Chapter 30! Things are starting to get pretty intense now and I hope you all dont hate me for the endong of this chapter... Thank you to Perhaps Glee for helping me pick out this song quite a while ago. So I think there will be around 5-10 more chapters until the end of this story do I would just like to thank all of you who have stook with this story and I love you all.
One question, would you guys want to have an epilogue for my pretty intense cliffhanger of an ending I have planned? Let me know!
please review!
Chapter 30
Five months had passed since that Christmas she had sat up with Dylan. Five months had passed and Santana was still in California. She was still utterly terrified of going back but she knew it was what she had to do, she knew it was the right thing for everyone. She just had to pull herself together and get going. The truth was she was so excited by the thought of actually getting to see her 'family' again. She was excited to get back to the big city and her old apartment. She was excited to get her car back but most of all she was excited at the possibility of seeing Brittany up close and within touching distance.
It was only a week until summer started and Santana and Dylan were lying out on the beach just in front of Marco's home. For some unknown reason Orlando had decided to move in with his brother, that was apparently what he had wanted to talk about her father about on Christmas so that meant that Anton was jumping on top of her stomach for the fifth time in the last two hours. "Calm down, Ant." She groaned as she slipped her sunglasses up her nose to shield her eyes from the blazing sun.
"Come swimming!" he screeched and ran off towards the waves before Santana could stop him. She hauled herself to her feet in panic and raced off after the little Latino before he could reach the water's edge; she wrapped her arms around him and swung him into the air before catching him in her strong arms.
"You need to be careful, you know not to go running off by yourself." She warned before she burried her face into the crook of his neck and blew a raspberry loudly causing him to giggle and laugh.
"Sorry, S'tana." He pouted and wrapped his own arms around her neck. "You mad?"
Santana simply shook her head and kissed Anton's cheek. "No, you just scared me." she hugged him tightly to prove her point but pulled away and looked down to see him playing with the turquoise starfish that was now attached to a chain and hung loosely around her neck. She chuckled and poked at his own seashell that Santana had given him for Christmas. "Have you taken this off yet?" she asked curiously as she walked towards the water.
"No," he shook his head proudly. "'Coz this means we will be bestest cousins f'ever." He explained sweetly as he climbed down from Santana's arms and stood next to her in the water as the waves surrounded their ankles or in Anton's case, his knees. Santana assumed that her was refering to the whole friendship bracelet theory...
"Forever, huh?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Yup." He nodded and took her hand in his own. "Even when you go back to Brittany to be girlfriends again." His eyes widened and his free hand came up to clamp his lips closed. Santana's head snapped round to look at her little cousin.
"What did you say?"
"Nuffin, I didn't say nuffin." He carried on shaking his head and refused to answer Santana and took a few steps back but her hand around his stopped him from getting too far.
How does he know? I haven't told anyone but Dylan… at that thought Santana slowly turned to look at her best friend who was now whispering suspiciously to her father and Orlando who all broke apart when they spotted the Latina looking at them. She scowled coldly in their direction before storming up the sandy beach rather awkwardly in her bare feet and came to a stop in front of the steps to where they were sitting.
"Spill." She spat. The three men looked up at her like she was crazy and didn't know what she was talking about but as Santana looked into her father's eyes; she could see that he was keeping something from her. "Dylan, I know you told them. This little one let slip." She nodded her head down to Anton who was still holding onto her hand tightly but was hiding behind her leg from the three men on the steps.
"Sorry." He muttered with a slight pout.
"It's okay little man; she was going to find out sooner or later anyway. She's not mad at you, just a bit cranky." Dylan ruffled Anton's hair and turned to look up at Santana. "Yes I did, because something needs to be done now. You said that you were going to get her back but you're still here and it's nearly been six months, S. we have the plan sorted so why aren't you doing anything?"
Santana looked down at the sand beneath her feet, suddenly finding it much more interesting than interrogating her family and best friend. "I don't know." She muttered after a few seconds. That was a lie, she did know why he hadn't done anything about it; she was a coward and was too scared of getting her heart broken just like she had done to Brittany.
"Fine, you can be all shy and awkward all you like but you know that going back there is the right thing to do. You know that you're never going to be completely happy here, Santana. Not without her." Her father stated causing Santana to nod sadly in agreement. She already knew that and really she did want to go back she just didn't have the guts to. She didn't want to be rejected or told that everyone hated her.
"That's why," Dylan started as he stood up and walked back into the house only to return a minute later with his arms filled with suitcases. Santana's heart stopped and her mouth fell open. "We're leaving for the airport in half an hour. We should get to New York tomorrow morning." He grinned widely at the Latina.
"Wait, what?" Santana's eyes squinted at her friend unsure if she had heard him right. "Did you just say we?"
"That I did, I'm coming with you for moral support. Maybe that way you won't chicken out." He set the bags down on the deck before speaking again. "So you better hurry up and put some respectable clothes on or we're going to be late." He looked down at his watch that read 16:20pm. Santana could feel her heart in her throat as she struggled to swallow and gulp. Her hands were clenched roughly by her sides and her whole body was rigid. When she returned from slipping into some jeans and a top that covered her scars up perfectly, her face was almost white, her mouth was dry and her heart was racing. She didn't know if she was ready to do this but it was definitely the right thing to do. She just hoped she could keep herself from throwing up on anyone.
"We'll see you in two weeks." Marco said after them as Dylan helped a rigid Santana climb into his car but that didn't stop her from noticing her father slip something into Dylan's pocket. But she chose not to think about it too much after all she was about to fly across the country to see the people she had left behind and most likely hated her guts.
This was it.
She was going back.
Back to Brittany.
