Things are going to start getting exciting soon! I'm sorry if this story has been a little boring latey but it's all part of the big reunion ;) and it's all connected in some way or another so just hold in there a little longer. One more chapter after this then they will be together again... but does that necessarily Brittany will take Santana back ;)
well here's chapter 28! Hope you all enjoy it.
please review because i love you all!
Chapter 28
Brittany: 6 months after Santana left – December
"Don't!" Brittany reached out drunkenly into thin air as Quinn threw another bottle of whisky off of the fire escape. "Fuck you, Quinn!" she shouted angrily at the shorter blonde. "That cost a fortune!"
"I'm sick of finding you passed out of the bedroom floor. I'm sick of having to clean up smashed bottles that you've dropped. And you know what else I'm sick of? You. I'm sick of you complaining all the time about how much you hate life." Quinn screamed at Brittany as she climbed back in through the window. "You think you're the only one that's upset about Santana leaving? She was my best friend, Brittany! I loved her too." Quinn waved her hands around in the air as she stormed over to where Brittany was standing in the middle of the room.
"Can we all just calm down please?" Rachel sat on the sofa whilst her fingers rubbed small circles into her temples and her eyes clenched shut. The two blonde's had been at this for an hour now and didn't show any signs of stopping any time soon. To Rachel's displeasure the two girls ignored her pleading and carried on screaming at each other.
"She was my girlfriend, Quinn!" the dancer yelled at the top of her lungs, her face was turning bright red and the anger was burning deep in her chest. "You have no idea how I'm feeling." Her words were slurred and she swayed slightly in her spot.
"You need to get over her, Brittany. You've turned yourself into a walking, talking shell of depression and frankly, I'm sick of it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and sort your life out." Quinn snapped as she pointed her finger in Brittany's face. It was scary how angry they were with each other, they had never argued before. It was always Quinn and Santana arguing or Santana and Brittany, never the two blondes. With all the anger and other intense emotions that the pair had been feeling lately, they hadn't had any way to let it all out so they were taking it out on each other.
Rachel jumped up off of the sofa, picked up the half full box of alcohol and carried it back to her own room before Quinn could throw any more out of the window and potentially maim or kill any passers-by on the sidewalk. She understood that Quinn was only trying to keep Brittany safe but she didn't understand why she had to be so forceful and aggressive about things. If she took a calmer approach to things…
Rachel's thoughts were cut off when Brittany began screaming again.
"I don't have a life without Santana. I don't want a life without her." Brittany grabbed at her hair in frustration and let out a mixture of a growl and a grunt as she stormed off towards the kitchen.
Brittany gasped as something cold hit her face. She sat up straight and wiped madly at her face. "What the fuck?" she shouted in confusion. Her body was soaked in water and small drops were dripping off of her nose and eyelashes. She tried to stand up but the pounding in her head and the dizziness that suddenly hit her caused her to collapse back to the floor and land on an empty bottle. "Ugh." She grunted as she looked around the room. She breathed in deeply through her nose to try and calm the nausea that washed over her.
Quinn towered over her with an empty bowl in her hands. Her face was cold and full of anger as she stared down at the hung-over blonde. "What the fuck did you do?" she growled. Her words were laced with venom. Brittany tipped her head to the side; she didn't understand what the blonde was talking about. "Look at the mess of the room. Look at the mess of you." Quinn waved her hand out in front of her and gestured at Santana's clothes that were thrown everywhere, the many empty bottles of vodka that scattered the bed and some of the floor and then to Brittany. Blonde hair stuck up in all directions, there was dark purple bags under her usually sparkling blue eyes that were now clouded and bloodshot. Her clothes were soaked in water but Quinn was pretty sure most of it was vodka and her clothes were creased and stained. Brittany clenched her eyes shut and covered her ears with her hands to block out Quinn's voice, the light in the room was far too bright and now her head was pounding so hard she wouldn't have been surprised if her skull exploded. "You need to stop this. You're going to end up in hospital or worse, dead." Quinn yelled as she stormed out of Brittany's bedroom not before throwing the empty bowl forcefully at Brittany's body.
Brittany poured herself a glass of water and popped out some Advil into the palm of her hand. She took a sip of the cool water and sighed as it trickled down her throat then swallowed the pills. "Just leave me alone, Quinn." Brittany sighed exasperatedly when she heard the tapping of Quinn's bare feet against the tiled floor of the kitchen. "I don't need you to look after me and I really don't need you telling me how to live my life." she kept her back to the other blonde so she wouldn't have to see the disappointed look in her eyes.
"Brittany, we both know that if me and Rach weren't here for you, you would be god knows where by now." Quinn said softly, all the anger from earlier had dissipated and had now been replaced by the love for her best friend. "I just don't want to lose anyone else."
Brittany slowly turned around to face Quinn as tears slowly began to escape both girls' eyes. "I'm so angry with her for leaving me." Brittany slammed the glass down onto the counter; some of its contents spilled over the edge and trailed down her hand. "I don't mean to get angry with you, I just want the pain to go away and drinking helps to numb it." she explained as she tried her best to steady her voice so that the other girl could understand her. "I just want to feel better."
Quinn nodded and walked over to Brittany. "I know, we all have different ways of coping with pain but this isn't the good way. It's going to end up killing you." She said calmly and wrapped her arms securely around the taller girls frame.
"I know, but it's just easier this way."
"What about dancing?"
"There's only so much dancing I can do before I get tired. And lately that's all I am, tired." Brittany sighed.
"Well how about I take you to work and you can dance for a while then when you get tired I will take you out for lunch and we can help each other to forget for a while." Quinn offered. "It's better than drinking yourself into oblivion."
Brittany pulled away and smiled with a week nod. "That sounds good."
Brittany let out a breathy chuckle as the both of them lay flat out on their backs with heaving chests after the intense dance session they had just had. It was the end of the day and Brittany's class had just left, they had begged for Quinn to join in with them and no matter how bad she was at keeping up they all enjoyed her company. Quinn had definitely done well at keeping Brittany's mind off of a certain Latina.
"Oh my god." Quinn panted out between giggles. "How do you manage to do this every day?"
Brittany rolled over onto her stomach so she could see Quinn better. Beads of sweat was dripping down the side of her face and disappearing into her hairline, her cheeks were a deep rosy red and her lips were parted as she gasped for breath.
"You really did lose it after Beth didn't you?" Brittany teased lightly causing Quinn to laugh and nod as best as she could in her breathless state.
"That's probably the only down side to having a baby." She muttered as she stood up and walked to the drinks machine. Brittany was about to ask if giving Beth up was worse but thought it would maybe offend Quinn. So instead she chose to change the subject.
