I'm sorry it's late, I hope you dont hate me. I've just been really busy with revision and I've started my job so I just haven't had time to write... Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter and dont hate me for the ending.
I wanted to get this up as soon as possible so I haven't checked for spelling mistakes or anything like that.
please review and love you all!
Chapter 32
Santana hated New York traffic, she always had and she was sure she always would. Back in California it wouldn't take you an hour for what usually would have been a ten minute drive, she didn't have to try and navigate her way around the bustling streets, there was no one to blear their car horn at her for cutting in front and there was barely ever traffic jams. She had just gotten her car back three days ago but no matter how much she had missed driving her baby around, she was already sick to death of it.
"Fucking move, you son of a bitch!" Santana screamed at the cab in front of her that was sitting at a green light, not moving. The guy behind the wheel just turned and stuck his finger up at the Latina before he began to drive annoyingly slow down the street. The brunette didn't think she could be in any more of a mood until a drop of rain landed on her windshield. "Oh god, please no." she begged as she hoped that it wouldn't start raining. She missed the sun, she missed it more than she thought she ever would and she couldn't help but look forward to go back there….
"Wow, what crawled up your ass and died?" Dylan asked from the passenger seat. He clung to the door handle for dear life with one hand and the other was wrapped around his seatbelt.
Santana snorted at his appearance and let a small smirk grace her face. "You look ridiculous… would you just calm down." She chuckled.
"Would you stop with the road rage? I would like to at least have had dinner before I die." he deadpanned and slowly relaxed back into his seat as they pulled up in front of the hotel.
Santana just rolled her eyes and climbed out of the car. "Oh please. Would you stop being such a drama queen? I swear to god, you're just as bad as Kurt." Dylan's jaw dropped and his hand came up to his heart as he feigned hurt. He'd heard enough about the other man to feel slightly insulted by her comment.
"I'm not that gay!" he gasped in a high pitched voice which completely ruined his argument.
"Of course not." Santana mused sarcastically as they made their way back up to the room. She couldn't wait just to lie down and do nothing at all, even though it hadn't been a busy day it had felt long and tiring. Santana and Dylan had spent the best part of their morning packing up all of her old clothes and some essentials from Brittany's 'new' room – which Santana was completely surprised to see that everything was mostly the same and unmoved – and put them in the back of her car ready to take back to California with them. Quinn had called when Rachel had gone to school and Brittany had gone to work so that there would be no arguments or potential fights.
But what came with the packing was the unexpected pain that had formed deep within her chest. Taping up those boxes was like shutting away a piece of herself the piece that kept her sane and alive, the one thing she had gone the past year without… Brittany. It was like she was finally giving up and moving on when she knew she wasn't ready, she knew she wanted nothing more than to be with the blonde but with the way things had gone lately she knew she didn't really have a choice.
Santana had done her part; she had tried to get Brittany back. She had apologised for what she had done and promised that nothing would ever happen like that again… clearly Brittany was just unwilling to try or she just didn't care anymore. Okay, so maybe Santana had been a little full on in the beginning, maybe the plan wasn't the best idea she'd ever had but at least she had tried. She had tried her damn hardest to get Brittany back and for the past week and a bit the blonde hadn't bothered to answer her calls, refused to meet her and refused to listen to anything Quinn had to say when she was trying to help. So if Brittany didn't want Santana back, what reason did Santana have to stay here?
Santana felt tears sting at her eyes at the thought of leaving Brittany alone after promising she wouldn't do it to her again. But it was killing Santana inside to see or hear people talk about Brittany and she knew she had to think about her own feelings as well.
"S…?" there was a quite knock on the bathroom door. "Are you okay? You've been in there for a while now…" Dylan's voice was soft and calming and the Latina couldn't stop the small smile from tugging at the corners of her lips. She was so lucky to have had someone like him in her life this past year; she didn't think she'd have been here now without him.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just give me a sec and we can leave." She called back as she wiped away the remnants of her tears and brushed off the invisible crumbs on her clothes.
Brittany lay on her side in Santana's bed. Her makeup was ruined thanks to the endless stream of tears that had for some unknown reason decided that they wouldn't end until she was utterly exhausted and dehydrated. She was staring intently at the pink envelope in her hands and hadn't once taken her eyes off of it in the last hour or so.
She'd come home to find Santana's wardrobe empty and a few of her things taken off the shelves along with some jewellery. She didn't know why she'd collapsed to the floor when she realised it meant that the Latina would be going home but the pain she felt was excruciating and almost unbearable. It was finally beginning to sink in that Santana was back and it was all too soon that she was leaving again. She immediately regretted not answering Santana's calls but there was something screaming at her in the back of her mind that she was just going to get hurt again. Brittany didn't think she could go through another year like this one.
Somehow she found herself curled up on her bed clutching the pink envelope in her hands for dear life. As soon as she'd seen her name on the front in the familiar handwriting the night Quinn had left it on the coffee table, she had been too scared to open it. It felt like the only thing left connecting her to Santana.
Don't be such a coward. Open it.
I don't know if I can…
Lift your hand and open it.
There's no need to be sarcastic.
What are you waiting for? You're being pathetic just open it.
Brittany snapped her hand up form where it was resting by her side and angrily tore away the seal on the envelope. Her tears were falling heavily now and she knew that nothing would stop them. She yanked out what looked to be a card and through the paper to the ground. Her breath caught in her chest and her grip visibly tightened around the card – a birthday card. On the front of it there was a cute looking teddy bear holding some rainbow coloured balloons with a 'happy birthday' banner behind it. Brittany traced her fingers across the bear before slowly opening the card.
Britt-Britt
Happy Birthday
I'm sorry it's late
Love, Santana
Xxx
A heart wrenching sob broke its way through Brittany's mouth as she read and reread the words; her fingers followed the pen lines of her name down to Santana's and then back up again but something caught her eye. Where the 'i's' had been dotted on her name, the first one seemed to be more of a squiggly line than a dot.
What is that?
Brittany narrowed her eyes as best as she could through her tears, they completely closed when she realised what it was.
She was going to draw a heart instead…
Did it get hot in here? I need some fresh air.
"Ugh. I need to get out of here." Santana pushed herself up off of the bed and began to walk towards the front door but she was stopped when a pale arm wrapped around her waist and stopped her. She let out a sigh and turned to face Quinn.
"Sit down, S." she ordered in that bitchy tone of hers. Santana knew better than to protest so she did as she was told and crossed her arms across her chest irritated by the two blonde's.
