This is the moment all you Jake-haters have been waiting for! Sadly, there will be tears and jealousy.

Also, nobody commented on my changes in formatting, so I'm going to go back to my old method for this chapter. I'll wait a few days before changing chapter 8, to give people a little more time for feedback.

I do not own Homestuck. As frustrating as Hussie is, I really miss his trolling :(

"Hello, Dirk!"

Dirk shifted his position slightly so that he could tighten Squarewave's bolts while holding the cellphone. "Hey there, Jake. What's up?" It had been a while since they were able to talk. It had been three weeks of phone tag. Now that they were finally talking Dirk refused to let the chance pass. Even if the Squarewave prototype needed to be finished within the week, Dirk was efficient enough that one or two all-nighters weren't a big deal.

"I should ask you the same! You left quite a number of messages since the last time I called."

The only reason Dirk let himself blush was because there was no one else around, and he had yet to install the robot's camera. "Yeah, I was just hoping to get a hold of you before next Saturday."

"Well, looks like I called you just in time! What's the big hulabaloo about this Saturday?"

Dirk set down his tools. This required his full attention, and he felt bad for not stopping sooner. "My boss knows I'm seeing someone, so as a reward for a job well-done on Sawtooth, he got reservations at this really nice hotel. I wanted to see if you were free?"

There was a slight pause, so Dirk took the opportunity to move from the shop floor to a chair at his drafting desk. After a few moments the silence became rather awkward. "Jake, are you still there?"

"Ahaha, of course I am. That would be dandy. What time should I meet you there?"

Actually, Dirk had hoped Jake would meet him at his apartment, and then the Strider would drive. It would give them more time together, since they couldn't check in until one anyway. "Check in starts at one. I can text you the address."

"Sounds like a jolly good plan. I'll see you next Saturday! I'd like to chat some more, but my supervisor's headed this way."

"I'll let you go then. Love you."

"You too."

The words were so rushed Dirk thought he misheard them for a moment. He hung up after a moment and sighed. Jake was never very open with affection, so Dirk couldn't say he was surprised by the abrupt farewell. Still, he smiled as he remembered that he was going to have a very romantic date with his boyfriend in less than two weeks. It was so frustrating that they couldn't spend as much time together as they used to, so Dirk was going to make every second count.

timaeusTestified began trolling at 2:47pm

CG: The last time you logged on this early, I had to deal with two of my more annoying acquaintances.

CG: What's your excuse this time?

TT: I'm in a good mood and I thought I might share a little bit of happiness with you.

TT: But I guess that was silly. You aren't really interested in anything pleasant. You thrive off of confrontation and assholery.

CG: You are damn right I don't give a fuck. What, did you get a puppy or something? I hope it barks and keeps you up all night.

TT: That was actually a pretty good metaphor, something good turning around and biting you in the ass. You've been practicing for our matches.

CG: Don't flatter yourself.

CG: But seriously, why are you here?

TT: Honestly, I'm just in a good mood. In a few days I'm going to be having a kickass weekend with my boyfriend who I haven't seen in three weeks already.

CG: God forbid you should have to go so much as a single day without having sloppy makeouts. Is that seriously the reason you are on here bothering me right now? Why the fuck would you even want to share information like that.

CG: As if I give a shit about your lovelife. I would be more interested in covering myself in honey and lying on a mound of fire ants.

TT: I didn't think it was such a touchy subject. Are you that jealous?

CG: For the ever-loving-fuck I AM NOT JEALOUS!

CG: How many times must I repeat it before you understand how drop-dead serious I am.

CG: I mean, Christ, why the fuck do you have to bring up the subject almost every time we talk?

TT: … I actually did have a legitimate reason for logging on today.

CG: Oh really? I have a hard time believing that.

TT: That's because you are too suspicious of the world at large. Hence why you flip a shit if anything even remotely-distantly-related to personal information comes up.

TT: I need to ask, are you short?

CG: What the fuck sort of question is that?

TT: The type that requires a yes or no for an answer.

CG: jegus.

CG: I'm average, alright!

TT: By Alternian or USA standards?

TT: I know enough that average USA is short Alternian.

CG: Why the fuck would you know that of all things?

TT: Right, short Alternian.

CG: I DID NOT SAY THAT!

TT: You didn't need to. Subtext is just as important as what you actually type.

CG: Fine, I'll just ask again why the fuck you wanted to know.

TT: Hold on. I need a few minutes.

timaeusTestified ceased trolling

CG: Wait.

CG: Seriously, what the fuck is your problem?

CG: You see what I have been reduced to?

CG: I'm talking to an empty room for fuck's sake.

CG: You are such an arrogant prick.

CG: You are easily the most frustrating person in my life.

CG: And I fucking hate you for it.

CG: Why do you have to keep teasing me about it?

CG: You over-confident dick.

CG: And then you go around bragging about your boyfriend.

CG: Fuck.

CG: I don't care because I shouldn't care.

CG: …

CG: Fuck.

timaeusTestified began trolling at 3:17pm

TT: I'm back.