"You going to take me out for lunch now?" she asked smugly. Quinn turned and nodded and quickly threw her bag over her shoulder. She followed Brittany out of the door, limping slightly from doing so much dancing.
"Where would you like to go?"
"Vibez? It feels like I haven't been there in forever."
Before Quinn could reply a voice shouted Brittany's name out from behind them, both girls turned around to see Kristen racing down the corridor with a beaming smile on her face.
"What's wrong?"
"You will never guess what! Oh my god!" Kristen gushed and started to scream and jump up and down on the spot. "I've just got a call from an organiser of this dance show in LA!" she was screaming so loud Brittany was flinching every time a word would leave the brunettes lips. "Oh hi, Quinn." She noticed the shorter blonde long enough to acknowledge her. "And they want you, your group and me to represent New York City in it! Can you believe it?"
Brittany had begun screaming before Kristen had even finished talking. "That's amazing! When is it?"
"The sixteenth to the twentieth. The only bad thing is that we have to pay for our own hotel rooms." Kristen sighed.
"That'll cost a fortune; I don't have that kind of money." Brittany pouted.
"Don't worry; you can share with me if you like? I'll get a two bed room." Kristen offered. There was something in the girl's voice that made Quinn feel slightly uneasy, it was obvious that Kristen had feelings for Brittany but the blonde didn't want Kristen taking advantage of Brittany when she was so broken.
"Thanks tha-" Brittany was cut off suddenly when Quinn butted in.
"How about you call Marco, B? You haven't seen him in such a long time; I know he would be happy to see you. Who knows maybe Santana is with him, or he might at least know where she is. This might give you a chance to finally get over her?" Quinn hated bringing up Santana but there was no way she was going to let Kristen wiggle her way into Santana's spot. There was just something about the brunette that made her insides ice over. Brittany's face turned pale and a sickly feeling formed in her stomach and the room began spinning around her. However, there was something deep down in her mind that was screaming at her to call the man, or was it screaming at her because there was a chance she would see the woman she loved so much after so long? She didn't know but the panic she was feeling was stopping her from forming any coherent thoughts. "I'll come with you if you like? That way we can face her together. But she might not even be there so really it could just be a nice holiday to the beach." Quinn offered when she saw the panic rising within her best friend.
Brittany felt herself begin to calm slightly at Quinn's offer. It would be better if she came with her, it would also be better if she didn't start having a panic attack with every thought of seeing Santana again. "Okay." Brittany nodded with a small smile. "But can we go and get something to eat first? I'm staring."
"Sure. Kristen, you're welcome to join us?" Quinn asked when she felt bad about 'cock blocking' her. Kristen smiled and nodded as she followed the two blonde's out of the dance studio.
They had the unfortunate timing of leaving the building just as the rain began to hammer down and when Brittany tried to flag down a cab there wasn't a sign of yellow for as far as the eye could see. Quinn grunted and pulled the bottom of her coat up over the back of her head to form a little shelter and began to run down the streets without bothering to wait for the other two women.
Brittany screamed as the rain turned into hail and began to bounce up off of the sidewalk and hit her bare calves. Good day to wear cut offs, Britt. She thought sarcastically to herself.
Mark couldn't hold back his burst of laughter when three dripping wet women walked into his bar. Wanky. Drops of water trailed behind them as they walked over to the bar where he and some other staff were standing ready to serve people. "And what can I get you three fine ladies." He smirked and looked them up and down. "How about some towels or maybe a spare change of clothes?" he mused with a wink.
Quinn rolled her eyes. "Can we get some menus." She held out her hand expectantly for him to place them in. "And some towels would be nice. Thanks." She muttered with a slight edge of annoyance in her tone and led the other girls over to a table in the far corner away from anyone else. Brittany gave the other blonde a curious look.
"What's wrong, Q?" She asked quietly.
Quinn looked over to Kristen who was too preoccupied with drying her hair to hear them. "I don't like her." She stated simply with a shrug of her shoulders.
Brittany's brow furrowed in confusion; she didn't understand who Quinn was talking about. Could it be Santana? Brittany knew that the shorter girl was mad at the Latina but she was sure she didn't hate her or anything. "Who?" She whispered quietly so no one could hear their conversation. Quinn rolled her eyes, she turned her head towards Kristen and then back to her friend.
Brittany's eyes widened in realisation. "Kristen?" she gasped. "Why did you invite her to come with us then?"
"Because I didn't want to be rude, and you like her." she explained. "But there's just something about her that makes my insides cringe."
"I think she's nice." Brittany muttered. She didn't know whether to stand up for the brunette or not. Quinn was her best friend but she didn't see why Quinn wouldn't like her.
"Because she is nice. But I just have the feeling that she's trying to fill in Santana's spot. She likes you but she's definitely not good enough for you."
"What? And Santana is? She left us Quinn. She left me." Brittany snapped. Her anger from earlier that day bubbled up to the surface. "She's not coming back, you said so yourself. So why can't I move on? Why can't I be with someone who wants to be with me?" She slammed her hand down onto the table.
"Do you want her to be the one you move on with? Or do you want to be with someone you actually-" Quinn was cut off before she could finish speaking.
Kristen's head snapped up from her menu and gave the two blonde's a questioning look. "Are you okay?" she reached out to place a hand on top of Brittany's but the blonde pulled away when she saw Quinn glaring at the gesture.
"I'm fine." She pushed her chair out and stood up. "I'm going to go and call Marco and get this shit out of the way." She snapped and wandered off towards the bar.
Kristen stood up to go after her but Quinn place a hand on her arm, "Don't, I'll go. We'll be right back." She gave the brunette a reassuring smile and sauntered off towards the blonde.
Brittany sat on the bar stool with her head resting in her arms. Her phone sat next to her with her glass of whisky, she couldn't bring herself to dial the number she had spent the last four months stopping herself from dialling. She had resisted the urge so much that now that she finally had the chance and was actually allowing herself to do so, she couldn't do it. She physically couldn't.
She turned her head to the side and stared longingly at her phone; the screen was black and showed no sign of life. Brittany reached forward but just as she was about to grab her phone her hand moved to the right and picked up her glass instead and quickly gulped down the brown liquid. It burned the back of her throat and she cringed at the taste but that didn't stop her from ordering another one straight after.
"Don't you think you should slow down on the alcohol?" a familiar voice came from behind her.
"Don't you think you should keep out of my business?" Brittany retorted to the man behind the bar.
"I'm just looking out for you, Brittany." Blaine defended himself.
Brittany looked up and felt a pang of guilt in her gut. She didn't mean to lash out at people, but it had started happening a lot more over the months and she couldn't stop it. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap. I'm just not feeling that good."
