Ok, so I'd like to start by apologizing for the gap in updates since I've gotten into the habit of updating every 4-5 days. I lost track of time and I didn't realize it had been over a week and I only had half a chapter written. Second, I want to give everyone a heads up, as I will be taking a planned break this time, and will not be updating until exams are finished next week. So you might get something on NEXT Saturday or Sunday, depending on how hard I crash.

I'd also like to apologize to the Jake haters, but the following scene is here for a reason.

I do not own Homestuck... Yeah, I don't feel the need to apologize for that one.

Dirk looked over his shoulder. He was feeling rather sore from his previous activities with his boyfriend. He was also feeling rather sore because of his boyfriend's current actions. "You're already leaving?" he asked, doing his best to sit up without wincing.

They'd been in a rush. Jake had been nearly frantic, and Dirk had been taken off guard by the English's fervor last night, to the point where the lube sitting in his drawer had gone completely untouched. Like fuck he would be doing it dry again anytime soon.

As Jake finally zipped up his fly, he turned his head to give Dirk a sidelong glance. "Sorry, chap, I've stayed too long as it is. If I don't get a move on, my supervisor will be rather miffed. I was only promoted two weeks ago, and I don't want to be considered a slacker."

He stood, and would have walked away if Dirk hadn't grabbed his arm. He was pulled back down onto the bed by the stronger Strider, and had a pair of arms make their way around his waist. Dirk rested his chin on Jake's shoulder. "You're not a slacker Jake. You got promoted for a reason, so who cares if you're a little late?"

Jake chuckled nervously. He tried and failed to extricate himself from Dirk's grasp. "I'm afraid my new boss is a mite less friendly than my last. Besides, isn't it good to hold oneself to high standards?"

Dirk sighed, kissing the other boy on the cheek before finally letting go. "You have a point."

"Glad you understand, old chum!" Jake smiled. Perhaps it was just the exhaustion, but Dirk could have sworn there was panic laced in his tone. "I'm off. I'll see you around, Dirk." Apparently finished with the conversation, he took off.

Dirk debated for a few moments before flopping back onto his bed. He winced as a dull pain shot up his spine. Luckily, he wasn't an editor who absolutely had to go into work on Saturdays. He doubted he would be able to sit at a desk all day in his current state. Hell, it would have been a miracle if he could have made the commute. At the moment he was just grateful he could turn onto his side and go back to sleep for a few more hours, having been kept up most of the night by Jake's out-of-character antics.

timaeusTestified began trolling at 2:14am

TT: …

TT: Hello?

TT: crankyGeneticist, have you spent the whole day in front of the computer?

TT: Are you still on, or did you leave your computer on and your account logged in like a moron asking to be hacked?

CG: Just because I leave the chat client logged in doesn't mean I am going to jump on the second you start typing.

CG: I'm not some stupid puppy who pisses itself in joy every time somebody makes eye contact.

TT: But you responded when I whistled.

CG: I ought to bite you.

TT: If you would just be nice I bet you could get a tummy rub.

CG: I am abandoning this sick line of conversation in favor of a new one. Disgusting sicko pervert bastard.

TT: I'll humor you. What is it you want to talk about?

CG: Why the fuck are you in this room at 2 in the fucking morning?!

TT: I could ask the same.

CG: What have I said in the past about this being my room? Do you have some sort of disorder, or are you really just this imbecilic?

TT: Just because you run the room doesn't mean you have to be in here all the time.

TT: And to answer your question, you're always good for a laugh.

CG: So glad I could provide you with entertainment. I just live to be a fucking clown. TC is jealous of my ability to keep the crowd amused and make small children cry. If ever there was a fucking master clown, I am IT!

CG: and before you ask, yes that was a fucking reference.

TT: I'm not big into Stephen King.

CG: TC has terrible taste in movies.

TT: Who is this TC anyway? And why did you watch a movie with him?

CG: He runs the MiRaClEs room, why don't you go introduce yourself if you want to know who he is? As for the movie thing, we were none of your business.

TT: Is he your ex?

TT: I bet he's your ex.

CG: Goes to show what you know, which amounts to jack shit! TC is like my best friend/insane juggalo that I babysit. No way in fuck would I date him.