"You know, I'm really starting to regret letting you two meet." She huffed then turned to fully face Dylan. "I can't believe you didn't tell me. I can't believe he lied to me." she stood back up and waved her arms around as her anger began to boil back up. Dylan looked down guiltily at the folded paper in his hands before he lifted it up and offered it out to the Latina. She just shook her head and held up her hands. "I don't want it." she said for the fifth time since she discovered what Marco had slipped into Dylan's pocket the day they had left to come to New York.
"Sant-" the two blonde's started but she ignored them and walked over to the door.
"I'm going now." She muttered. Santana hoped that she would have time to clear her head, she'd just found out that her father had lied to her about getting rid of her bucket list and Dylan had kept it secret from her. She didn't know if she was hurt or just pissed at the two men for doing that to her. The Latina just needed to be alone to calm down.
"Wait, S!" Quinn called from behind her. Santana stopped in her tracks, closed her eyes and let out a long, heavy sigh of exasperation. When she knew they had both caught up to her she began to walk again. "Where are we going?"
"Central Park."
"Why?"
"I've never been there in the summer time." Santana explained simply with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders. Quinn and Dylan seemed to think that was a good enough reason and escorted her down to the lobby and out of the building.
Santana still hated New York traffic.
They were walking and she still hated it. It was loud and annoying. The drivers were carless and ignorant. And it was raining. Again.
"You couldn't have brought an umbrella? I'm fucking soaked now and don't you dare start thinking dirty thoughts, Fabrey. I know what goes on in that sick mind of yours." the Latina grumbled as they made their way over to a huge tree that she hoped would shield them from most of the rain. She leaned against the trunk before sinking to the ground lazily and began to stare at nothing in particular.
"Because you rushed off without waiting for us." Quinn muttered. She was more than ecstatic that Santana was back and weirdly enough the fact that Santana's bitchy personality hadn't changed made her even happier. "And what do you mean 'sick mind'? I am not dirty minded, Lopez." She replied in the same bitchy tone as Santana had spoken to her in.
Santana couldn't stop the beaming smile from forming in her face. She really had missed bickering with Quinn, don't get her wrong, she bickered with Dylan all the time but it wasn't the same… he didn't understand her personality as good as Quinn did. "You are." She said surely before she turned away from the two blondes and wrapped her arms around her legs so that she was curled up into a ball.
Quinn rolled her eyes but smirked in Santana's direction - even though the Latina couldn't see her – and tilted her head to look at the man that was sitting next to with an amused smile on his face at what he had just witnessed. Santana had told him that she and Quinn had a strange relationship and now he knew what she meant. The blonde held out her hand to Dylan and nodded her head towards the list in his pocket. He awkwardly pulled it out thanks to the way he was sitting and handed it over. "Thank you." She said with a smile. At the sound of Quinn talk Santana turned to face her friends to see what was going on.
"What're you doing with that?" she asked curiously. She didn't know whether or not to be nervous about the fact that she'd never let Quinn look at the list before.
"We might as well do something while we're here." She shrugged and pulled a pen out of her bag. "Let's see… you've been to the beach right?" she asked.
Santana reluctantly nodded. She didn't want to be doing this anymore, she didn't need anything to take her mind off of the fact that she was dying. "Okay, so we can cross that off." She placed a cross next to that one. "How about the flying one?" Again, Santana nodded but a scoff came from behind them.
"I doubt you 'overcame' you fears. You were a wreck the whole way here." Dylan sniggered but abruptly stopped when Santana jabbed him hard in his stomach. "Ow."
"Okay, I'll cross that one off too."
My bucket list:
- Climb a tree
- Learn how to skim a stone
- Spend Christmas with my best friends (x)
- Spend New Year's Even in New York (x)
- Have a snow ball fight in Central Park (x)
- Overcome my fears of flying on planes (x)
- Read a book
- Go to the beach (x)
- Bake a cake for Britt's birthday (x)
- Wish on a shooting star (x)
- Go skinny dipping
- Kiss in the rain
- Have a picnic under the stars (x)
- Fall in love (x)
- Get married
Santana rolled her eyes and went to grab the paper from the blondes hands but she pulled back just in time. "Ah ah ahh." She wagged her index finger from side to side like the Latina was a three year old or something. "Come on, S. You might as well." Quinn shrugged and stood up.
"Where're we going?" Santana grunted as she used the woman's leg to help herself up.
"Well, I'm not kissing you in the rain." Santana felt her face burn and grow read. "We're not going skinny dipping. It's too cold for that." Quinn chuckled to herself but Santana began to mumble angry Spanish words under her breath as she contemplated punching Quinn in the face or throwing her in the lake… she decided Quinn would just find something worse to do back so she decided to try and hide the furious red blush that was covering her face. "I don't have a book with me but I can let you borrow one later…" Quinn said as she trailed her finger up the piece of paper before she stopped at one with a devious smile on her face that caused a sickly feeling to form in Santana's stomach.
"Quinn…?" She asked carefully. She didn't know whether to run and hide or to try and act like she was terrified by the unknown thoughts running through the blonde's mind.
Quinn turned to peer up at the huge tree they were standing beneath and slowly turned back to face Santana. "Climb the tree." She said eagerly.
The Latina's jaw dropped and her eyes bugged. "No. No way." she shook her head so hard that she could feel her brain bouncing of the sides of her skull.
Dylan snorted form her side and she turned to glare at him but he kept on smirking down at her. "Are you scared, S?"
She crossed her arms over her chest defensively. She knew what they were trying to do and she wasn't going to fall for it. "No."
"Then climb." Quinn chipped in as she pointed up to a low hanging branch that was low enough for Santana to reach if Dylan and Quinn helped her up.
"No. It all wet and slippery and its high." She shrugged and began to walk away.
"I'll tell B about your heart if you don't." Quinn called knowing full well that it would get to Santana.
"You wouldn't." the Latina slowly turned to scowl at the blonde who was standing with her arms crossed and a triumphant smile on her face.
"Oh I would. So if I were you, I'd get your sweet ass up that tree before I call her and tell her the good news."
Santana knew what Quinn looked like when she was bluffing. She would always get a twitch in the corner of her eye and right now, that twitch wasn't there. "Ugh, you're such a bitch, Fabrey."
"You love me really."
Santana shook her head and rolled up her seat. "Are you going to help me up?" Dylan and Quinn rushed to her sides and crouched down to hold her legs and hoisted her up to the branch. She wrapped her arms around the rough bark, the splintered wood scraped against her skin as she pull her leg up to wrap around it so her whole body was straddling the branch. "I did it!" she beamed down at the two blondes.
"You can come down now." Quinn chuckled. "That wasn't so hard was it?" Santana smiled and looked higher up into the tree.