The man reached over and placed his hand on top of hers. "I understand. I mean, I know that's how I would be acting if Kurt left me-" Blaine cut himself off when he saw the pain in Brittany's eyes. He could tell she was trying to keep it from showing on her face but it was so blatantly obvious she was hurting. "I'm sorry, Brittany." He whispered and pulled the blonde into an awkward hug over the bar top.
The blonde pulled out of the hug and pointed to her empty glass. "Hit me up, Warbler." She smirked almost drunkenly. Blaine frowned but did as he was requested. He hated watching the girl drink until she was unconscious and he would have to carry her all the way back to her apartment. Blaine knew that whenever Quinn or Rachel would find a stash of alcohol in Brittany's room they would throw it away which left Brittany without a way of blocking out the pain, she would then end up wandering down to the bar instead. He hated Santana for doing this to Brittany; the blonde was so broken beyond repair.
Blaine understood why Santana had left and maybe he didn't blame her for running, maybe he would have done the same in her position but the Latina had completely destroyed Brittany and it was that he would never understand. How could someone hurt someone as lovable and innocent as Brittany?
He was pulled from his thoughts when Brittany waved her hand in front of his face. "Hey. Blainey baby! How about a scotch on the rocks for your favourite blonde?" she giggled and swayed on her chair.
"I'm he's favourite blonde." Quinn's voice caused them both to turn and face her. She sent Blaine a look that said 'no more' and he nodded with a relieved smile. Quinn walked over to Brittany and sat on the chair beside her. "Are you okay, Britt?"
"Yes! I'm fine." She slurred but kept her eyes focussed on the blonde sitting next to her.
"When are you going to call Marco?"
Brittany's hazy smile slowly faded from her face. "I do- I… don't know." She sighed and dropped her head into her arms once again. Quinn looked at her with confused eyes. Brittany noticed the girls look and reluctantly elaborated. "I don't know if I can. Every time I try and get this lump in my throat." She explained.
Quinn nodded in understanding and picked up Brittany's phone. "How's about, I press the call button and you can talk," Quinn paused when she saw the panic on Brittany's face. "I promise I'll hold your hand and if you can't talk to him, I will." She quickly added to calm her friend.
Brittany sat and just stared at Quinn for a few quiet seconds. She didn't know what she had done to deserve a friend like her, after the way she had treated the shorter girl these past months, Quinn should have ran, just like her parents did, just like Santana did. Quinn was all Brittany had left, she shouldn't be throwing that away by screaming at her every chance she got and drinking definitely wasn't helping her. She turned to her half full glass and pushed it away from her, a small smile formed on her face with the action.
She nodded once at Quinn and breathed in a long calming breath. The blonde pressed the call button and Brittany took it out of her hand. The phone was cool against her burning face, so cool in fact that it sent shivers down her spine, or was that just nerves? The butterflies in her stomach were definitely from the nerves, that and the mixture of alcohol were beginning to make her feel slightly sick. Why was she getting like this? It wasn't like she had anything against Marco; he was a good man and a good friend. And it wasn't like Santana would be with him.
Oh shit.
Just as the thought crossed her mind, a deep voice sounded on the other end of the line. She opened and closed her mouth a few times but no words would form.
Quinn could see the blonde panicking and gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and a small smile. Brittany smiled weakly back and turned her gaze to their joined hands. "Hi, Marco. It's Brittany." There was a pause as Quinn watched the panic rise back up inside of Brittany, she could hear the low drone of a voice on the other end of the phone but couldn't make out what he was saying. "It's nice to hear from you too." The panicked look on her face formed into a genuine smile.
Brittany didn't say anything else after that, she let the overwhelming feelings of talking to Marco wash over her. It felt weird talking to this man after so long, she was still in shock that he had actually answered to her, maybe he didn't have her number so he wouldn't have known who she was. She could feel goose bumps erupt all over her body as another thought crossed her mind… "Is there anything I can do for you?" Marco asked when Brittany didn't say anything for a few long seconds.
Brittany shook her head to rid the frightening thought from her mind and scrambled for something to say. "Um, yeah actually. I know it's really short notice and kind of out of the blue, but I was wondering if it were possible…" she paused and squeezed her eyes tightly shut. "For me to maybe stay with you from the sixteenth to the twentieth?" there was muffled voices on the other end of the line that Brittany couldn't quite make out. "It's just that I have this really big dance performance in LA and the company that are running it are refusing to pay for accommodation and I'm not exactly earning a lot of money right now and I promise you will barely see me because-"
Brittany was cut off from her rambling by Marco's abrupt interruption. "Brittany, I would love for you to come and stay with me," he paused and another muffle came from the other end of the line. "But I'm afraid that I'm visiting family at the moment and I won't be home until New Year's Eve." Brittany's smile dropped at the Latino's words.
"Oh, that's fine. It's okay." Brittany glued a fake smile to her face even though he couldn't see but Quinn could see the disappointment on the blonde's face. "It was nice speaking to you again, Marco."
"I'm sorry, Brittany. It was nice speaking to you too." His voice sounded off and his ton was broken, with that the line went dead and Brittany's whole body crumpled over as she buried her face into the crook of Quinn's neck. Brittany could feel something tingling deep down in her gut like she knew something she didn't. She just didn't know what that thing was yet. The blonde could tell Marco felt awkward talking to her; it was obvious in the ton of his voice and there was something in the back of her mind that was curious about the muffled voices she had heard.
"What did he say?" Quinn asked cautiously, she thought she may already know the answer to that already but she wanted to be sure first. Brittany had been having lots of weird mood swings so this could just be her being really happy in her slightly drunken state…
"He said no." she snapped. She pushed away from the shorted blonde and stormed over to Kristen who had been watching the whole interaction with curious eyes.
"Brittany? Are you okay?" the brunette stood up and wrapped an arm around her protectively. She looked back over her shoulder at Quinn who was scowling in their direction. She didn't understand what the girl's problem was with her. She wasn't doing anything wrong. "What happened?"
Brittany just shook her head and buried her face into her hands as she sucked her soda through the bright pink swirly straw that Kristen mussed have ordered for her. "Is your offer still on the table?" Brittany muttered.
Kristen nodded furiously but realised that the blonde couldn't see her, "Yes, yes. It is. Yes." She spluttered out excitedly.
"I'm sorry. I don't know why I get so nervous. It's just been so long since I've been on a plane." Brittany explained as blush creped its way up her cheeks. She picked up her suitcase off of the conveyer belt and wheeled it behind her as they made their way out of the airport. They were immediately hit by the bright sun in LA.