"It's nearly summer! Why is it still raining?" Brittany grumbled as she collapsed down onto the sofa beside Quinn, Rachel and Kristen who were all picking at a bowl of chips. Their eyes were all glued to the TV screen as some film played. Kristen chose not to say anything as Rachel and Quinn complained in agreement. Brittany reached over to pick out some chips but quickly yanked her hand away when Kristen – purposely – grazed her hand with her little finger. Things still hadn't returned to how they were before the dance performance. Brittany had refused to talk to her or be in a five meter radius of the other woman whereas Kristen had been the exact opposite up until lately when Brittany finally lost her patients and told her to back the fuck off. She had gotten sick and tired of receiving texts off the brunette begging Brittany to give her a chance or that she was in love with the blonde and that she knew Brittany had feelings for her too.
Brittany had replied every time with a message telling her that she was still in love with Santana and that she should leave Brittany alone or didn't bother replying all together. Sadly for Brittany, Rachel was still friends with the brunette even when the two blonde's weren't so keen anymore.
Things had been just as awkward back at the dance studio for work but Brittany chose not to think about that right now…
"What's this shit you're watching?" She picked up the TV remote and started flicking through the channels aimlessly. "Why isn't there anything on either?" Brittany sighed loudly. "What's wrong with the world?" she threw her arms up in resignation and leaned her head against Quinn's shoulder with another heavy sigh.
"How about we go to Vibez?" Kristen's voice broke through the silence after a few seconds.
"No." Brittany and Quinn both answered at the same time. Kristen blushed and backed further into the sofa.
"Oh come on, it will be fun!" Rachel chirped up causing the two blonde's the roll their eyes.
"No Rachel. I don't want to walk in the wind and rain or get into a sweaty cab with a sweaty driver that's just going to perv on me the whole way." Brittany snapped. But the real reason was that she didn't want to go out drinking when she had managed to keep sober for over two months and have Kristen dancing up close beside her. She shuddered at the thought. "No." She repeated again quitter this time.
"Who's stuck a stick up your ass?" Kristen mumbled from the other end of the sofa they had all huddled on.
Brittany's head whipped round to glare at the brunette. "Shut the fuck up, Kristen. What are you even doing here anyway?" the blonde spat. This was probably the least offensive insult Brittany had replied with to one of Kristen's comments in the past five months but the brunette still seemed startled that the blonde had said this to her in front of the other two woman in the room with them.
"Rachel asked me to come and hang out." She replied calmly.
"Yeah well I don't want you here. And considering this is actually my apartment don't you think you should have asked me first?"
Quinn rubbed her face awkwardly, clearly feeling uncomfortable in between the two women. "Actually, Brittany. Quinn and I pay half of the rent which means this is our apartment not just yours." Rachel stated annoyingly in that obnoxious way she used to talk in high school.
Brittany rolled her eyes, stood up and stomped off to her room. "Fine. Whatever. If she's here then I'm staying in my room." The door slammed loudly behind her and the three women sitting in the living room all flinched.
"So she still hasn't gotten over it?" Quinn asked awkwardly trying to break the tension that was resting heavy in the room.
"Nope, I don't blame her to be honest though, she's still in love with Santana. And clearly no one can compete with her…" Kristen replied. "I better go…" she mumbled before walking off towards the front door with Rachel following her.
"Sorry about her." Rachel said as she waved the tall woman off.
"Don't worry about it." and with that she was gone.
Rachel sighed and wandered back over to where Quinn had sprawled herself out on the sofa with her legs hanging over the sides. "I don't know what's gotten into that girl lately." She pointed towards Brittany's closed bedroom door before collapsing down on top of her girlfriend.
"Maybe it's a part of the whole heart break thing… she's been depressed and drank herself silly, she's slept with someone else and now she's angry. It would make sense…" Quinn muttered as Rachel nodded her head in agreement.
"Maybe it would be a good idea to get her out of the house for a while?"
"I agree but how are you going to do that?" Quinn asked curiously. After the way Brittany had just acted moments ago she doubted that her girlfriend was going to succeed in getting Brittany out of her room unless she dragged the girl by her ankles kicking and screaming… Quinn smirked at the image that formed in her head.
"I have an idea. Do you want to come with us?" Quinn shook her head and pointed towards the huge pile of washing that had multiplied in the corner of the room. Rachel grinned and took a step towards Brittany's door. "Brittany? I'm going to get some ice cream, do you-" before she could finish, the door flew open and a blonde appeared dressed in a rain coat and boots. Quinn burst out into a fit of laughter and Rachel just grinned in triumph. "I'm a genius." But before she could say anything else, Brittany was dragging the diva towards the front door leaving Quinn to scream at them that she wanted strawberry ice cream brought back.
She rolled her eyes when she realised that that probably wasn't going to happen and collapsed back down onto the sofa. Her eyes flickered over to the pile of washing then flickered closed. "Ugh, why hasn't someone invented a robot to do this kind of stuff for me?" she mumbled before reluctantly climbing to her feet and walked over to the dirty clothes. "Better get this over and done with." She paused a moment, "Oh god, I'm talk to myself… I'm still talk to myself." She rolled her eyes and picked up the washing basked in her arms and made her way over to the door. "Stop talk to yourself, you sound crazy. You're lucky there's no one here to hear you. Why are you still talking? You have friends to talk to; you have a life for crying out loud. Shut up, Quinn!" just as she reached the door she paused as a knock sounded from the other side.
The blonde's head tilted to the side as she just stood and stared at the door in a moment of confusion. She must have paused for too long because another knock came a moment later. Quinn shook her head to pull out of her haziness and did her best to balance the basket on top of her left thigh and under her arm as she reached out to turn the door knob. But before she could turn it all the way a weird tingling sensation began to form in the base of her spin like something huge was about to happen.
Huge probably being the understatement of the century.
She pulled the door open wide enough for her to see who was standing in her doorway. She was pretty sure her mouth had just crashed into the floor and had just carried on through the three floors below theirs. Her eyes had opened so wide that they actually looked like golf balls and her arms had literally gone dead which meant that the pile of washing was now in a heap by her ankles.
