred or sympathy towards the Latina for dying. All she could see was love and that scared the hell out of her. She didn't want to leave Brittany heart broken, alone and not able to move on from her.

She hadn't realised she'd started crying until she felt warm drops of water landing on her chest. She didn't even bother to wipe her face. She just held her breath so the sobs wouldn't draw attention to her and walked back to her room.

The girls' head's shot up as a slam echoed from down the hall. They were frozen in position as they waited for a body to walk into the kitchen. But when nothing happened Brittany stood up. "Wait here." And with that she disappeared down the hall.

She shuffled around awkwardly outside of Santana's room. Her fist was raised like she was about to knock but she was too scared to. What if Santana didn't want to see her? What if she started screaming again?

She hated it when Santana screamed at her. She would hold in her tears until she knew the Latina wasn't looking or had left the room and then let them pour like there was no tomorrow.

It wasn't that she was upset she was being screamed at. She was upset because the Latina was so upset and angry with everything that she felt the need to scream instead of talk to the blonde about how she was feeling. She was keeping everything locked up behind her walls like she always did.

She shook her head to rid her of her thoughts and began to turn round. She stopped when she heard an almost inaudible sob on the other side of the door.

She knocked softly. "San? Can I come in?" there was no answer but the sobbing stopped. "Please?" The door clicked and slowly creaked open to reveal half an inch of Santana's room, a tanned cheek and a watering eye that still looked beautiful none the less.

Santana stepped away from the door but left it open. Brittany took that as an invitation for her to enter and walked in slowly.

She took a seat next to Santana on the bed; her room was bitch black with the thick curtains closed. Her room was almost identical to the one she had back in Lima she had the same raster poster above her bed and the walls were painted dark.

She sighed after a couple seconds past without either of them talking and looked to the Latina next to her who was staring at the blonde's hands in her lap. "San," She whispered.

But before she could get another word out, Santana threw herself at the blonde. She wrapped her legs around her waist and her arms around her shoulders, her face was nuzzled softly into her neck and she began to sob louder than she had ever done before.

Brittany was shocked by the Latina's actions. After what had happened in the hospital, Santana hadn't let Brittany touch her at all. But she didn't know how to feel about the contact now.

She felt relieved that Santana was finally making contact with her but she also felt sad. The Latina was crying her eyes out, her walls had finally been bulldozed down by the high level of different emotions that were building up and she was letting all of them finally break free.

"I'm sorry… Britt. So sorry." It was almost impossible for Brittany to make out the words in between the heart wrenching sobs but she did and a wave of her own tears began to fall.

She shushed the girl in her arms and squeezed her tighter. It was in that second that she vowed that she would never let Santana go.

"San…" she whispered soothingly into her ear. The brunette felt shivers race down her spine and the hairs on the back of her neck stand up on end. She looked deep into Brittany's eyes before placing her forehead firmly against the blonde's. Brittany reached up and wiped the girl's tears away with the pad of her thumb.

Santana would have done anything to kiss the soft lips in front of her; she would have done anything to tell Brittany how much she loved her and how much she needed the blonde in her life but how could she when she knew all that she would be doing was setting the blonde up for complete heart break.

"I'm sorry for screaming at you Britt-Britt. I didn't mean to take it out on you; you know I love you right?" Santana's voice was low and barely a whisper but it still managed to send shivers racing down Brittany's body and straight to the pit of her stomach.

"I know. You don't have to apologise San." Brittany wrapped her arms tighter around Santana and moved her face slightly closer. She could feel the brunette's breath carresing the cool skin on her face and it took all the will power she possessed to keep her eyes from rolling back into her head.

If Brittany were to pout now, her lips would press against Santana's. "I love you Santana."

Santana whimpered at Brittany's words. She let out a long and shaky breath before slowly closing her eyes. She knew what was about to come but she couldn't bring herself to stop it. This is what she wanted.