Kristen chuckled and flagged down a cab. "When was the last time you flew?" She asked curiously.
Brittany placed her finger and her chin and tapped as she tried to remember the last time she had sat in a plane. "Fourteen years ago." That was a very long time.
The brunettes jaw dropped and her eyes went wide. "Really?" she gasped. "Have you not been on holiday in that long?"
Brittany felt her heart shatter in her chest.
She felt the sadness she had been trying so hard to keep locked away in this past week climb its way back up to the surface. But most of all she felt anger.
Anger towards a certain Latina.
"Oh. Yeah, I've been on holiday. To places like Canada, Mexico and other places, but we always drove." She explained. She could hear the anger lace her own words even though she had tried desperately to keep it hidden.
"Why?" Kristen arched her eyebrow at the blonde.
Brittany hesitated and contemplated telling Kristen. Did she really want to bring Santana up now and risk getting herself upset and angry all over again just to get completely wasted and wake up in a heap on the floor with a raging headache. On the other hand, maybe it would be good to talk to someone about Santana other than Quinn. Maybe it would make her feel better…
"Santana hated flying; she would always get herself into a right state and end up passing out. In the end we decided to drive places, Dad didn't mind. Actually he enjoyed it but when he did want to fly I would refuse to go without Santana. I would tell them that if my best friend wouldn't want to get on a plane then neither would I." Brittany paused as she stared blankly out of the window. She couldn't look at Kristen right now when she was feeling the ache in her chest from calling Santana her 'best friend'. It felt like forever since she had been able to call the Latina that.
Oh god.
It had almost been a year since she had been able to call Santana her best friend. It had been six months since she had been able to call Santana her girlfriend.
Brittany didn't turn back to look at Kristen when she placed her hand on top of the blonde's, she didn't turn back when she whispered into Brittany's ear that everything would be okay. The whole car journey to the hotel Brittany sat in complete silence and wallowed in the memories she had shared with Santana. No matter how hard she tried she could never get the Latina out of her mind. She didn't even know if she wanted Santana out of her mind. She didn't want to forget about her.
They had been best friends since they were six. Santana had always been in Brittany's life. She felt empty without her now.
"There's so many people out there!" one of Brittany's students gushed as he pulled his head back behind the massive red curtain that was separating the stage from the dressing rooms and other parts backstage where the different schools from all over the country were waiting nervously for their turn.
"Come on guys!" Brittany called everyone over including Kristen who looked just as excited as the kids. "Does everyone remember their steps?" there was a round of nods from everyone. "Good, everyone try not to let your nerves get the better of you and smile." She beamed at the kids just in time for their group to be called over from a man in a black tee shirt with the companies name on and a black headset. Brittany breathed in a deep breath to calm her nerves; apparently she was a lot more nervous than she had been letting on.
She watched anxiously beside Kristen as a group of their kids danced to a hip hop song, some of them doing flips and cartwheels and the others popping and locking to the beat. The blonde had begun to twiddle her thumbs and tap her feet until Kristen reached over with her hand and stilled her movements. "Deep breaths. We're going to be amazing." She reassured Brittany and sent her a warm smile. But before the blonde had a chance to let herself feel Kristen's calming effects, she was pulled onto the stage under the scrutinising gaze of over fifty thousand people as they watched the two girls dance to the remix of 'Merry Christmas Everybody.'
Brittany let her body be taken over by the music, all of her aggression, anger, sadness and every other negative feeling and thought evaporated as she concentrated on the steps and the lifts she had to perform with the taller girl. It was just the two of them on the stage, the rest of the team were standing back stage and were most likely watching them but Brittany could hear or see anyone but Kristen. It was nothing romantic or anything like that but Brittany was focusing hard on the dance and Kristen was a part of the routine.
It was suddenly like everything from the past four months had gone, like nothing had ever happened. Brittany was in a world of her own and that was the best thing for her right now. As long as she was away from all the pain and heart ache of losing Santana, she could get through this depressing time in her life and get back up on her feet.
The heavy beating of the music came to a steady end, beads of sweat dripped off Brittany's face and her chest heaved up and down. A massive grin pulled at her lips as the crowd erupted into a round of applause, she couldn't see past the bright lights but she knew they were there. The rest of their team came out onto the stage to bow and accept the applause as well. She felt Kristen's arms wrap around her waist and before she could do anything to stop if, the brunette was planting a kiss on the girl's cheek.
Without warning, the hairs on the back of her neck erupted and a shiver shot down her spine joined by a fluttering of butterflies in her stomach. It wasn't because she was turned on by the kiss or that she even liked it, she wasn't nervous, scared or cold. It was a familiar sort of feeling that only one person had ever managed to give her. Her heart sped up at the thought of a certain Latina and her eyes automatically squinted to peer into the crowed to where the attraction pulled her towards and past the bright lights that were practically blinding her but it was no use. Everything was black in the audience, it would have been impossible to even see the front row. What was she thinking? Santana wouldn't have been standing somewhere out there in the sea of people. Why would she be? Why would she come to watch Brittany?
That was when another terrifying thought hit her. What if Santana had come to watch someone else? What if the Latina had managed to move on and had found someone else? Of course she would have moved on. She left me. Brittany thought bitterly to herself.
Kristen nudged her side and gave her a confused look. "Are you okay?" she whispered loudly over the clapping. Brittany gave a weak nod and bowed one last time to hide the panic she knew would be burning in her eyes before letting herself be led off the stage. "Brittany?" Kristen asked but the blonde just held up her hand and ran towards her dressing room leaving the rest of the group behind to gush and scream excitedly over how well their performance had gone.
She didn't want to let anyone see her cry over a girl that she hadn't seen in over six months. She didn't want them to see how pathetic she was.
Santana: 6 months later – December
She didn't think she could feel any worse. After all, look at where she was stood. But she couldn't have been more wrong, the early December weather was just adding to her horrible mood. Sleet and hail was falling heavily and bounced off of the black umbrella – not even the huge willow trees that surrounded them could shelter them – which Dylan held over her father and herself. She was thankful that the blonde man had offered to come with her, she didn't know how well she would have been able to hold herself together with her father sobbing the way her was into her shoulder of her blazer.
Santana held on tightly to the two men as she clenched her teeth and closed her eyes tightly to stop her own tears from falling. She couldn't let her entire family see how vulnerable she was even though most of them were in a worse state than Marco was.
Across from where Santana stood, her abuela glared coldly at her but the brunette just ignored her. She knew how her family must think of her and Marco right now but how pathetic must they be to judging the pair in a time like this? At first she had felt uncomfortable when she had sat down in the church and then as everyone walked out to where they would be lowering the coffin but now, now she didn't care what anyone thought of her. No one could feel as disgusted and infuriated with her than she did herself.
