A/N: A short update for your reading agony. Nothing is mine except the angst.

4 - 2001

After the wedding, it is nearly a year before she sees Deacon again. While technically he is still in her band, her tour is on hold while she adjusts to life as a newlywed and then - a mere few months later - a mother, so she hasn't seen any of the crew since before her wedding.

At first she is concerned that she doesn't hear from him, but Coleman has explained that the best way for him to get better is for her to give him space. Besides, as much as she wants to see him, she knows it is easier for both of them if he keeps his distance. She checks in regularly with Cole, though, just to find out how he's doing; when she continues to receive positive reports she feels a selfish pang in her gut wondering if maybe being away from her is what he really needed all this time.

Her days and nights pass in a blur of feedings and diaper changes, a routine where she and Teddy are a team. During these first hazy months it is easy to pretend that everything is okay, that Teddy is all she could ever want. After all, it's hard not to love someone who gets up in the middle of the night with a screaming baby he knows isn't his just to buy you two extra hours of sleep. It is only in her time alone, in the time it is just her and Maddie looking up at her at 3:00 am with his eyes, that she lets herself miss him so much it hurts.

Once upon a time she imagined doing this with him, getting married and raising a baby, and while she knows the man sleeping in the next room is the best husband and father to Maddie that she could ever ask for, she still feels the longing sting of what might have been.

It is a Tuesday when she runs into him, remarkable only in the fact that Maddie's sudden colic and Teddy's last-minute business trip mean she hasn't slept in three nights. She has a meeting at the label, some corporate bigwigs have flown in from New York for the day and there is no chance to reschedule. Sans babysitter, she dabs concealer on the dark circles under her eyes, packs Maddie's diaper bag and fastens her in the car, hoping a receptionist or assistant can watch her during the meeting.

Walking down the hall toward the executive conference room, baby in tow, she sees Deacon before he sees her. It takes her by surprise - he isn't usually involved in this business side of things and Bucky hasn't told her that he would be part of the tour meeting. Her heart leaps to her throat, but her legs keep moving forward. Maddie lets out a sleepy whimper and he turns, the surprise in his eyes mirroring her own.

"Hey," she says softly.

"Ray…" he whispers, the corner of his mouth not quite curling to a smile. He starts to hug her, but the carrier is in the way so he settles for a hand on her shoulder. She sets Maddie down at her feet and hugs him for real.

"How you 'doin?" she asks the side of his hair, not quite ready to let him go.

"I'm good," he says confidently, releasing her, and she sees a strength in his eyes that hasn't been there before. "How 'bout you? Is that…?" he trails off, looking down at the wide-eyed baby in the carrier.

"This is Maddie," she smiles, bending down to pick her – their - baby up. Her heart breaks behind her smile as Deacon places a hand on the back of her peach fuzz hair. "Maddie," she continues, "This is your Uncle Deacon."

"Pleased to make your acquaintance, ma'am," Deacon laughs. And then, more quietly, he adds, "She's gorgeous, Ray." After a beat he smiles and admits, "She's you." She half-heartedly dodges the compliment but as she looks back and forth between them, she doesn't know how he doesn't see the resemblance. How does he not sense that this child is part of him, shares the very essence of who he is?

"I don't know," Rayna finally responds. "I think she's just like her Daddy."

Deacon just grunts out an uncomfortable-sounding laugh, and she busies herself bending down and securing Maddie in her car seat again to hide the tears pricking the back of her eyes.

"Good seeing you," she says softly, standing up to face him.

"Yeah," he responds, his hand suddenly heavy on her arm. "See you around."

It is the first day she feels the full weight of the secret she is carrying.