CG: Yes, I noticed. I'm not blind, moron.

TT: Did you miss me?

CG: The last time we had this conversation, I said something I regretted. Can we just move on to the part you explain why the fuck you are pretending to be a mysterious badass?

TT: I'm not pretending. I am a badass.

TT: I was working on this: ht:/tinyurlcom/thisisnotarealpicture

CG: What is this?

TT: It's a picture.

CG: No, Dirk, I mean it. I mean it so much that I'm calling you by name.

CG: Not Dick, but Dirk. What is this?

TT: It's a drawing I did. Of us. Most Alternians have black hair, from my understanding, and the guys tend to keep it that length, right? I already knew your eye color, so all I needed was your height.

TT: We are just chilling like bros, I didn't think you would get so offended. Did I draw you too skinny or something?

CG: No.

CG: The picture is fine I guess.

CG: I just.

CG: Why?

TT: What do you mean?

CG: Why did you draw this? I don't understand.

TT: Well, it's sort of a thank-you for actually telling me about Alternia, even though I know most Alternians are tight-lipped about it.

TT: And, well, we are friends.

CG: We are?

TT: It's not a normal social relationship, but I think being too normal is a bit of a downer.

TT: Do you not consider us friends? Because, I honestly got the vibe that we had a sort of rapport going. Like I said, the subtext can be just as important as the actual words. Of course, even if you say otherwise, that doesn't change the fact that I like you.

CG: It's not that.

CG: I'm just surprised that you actually like me.

CG: As a friend!

CG: Or at all, really.

CG: You could be lying but… I guess I just don't know how to say this.

TT: Say what? If you want to get something off your chest, just let it drop.

CG: Thank you.

CG: I guess that's what I was looking for.

CG: I'm not good at this sort of thing.

TT: You're thanking me? For what, the picture? I told you the picture was a thank you itself.

TT: Or for being your online buddy?

CG: I have a paper to write.

carcinoGeneticist ceased trolling

timaeusTestified ceased trolling

Dirk wasn't sure what to think. What the hell was that all about?

Dirk was as close to ecstatic as a Strider could be when the day had started. Two days at a four star hotel with his boyfriend.

It really pissed him off that he didn't notice something was wrong from the get-go.

Jake had showed up late, hadn't really been interested in doing anything semi-romantic… Well, they had managed to spend a good portion of time on the beach, but every time Dirk got too close Jake would shy away. Lunch had been alright even if the conversation was a little stilted, but dinner had been outright awful. Jake practically refused to talk. When Dirk tried confronting him about it later in the room he'd ended up going through three rounds of possibly the most desperate sex ever, of all time.

And then the next morning, in the parking lot as they were about to leave, Jake finally dropped the bombshell.

"Dirk, this just isn't working."

Dirk genuinely didn't understand. "Is your car acting up again? I can take a look at it on Wednesday…"

"No," Jake interrupted him, trying to look at the Strider but refusing to make eye contact. "This isn't working." He gestured between himself and the Strider.

Dirk blinked behind his shades. "Jake," he started, but was cut off yet again.

"I'm sorry Dirk. We just aren't as compatible as you thought. It's been good, but I feel like there's something not quite right about it. I mean, I'm an adventurer at heart. I need to go off and see the world, but you're looking for stability."

At this, Dirk clenched his fists. Was he being insulted on top of being dumped? Jake continued, "You are a good man Dirk, I'm just looking for something else less constricting. I hope we can still be chums like we always have been.

"Yeah, sure, Jake." Dirk snapped. He was about to add more when Jake cut him off for a third time.

"I'm glad you see it my way, friend. I was afraid you wouldn't take it well, but I should have known better! You are a Strider, after all! Well, take care!" And with that, Jake headed off to his car without letting Dirk say another word.

The Strider stood there, shocked to the core. The Strider stood there. What the fuck was Jake on about him taking it well because he was a Strider? What, did that imply just because he could be cool and composed on the outside that he didn't have a flesh and blood heart just like everyone else? That that heart couldn't break? What the fuck would Jake even know about Striders anyway? He barely even spoke to Dave! Apparently, he didn't much like to talk to Dirk either, considering whatever the issue was he had never even brought it up!

When he reached his car he slammed the door shut so hard that a girl walking by actually yelped. She hurried right along as she saw the bared teeth and white-knuckled grip of one seething Strider. He wanted to hit something so badly. He was so pissed her could barely see straight.

After about five minutes of cursing Jake and everything he stood for, it finally sunk in. The guy he had been chasing after for years had dumped him like yesterday's trash.

For the first time since his parents died, Dirk Strider hung his head and cried.

He couldn't believe Karkat was still logged into the room

timaeusTestified began trolling at 12:31am

TT: He dumped me

timaeusTestified ceased trolling

CG: You haven't been on in a while.

CG: Wait

CG: Dirk!

CG: Fuck

CG: What is the point if you're just going to log out without giving me a chance to reply?

carcinoGeneticist ceased trolling