The sleet seemed to get heavier and eventually turned into thick flakes of snow that didn't melt when they landed on her all black clothes. She looked over to the priest who was carefully wiping it off of his robe while he carried on to read from the bible, Santana could hear him talking, she could see his lips moving but she couldn't take anything in he was actually saying. Her head was just full of white noise now.
Santana leaned closer to her father and wrapped her arm around his waist. His whole body was shuddering as sobs racked through him, his collar was soaking from all of his tears and his nose had turned red, whether that was from the cold weather or not she couldn't quite tell. On her other side, Santana felt Dylan squeeze her hand as he sent her a loving look. "Are you okay?" he whispered softly.
Santana just shrugged. The truth was she didn't quite know how she felt at this very moment. She did feel very overwhelmed however and just wanted to collapse down into a heap in the grass and cry. She shook her head to try and calm the sudden build-up of emotions she could feel down in her chest and breathed in deep through her nose.
That did nothing to calm her when the coffin was finally beginning to lower into the six foot hole in the ground. A quiet sob pushed its way up her throat and out of her mouth, she couldn't keep it back as her eyes clouded over and a river of tears began to fall from her eyes and soaked her cheeks. The two men either side of her held her tight and watched at close family dropped a handful of soil on top of the wooden lid. For some reason Santana and Marco hadn't felt offended that they weren't one of those people. Maybe it was understandable.
Santana quickly swiped at her cheeks but it was no use, they kept falling and falling and showed no signs of stopping anytime soon. Her eyes flickered up to the headstone, black marble with gold paint that read:
R.I.P
Maribel Lopez
Wife, Mother and loving daughter
1962-2014
Santana stared numbly at the headstone red hot anger flashed in front of her eyes. She wasn't angry with her mother per say, well she was, she was angry that she had left Santana without saying good bye. Of course they had had their ups and downs – mainly downs – but that didn't mean that Santana didn't love her mother.
Santana hated waking up to that noise, that irritating beeping. It seemed never ending as it monitored the beats of her heart. Oh god. She thought as her memories all came rushing back to her in a flurry of flashing images. Excitement and happiness flared up in side of her, she couldn't help the weak smile that was tugging at the corners of her lips.
Suddenly, somewhere in the room a pair of curtains was pulled open causing Santana's eye lids to glow red and she flinch away from the brightness that caused a faint throbbing to form in the back of her head. She groaned in annoyance as her chest pulled tight and a shot of pain seer through her. "Ugh."
"S'tana?" the familiar sweet voice caused her eyes to flicker open and the weak smile on her lips to grow even bigger as blue eyes stared deeply into her own. "You still sad?"
"Hey there, little man." She croaked out and carefully reached to ruffle his hair. "No, I'm happy now don't worry." She reassured Anton who just beamed up at her and began to clamber up onto the bed until Marco came up behind him and pulled him up into his arms.
"Whoa, calm down there, Ant. You don't want to hurt Santana now do we?" Marco pulled his gaze away from the little boy in his arms and turned to his daughter. "How are you feeling there, baby?" he crouched down beside her and held her hand tight. Anton reached out with his own hand and placed it carefully on her cheek.
"I'm hungry." She mumbled and shifted as best as she could so that she was sitting up but only managed to get halfway before giving up. "And tired."
Marco laughed but it wasn't like his usual full of life laugh, this one was sad and as Santana looked closer at her father she noticed that he looked completely drained, maybe even more so than she was. She was about to ask him if everything was okay when a tall blonde man walked into the room carrying a bag of what looked like food. Santana smiled widely at Dylan.
"Hey! You're awake!" he cheered as he climbed onto the bottom of her bod and crossed his legs Indian style. "How are you feeling?" before Santana could answer Anton jumped in.
"She's hungry and tired." He smiled as he climbed into Dylan's lap. "She looks like a ghost." He whispered loudly into the man's ear causing him to chuckle.
"That she does." Dylan winked at the Latina. "This little man has been telling me all sorts of stories about you, S." he tilted his head towards Anton who was pushing a toy car up and down Santana's legs. "He said you're the best tickler in the world." Anton nodded in agreement but Santana just blushed furiously at the double meaning Dylan was referring too.
"Shut up." She mumbled and tried to hide her face in her hands. She decided to change the subject before she was died of embarrassment. "So, are you going to tell me what happened?"
"The doctors on his way. He'll tell you everything but there's something I want to tell you first…" there was a sudden darkness that formed in Marco's eyes that Santana had only ever seen in her own when she first found out about her heart condition. She suddenly began to feel nervous and her palms began to sweat as she waited for Dylan to take Anton out of the room saying that they were going to go buy a new toy. Anton raced down the hall screaming in delight. "Santana," Marco started awkwardly. He looked down nervously at his hands that were balled up in his lap. "You were given a new heart-"
"Oh god. My body rejected it, didn't it? I'm going to die." Santana slurred out as her mind immediately jumped to the worse conclusion before her father had a chance to even explain. Tears were already forming in her eyes.
"No! No. Your body hasn't rejected it, you've been asleep for four days straight and everything is going fine. Don't worry." He placed a hand on her arm and squeezed reassuringly. "Do you remember when Orlando and Anton were late for dinner the other day?" Santana nodded, she was confused as to where this was going. "He said there had been a car accident earlier that day. It turns out it was your mother in the car." Santana's mouth fell open and her eyes widened. She didn't say anything or tell her father to stop talking even though she had a faint idea where the conversation was now heading. "She was on her way to work when she pulled onto the highway but she can't have seen a lorry coming the other way. Her car was flipped over three times and the roof had been torn off." He paused to steady his breathing. "By the time the ambulances finally got there she was already unconscious."
Santana squeezed her eyes tightly shut and a few tears rolled down her cheeks.
"It was too late to save her when they got to the hospital but when they found out that she was an organ donor and had requested pacifically for her heart to be given to you if needed, the doctors didn't hesitate in beginning the procedure." Santana was shaking her head in disbelief. She didn't want to believe was Marco was telling her, she didn't want to listen to him telling her that her mother had died and now she had her heart. "Normally doctors don't allow that sort of thing to happen, you know, request to give your heart to someone. But considering you were so high up on the list and your body was less likely to reject the heart they went along with it." he stated softly, his own tears now fell and his hands were shaking.
"She's dead?" Santana words were broken and full of pain. She never expected to feel like this when she woke up with a new heart and the knowledge that she wasn't going to die anytime soon. Instead she was full of pain and anger. Everything she knew she shouldn't be feeling waking up from a life changing surgery.