Brittany's heart was racing in her chest and she swore she could hear Santana's beating in sync with hers.

Her eyes flickered closed as she pressed her lips against Santana's.

in that moment it was like everything around them melted away into nothing. Brittany swore she could feel bolts of electricty charging through her blood and pooling in the bottom of her stomach.

The kiss was so soft that it was almost impossible to feel but the heat the emanated off both bodies was enough to completely scramble their minds.

Santana pressed her body even further against Brittany's. She grabbed at the fabric of Brittany's top as the blonde racked her fingers down the Latina's back desperately.

All the depression and self-pity Santana had been feeling for the past week automatically disappeared and was replaced by complete and utter love for the other woman. She didn't care about anything else in the world, the feeling of her mother not really loving her and the fact that she only had a year left to live suddenly didn't matter anymore.

The only thing she could think of in that moment was Brittany and her perfect lips on hers, her lips were so much softer than any boys and her hands felt gentle against her skin no matter how frantically they were moving.

Brittany's lips was Santana's new favourite taste, she could taste them forever and never get bored of the texture, the perfect amount of moister and the euphoric feelings kissing the blonde gave her.

She never wanted to taste anything ever again.

she had to tense her entire body to stop herself from rocking her hips into the blonde beneath her.

Suddenly, Brittany's tongue flickered across Santana's bottom lip begging for entrance. At the impact, everything came rushing back to Santana and her whole body jolted away from the blonde.

She slammed herself back against the far wall. Her eyes were wide and frantic like she had just been caught murdering someone and her chest was heaving up and down with shaking breathes.

Brittany's mouth was slightly parted with shock; she had no idea why the brunette had jumped off of her. Had she done something wrong? She could still feel her heart racing against the walls of her chest and she was scared that it was going to crack through her rib cage.

"I can't." Santana whispered; this time even more tears were pouring from her eyes than there had been earlier. Her hands were shaking uncontrollably and there was an aching pain in her chest. But it wasn't from the hole in her heart; it was from seeing the pained look on the blonde's face.

It was from jumping away from the one thing she wanted most.

It was from knowing she was hurting the love of her life.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Santana shook her head frantically. "No, you've done nothing wrong at all. It's me, I just can't do this." She waved her hand between them both but didn't make eye contact with the blonde. "I'm sorry."

Brittany's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. What did Santana mean by that? Should she be angry or offended by what she had just said?

"Is it because I'm a girl?" She couldn't keep the bitterness out of her voice.

Santana was dumbfounded. The fact that Brittany was a girl would never matter to her, maybe in high school but she was immature then and popularity mattered. But not now.

The fact that she was dying was the only reason she couldn't be with her. "No! That would never matter to me Britt."

"Then what is it?"

"I just can't Britt, okay? It would never work with us." she couldn't bring herself to tell Brittany the real reason. She couldn't even bring herself to face the blonde. She turned to her side so that her shoulder was flat against the wall and she was facing the door at the foot of the bed.

"Why not? I love you, Santana and I know you feel the same about me, so give me one good reason why it wouldn't work?" Brittany was shouting now with a sudden burst of anger coming out of nowhere. She didn't know why she was getting so defensive; she could have just taken the Latina's first answer and left without saying a word. But she wasn't. She was making a big deal out of things and really, she had every right to. She wouldn't let someone else decide what she should do.

"I'm dying Brittany. Do you know how hard this year is going to be for me?" Santana snapped.

"You don't think that's going to be hard for me too? You're my best friend! You've been in my life for longer than I can remember, Santana, I know for a fact that the day I lose you will be the day I die as well." she couldn't keep the pain out of her voice. Did the Latina really think the blonde wouldn't be hurting through all of this?

"But until then, I will live my life happily because you're still here to make me happy." Brittany couldn't bring herself to make eye contact with the girl across the room.

"Don't say that Brittany. I want to make you happy, more than anything. I just can't do that knowing in the end all I'm achieving is leaving you with a broken heart."