"I'm okay here." All the nervousness from before had completely vanished and she was now feeling brave enough to go higher. "I'm going to go higher; can you see a branch I can grab onto?"
Dylan pointed out a couple in the Latina's reach but Quinn frowned. "Are you sure, S? It looks a lot higher from down here."
"Now who's scared." She chuckled down at the blonde before she reached up and began to climb further and further up into the tree until she was at least ten feet higher than she had originally been before.
"S, I think you should come down now…"
"It's stopped raining!" Santana called down with another huge smile on her face. "I can see our hotel, Dylan." She began to giggle but suddenly her foot slipped on a wet branch and her whole body jerked. Her arms flailed out wildly and she clutched at the nearest branch she could.
"Santana!" Quinn screamed. "Oh my god, are you okay?"
"I'm… I'm fine…" the Latina stuttered out breathlessly. Her heart was racing and she was pretty sure she had almost wet herself. "I… I think I'm going to come down now."
"Good idea." The two blondes called up at the same time.
Santana looked down to find a place to put her feet but when she finally realised how far up she was her whole froze. The ground seemed to blur and spin, bile began to climb up her throat and she had to gulp to keep it from spraying her friends beneath her. "I can't move…" she muttered to herself but it was loud enough for Quinn to hear.
"It's okay, Santana. Just take it one step at a time and don't look down." She shouted her own heart was racing in her chest.
"No… I can't move." Santana had wrapped her arms tightly around the branch she was sitting on and her eyes were clenched tightly shut, she wouldn't move anywhere even if she could.
"You need to climb up there and help her." Quinn ordered.
"Me? I can't go up there. I'm afraid of heights!"
"You didn't think to mention this before?" she asked ludicrously.
"I didn't think she'd do it!"
"Ugh, well I can't climb up there." She pulled out her phone. "I'm going to call the fire brigade." She explained. Dylan nodded and began to shout words of encouragement up at the Latina, but just as Quinn were about to press the call button she recognised someone jogging towards them and immediately relaxed. "Oh thank god." She sighed and ran to meet the dancer halfway.
"Quinn? What are you doing here?" Brittany asked as she pulled out her head phones. Beads of sweat dripped from her body and soaked the top of her t-shirt. "Why are you so pale? Have you been sick? Did someone die…?"
"B! Shut up and listen will you?" she yelled. "Santana is stuck at the top of that tree and she can't get down."
Brittany's own face immediately turned white. "Why is she up a tree? She hates heights. I had to help her down of the top of my dad's car once…" she trailed off when she realised how high Santana had actually gotten. "Wow…"
"We were trying to cross things off of her list." Dylan explained. Brittany nodded in understanding and handed him her iPod.
"So neither of you had the balls to help her down then?" the tone of her voice suggested that she was slightly annoyed but not by the fact that she had to help Santana but by the fact that these two people had let her get into danger like that. Quinn and Dylan shuck their heads in sync. "She could seriously get hurt you know that?" Brittany snapped. "Especially with her heart, what were you thinking?" at her own words, a rush of gory images rushed into Brittany's head and she quickly sprang into action.
She was tall enough to reach the branch herself so all she needed to do was take a run at the tree and jump. She swung her body round and hoisted herself up and began to climb towards a frozen Santana. Brittany felt her heart break at the sight of the woman and all she wanted to do was hold her and tell her that she was safe.
As she got closer she could hear the quite whimpers and sobs and realised that Santana was so scared that she had begun to cry. Brittany took a deep breath before climbing the final three feet to reach the Latina. "San?" she asked softly and reached out to place her hand on Santana's shoulder.
Santana let out a louder whimper. "I'm dead aren't I." she whispered into the branch she was clinging for her life to, her mind was flashing back to the time she had been rushed into hospital when they got back from Lima and how she thought she had been dead then… she still didn't have an answer for that, maybe she had died but she hoped to god that wasn't what it would be like when she really died… she would be so lonely if she were left with her own thoughts and no Brittany. "I mean I must be if you're here…" she didn't risk opening her eyes just in case she saw the ground and threw up everywhere. "I think I've been dead before. This doesn't feel like it did then-"
"San, you're not dead. You're safe; I'm going to help you down okay. Please just open your eyes and look at me." Brittany pleaded as she tried to pry the brunette's hands away from the branch but it only caused Santana's grip to tighten. Brittany sighed and leaned in closer so that she could whisper into Santana's ear. "Trust me."
Santana shivered at how close she knew Brittany was. Her heart had begun to race ten times as fast as it had been moment before and she was pretty sure she was starting to feel slightly turned on by the way Brittany's breath felt against her skin. Really? In a time like this? Santana shook her head and slowly let her eyes flicker open. At first she was met with the mossy, brown bark of the tree but then she turned her head – Her arms still locked around the branch – to face Brittany. Her breath caught in her throat as her eyes met the sparkling blue of Brittany's.
"I… I… can't move." She stuttered out.
"You have to try, please." Brittany begged.
"No, really… I can't move them." She looked down to her legs to see that they were shaking so badly that if she even tried to take a step she would slip and probably end up snapping her neck. Brittany looked down and then back up to Santana as she thought about what she would do next.
"Do you trust me?" she asked softly, almost inaudibly.
"With my life." Santana replied causing both girls' hearts to break and grown in size at the same time. Brittany nodded before she took a tiny step closer and wrapped her arm around Santana's waist and pulled their bodies flushed together. "What… what are you doing?" Her senses were overwhelmed by Brittany's perfume and the smell of her sweat, she almost began to cry at the familiarity of it but she hated that it had been so long since she'd smelled it.
"I want you to wrap your arms around my neck." Santana's legs almost gave way then and there but she did as she was told. "Is it okay if I lift you up?" Santana's eyes widened in panic as she glimpsed down at the ground, her eyes snapped shut and her whole body tensed up again.
"I can't, I'm going to fall." Her voice was shaking with the panic that was racing through her body.
"No you're not, San, look at me." Santana didn't move. "Santana, please." Brittany pleaded more firmly this time and the Latina finally opened her eyes to meet Brittany's. "Would I let you fall?" it was more of a rhetorical question than anything else but Santana found herself shaking her head. "Just hold on tight, I promise I've got you." Santana nodded and tightened her grip as Brittany carefully lifted her body and wrapped her legs around her waist. Electricity shot through her body and she let out a soft gasp. "I've got you." Brittany reassured her but that didn't stop a whimper from breaking through Santana's mouth and a stream of tears began to pour from her eyes, not because she was scared but because she was so close to Brittany, she was touching Brittany, she was smelling Brittany and it all felt so familiar and yet so foreign at the same time.