Marco nodded sadly.
Santana had collapsed down on her knees more than five minutes ago as her mind was flooded with the memory. She was sobbing loudly into her hands and drawing the attention of the rest of her family. Whenever Marco or Dylan would try to pick her up she would swing her arms out in their direction and tell them to go to hell. It wasn't exactly the best thing to be screaming in front of a priest in a cemetery but that didn't stop her from doing it.
The snow she was sitting in had soaked through her dress and was now turning her legs a deep purple as she clung to the ground beneath her. "Come on, Santana. Let's go." Marco whispered into her ear as he wrapped his arms around her waist.
"N-no! Let me go. Put me down!" She screamed at the top of her lungs as he hauled her off of the ground and over his shoulder. This time he wasn't taking no for an answer. She slammed her fists down hard into his bark but the man was very well built and didn't falter as he made his way back to the car, Dylan and Orlando in tow with a sleeping Anton in his arms.
They had to leave in three hours for the airport so they could fly back to California. Maribel's mother and father had been adamant on organising the funeral therefore it was only right – in their minds – that she be buried back in Lima. Santana hadn't wanted to come at first, she was scared of the looks her family would have been giving her and her father and also in case she bumped into any of Brittany's relatives but when her and Marco had gotten into an argument over it he had told her to stop being so selfish and that she needed to pay her respects to her mother.
Santana was curled up in a ball in the back seat on the car. Her head was resting in Dylan's lap and her feet were being hugged by Anton who had finally been woken up by Santana's screaming.
Eventually, it was Santana's turn to finally fall asleep and was left mumbling incoherently as she dreamt of her mother but soon morphed in a certain blonde she longed to see after so long. Brittany would have known how to make her feel better.
It was no New York, but California sure did know how to make the streets look Christmassy. It had been almost two weeks since the funeral and almost four since Santana has gotten her new heart and so far, everything was going well. Surprisingly well… Dylan had his arm wrapped securely around Santana's shoulders as they walked towards the coffee shop to meet Marco, Orlando and Anton. Orlando had decided it would be best to stay for a few more weeks just to keep an eye on Marco since he was living alone again, Santana had offered to move back in for a month or so but her father was adamant that he was fine when clearly he wasn't.
"How're you feeling?" Dylan asked as they rounded a corner.
Santana shrugged, "I'm fine." She did her best to avoid any eye contact, scared that he might realise she was lying. "I mean everything is going good now, I have a heart that works, I'm taking my meds, and I have you, my dad and little Anton. And best of all, I'm alive! Could it get any better?" she cringed at her question and the slightest bit of sarcasm that had laced her words. She didn't mean to say that. It was just a sarcastic comment she had been asking herself over the past week or so. Of course it could be better. Anything could be better than what she had been feeling lately.
"Yes." He stated simply. "Yes it could be better and you know it. Do you want to talk about it?" Dylan asked her softly.
"What's there to talk about? My mom's dead, it's not like I even saw her this past year. Nothing's changed. Not really." She shrugged. This conversation was getting too close to what she didn't want to be talking about right now. She was never good with feelings.
"You shouldn't keep everything locked up you know." He squeezed her hand reassuringly. "Please, just talk to me. Let yours walls down just for a little while." The blonde begged his best friend.
"There's nothing else to say, Dylan just leave it." she snapped. "Can we just go? I don't want to talk about this." She was avoiding the one thing that she was scared about talk about most and he knew it.
He stopped in his tracks but reached out and grabbed Santana's arm when she carried on walking. He knew that she was avoiding this; she had been avoiding it ever since the funeral. "I don't understand what you're still doing here, S."
Santana shot him a confused look and crossed her arms over her chest defensively. "What are you talking about?"
"You know what I'm talking about, Santana. What are you still doing here? You have a new heart; you know you're not going to die. Why haven't you gone back to New York? It's not like there's really anything tying you to this place." Santana flinched and backed away from the man. She couldn't talk about this now. Too much had happened in the space of a month for her to talk about going back to her.
"If you hadn't notice I've just gotten out of hospital. I'm not leaving my dad when he's just buried the love of his life and I have you here, you're my best friend." She snapped, her face was inches from Dylan's as anger boiled up in her stomach. This was it, all of the pain and emotions she had been keeping bottled up over the past six months were getting ready to explode. She could feel them coming, feel them shipping away at her walls and breaking their way through to let everyone see her pain.
"I was just saying that maybe you should go back-"
"Don't tell me what to do." She jabbed her finger into his chest. He was a good foot taller than her but that didn't stop him from feeling tiny in the presence of her. "I can't go back there. You have no idea what it's like for me. I fucked everything up so bad when I left her, do you really think she is going to want to see me again? They all hate me now. And to be honest, I don't blame them. No amount of their hate can add up to more than the hate I have for myself." She snarled as she began to slam her palm against her own chest. She turned her back on the man as she began to walk away, only to have him grip her shoulder tightly and slam her against the wall.
"Don't talk to me like I don't know what you're going through, Santana. You have no idea." He spat. His own anger fuelled on bad memories that burned through his blood. "It's not too late to make things right." He gave her shoulder a final shove before walking down towards the coffee shop that was just visible in the Christmas lights that were lighting up the streets.
Santana stood still for a moment as she thought over what Dylan had just told her. Was there still time to make things right? She had read that letter Quinn had sent her, they definitely hated her. That was when her mind wandered to the other thing Quinn had sent her.
The bucket list.
Marco reached out to hold her hand once more but this time she pulled away. "Don't touch me." she spat harshly causing Marco to back away from his daughter in surprise. Her tears were still falling from the news she had just been given and her fist were clenched roughly by her sides.
"Do you want me to leave you alone for a while?" he asked sadly. Santana just nodded and avoided his gaze. "Oh, the nurses found this in your jeans pocket." He whispered to her softly as he stood up to leave. He reached into his jacket and pulled out a piece of neatly folded paper that Santana recognised immediately.
"Get rid of it." she snapped and shot him a cold glare before he could even hand it over to her. "I don't want it."
His brows furrowed in confusion. "But it's your bucket list. You haven't finished it-"
"I said get rid of it!" she screamed. She was too angry and probably in shock to even care about what she was saying right now. But the truth was that list was Quinn's idea. And the only reason she had started it in the first place was to please Brittany, she knew that the blonde wanted to take the Latina's mind off of everything that was going on and Santana knew that to make a list was probably the best way to do that. But now that she wasn't going to die she had no reason for it anymore. She had no reason to take her mind off of anything. And all that the list was going to do was remind her of Brittany. The woman she loved and left behind to keep her safe. She didn't need the bucket list anymore. She didn't want to face the pain that it would cause her.