Whenever Quinn had heard the phrase 'frozen with shock' she had just passed it off as the person being over dramatic but as she stood here now staring into a pair of brown orbs she had never expected to see again, she fully understood where that phrase came from. Because now as she tried to retreat back into her apartment and away from what she could only assume was a ghost, she realised her feet were actually glued to the ground beneath her. She tried to move her hands to slam the door shut in the woman's face but they were clearly frozen by her side too. Just as she was about to give her mouth a try at forming words the woman in her doorway decided she would break the awkward tension.
"Hey, Quinn." Her voice was soft and almost nervous sounding; she gave the blonde a weak smile before taking a tiny step forward and closer to Quinn. That was when Quinn's arms decided to start working and her right hand flew up to crash against the brunette's face. The woman gasped in surprise but bit back any swear words that were forming on the tip of her tongue. "You always were a genius slapper… but I definitely deserved that…" she muttered between gritted teeth as she turned back to face Quinn.
"S- Santana…?" Quinn asked in complete dumbfounded shock.
"Hi." The Latina smiled awkwardly. Her heart was racing, she was expecting a lot but nothing like what had just happened, the last time Quinn had ever hit her or anything like that was in high school when Santana had gotten her boob job… so being slapped in the face had just added to her nerves. Her palms were sweating furiously and her mouth was dry. When the Latina realised that Quinn was still staring at her wide eyed with her hand still slightly raised she decided to speak again. "I… if you don't want to see me… I can go?" she muttered awkwardly as she looked down at her feet. "I probably shouldn't have come here." Santana turned to walk back down the hallway towards the stair when she felt a hand grip her wrist.
"No." Quinn said hurriedly. "Don't go. You can't leave again." Santana flinched at the pain she could hear so clearly in Quinn's voice and turned back to face the woman who used to be her closest friend.
"Are you sure…?" Santana's heart was filled with hope, hope that maybe Quinn didn't hate her, and hope that she could somehow be forgiven.
Quinn nodded and pulled Santana into the apartment and pushed her towards the sofa. "Would you like a coffee? No wait… you can't drink coffee how about some orange? Shut up, Quinn she's not six." The blonde rambled aimlessly as she hurried into the Kitchen. "How about water?" she called through to the Latina who was sitting slightly amused.
"Water is fine. Thank you."
"Would you like something to eat? Rach just went shopping so we have plenty of food."
"No thanks, I just ate on the way over." Santana lied. She could tell that Quinn was getting all flustered by her presence and she didn't want to make things worse for the blonde. Quinn returned a second later with two glasses of water in her hands; she handed one over to Santana and placed her own down on the coffee table before slowly sitting down on the other end of the sofa as an awkward tension settled between them.
Santana began to start to feel uneasy again and decided to speak. "So you moved in with her then?" she asked obviously and chose not to mention Brittany's name in case she began to freak out in front of her friend.
Quinn nodded. "Yeah, just after you left." She paused and looked up to make sure she hadn't offended the Latina. "I was sick of looking for a new place and Brittany had a spare room so she let us move in." Santana flinched at the mention of her ex-girlfriends name coming from her ex-best friend's mouth. Quinn didn't seem to notice however, and chose to carry on talking. "It was probably a good thing we moved in when we did to be honest, she wasn't coping very well on her own… she kept saying her shoes had ran off…"
"They used to do that a lot…" Santana mumbled half-heartedly as her minds wandered off to something else Quinn had just said so she didn't notice the strange look the blonde sent her. How bad had Brittany really been without her? How bad had she broken the blonde's heart? There was so many of these crazy thoughts racing through the Latina's mind that she hadn't noticed Quinn still talking. She needed answers but Santana would never find out unless she asked…
"Brittany." Santana stammered out pulling Quinn from what she assumed was an awkward ramble. "How's Brittany?" she asked softly as her eyes wandered down to the glass of water in her hands. The brunette could feel the blonde's gaze boring into the side of her face as she considered Santana's question. On one hand Quinn could lie and say that Brittany was amazing and hadn't missed Santana at all or on the other had she could tell her Santana the truth and make her feel guilty about leaving them. She decided to go with somewhere in between.
"She's better than she's been in a long time. She seems to be happier with herself and she isn't screaming at us anymore." She said as she sent Santana a genuine smile that the Latina didn't hesitate in returning. "She's been sober for around two months as well so that's even better."
Santana was mid gulp when Quinn chose to tell her that, she gasped and spluttered over the water that was now lodged in her airways. She leaned forward as she began to choke and Quinn quickly jumped forward to slam her palm against Santana's back.
"So- Sober?" she finally choked out.
"Yeah, she found your stash of alcohol under your bed and she's been drinking it ever since you left, I think she can only remember around twenty per cent of this year…" Quinn explained kind of shyly. "We had a huge fight one day because I got sick of cleaning up her mess and I ended up throwing loads of this whisky off of the fire escape…" she mumbled with a slight blush.
Santana mouth was gaping. "You two have been fighting?" the two blondes have never argued in as long as she's known them and that had been a very long time.
"Yeah, it turns out that because we always used to argue with you so much that we never really had a need to argue before." She said jokingly with a genuine grin. "But then you left and we both had all of this fresh built up anger and we had no one to rant and scream at but each other…"
Santana's head dropped sadly. "I'm sorry I left, Quinn."
The blonde shook her head intertwined their fingers together as her eyes began to well up with tears. Her bottom lips began to tremble as all the pain came rushing back from the night she realised that Santana had left them all. Her chest began rise higher and her breaths were shaking as she finally brought her eyes up to meet Santana's. "I'm sorry you left too. You have no idea how much it hurt, Santana. Hell, we still haven't gotten over it yet." She watched as pain flashed through the Latina's eyes and she knew that hers were most likely mirroring them. "But you coming back, you coming back is so amazing. Brittany will be so happy; we're all going to be okay again." she smiled brightly at Santana but when the brunette didn't return her excitement Quinn's brow furrowed in confusion. "Santana…?"