TT: All you had to do was tell me he was your irl friend in the first place.

CG: What?

CG: FUCK you tricked me you little shit.

TT: Not my fault you let your guard down.

CG: Seriously, why the fuck are you here? What do you want from me? Do you want me to have a mental breakdown or a temper-tantrum? Cause I've got news for you; I have better things to do than get upset because a fucking nooksniffer thinks he's the shit.

TT: If I wasn't the shit you wouldn't keep talking to me.

CG: I'm capable of multitasking. I thought that if you had such a pathetic life that you have nothing better to do at 2 in the morning than bother me then I should at least have the decency to remind you of your pathetic status.

TT: Multitasking? What, do you run rooms on other sites designed solely to pelt people with crappy insults?

CG: I'm writing computer software. Because, you know, I actually do something constructive with my time, unlike some people.

TT: Are you referring to your juggalo friend, because that's sort of mean. He isn't here to defend himself, after all.

TT: Also, I work with software as part of my living. If you want to impress me, you'll have to show me one fucking amazing piece of computer code.

CG: You're shitting me. There's no way a nooksniffer like you has the level of coding savvy to be able to so much a program a toaster.

TT: I built my own toaster, dude.

TT: Just let me see one of your programs. Unless, of course, you were just lying and looking at lolcats or something.

CG: FUCK LOLCATS AND EVERYTHING THEY STAND FOR!

TT: what, do you hate cheezburgers that much?

CG: And if you are so eager to be proven wrong, then here, run this program: AAUUGH.~ATH

TT: Dude this is shit.

CG: There's no way you ran it so fast. Even if you did, you should be gone!

TT: Didn't have to. I extracted the code. What were you hoping to do with this? It takes up a lot of processing power, but your subroutines are so jacked it wouldn't cause the computer to spontaneously combust. Which I assume was your goal considering the 27th line of code.

TT: Maybe you should have TA or "he who shall not be named or even so much as mentioned again. ever." double check your shit before you go making a fool out of yourself online.

CG: How the fuck?

TT: If I couldn't troubleshoot something as basic as this, I would be living on the streets, eating week old ramen out of a cup.

CG: Well Mr. Bigshot, can you make it work?

TT: Yup, here you go: I_love_TT.~ATH

CG: You are so fucking hilarious. I mean that in a very sinsneer manner.

TT: Do you hear that?

CG: Of course not.

TT: Exactly. That is the sound of a deceased peanut gallery.

TT: They were so heartbroken at hearing your joke that they ate their projectiles and died of an allergic reaction.

TT: Wait, I think one of them is still alive.

CG: Fuck you.

TT: Let me check his pulse.

TT: Nope, dead. Sorry CG. Looks like you will have to find an audience that better appreciates your lack of literary talent.

CG: You hide behind your stupid metaphors, but really, you are no more a novelist than I am.

CG: So just get right the fuck off that pedestal before somebody more intelligent than you comes around and knocks it out from under your feet.

TT: Your concern for my wellbeing is touching.

CG: Yeah, I am just a touchy-feely kind of guy. In fact, I would genuinely like to hug you. Maybe if I squeeze all the air out of your lungs you will finally shut the fuck up.

TT: Sorry to disappoint, but I'm in a committed relationship. No one-time hugs for me.

CG: Your ego is so inflated I would be fucking amazed if your boyfriend could get his arms around you.

TT: That was a bit Freudian.

CG: Freud was a crack-pot, and you are an ass.

CG: FUCK

TT: I didn't say anything. You were the one who said it and then jumped to the most perverse conclusion about my amazing ass.

CG: Yes, you fucking did say something, you bastard. You brought the subject up even though there was nothing actually perverse there.

CG: Goddamnit I know you are fucking laughing at your screen right now. And I need to inform you since you're too stupid to realize it yourself, it isn't funny.

TT: You're right.

CG: And?

TT: And what?

CG: And you know fucking what! Where is the backhanded insult or the shitty metaphor?

TT: I was just trying to be nice. If you can't accept that then I'll take my business elsewhere.

timaeusTestified ceased trolling

CG: wait.

CG: apwuefh FUUUUUUUCK

carcinoGeneticist ceased trolling.