Brittany hated seeing Santana look so broken and helpless, it wasn't right; it didn't match the Latina's fiery personality.
"Don't let me fall." She sobbed as the blonde began to climb down the tree; Santana buried her face impossibly deeper into the crook of the blonde's neck. "Don't let me fall, Britt-Britt." She breathed in the woman's sent deeply until it was the only thing she knew.
"I'd never let you fall, you know that." Brittany whispered softly, her lips grazed against the skin of Santana's neck and the Latina unconsciously tightened her grip. "But I'm going to have to put you down, okay?"
"No, I'm going to fall." Santana began to sob harder and shook her head furiously. "I don't want to let you go…" Brittany bit her lips to hold back her own sob. You let me go a long time ago. She thought sadly to herself before she loosened her grip. But that only caused Santana to whimper in panic and frantically cling to her ex-girlfriend. Brittany looked over Santana's shoulder to the two blondes who were watching with pain filled eyes, she silently pleaded with them to help her or do something.
"S? You're on the ground now." Quinn's voice caused Santana to snap her head away from Brittany and she looked up in surprise. Quinn stumbled back slightly away from Santana who looked like she was ready to snap at anyone of the blondes that were watching her. The Latina blinked a few times and slowly turned back to face the woman who had just saved her. Her eyes immediately clouded over with tears and her breath began to come out ragged again. She wanted to stay in this position for as long as she could and never let go, so she tightened the grip her legs had around the blonde and balled her fists around the fabric of Brittany's top.
Brittany didn't move. She was too busy getting lost in the Latina's eyes and every other feature of Santana's face that she had only been able to see properly in dreams for the past year. She noted all the changes she could find, the amber swirls that were mixed in with the dark - almost black – brown of her eyes, how her skin looked slightly darker with the sun she had most likely been soaking up while she lived in California; her hair seemed to be a lighter shade too…
"You're okay, Santana." Dylan tried to calm the Latina. "You're out of the tree." He said softly.
At the man's words Santana seemed to click out of her internal freak out and managed to form words in her mouth. "Thank you." She whispered softly to the woman who was still holding her up off the ground. Her breath trickled over the blonde's face and caused Brittany's eyes to flicker shut at the memories that invaded her mind. She wanted to open her mouth to say that she would always be there to help Santana when she needed it, she wanted to tell her that she wouldn't let her leave her again but nothing seemed to be working in her head. Santana had turned her brain to much but surprisingly, Brittany liked it.
Santana never thought she would be so pissed off to hear someone clearing their throat. But when she heard it her whole body tensed up again the blonde's arms. She wanted to launch herself at Quinn for ruining this moment, he wanted to scream and say it wasn't fair but she also knew that she had probably lost track of time and had probably been staring at the woman for more than a couple of innocent seconds. Santana released her grip and dropped to the ground.
Brittany dropped her eyes to her feet as a deep red blush erupted across her face. She was supposed to be angry with the Latina for leaving her but what she had just don't kind of ruined the whole 'holding and grudge' thing. She took a couple of steps back so that everything about Santana wasn't invading her senses and willed her heart to calm down, she knew she needed to be as far away from the Latina as she possibly could get if she wanted that to happen. She cleared her throat, "I… I better get going…" she stuttered out as she began to retreat further and further away from Santana and the two blondes. "I have something to do…"
Hearing Brittany say that and implying that she wanted to get away felt like a punch in the face to Santana. She wanted to run after Brittany and tell her to stay; she wanted to stop the blonde from leaving. But there was that nagging feeling in the back of her mind that she got every time she thought about telling Brittany about her, about her heart and everything else messed up in her life. She just couldn't do it.
"What are you doing?" Dylan stage whispered. "Tell her! Go after her and tell her." eh ordered but she just shook her head dejectedly. Santana pulled her eyes away from the ground and watched the blonde's retreating form as she jogged down the pathway in the direction she had just come from. Let her go.
Just as Santana was about to start walking off in the other direction she was stopped for what was probably the third time that day by Quinn's hand around her waist. "You need to start talking."
Santana sup round with a cold glare. "I don't have to do anything." She snapped. She felt a bubbled of scorching hot angry sizzle its way up her body. Quinn and Dylan had just made her climb a very high tree - they knew she was afraid of heights – which she got stuck at the top at and neither of them had bothered to rescue her. Excuse her if he wasn't feeling just a little pissed off with them. "Thanks for helping me down by the way." she stormed off down the path in an angry fit of rage. Dylan and Quinn were quick to follow her though even though they were feeling incredibly guilty about what had just happened. Before either of the blonde's had a chance to apologise she started talking. "You have no idea how hard it is for me to see her after so long. You have no idea how much I regret leaving her and hurting her!" she had stopped dead in her tracks now, her chest was heaving and her arms were waving around above her head.
"Santana-" Dylan started only to be cut off by Quinn.
"What about me?" she snapped. The blonde had gotten sick of the Latina moaning about Brittany when she wasn't even doing anything to help the situation. "Did you completely forget about me when you fucked of to California? You were like my sister Santana and you just left." Her voice broke on the last word and a tear escaped from her eye.
"Of course I didn't forget about you!" Santana screeched her anger now changed from being aimed at the two blondes to be aimed at Quinn for ever thinking such a ludicrous thought. "You think I could ever forget you? When you were the closest thing to a family I had during high school when my parents didn't give a shit about me? I love you just as much as I love Brittany. You're my best friend."
Dylan stared with wide eyes and his mouth gaping. He had never seen Santana scream at anyone else but him and it shocked him to see that it was Quinn. He wanted to stand in between the two women in case one of them pounced and tore at the others throat but something told him that this was natural for these two to lose it with each other.
Quinn wanted to scream about how it didn't look like she needed a best friend since Santana now had Dylan she wanted to scream about how the Latina wouldn't have even missed her while she was away because of the new best friends she had in her life. But instead of screaming, she didn't what neither Santana nor Dylan expected her to do. She walked over to the other woman, pulled her into her own body and began to cry. No, not cry it was more of a hysterical sob than anything else.
Santana's eyes widened in surprise as she wrapped her own arms around Quinn and cooed softly into her ear just like Brittany had a few minutes earlier. "You're always going to be my best friend, Quinn. I'm sorry that I left and I'm sorry that I haven't made up for that… I'm just scared." The blonde sighed sadly into the crook of Santana's neck and nodded that she understood. "I'm scared that I'm going to do something to mess everything up again and I'll end up hurting you all." She explained. Quinn pulled away and wiped away the tears from her cheeks. She knew there was something else she wasn't telling her and she knew it most likely had something to do with Brittany.