"I… I'm only here for… two weeks…" Santana trailed off as she kept her eyes glued to the empty glass of water in her hands. Quinn pulled her hand back from Santana but didn't move away and kept their thighs touching. "You all hate me; I have nothing left here for me, Quinn."
"No." Quinn said firmly as she shook her head and pulled Santana's hand into her lap. "We don't hate you… I don't hate you." She corrected herself after a second. After seeing Santana for the first time in a year all of her anger towards the Latina had dissipated and she now realised that what she felt for the woman was far from hate. But she wished she could say the same for Brittany and Rachel. "You can't leave us again. Not now that I know you're still alive." She pleaded desperately.
"Quinn, I still have two whole weeks here. A lot can change in that time good and bad so we'll see how things go. But I know for a fact that Brittany isn't going to be pleased to see me." Santana said as she placed her glass back down onto the table and turned to face Quinn fully. "I don't want to cause any argument between you all or anything like that but please don't tell anyone you've seen me? I have something planned but I need some time. Please, Quinn."
Quinn nodded after a moment of contemplating Santana's request. She didn't know how she was going to keep all of her emotion down in front of Rachel and Brittany but she knew she had to try. "When can I see you again?" she whispered afraid that someone would hear them even though they were completely alone.
Santana pulled her phone out of her back pocket and handed it over to Quinn. "I'll give you a call tomorrow and we can arrange to meet somewhere for lunch?" she asked with hopeful eyes.
"Yes!" Quinn exclaimed her excitement from earlier quickly returned. "I can't wait. Where are you staying I don't want you having to travel too far?"
"Just as small hotel near central park it's no trouble, I'll see you tomorrow, and we have a lot to catch up on."
"You have a lot to tell me." Quinn winked but just as she was about to pull Santana in for a hug the sound of voices just outside the front door pulled them from the conversation. Quinn's eyes widened in horror and the colour drained from Santana's face.
"Shit." Santana muttered as she jumped to her feet in panic. "I need to get out before they see me." Santana's head snapped up to the door when keys were placed into the lock.
"Down the fire escape!" Quinn pushed Santana towards the window without listening to her protests.
"Are you joking? I'm wearing heels! It's pouring down!" Santana whispered loudly.
"Go! I'll see you tomorrow." Quinn almost screamed as she slammed the window shut behind the Latina just in time for the front door to open and two women walked in dripping with rain water. "Did you have fun?" the blonde asked with a forced calmness. She's shoved her hands into her pocket to hide the trembling but her legs felt like jelly beneath her. She reached out and placed her hand on the back of the sofa to keep her steady but she could feel the confused looks of her girlfriend and best friend staring at her form across the room.
"We got you ice cream." Brittany said happily. She dipped her hand into a soggy paper bag and handed her a medium sized pot. Quinn smiled awkwardly at her before turning to go to her room when she was stopped by Rachel's voice.
"I thought you were going to do the washing not throw it on the floor by the door…?" the diva's eyebrows were raised in question and her hands were placed firmly on her hips.
"Oh, I guess I just got distracted…" she mumbled but kept her eyes glued to the ice cream in her hand.
"And why are there two glasses of water sitting on the table? Have you had someone round?"
Quinn's eyes widened as they flickered over to Santana's empty glass. "Um… no, I… I was just thirsty." She stuttered out.
"That one has red lipstick on it." Rachel pointed to Santana's glass.
Think, Quinn, think! "I was trying out a new lipstick." Yeah, that will work.
Rachel was looking at Quinn sceptically. "You're not wearing any now."
Quinn flung her arms into the air in exasperation. "Just… just… ugh leave me alone and get off my back, yeah?" she stormed off towards her room.
"PMS?" Brittany asked from behind Rachel but the dive just shrugged and turned back to sit on the sofa with the blonde and eat her ice cream.
Quinn peered out of her bedroom window just in time to watch Santana climbing into a cab with a blonde haired man that she didn't recognise. He back away and collapsed down onto her bed with a relieved sigh. She had no idea what the hell had just happened less than a minute ago, she couldn't bring her head round to the fact that Santana – the woman who had abandoned them for more than a year – was back and very much alive and well. In fact Quinn couldn't believe how healthy the Latina looked, a lot healthier than what she had been before she had left. That thought was followed by a flurry of questions that she would just have to wait and let Santana answer tomorrow…
"You could have warned me they were coming back before it was too late! I had to climb down the fucking fire escape. Do you know how wobbly that thing is? It's rusted to pieces, I actually thought I was going to fall and die!" Santana rambled as she climbed into the cab alongside Dylan. "The plan would have been ruined if she had seen me then. Hell, shit would have hit the fan if they'd seen me with Quinn." Santana was fuming but she wasn't angry at Dylan, she was just very, very scared. She didn't want Brittany to see her and freak out and tell the Latina she hated her and didn't want to see her again. Santana knew that was probably guaranteed to happen but she wasn't ready to hear those words just yet.
"I'm sorry! I tried to call you when I saw them crossing the street but you'd left your phone in here." He explained apologetically. "How did it go?" he asked after a moment of silence.
Santana smiled involuntary. "It went good, she slapped me but she doesn't hate me." she said with a shrug. Dylan's eyes widened as he looked closely at the Latina's face to see the left side was slightly red. "Oh relax, I'm fine. But I'm meeting her tomorrow for lunch so hopefully I'll have more time to give her a better explanation to where I've been this past year and I'll try and get her to help us with the plan."
Dylan nodded in understanding. "Do you think it's going to work? The plan I mean, do you think Brittany's going to take you back?"
Santana rolled her eyes and snorted. "Hell no, this is the worst plan in the existence of stupid plans. It's probably just as stupid as the time that Napoleon dude tried to take over the world or whatever." She shrugged again nonchalantly, "But I want to show her that I'm sorry and that I still love her."