Her father shook his head and placed the list back into his pocket. She glared at his retreating form then spun her head around to look at the wires and tubes hanging off of her body. She wanted nothing more than to scream and rip them off herself. She hated this. She hated being in this hospital and everything about her situation.
Santana didn't know what to do anymore. It was like she was stuck in some sort of limbo. She wanted desperately to go back to her Britt-Britt, she wanted to go back and be able to start everything from where they left off, but how could she when she had surely broken the blonde's heart trying to keep her safe from exactly that? Brittany would hate her and Santana was sure of it. That's why she couldn't go back there.
Santana stared down blankly at her food as she drew pictures in the sauce with her fork. She could almost make out the sounds of the three men talking around her and the slight incoherent babbling of Anton who was perched in her lap but she was doing her best to block them out. She was still thinking about what Dylan had said even though she had gone over it at least a hundred times by now she was still hoping that there could be the slightest bit of hope somewhere.
When Santana had finally made her way into the coffee shop Dylan had acted like nothing had ever happened, whether he was just putting it on in front of Marco or whether he wanted to just forget it ever happened Santana didn't know but she was thankful that he wasn't acting like he was pissed at her.
She let her eyes flicker up to where the blonde man was sitting. He was already looking at her and sent her an apologetic smile that she returned a second after. Santana was about to stand up and leave for the bathroom when her father's phone wrung loudly in his pocket.
Marco looked down awkwardly when he saw the unknown number flashing on his screen. He brought the phone to his ear and listened to the voice on the other end. He eyes grew wide and he sent his daughter a panicked look, she watched as his Adams apple moved as he gulped.
"Who is it?" Santana asked quickly as she moved closer to him so that she could listen in. he didn't answer however and just shook his head for her to keep quiet.
"Hi, Brittany." All the colour drained from Santana's face in less than a second and she could feel the bile rise up in her stomach. "It's nice to hear from you." Marco half lied. The truth was, he liked Brittany, he cared about her a lot and he missed the blonde and her bubbliness. But he could feel the panic practically radiating off of the Latina next to her. He shot Santana a look that said, 'what the hell?' but the Latina didn't was frozen in shock as she waited for the blonde to reply. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
Santana had to strain to hear what the blonde was saying but she could make out a few words of the blonde asking Marco if she could stay with the man. Santana began to shake her head furiously 'no' she wasn't ready to see the blonde. She wasn't ready to see how much Brittany actually hated her. "Say no!" she gasped loudly. She could hear the blonde rambling on the other end of the phone and couldn't help the feeling of her own heart breaking all over again. She never realised how much she had missed Brittany's voice.
"Brittany, I would love for you to come and stay with me," he paused when Santana slammed her hand into his bicep with wide eyes and the other down onto the table causing one of the glasses to topple over and spill across the white table cloth. She didn't take notice as Dylan and Orlando jumped up to stop the flow of red wine, she didn't take notice as Anton began to roll his car through the liquid and she did take notice when a waitress came and asked of everything was okay.
"What are you doing?" Santana almost screamed but managed to keep her voice low so that the blonde didn't hear her on the other end of the phone.
"But I'm afraid that I'm visiting family at the moment and I won't be home until New Year's Eve." Marco's body visibly relaxed when Brittany replied to him a second later and he sent Santana a sad smile. He hated lying to people and it just made him feel worse that this person was Brittany. He could see the pain in his daughter's eyes and knew that maybe he had done the wrong thing letting her come home with him. "I'm sorry, Brittany. It was nice speaking to you too." His voice was full of resignation and regret as he hung up his phone. "Don't ask me to do anything like that for you again." he warned the Latina as he pointed his finger towards here.
Santana glared at her father as she stood up from her seat on unsteady legs and stormed out of the coffee shop leaving her family and Dylan behind her. She wasn't ready for the harsh reminder of what she had left behind her. It just made her hate herself even more than she already did. She blinked back the tears that were blurring her vision and made her way home.
She was curled up in her bed with red puffy eyes when she heard the front door open and Dylan walk in. He was singing a song softly to himself but stopped to call out Santana's name. She didn't answer though. She buried herself further into her pillows to hide from the man as she looked out of the window in the other side of the apartment, she could just make out some small yachts on the see and maybe a plane flying through the clouds. She closed her eyes when she heard footsteps coming up the stairs towards her room.
"S?" Dylan whispered softly as he sat on the end of the bed. "Come on, are you okay?"
She rolled her eyes. Of course she wasn't okay, he knew she wasn't okay. "No. just leave me alone for a while, please." She moaned and pulled the covers up over her head. But to her disappointment, Dylan carried on talking.
"You're dad told me what she said." He didn't need to explain who she was, that was pretty obvious to the Latina already. "And do you know what I think? I think you should go."
Santana pulled her head from out underneath the sheets and gave him a confused look. "Go where?"
"Oh, I thought you'd heard the whole conversation…" she shook her head. "Right, well err… Brittany's going to LA to perform at some dance thing and I thought that we should go? Maybe you could talk to her or if we get there and you don't want to at least you got a chance to see her…"
"No."
"San-"
"I said no. I can't see her. It's been six months. I can't, not now." She shook her head and let Dylan pull her into his chest as more tears started to fall. He rubbed his hand up and down her back soothingly as he cooed into her ear.
"Shh, it's okay. I'm sorry. We don't have to but I would never leave your side if we were to go and if you felt yourself freaking out then we would get out of there straight away." He whispered and Santana nodded weakly in understanding. "Any way, how about I make you a coffee?" he offered.
The Latina followed her friend down the stage and sat herself down on the sofa whilst Dylan clattered about in the kitchen. She let her eyes wander around the apartment until they landed on the blonde's bed. Lying on the sheets was Dylan's bright red guitar. Without giving it a second thought, she stood up and walked over to the instrument and picked it up. She held it close to herself for a moment as to let herself come to terms with the weight and sat down on his bed.
Her mind had been kind of fuzzy from everything that had been going on but now with the phone call from earlier she was mainly just numb. She just wanted to feel normal for a little while. Was that too much to ask?
"I'll teach you if you like?" Dylan's voice dragged her from her daze as she looked up from the strings on the guitar.
"Really?" she asked in surprise.
"Of course, it's the least I could after you let me stay with you. I don't know how long I could've lasted with my dad before I killed him or something…" He mused but there was something in his voice that sounded truthful.
Santana decided not to say anything about it though and just offered him a smile. "Thanks."