"Why won't you tell Brittany about your heart? You had the perfect chance to do it then but you didn't." Quinn enquired after a few seconds.
Dylan shook his head in disbelief. They had just been screaming at each other, now they were hugging like best friends again. To say he didn't understand women was probably an understatement and probably explained why he was gay. He shook his head once more and began walking down the path back in the direction of the hotel, the two women followed behind.
Santana didn't know how to answer, she could tell Quinn the reason she had been telling herself and Dylan for the past week and a half or she could tell the blonde the real reason, the one she was keeping to the back of her mind because she was too scared to admit it in case it was true. She decided to tell her the first reason. "I don't want to overwhelm her. She's had a lot to take in and-"
"Bullshit." Quinn interrupted.
"Excuse me?" Santana asked slightly flustered.
"We both know that's a lie. I've known you since we were six, I know when you're lying, Santana Lopez." She was using her queen bitch tone and for some reason it was getting to Santana.
"I'm not ly-"
"Yes you are, and you're only lying to yourself if you carry on." Quinn deadpanned. She crossed her arms over her chest to prove that she wasn't going to back down anytime soon which caused Santana to roll her eyes and sigh. "You coming back here will all have been for nothing if you don't tell her, S." and Santana knew she was right.
"Ugh! I'm not just scared about hurting you guys. I'm terrified about hurting myself or getting hurt. I can't handle my heart being broken again. I had Dylan to help me through it the first time but that might not be enough this time." She exclaimed.
Quinn's brow furrowed in confusion. "Why would you get hurt?" she asked cautiously.
"I don't want her to reject me when I tell her that I have a new heart." She muttered almost inaudibly. "I'm scared in case the only reason she has ever been with me is because she thought she had to look after me or she felt sorry that I was dying." At the Latina's words both blondes came to an abrupt halt but Santana carried on walking. She walked right into Dylan's back with a humph. "What happens when I tell her and she doesn't want to be with me anymore?"
Quinn stared at Santana like she was completely insane, she wanted to laugh at how stupid the Latina was being but she knew that Santana was being deadly serious and her own heart broke at the thought of Santana being so scared.
"That is the craziest thing I have ever heard." Dylan's voice broke through the intense silence. Santana snapped her head round like she was ready to attack the man but he quickly jumped to explain himself. "She is so clearly in love with you, Santana. Heart condition or not, I don't even know her and I can see perfectly well that she is madly in love with you." Santana wanted to believe that was true but that nagging feeling was still in the back of her mind.
"You're being completely ridiculous. When has Brittany ever given you reason to doubt her being with you? She was the one who wanted to be with you, remember? She fought for you even though she risked getting her heart broken. She didn't care because all that mattered to her was you." Quinn said as she grabbed Santana's arms so they were facing each other directly. The Latina looked up into sure and honest eyes and thought that maybe… just maybe she was being stupid; maybe she was being crazy and completely ridiculous. Perhaps going through so much in the past year had completely fucked with her brain and turned it to mush. And maybe they were right.
Dylan knew that Santana would probably need some time to actually think this over for a little while so he didn't say anything else about the subject. "Come on, let's head back, I'm starving." He pointed in front of him and waited for the two women to start following who were now mumbling that they wanted to go to a bakery… he rolled his eyes. Fucking women.
"I have blueberry muffins!" Dylan cheered as he walked into the hotel room where Santana and Quinn were lying sprawled out across the bed. He shook off his soaking wet hoodie and walked further into the room.
"Don't feel like muffins." The Latina grumbled. An adorable pout formed on Dylan's face.
"How about lemon cupcakes?" he asked as he rummaged through the plastic bags he was holding either side of his body.
"I don't like lemons…" Quinn grumbled as she buried herself deeper into the bed sheets.
The man sighed and rolled his eyes. "Ginger nuts?" he asked as a final resort.
"You do know that everything you just said sounded incredibly gay?" Santana deadpanned as Quinn chuckled into the pillow as she slapped the other woman playfully.
"I give up! I hate women. There is no pleasing them!" he dropped the bags and sighed out exasperatedly as he dropped himself to the bed. "You just made me go all the way to the bakery in the pouring rain!"
Santana and Quinn's laughter only grew louder as the man kept talking. After five straight minutes of ranting about how Dylan would never befriend another woman in his life he rolled off of the bed and walked over to the door.
"Where are you going?" Santana asked curiously.
"You're going to ask me to get you something else to eat so hurry up before I leave and only get myself something." He ordered.
"Raspberry ice cream." The two women said in unison, Dylan just rolled his eyes and left.
"I can't believe you're leaving in three days…" Quinn said after a few moments, she shuffled across the bed so that she was curled up against Santana's side. "It feels like you just got here." She pouted and wrapped her arm around the Latina's.
"I know! It's gone past so quickly. I don't want to go back." She sighed and turned to face Quinn with sad eyes.
"Then don't, I know I've said this already but why don't you just stay? You can move back in with us or if worse comes to worse I can help you get a new place and-" Quinn was silenced when Santana lifted her hand and covered the blonde's mouth.
"I can't, you know that. I'm sorry I have to leave you all again but I promise I will be back and we'll stay in touch."
Quinn turned onto her back and bit back the tears that were threatening to spill over. "I don't want to 'stay in touch', Santana. I want my best friend back like things used to be."
"I'm still going to be your best friend, Q. I always will be, okay? I just can't leave my father right now, he's not been coping very well since the funeral and I just want to be there for him for a little while longer." Santana explained. She laced her fingers with the blondes. "I'll come back as much as I can, I promise you."
Quinn nodded even though she knew that Santana was making a promise she couldn't keep.
"I'm not leaving you guys again."
The door to the hotel room opened before Quinn had a chance to answer and Dylan walked in holding another bag in his hands. "Quinn, I ran into Rachel on her way home, I don't think I've heard someone so small you so many big words in a single sentence before… I'm not quite sure what she was talking about but what I did catch was that they want us all to go to Vibez tomorrow night." He explained. Santana smirked because she'd been thinking that about the diva ever since they first met.
"That's Rachel for you." Quinn chuckled and sat up on the bed. "Why does she want us all to be there?" she asked. Santana and Dylan weren't exactly her favourite people right now and the fact that she had even spoken to Dylan was surprising.
"She said something about wanting us all on good terms before S and I go back." He explained with a shrug as he pulled a tub of raspberry ice cream out of the bag.
"I better get going." Quinn said as she jumped up off the bed and headed towards the door. "I'll have to help those two make tea unless they'll burn the kitchen down again…" she trailed off as she hugged Santana goodbye.