"Fingers crossed everything turns out for the best then?" Dylan said with a forced smile. He knew what Santana had said was probably right, that their plan was terrible but they had to stay positive.
"Fingers crossed." Santana repeated in a mutter as she turned to face out of the window as her mind began to think up all of the bad things that could happen when Brittany found out that she was back.
The next day at exactly 12:23pm, Quinn sat in the coffee shop just down the street from apartment as she waited for Santana to arrive. They had organised to meet at half past twelve but the blonde wanted to be early just to get her nerves under control. She still hadn't fully gotten over the fact that the Latina was back and when her phone had rang this morning when she was eating her bowl of cereal she had almost dropped it into her breakfast, there was something about hearing Santana's voice over the phone that had excited her. Her heart was now pounding in her chest as she sipped at her coffee in her paper cup. Just as she was about to pull her phone out and check the time, the door to the coffee shop opened and in walked a familiar yet unknown Latina walked in. She met Quinn's eye and hurried over to the table with a flustered face.
"I'm so sorry I'm late, the traffic was hell." She pulled the chair out and sat down opposite the blonde.
"It's fine, I was early." Quinn said with a reassuring smile. "Can u get you anything?" she pointed over to the counter.
"Err sure, you remember my order right?"
"Sure do." Quinn smiled before getting up to get Santana's drink. When she returned Santana placed a ten dollar bill on the table but Quinn just eyed it curiously. "You don't have to give me the money."
"Of course I do." Santana pushed the money across the table but the blonde just crossed her arms. Santana's brow furrowed at Quinn but she left the money on the blonde's side of the table and pulled her hands away. She figured that if she left the money there long enough Quinn would have to accept it before they both left. Santana took a sip of her drink and waited for Quinn to let the questions fall from her lips in a ramble. Come on, Quinn. You know you want to ask.
"Where've you been this past year?" she finally asked after a three second stare down with the Latina.
Bingo! Santana let a slight smirk from on her lips but turned serious to answer the question. "Long Beach."
"With Marco?"
"Yes, but I have a feeling you already knew that." Santana mused but her words were laced with sadness as her mind wandered back to the night she'd gotten the letter off Quinn. That night was all kinds of crazy.
Quinn must have noticed what the Latina was thinking about because she reached over and took her hand with an apologetic smile. "I'm so sorry about that letter, S. I don't know why I said the things I said, I guess I was just angry." The blonde looked down into the bottom of her cup shamefully.
"It's okay, I understand. You had a perfectly good reason to be pissed with me. Thank you for sending me my list though." Santana squeezed Quinn's hand so that she would meet her eyes.
"It was B's idea." Quinn whispered softly causing a small smile to pull at the corners of Santana's lips.
"I didn't want to cross anything else off without you guys so I made my dad throw it away. It's not like I need it anymore." Santana shrugged as she took another couple of gulps from her drink. She could feel Quinn's eyes boring into the side of her head curiously as she tried to decipher Santana words. "I didn't get to finish read your letter," Santana carried on speaking while Quinn's eyes were glued to the side of her face. "That night I had family over for thanksgiving and when I was reading the letter I got into a pretty bad state and my ICD started going off really bad."
"I'm sorry." Quinn whispered again and squeezed Santana's hand.
The Latina just shook her head with a small smile. "My father was trying to help me calm down and my little cousin was screaming because he was scared then the house phone started ringing and my uncle came running through." Santana chuckled at the memory. "Fucking mad house." Quinn smiled at Santana's way of making something serious sound funny. "Anyway it turned out the hospital was calling me," A beaming smile took over Santana's face as she readied herself to tell her best friend the news. "I got a new heart, Quinn."
The blonde was just about to take a sip of her drink when Santana spoke her final sentence. Her eyes widened and the cup slipped from her hand and spilled out on the table but she didn't care. She jumped up from her seat and threw herself at Santana. "Santana! Oh my god, that's amazing!" she wrapped her arms tightly around the woman's neck. Tears began to sting at both of their eyes but for completely different reasons. Quinn was crying because she was happy that her best friend was going to be okay, she was crying because she'd finally gotten the Latina back in her life but Santana was crying because of the painful memories that came with the good news. Quinn pulled away and sat back down into her own seat; she ignored the weird stares from the nearby people in the café and kept her eyes on Santana. The Latina gave once glace to the blonde before the dam broke and the tears she had been keeping back for the past six months spilled over the edge. She buried her face into the palms of her hands to avoid Quinn's eyes. "Santana? What's wrong? I thought you getting a heart was a good thing?"
"It is, it's an amazing thing." She sobbed out. She tried to stop her tears but they refused and only spilled from her eyes heavier and faster.
"Then what's wrong?" Quinn circled her hand around Santana's wrist and pulled her hands away from her face so she could meet the chocolate browns eyes.
"It's my… It's my mom's heart." A particularly loud sob broke through Santana lips and a couple two tables away turned to look at the woman crying. Quinn shot them her queen bitch glare and they snapped their heads away. She turned back to Santana with a completely dumbfounded look on her face because last time she checked people needed heart to, you know… live. How could Santana have her mother's heart? Was she being metaphoric? Or was she being serious… "My mom died." oh…
Quinn gasped and covered her mouth with her free hand. "I'm so, so sorry, Santana. I didn't know…"
"How could you have known? I fucked off and left you guys without saying bye or giving you a proper reason. But do you know what hurts most, the fact that I know how you felt when I left. I know the pain I caused you and Brittany and Rachel." Santana's words had gone from being drowned in sobs to burning in anger. "I'd kept my mother out of my life for a year, my last words I'd ever spoke to her were filled with hate and know she's dead and there's absolutely no way I can take those words bark and tell her that I love her because she's still my mom, she was my mom." Santana's hands had balled up into white knuckled fists and the brown of her eyes had now turned black and hazy. "I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to her and the thought of something like that happening with us, with me and Brittany I couldn't face that."
