A/N: Thanks again to my still-anonymous beta for encouraging me to take out some of the melodrama. But only some… For those of you who feel bad for Deacon: as I see it, as far as romantic heroes go, he's only holding onto that white horse by the tail. Time for him to own up to his baggage! Anyway, only thing that's mine is a half gallon of Blue Bell ice cream.

3 -2000

The fifth time Deacon gets out of rehab she is only two weeks from marrying Teddy. She hasn't spoken to him since the night he left her naked in bed, and she doesn't know what, if anything, he has heard about her present situation. Coleman let her know the date he would be coming home but in an effort to let him go once and for all, she hasn't asked about him.

The day of his homecoming is circled in red on her calendar and when it comes and goes in a blur of silver-wrapped gifts and discussions of flower arrangements, she is filled with something that feels a lot like relief.

That night as Teddy is at the bathroom sink getting ready for bed, she puts on a silky nightgown and sidles up behind her fiancé, wrapping her arms around his waist and kissing the hollow between his bare shoulder blades. "Mmmm," he smiles at her in the mirror, "What's the special occasion?"

"Nothing," she murmurs against his skin. "I just love you, is all." His smile widens as he turns to wrap his arms around her. As he kisses her, she is convinced she never felt safer in her life.

The next day reality comes crashing back down when Deacon shows up at her front door. He looks thin and tired as he greets her with a quiet, "Hey." She can feel the bones in his shoulders as he leans in to hug her. His eyes wander down to her noticeably rounded belly and he adds, "So I guess congratulations are in order."

"Yeah, well…" she trails off, not sure if he is actually offering said congratulations or not.

"I heard, but I wanted to see for myself," he adds.

Rayna nods and looks at the ground. The air between them is heavy with longing and a bit of regret, and she thinks this is the first time she has ever felt this awkward with him. He's supposed to be the love of her life, for crying out loud!

She knows she can't invite him in, so instead sits on the front step with him, shoulder to shoulder so she doesn't have to look him in the eye.

"So is that why you came?" she finally asks him, staring at a crack in the sidewalk. He is quiet for a long moment before responding. He shakes his head.

"I wanted to apologize to you. And thank you."

"Deacon, there's no need,-" she starts to protest but he cuts her off.

"Rayna, making amends is one of the steps," he says quietly.

She lets out a wounded sigh. "Step nine," she says, half chuckling and half crying. After all these years she knows them by heart.

"I hurt you more than anybody else, and I'm sorry. You were the only one there for me, and I kept on hurtin' you because I knew you'd always be there."

She takes a shuddering breath, trying to keep her composure, but she finds she can't quite hold in the tears. He goes to take her in his arms, but sees the flash of diamond on her hand and instead places a friendly hand on her back. Slowly, he rubs small circles. "Rayna, what's-"

"You have no idea how long I've waited to hear you say that," she cuts him off. "Years," she adds for emphasis. He just nods his head in understanding.

"Well, I am truly sorry," is all he can say.

"I know," she replies, getting her emotions under control and leaning against him. "It's just not nearly as satisfying as I thought it would be." He nods again. The silence between them is thick with all the things they aren't saying.

"So you're really marrying him?" he finally asks.

She turns and meets his gaze, her eyes still bright with tears.

"Yes," she says confidently.

"Ray," he starts, but she silences him with a hand on his arm.

"Teddy Conrad is a good man. He'll make a good husband and wonderful father." She parrots Tandy's words, letting the implications about Deacon's own suitability hang in midair.

"He's everything you thought I couldn't be," he finishes for her. She neither confirms nor denies his assumption.

"Do you love him? Deacon finally asks.

She looks at him now, sees him close his eyes in preparation for the blow he knows is coming. In this moment, she is surprised by how easily the truth comes to her.

"I do," she says quietly.

"And me?" he finally asks, "Do you love me?"

She takes a long moment before responding. "That's not the point, Deacon." She can't meet his eyes.

"You didn't answer my question. Do you still love me?" he asks, placing his hand on her face and turning her chin towards him to meet his gaze. She knows the implications what she might say could have, and she offers up a silent prayer.

"No," she lies. "Not anymore."