"Again?" Santana asked with a raised eyebrow, she hated to imagine Brittany in danger like that.
"Don't ask." Quinn chuckled. "I'll see you guys tomorrow night." Dylan and Santana nodded and said their own goodbyes before Quinn left.
Dylan began to grumble and stop around the room as soon as the door was closed. Santana watched on in amusement for a few moments before she asked him what was wrong. He spun round to face her so fast the she flinched and fell backwards off her bed. "Ow." She grumbled.
"Oh god, are you okay?" he asked in a gay fluster as he rushed over to her side to help her up.
"I'm good." She chuckled as she dusted off her clothes and sat back down on the bed. "What were you grumbling about just then?"
The blonde rolled his eyes and pulled out three tubs of raspberry ice cream. "She left without taking her tub." He pouted seriously as he began to eat his own. Santana took one glance at the man before bursting into a fit of giggled. "What?" he asked innocently.
"You're pathetic." She joked as she dodged some of his punches. "You punch like a girl." She teased and held her hands out in front of her like a boxer. "Bring it on, bitch."
Dylan picked up one of the pillows threw it hard at Santana and watched as it slammed into her face. "You catch like a girl."
"Shut up." She grumbled and sat back down on the bed to eat her ice cream. "I wasn't ready."
"That's what they all say."
The music in the bar was loud. Not just loud as in loud enough that you have to shout but loud as in eardrum exploding loud. Santana brought her hands up to cover her own ears as they wound their way further into Vibez to where she thought the three women they were supposed to be meat would be sat. As the Latina looked around she began to notice more and more changes. She hadn't noticed them the last time she was here because she had been so nervous about singing and seeing Brittany for the first time in a year but now she took in everything, the different coloured walls, the different furniture, lights, floor, bar area and even the drinks. Everything had changed, but before she had a chance to think any more about it, she was being pulled into a hug by Quinn.
"Ugh, I can't breathe, Fabrey." She chuckled into Quinn's shoulder but made no move to pull out of the blonde's embrace.
"We ordered drinks already." Quinn said as she pulled away and ushered Santana and Dylan towards the table in the far corner where Brittany and Rachel were already sitting. The Latina felt her breath catch in her through at the sight of the blonde sipping at her drink. Her mouth went dry and a deep flush climbed up her cheeks at the memories of the previous day's events came rushing into her head. She didn't have time to turn and run however, because Brittany's head shot up when Rachel muttered something into her ear and watched as everyone walked over to their table.
"Hi." Rachel offered as politely as she could, she pushed over two beers and Dylan took one but Santana just stared at the other cautiously, she wasn't aloud alcohol.
Quinn turned and glared at Rachel. "What's wrong with you? You said you would be nice." She snapped and pulled the bottle out of Santana's reach and replaced it with a diet coke.
"I forgot, sorry, Santana." Rachel ducked her head and actually looked guilty which made Santana think that she actually had forgotten or she was just embarrassed about being told off in front of everyone.
"It's okay." Santana muttered sheepishly as she began to take a sip of her drink. The group sank into an awkward silence. Dylan began to tap his two front teeth on the neck of his bottle, Quinn's eyes were wandering around the room, Brittany and Rachel were staring at their hands that were wrapped around their own drinks and Santana gulped down her drink. The Latina couldn't help but feel slightly guilty for ruining this for everyone, if she hadn't left last year they would all be laughing and having fun but because she fucked up they were left in a cringing awkward silence.
"So, Santana?" Rachel asked from across the table causing everyone's heads to shoot up. "What do you do now?" she asked curiously.
"What do I do?" Santana didn't know what Rachel was asking. The Latina did a lot of stuff, eat, sleep, breath… you know the usual so if the diva was expecting an answer she would have to be more specific.
"You know, what's your job?" she explained, a hint of a smile forming on her lips. Santana's eyes flickered over to Brittany who had yet to say anything to anyone; she was just sat there listening to what Rachel and Santana were sating.
"I'm a photographer with Dylan." A surprised expression formed on all three of the women sitting at the table.
"Really?" It was the first time Brittany spoke and for a second it rendered Santana speechless. Her mouth opened and closed until she found the right words she was looking for.
"Yes. His dad owns a studio so we all work together." Santana tried not to stare into the blondes eyes for too long but she found that every time she looked away her eyes would gravitate back towards the bright blue orbs
"That's really cool." Brittany practically whispered. She held Santana's gaze.
"Thanks, I really enjoy it." the smile that formed on Santana's face was contagious as an identical one formed on Brittany's face at the sight of seeing Santana so happy with what she was doing with her life.
"She's really good at it as well." Dylan jumped in. "I don't know how she does it but she manages to take some really good pictures." He nudged her with his shoulder; she ducked her head to hide the blush that was forming on her face.
"You should show us some of your work." Quinn asked cautiously, she didn't know whether or not Santana liked to share her photos. After all this was the first she had heard of Santana's job and she'd spent pretty much every day with the Latina.
A shy smile formed on Santana's lips. "I would love for you guys to see them." Her eyes were still glued to Brittany when she spoke. "But I didn't bring my camera so I can send you them when I get home."
A confused frown formed on Brittany's face at Santana's words. Did she just say when she gets home? She's leaving again? The blonde looked around at everyone's faces and the only other person who was confused about what the Latina had just said was Rachel… that meant Quinn already knew. "You're leaving again?" Brittany didn't even try to keep the pain out of her voice.
Santana flinched as she realised she'd slipped up. Maybe she should have told Brittany sooner or at least let her down gently. Instead of saying anything else she just nodded sadly.
"When?" It wasn't like she expected things to go back to normal but she definitely hadn't expected to lose Santana again so soon. In fact, she hadn't expected to lose the Latina at all.
"Tomorrow's our last day here." Dylan said when Santana refused to answer, she kept her eyes glued to her hands and tried to hold back the tears.
Brittany flinched and began to shuffle awkwardly in her seat as she let the man's words sink in. She tried to ignore the feeling in her chest, she knew her heart was breaking all over again and she couldn't let Santana see that happen. "Excuse me for a moment." She pushed out her chair and hurried over to the bar ignoring Santana's apologies that were being called after her.
Santana groaned and was about to stand up when Rachel spoke, "Leave her. Just give her some time." She said softly. Santana was surprised to hear no traces of anger what so ever in the diva's voice.
"You're not angry with me?" she asked as she pushed her chair back under the table.