"I'm a big girl Santana. I can deal with having a broken heart because I will have the most amazing memories of the two of us being happy together." Brittany stood up and walked over to Santana.

Santana tried to back herself even further into the wall but it wouldn't budge. There was no room for her to move away from the blonde beauty walking towards her and before she knew it, they were toe to toe.

Brittany ducked her head slightly so her heavy breathing could be felt on the Latina's shoulder. She took a tiny step closer so that their bodies were flushed. Santana's entire body tensed up but all she wanted to do was lean into the warm body that was standing against hers and never let go.

A single tear made its way down Brittany's cheek. "Tell me you don't want to be with me, Santana. Tell me to go." She pressed her forehead against the smaller girls and looked deep into her eyes. "If you can look me in the eyes and tell me that this isn't what you want, I'll go."

Santana reached up and pressed her hands against Brittany's chest, she could feel the erratic beating of her heart. Her skin felt amazing against Santana's fingers and she had to mentally kick herself for thinking about all the places she wanted to touch on the other woman. "Brittany," Santana moaned.

"Please, Santana." She begged. She lifted her own hands up slowly and held them on top of Santana's, keeping them in place and stopping them from ever letting go.

Brittany would get down on her hands and knees and beg if that's what it would take but she knew it was all down to what Santana wanted.

Santana couldn't move. She didn't want to move. She would stay in this position forever if she could.

Yes.

That's all she had to say.

Yes.

And she could be happy for the last year of her life. She could be happy with Brittany.

Yes.

That's what she wanted to say, so bad.

"I can't Britt." She couldn't break Brittany's heart even if it's killing her doing this, she could never hurt her. Hurting Brittany would be the real death of her, not the hole in her heart.

The beating heart beneath her hands felt like it had stopped for a moment but Santana couldn't bring herself to see the hurt look on Brittany's face.

Brittany pulled her hands down to her sides and stepped away from Santana with an unreadable expression on her face. "You say you don't want to break my heart. But that's exactly what you've just done Santana." She stormed over to the door and slammed it shut behind her, tears pouring down her face.

Santana flinched at the earth shattering sound, slid down the wall and collapsed down to the ground into a sobbing, messy heap. She brought her knees up to her chest and ducked her head to hide her face.

She would stay with Brittany forever if she knew she had forever to be with the girl.

But she didn't have that time.

She had eleven measly months left to live.

She let her entire body shake with sobs. She didn't mean to hurt the blonde; she was trying to spare her the pain of losing someone you love.

Why did she have to have such a fucked up heart?

Brittany walked back into the kitchen expecting to see Quinn and Rachel but was surprised to find the rest of the apartment completely empty.

She hadn't heard them leave. She walked over to the fridge and pulled out a beer, she slammed it down onto the counter and flinched at the echoing noise. She felt so angry; not only at Santana but at herself for thinking that anything could ever happen with her and her best friend.

She was being so stupid.

Stupid.

Stupid.

Stupid.

She slammed her fist down next to her beer and closed her eyes, wishing that everything would just go away, that everything would go back to normal.

She looked down at the kitchen counter to see a note and pen. She frowned as she picked up the piece of paper.

Britt-

Sorry we didn't say good bye, we didn't want to disturb you. Call us if you need anything and we'll be there. If you need me to take some time off work to help out with anything, don't be afraid to ask. I think Rachel wants to get her hands on a duster and clean your place. She was twitching for ten minutes when she finally found a duster but i wouldn't let her clean.

Brittany giggled softly and wiped away the falling tears. What would she do without her friends?

She flipped the paper over to see another paragraph on the back.

P.S-

We were thinking about what you said, about not knowing what to do anymore and I thought that maybe you could help take her mind of things. How about you get her to write a bucket list? She can do everything she's ever wanted and that could maybe help take her mind off everything?

Remember to call me if you need anything.

Q. x