Quinn ducked her head to meet Santana's eyes and watched as the haziness faded away, she watched as Santana came back to reality. "And now I'm not letting you get away from us. You can't leave us again, S. We love you too much." Santana smiled weakly at Quinn who was now clinging to her hands for dear life like the Latina could float away at any second and never come back. The only though that was now running through Santana's mind was Brittany.
There's no way she'll feel the same about me now, she won't want to be anywhere near me.
Santana decided to change the subject in case she burst into another sobbing mess. "How've you and Rachel been?"
Quinn smiled and shuffled slightly closer to where Santana was sat. "We've been great; actually we've been talking about getting married." Santana began to choke on her drink but when she looked up at Quinn there was a huge smile playing at her lips.
"Quinn! Oh my god, that is so fucking amazing!" Santana gushed and balled her hands into fists as she began to bounce up and down in excitement. "I'm so happy for you, Quinn."
Quinn decided to join in with Santana's excitement. She hadn't been able to show how happy she was with anyone other than Rachel; they'd decided not to mention anything to Brittany in case it upset her or she began to feel miserable again because they both knew that the only person Brittany wanted to marry was Santana… and well things were a little more than complicated right now. "Thank you. Ugh, you have no idea how much I've been dying to tell someone about this." Quinn's face had completely lit up now and all of the sadness they had been feeling just moment before had dissipated and they were now back to how they had been with each other before Santana had left, best friends. "It feels so good to be able to tell you about this as well."
Santana blushed. "I'm no one special, Quinn."
The blonde shook her head. "See that's where you're wrong." A dorky smile formed on Quinn's face and she began to tap her fingers on the table. "When Rach and I were talking about it we decided that her bridesmaids would be Kurt and Blaine and I would have B and Kristen even though I hate her guts." She paused when Santana flinched at the mention of Kristen's name, flashes of LA came into her head and the big green monster began to dance around her shoulders. When Santana gave Quinn all of her attention, the blonde carried on. "You've always been my best friend and you always will be. So I was thinking that since you're back… that you could be my second bridesmaid?" the blonde squeaked the last part out excitedly.
Santana's eyes widened in surprise, this was crazy. She'd gotten her best friend back and been asked to be a bridesmaid in one day. She was either really lucky or there was someone up there being good to her. Fingers crossed it was her mother. Her happiness and excitement was quickly replaced by regret and sadness however when a realisation hit her. "Quinn, I am so honoured that you asked me and you know that I would say yes in a heartbeat if I knew for certain that I will be moving back to New York but I don't and I'm pretty sure Britt or anyone else wouldn't appreciate me being there." Santana said sadly as she placed her hand on top of Quinn's.
Quinn's eyes were filled with so many painful emotions that it almost hurt Santana to look at her. "Santana…" Quinn half wined half whispered. "Just tell me you'll think about it, they'll come around once they find out you're back and half a few days to calm down."
Santana nodded after a few seconds. "Okay I'll think about it, but you have to promise you won't tell Rachel or Brittany about my heart or my mom until I decided to tell them. Okay?"
Quinn nodded softly, "Okay. But you have to do it soon."
"I will but Dylan and I need your help with something." Santana said seriously.
"Santana, I swear to god if you've killed someone I don't want to know." Quinn shook her head jokingly but the smirk disappeared when she saw the deadly serious expression on Santana's face. "Oh my god you have!"
Santana just rolled her eyes. "Don't be stupid. No I haven't killed anyone."
"Who's Dylan?" Quinn asked when she realised Santana had mentioned his name a few seconds ago.
"He's my friend from California." Santana explained to the blonde thinking nothing of it but Quinn couldn't help but feel slightly jealous that someone else had taken her spot in Santana's life. "Awe, is little Quinnie jealous?" she teased playfully causing the blonde to roll her eyes.
"No I am not jealous." Quinn mumbled very unconvincingly. "What do you need help with?" she asked trying to change the subject from her own little green monster.
"I have a plan but it's only going to work if you help me."
"Why do I not like the sound of this…?"
Quinn led Brittany, Rachel and Kristen into Vibez around 7:30 that night, the bar was packed full of customers and there was no empty tables. Brittany rolled her eyes and made her way over to the bar stools and ordered a coke instead of alcohol. "Why did you have to drag us here, Quinn? I wanted to stay in and just relax." Brittany moaned as the other blonde climbed up onto the stool next to her. "And why for the love of god is she here?" she tipped her head to the side in the direction of where Kristen was sitting with Rachel.
"Oh come on, B, have a little fun." She nudged the taller woman's shoulder with her own before taking a sip of her drink. "I don't want her hear either but Rachel was adamant on her coming. I'm sorry." Quinn began to tap her fingers on top of the bar impatiently, she could hear her heart bounding in her ear and the back of her neck and thighs were coated in sweat. She felt completely nauseated at the thought of the plan that Santana and Dylan had thought up, she wanted things to go well but she couldn't help but think that something bad was going to happen. Ugh, B's going to freak out.
"Hey, why didn't you answer your phone today? I was going to ask you if you wanted to come to work with me, you know to forget." Brittany muttered sadly into her drink.
"Um… I was busy, sorry." She lied quietly. She took another couple of sips of her drink and began to stare at the colourful lights and bottles that lined the back wall. Those bottles look pretty lethal if they were to be used as a weapon… oh god what if B freaks out and throws one at S… she wouldn't do that, would she?