She didn't know when or how Dylan had managed to persuade her but somehow she found herself standing in a huge auditorium like building, one at least ten times the size of the one they had went to for Nationals in glee club but not quite big enough to be a stadium. The noise was almost deafening as the crowds cheered and screamed at one of the dancing groups on the stage. It was almost impossible to hear Dylan over the noise but that didn't stop him from shouting loudly into her ear. "… you… okay?" was all she made out but she nodded reassuringly. He had been worried about her ever since they had arrived but to be fair, Santana hadn't really given him any reason not to.
She had gotten herself so worked up on the car journey here that they had had to pull over and let Santana calm down for a moment. But now, now that she was here she couldn't keep the excitement down. Her knees were bouncing up and down while her hands were balled up into fists in her lap. She didn't know where this sudden burst of excitement had come from, was it because there was a possibility that she would get a chance to talk to the blonde again? Or was it just plainly because there was the slightest chance she would catch a glimpse of the woman she was still so deeply in love with?
She didn't know but right now she was more concerned with keeping herself seated and not jumping up and screaming something utterly ridiculous with a dumb smile on her face.
But just as she thought she was about to burst, a cold nauseous feeling flooded her body as an announcement was made through the speakers that it was Brittany's group that would be performing next. Her breath hitched and she felt the blood drain from her face.
Oh shit. Maybe this wasn't the right thing to do. She thought as her hands started to shake for an entirely different reason than they had been a second earlier.
When she was about ready to pull at Dylan's sleeve and tell him she needed to leave, a group of teenagers came flipping onto the stage to a very upbeat version of 'winter wonderland'. The sound of a base and drum filled the room and the kids began to pop and lock in time with the beat. Santana's mouth fell open at the sight, they were impressive. She couldn't make out who they were but she knew that her blonde wasn't up there with them.
Santana's eyebrow arched in confusion, she was pretty sure that it had said in the leaflet that they had been given just before they came in that it said Brittany's name in there. She looked back down to the folded paper she had in her lap to make sure she hadn't just imagined it.
Yup, there it is: Brittany S. Pierce
She looked back up at the group and still there was no blonde. "Is she there?" Dylan's voice pulled her from her thoughts.
"No I ca-" just as she was about to reply, the music died down slight but kept up the beat. Santana listened curiously as the song morphed into "Merry Christmas Everybody." That was when the hairs on the back of Santana's neck erupted and her heart practically stopped dead in her chest.
Brittany, the woman she'd left behind, the woman she loved, was standing – well dancing – about a three hundred feet away from her. She let her hands form fists around her knees as she squinted to try and get a better look at her ex-girlfriend. Even if she was close enough to see her clearly, she knew that the blonde hair that was whipping around her head would have blocked her view of the sapphire blue eyes that she had been longing to stare into for as long as she had been away from her.
She stared dazed up at the blonde's angelic body, her smooth legs that went on for miles, the muscles that tensed in her arms as she lifted her partner above her head and then the beads of sweat that were trickling down the sides of her face.
Santana was breathing heavily now and Dylan felt slightly worried that she would pass out. He reached over and laced his fingers with the Latina. "She's beautiful." He sighed.
Santana could only nod in response, she really was beautiful and she looked happy, really happy. Maybe she had moved on from Santana already, maybe she had found the strength to get over the Latina… She didn't trust herself to form an understandable sentence. Her mouth had gone bone dry the moment she had seen the blonde run onto the stage.
"Who's that she's dancing with." Dylan asked slightly curious.
Santana hadn't even taken notice of the other dancer on the stage with Brittany until now. She had to squint with her bad eye sight and the fact that they were so far back wasn't helping but when she saw a flash of a blue streak mixed in with dark brown hair she stiffened. Dylan noticed the sudden movement and turned to face her fully.
"Santana, who's she dancing with?" he asked again when she didn't reply to him. A bubble of red hot anger and jealousy exploded deep inside of her and she began to grit her teeth and squeezed her hands into fists until her knuckles turned white. She watched how Kristen ran her hands over Brittany's body and how close they really were to each other. Then her thought from earlier flashed back into her mind, maybe Brittany had moved on, maybe she'd moved on with Kristen.
"I need to go." Santana stuttered out loudly. She could feel the tears stinging at her eyes and didn't trust herself to be able to keep them in. She pulled at Dylan's sleeve when he just gave her a startled look. "Now." she snapped at him. He nodded quickly and jumped up to follow her. They sped up the side isle as fast as they could without drawing too much attention to themselves.
But just as they were about half way up the aisle and the crowd had stood up and began to cheer loudly; there was something that made Santana stop and turn round. Dylan raced straight into her side but she held her ground and stared up at the stage. She was frozen in her spot. Her heart was racing. Her knees were about to give way.
Brittany was staring right at her, well it was more of a squint than anything else but she was looking straight at the Latina. Santana gulped and let her eyes widen in panic. She wanted to turn and run. No, she needed to turn and run but she couldn't seem to move. She couldn't bring herself to lift her legs and walk away because those blue orbs were connected with her own. Even though they could have been five hundred feet away from each other and the lighting was all wrong, she could see them. She could see those eyes she'd missed so much. She could see that they were slightly darker than they used to be and that the white was slight red but they were still her eyes.
Now that she got the chance to really look at Brittany she could see that her face was paler than usual too. It was lacking its usual perkiness and there didn't seem to be as many freckles as there used to be. Her hair didn't seem as bright either but other than that, everything about the blonde was utter perfection.
She felt a scowl form on her face as she watched Kristen whisper something into Brittany's ear and then the blonde smile, where they together now? But her heart skipped a beat once again when Brittany's gaze flickered back up to meet her own. That was when she felt her feet begin to move but in the totally wrong direction to where the exit was. She was getting closer the stage, closer to Brittany.
That was until Dylan wrapped his arm around her front. "She can't see you. The lights are too bright." He pointed up towards the blinding stage lights that were shining directly onto Brittany. She understood why the blonde had been squinting. "Do you want to stay?" he asked, but really he was asking if she wanted to go and see Brittany.
This was it. This was her chance to make things right with Brittany or at least try. She had the chance to apologise and maybe get the blonde back. They could be in love again. This was her chance to have her old life back. She wanted to be able to mend her broken heart and to fix the blonde's as well if that was still the case for her as well. Her mind flashed to that day on the beach, the first day she had met Dylan. The mother and her son playing in the water and then the old couple who had walked hand in hand in the sand, she wanted that, she wanted all of that and the only person she could ever see herself having that with was the woman standing on the stage, the love of her life, Brittany.
But instead of doing what her heart was telling her to do – what was probably the right option – she looked up to meet Dylan's eyes.
"No, take me home."
I hope you all liked what i did with the whole transplant thing! what did you think?