Rachel just shook her head. "No, it wasn't like I was expecting you to stay for good." Santana didn't know whether she felt offended by the brunette's explanation. "I mean, we're not the only people in your life anymore. You have family and friends back in California; we can't just expect you to up and leave to move back here." Santana sighed, she'd finally found someone who understood her situation and how complicated things were. "But I think you should have told Brittany that."
"I should have done a lot of things differently." She muttered. Rachel offered her a sad smile from across the table. She was finally beginning to forgive Santana for leaving, it wasn't right holding a grudge against the woman for trying to protect her loved ones, but she just could have done a better job at doing so.
"Jack Daniel's." Brittany mumbled to the guy behind the bar. She needed to numb the pain that was increasing in her chest. She felt something wet land on the top of her hand and looked down to realise it was a tear. "Fuck sake." She muttered through a half sob have sigh and she wiped at her face and most likely ruining her makeup. She reached out and downed the whiskey in two long gulps before ordering another. This was a mistake and she knew it, she'd done so well at keeping sober and she was about to go and ruin that by getting drunk because of something she had no power over. She wouldn't call herself and alcoholic exactly, it wasn't like she used to have it for breakfast and dinner, she'd have food with it too. And it wasn't like she was drunk ever second of every minute of every day… who was she kidding she had been a wreck for those first six months; she could barely remember any of it. She'd used alcohol as a way of numbing the pain Santana had caused and as soon as she was getting back on track the Latina came back and here Brittany was again.
"Is this seat taken?" a deep voice she'd only come to learn came from the space beside her. Brittany turned to meet those piercing green eyes.
"Go ahead." She mumbled into her glass as she emptied the liquid and ordered her third glass.
"I don't think we've been properly introduced, I'm Dylan." He extended his hand out to the blonde who stared at it for a moment before she finally took it.
"Nice to meet you." She mumbled and turned back to face her drink.
"It's nice to finally meet you; I've heard so many good things about you I just couldn't wait to finally see you." Dylan gushed but Brittany just rolled her eyes and scoffed.
"Whatever." She would never usually be this rude to someone as nice as Dylan but the mixture of alcohol and the emotions she was feeling were beginning to take their toll on her.
"Marco is very fond of you as well." He said when he realised that talking about Santana was a touchy subject right now.
This caught the blonde's attention. "Really?"
Dylan nodded with a smile, "He really likes you, told me lots of story's about you Santana and little Anton." He smirked.
Brittany's eyes lightened at the mention of Santana's baby cousin. She hadn't seen him in over two years. "He's adorable." She mused with a smirk.
"He is." The man agreed. "He and Santana get on really well."
"They always have, she's always been closer to Marco's family rather than her mother's." A scowl formed on the blonde's face as she remembered the way Santana's mother had treated her and the rest of her mother's family. "Marco's a good man."
Dylan realised that Brittany had no way of knowing that Santana's mother had died six months ago. No one had told her but he wouldn't be the one to do so, it was up to Santana to tell her. She had up until tomorrow to do so but it was her choice if she wanted to tell Brittany. Deciding that this was an awkward subject for him to talk about he decided to talk about something else. "So you live with Quinn and Rachel?" he asked already knowing the answer.
"Yeah, we've all been best friends since high school."
"I think I remember S telling me about that. It was just you Quinn and her at first right?" Brittany nodded.
"Yeah, then Rachel joined us in senior year when she started dating Quinn." Dylan didn't say anything, he just sat and listened while he sat and drank his own drink. He figured as long as the blonde kept talking the less she was going to drink. "How about you?" Dylan looked at her confused. "How did you meet Santana?" she elaborated.
The man smirked remembering the first time he'd ever spoken to the Latina. "She was sitting on the beach crying." He started. Brittany turned fully to face him with a worried look on her face. "I think it was maybe the first month she'd been living in California and she was a bit of a mess if I'm being honest." He chuckled into his drink.
Brittany just nodded in understanding. She didn't expect to hear that Santana was in the same sort of state she was in. She didn't think that maybe Santana was hurting just as much as she was…
"I saw her upset and wanted to know if she was okay." he paused as he smiled to himself. "I remember watching her look me up and down like she was making sure it was safe to talk to me. I guess I passed the test because we've been living together ever since." He smiled to the woman sitting next to him.
She felt a sudden flush of jealousy form in her gut as she thought of her ex-girlfriend and this man sharing the same living space. She knew she was being stupid because this man was clearly gay but she wanted to be the one that was living with Santana and making her feel better when she was so upset. "What time is your flight?" she didn't know why she asked, she just wanted a change of topic.
"Ten in the morning." He said. "She doesn't want to leave, you know?" Brittany's brow rose in question. "She loves living in California, I mean who wouldn't? It's amazing there but she loves you more."
"Why won't she stay then?" Brittany blushed at how desperate her voice sounded.
Dylan ducked his head in defeat. "She doesn't want to leave Marco." Brittany looked confused. "They've been through a lot his past year and he hasn't really been himself so I think she feels obligated to look after him." He explained but Brittany just looked even more clueless. "I better get back to them, you should too." He pointed to where the other three women were now sitting and surprisingly Rachel and Santana were laughing together.
"I'll be right over." She lied. She needed a few more minutes to herself to think about everything Dylan had just told her; was something else going on in Santana's life that she hadn't been told about? She understood if the Latina didn't want to tell her but she just hated the thought of the woman hurting and she couldn't do anything to help her.
"So, Santana. How are you getting your car back to California?" Rachel asked as she leaned into Quinn's side. The diva had been laughing and joking with Santana for most of the night and the Latina just hoped that maybe Rachel had forgiven her for leaving. She wouldn't have admitted this three years ago but she considered Rachel one of her best friends and she had missed the tiny brunette.
"I'm driving it back and Dylan's flying." She explained.
"No you're not. I'm driving; you're getting on the plane. You need to get over your fear of flying and this is the only way to do it." Dylan butted in before Rachel or Quinn could say anything. The two women who were sitting opposite got the impression that Santana and Dylan had been arguing about this for quite some time prior to tonight.
"I'm not getting on that plane." She argued adamantly.
"Yes you are, that's final." He knocked his fist against the table top and sunk back into his chair Santana knew there was no changing his mind once he'd made his decision.
"I hate you sometimes." She mumbled.
Quinn and Rachel sat giggling to themselves on the other side of the table. They never thought they'd see someone just as stubborn as Santana was. Just as Quinn was about to make a sarcastic comment she was stopped by the sound of static through the speakers followed by a woman's voice that everyone at the table recognised very well. "Most of you know me, but for those of you who don't, my name is Brittany…"
"Oh no…" Quinn trailed off and buried her face deep into her hands. "She's not… please tell me she's not." She moaned. Santana looked between the blonde and Rachel, silently asking them what the hell was going on.