"Quinn?" Brittany voice sounded hazy from inside of Quinn's head. "Hey, Quinn?" the taller blonde waved her hand in front of Quinn's eyes to get her attention. She shook her head from her haze and looked up to meet Brittany's blue orbs. "Why did you really bring us here?" Quinn frowned in confusion. "I know there's something you're not telling me…"
Quinn felt the blood rush from her face and suddenly the room began to spin; she gripped at the glass in her hand like it would anchor her to the ground. Lies and other random cover ups races through her mind and she desperately thought of something to say. She didn't want to ruin Santana's plan and ruin her chances at getting Brittany back so she picked up her drink and began to gulp down the clear liquid. When the glass was empty she stood up on slightly wobbly legs. "I'll be right back." She should've taken it easy on the alcohol. She stumbled toward the stage and pushed the door open that led behind it.
Quinn spotted Santana straight away; she was stood in the far corner of a large room filled with electrical equipment and stage lights and wires. Dylan was stood next to her; they both wore matching red outfits. Santana dress finished just above half way up her thigh and her black leather jacket hugged her curves perfectly. The blonde man was wearing black skinny jeans and a red button up shirt. But what caught Quinn's eyes was that they were both holding guitars, last time she checked Santana couldn't play a musical instrument…
"You must be Quinn." Dylan's voice broken the blonde's staring and her eyes flickered up to meet his piercing green ones. "I'm Dylan, nice to meet you." He held out his hand and she took it firmly in her own.
"You too." She said sincerely with a smile. Usually she wouldn't be so nice around strangers but there was something about Dylan that made her feel calm. "So are you guys nervous?" she looked around Dylan's body so that her eyes met Santana's.
The Latina was fidgeting in the corner. "So nervous." She ran her right hand through her hair and walked over to where the two blondes were standing. "Is she here?" she didn't need to elaborate for Quinn to know who 'she' was.
"Yeah she's here. But um… Kristen's here too…" Quinn explained as she rubbed at the back of her neck awkwardly. Santana's fake smile fell to reveal the completely panicked look that had formed on the Latina's face. It wasn't that performing in front of people scared Santana it was the whole trying to win Brittany back that frightened her and having Kristen here tonight made that ten times worse than it was a moment ago.
"I'm going to ask you something and I need you to answer me truthfully, Quinn." Santana said seriously. The blonde just nodded. "Are they dating or is there something going on between them that I should know about?"
Quinn froze. There was so much complicated stuff going on with Brittany and Kristen that she didn't know where to start. She could tell Santana about what happened in LA and potentially break the Latina's heart. She could tell her that it was just a silly but slightly obsessive crush that the brunette had on Brittany or she could tell her there was nothing at all and make everything easy. Quinn decided to go with the latter and hoped that she would have time to explain to Santana some other time the complicated things. "No, they're not together." she shook her head and gave the Latina the best smile she could muster. Santana frowned; she could tell that there was something that Quinn wasn't telling her. But before Santana had a chance to ask Quinn started walking back towards the door. "I'll see you in a couple of minutes." She crossed her two fingers and held it up to the pair that was standing nervously waiting to go on stage.
"Where've you been?" Brittany asked when she walked back up to the bar. Some dick head in a bright orange jacket had taken her seat so Quinn stood on the other side of her friend and sipped at a new drink.
"I had to use the bathroom." She lied but Brittany didn't seem to notice and just nodded. Brittany glared at Kristen from across the bar where she was sitting with Rachel. The Brunette hadn't stopped staring at Brittany's cleavage all night and frankly she was sick of it. Just as she was about to stand up and start screaming in the woman's face, static sounded through speakers around the room and a man's voice came from the stage.
"Hi, my names Dylan…" he paused for a slight second and let his eyes wander around the room. "This is to say sorry to someone very important in this room." He left it at that and looked down at the guitar in his hands as he began to strum at the strings. Brittany rolled her eyes and turned away from the stage. This was all she needed, someone moping about being sorry. Sometimes sorry isn't good enough. She thought bitterly to herself.
Brittany nearly choked on her drink as a voice that she hadn't heard in a year and clearly didn't belong to the man sounded through the room; she felt Quinn tense next to her and her eyes bore into the side of her own head.
I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burning in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.
She didn't want herself to turn around and see who she hoped to god was standing on that stage right now. She didn't want to turn around and see that she was going crazy and imagining things like all those other times she had thought she's heard or seen the woman she loved so, so much. That feeling that she had gotten in LA returned and her hands began to shake so much that her glass dropped to the floor by her side and shattered into a hundred little pieces.
So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.
Santana stared longingly at the back of Brittany's head. She was begging desperately for the blonde to turn around and let their eyes meet. Her own heart was pounding in her chest wildly and she knew that if she was still surviving off of that ICD she would probably be dead right now. She kept her mind split between singing, playing the guitar and staring at Brittany. She didn't falter even though she knew that Rachel and Kristen were glaring at her so harshly that she was sure they were burning holes into her soul.
These days I haven't been sleeping,
Staying up, playing back myself leavin'.
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized that I loved you in the fall.
And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye".
Brittany had screwed her eyes tightly shut, her hands were balled up into fists to tight that her knuckles were threatening to split her skin and blood was trickling from where her nails were cutting into her palms. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, after all this time, after so long of staring at the door and hoping that it would open and reveal Santana. She let her eyes flicker open and she knew that there were tears pouring from her eyes but she didn't do anything to wipe them away. Quinn nudged her from the side but the blonde wouldn't budge. "Don't make me turn round, Quinn." She muttered through gritted teeth. "Don't make me look at her."
So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.
Santana let all the emotion she was feeling for the blonde less than fifty feet away from her seep into her singing. She wanted to show Brittany that she was really sorry and that she was still in love with her. But she couldn't do that properly if Brittany didn't turn round and meet her eyes. She felt her legs begin to shake like jelly when she realised this was her only chance to do this right. She wanted her girl back and she was willing to do anything to make that happen.
I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile,
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night –
The first time you ever saw me cry.
Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.
I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.
Brittany finally let herself turn round but it was so slow it was almost unnoticeable. Her whole body was shaking with the silent sobs that were racking her body and her tears had soaked her chest and the top of her dress. She was pretty sure someone was stabbing her gut and stomach over and over because that's the feeling that she was getting now. She stared at Santana's heel clad feet at first but then slowly dragged her gaze up her perfectly tanned legs, thighs, stomach then her chest where she paused for a moment and then carried right on up to her face.
Her lips.
Her nose.
Her eyes.
Brittany's breath caught in her chest but then she released a high pitched whimper as their intense gaze's met. She felt her bottom lip quiver and even more tears poured from her eyes. The blonde didn't know what to feel. Anger? Sadness? Love? Happiness? Forgiveness? Relief? Maybe it was a mixture of all of them but all she wanted to do was run for the door and hide in her bed she wanted to be as far from Santana as she possibly could but instead of walking in the direction of the door she found her feet carrying her towards the stage.
But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December...
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.
All the time.
Santana let a gasp part through her lips when Brittany finally turned round. Her heart literally stooped in her chest and a shot a pain travelled through her body and caused her to flinch. Her eyes widened however, when Brittany started walking towards her. Her bright red cheeks and nose gave away that she was crying, her face was glistening with the salty tears and she could see they were dripping onto the woman's dress.
Brittany was staring up at her with so many different emotions, her face changed with each one but it was almost too quick to spot them. To anyone else they wouldn't have been noticeable but Santana could make out each one and knew that they were all silently screaming at her.
The song came to an end and Santana breathed in a shuddering breath. She hadn't realised she was crying herself until she reached her hand up to her soaked face. Her whole body was shaking but she didn't know what to do. She had planned everything up until this point, what did she say now? Dylan whispered a quiet 'thank you' into the microphone but Brittany and Santana were in their own little world to be able to hear the applause that was coming from all around the room.
The Latina jumped down off the stage and took a single step closer to the blonde. Santana gasped again when she finally got the chance to stare deep into those crystal blue orbs that she dreamt about every night. Those lips, oh how she had missed those lips. Her mind wandered back to the last time she ever saw them curl up into a sweet smile, the last time they had ever said those three heart-warming words that were 'I love you', the last time she had ever kissed them.
Santana watched as memories flickered through Brittany's mind too, her chest rose and fell quicker than it ever had before. She watched as pain and a million other emotions shone in the depths of her eyes. But then they snapped shut to cut off the staring and to shut off the connection between them.
Brittany took two blind steps closer and was now only a centre metre away from touching Santana. She could feel the Latina's breath on her tear soaked chest and goose bumps erupted all over her body. Santana must have dropped her guitar somewhere because now there was literally no space between them as she took her own step forward. Her chest was pressed against the blonde's and they seemed to be breathing in sync as they rose and fell in time with each other.
Brittany's mind was screaming at her for turn and run but her heart was telling her another and had begun to control her movements. Her hand lifted up to cup Santana's cheek and their eyes met. Both women stopped breathing completely.
Santana was about to open her mouth to say something when Brittany's lips came crashing down onto her own. The Latina felt like a nuclear bomb had just gone off in her head, sparks raced down her spine and her blood was boiling. Her face tingled where it came into contact with Brittany's and her knees were threatening to buckles beneath her. She moaned softly into the kiss, a kiss like she had never experienced before in her life. A kiss that reminded her so much of everything she'd always loved and everything she had missed since the day she had left. Santana clutched at the fabric of Brittany's dress as if she could float away of she let go and pulled their bodies impossibly closer. Distant memories flashed through her mind too quickly for her to focus on them but they were so strong that they felt so recent.
Brittany reluctantly pulled away, her mind was racing and her heart was pounding. She stared down into the chocolate brown orbs of Santana's eyes. Oh how she wanted to let herself get lost in them.
"Britt-Britt." Santana whispered. All it took was for Santana to say Brittany's name for everything to zap beck to reality for Brittany. All the pain from the last year came rushing back to her, the pain that Santana had caused. The tears began to fall again and she shook her head. Santana frowned in confusion as Brittany took a step back and flickered her eyes away from the Latina's, she couldn't look at her without wanting to kiss her and tell her how much she loved her but she knew she couldn't do that because she wasn't ready to forgive Santana yet.
"Sorry isn't enough." Brittany said firmly. The sound of her voice startled Santana but sent shivers down her spine nevertheless after not hearing it for so long. "It will never be enough." Santana reached out to hold Brittany hand but the blonde took another step back with a loud sob. "I'll see you around, Santana." She turned around and walked quickly away from the brunette leaving a bar full of people staring wide eyed at her.
Before Santana had a chance to run after Brittany and tell her how much she loved and needed her in her life there was a tanned fist flying at her face and the next thing Santana knew she was smashing into a table and falling to the floor on the other side of it, the room filled with shocked gasps and a few high pitched words that sounded like they came from Quinn. Rachel towered over her with a look of so much anger that she was almost unrecognisable. The Latina stared wide eyed up at the diva with a gaping mouth, there was a deep pounding in the side of her head but she couldn't understand what had just happened, something dripped onto her colar bone but she ignored it.
"Heart condition or not, I told myself that if I ever saw your face again I would beat the shit it out of your ass, Santana Lopez." Rachel didn't sound like Rachel and for the first time in her life Santana was scared of the tiny brunette. "You broke that woman. You broke her so bad and I don't think I can ever forgive you for that." Rachel picked up a pint of beer off the table next to her a poured it right onto Santana's stomach just to add to the dramatics. Santana internally rolled her eyes, hell she wouldn't have done it so Rachel could see in case she actually did get her ass beaten up by her. That would have just been embarrassing. "If you know what's best, you will stay away from Brittany."
The last thing Santana remembered was Quinn pushing a fuming Rachel out of the way and reaching out to place a finger on her head, it stung like a bitch and the brunette flinched away before her eyes flickered closed and everything went black.
Shout out to the amazing missyellowbrick! Thank you for making me smile like a complete idiot ;)