When Quinn didn't say anything, Rachel took it upon herself to explain to the Latina. "Last night she was joking around and said that she was going to sing." A small smile began to tug at the corner of Santana's lips. She's always loved the sound of Brittany's voice when she sang, she remembered the way she would always get shivers racing down her spine or the way Brittany would physically take her breath away. "I didn't expect her to actually do it." Rachel finished with an amused chuckle.
"I haven't sung like this since high school, I'm sorry if I'm a little rusty." She ducked her head shyly and began to tap her foot in time with the music, across the room Rachel and Dylan jumped to their feet and began to cheer loudly. Santana just stared up in awe.
All I want is nothing more
To hear you knocking at my door
'cause if I could see your face once more
I could die as a happy man I'm sure
Brittany gripped the microphone tightly and gave it all she could. She knew that Santana was looking right at her; she could feel the woman's dark orbs boring into her face. The blonde hoped Santana would understand what she was trying to say, she hoped Santana understood how much she was hurting.
When you said your last goodbye
I died a little bit inside
I lay in tears in bed all night
Alone without you by my side
Santana closed her own eyes to hold back the pain. Brittany was singing this to her, the pain and emotion Brittany was putting into it almost knocked Santana out of her seat. It was definitely taking her breath away and it was definitely sending shivers down her spine.
But if you loved me
Why did you leave me?
Brittany was trying impossibly hard to keep her voice in check but she could feel the tears falling from her eyes and she knew her voice was about to break.
'cause you brought out the best of me
A part of me I'd never seen
You took my soul wiped it clean
Our love was made for movie screens
Santana's grip had tightened around her glass, she could feel Brittany's own pain radiating off of her from all the way over here. Brittany was barely holding it together up there but she was so incredibly proud of the blonde.
But if you loved me
Why did you leave me?
Take my body
Take my body
All I want is
All I need is
To find somebody
Brittany let her eyes slide open and immediately they were met by Santana's. That's all it took to make Brittany's knee's give way beneath her and she collapsed to the floor with a choked sob. Santana was up on her feet and racing towards the stage before Brittany had even hit the floor. The song was still playing but no one was singing.
"Britt-Britt." She called as she clambered onto the stage and crouched at the blonde's side. "Brittany." She whispered, she snaked her arms around her waist and lifted the woman to her feet. "I'm sorry I left. I'm sorry I was a terrible girlfriend and left you alone." Santana was fully aware of all the eyes that were staring up at them but in that moment she didn't care because all she could see was Brittany. "And I'm sorry I came back and hurt you all over again."
Brittany's hands clung to the fabric of Santana's top as she buried her face into the woman's chest. She could feel the shudder that racked through the Latina's body as she cried, her face buried into blonde hair. Brittany pushed against Santana's chest; they both stumbled back through the door that led behind the stage area. "Please," she begged. "Please don't leave me again."
"Brittany…" her voice was weak and full of pain, just the sound of it caused dread to form in the pit of Brittany's stomach. She shook her head sadly and pulled away from Santana, she knew what was coming, she knew what Santana was about to say so instead of letting herself hear the hurtful words, she spoke.
"No…" she shook her head and plastered a fake smile to her face. "Forget I said that, I understand. You have a life now." Brittany took a few steps beck in the direction of the door.
"Britt. Don't go please. Don't walk away from me." Brittany spun and hurried out of the door, she wound her way through the bar with Santana close behind her. They ignored the questioning looks that their friends and other people in the bar sent them and flew out of the door and onto the bustling street. "Britt!"
The blonde spun round to face Santana. "Don't call me that." Every time the Latina would use her old nickname all she could feel was her heart breaking all over again. She hadn't let Quinn or Rachel called her that and even when Kristen had said it that one time she could have completely lost it.
"Why not?"
"Just don't." Santana could make out hints of anger in Brittany's voice.
"I still love you." Santana called out as Brittany began walking down the street. It was the only thing she could think of to say.
"Yeah, well that's nice. I wish I could say the same back." Okay, that hurt. Santana flinched at the blonde's words and Brittany immediately regretted saying it. She watched a crease forming in between Santana's eyebrows.
"I know you still love me too, you can't just stop as soon as you decide you don't want to, Brittany." Santana voice was shaking as the emotion intensified within her.
"A year! A fucking year, Santana. A lot can change in that amount of time." She snapped harshly. But it didn't go unnoticed by Santana that Brittany wasn't actually denying anything.
"But you still love me." Santana stated surely. She watched as Brittany's shoulders sank in defeat, she ducked her head and stared down at her feet.
"And how pathetic is that? I still love you after all this time, after you broke my heart and left me. That's how pathetic I am, Santana. So please just leave me alone." Brittany pleaded, she looked back up to meet Santana's gaze. Her cheeks were shining with the shed tears and the whites of her eyes had turned red. She started to retreat backwards down the side walk.
"I need to tell you something before I leave." Santana knew that she had to tell Brittany now, this would be the only chance she got before she left to go back home. She knew that Brittany was silently asking her to say what she had to say when she tilted her head to the side expectantly. "I… I…" she couldn't find the right words to tell her. All the fears she had told Quinn and Dylan came racing back. What if Brittany was only with her because she felt obligated to look after her…?
No, she loved me, she still does. Brittany would never do that.
"Brittany, we're heading home!" Quinn's voice snapped the pair out of their staring. Brittany looked over and smirked at the sight of Quinn holding up and drunken Rachel who was now belting out some show tune that was probably from funny girl or something like that.
"I'm heading back to, S. Are you coming?" Dylan asked as he spun Santana's car keys around his finger.
Santana turned back to look at Brittany but it was too late she was already helping Rachel into a cab. "Yeah." She made her way slowly over to the man but kept her eyes glued to the two blonde's now climbing into the cab.
"I'll call you!" Quinn called out of the window, Santana managed a weak smile and waved goodbye. She turned to face Dylan just in time to catch the car keys.
"Did you tell her?"
"I was about to."
"Santana." He groaned as he buried his face into his hands. "She has a right to know."
"Do you not think I know that? I'll call her or something when we get home I promise, I promise I'll tell her."
Dylan just sighed know it was an empty promise but if Santana needed time what more could he say? He relaxed back into his seat and started thinking over everything he had to pack ready to leave, his mind wandered to everything Santana had to pack. It was a lot more than just personal belongings; it was feelings and memories too. He still didn't know how she did it, how she managed to keep herself tough as a rock on the outside when on the inside she was hurting.
"What did she say to you last night?" Quinn asked curiously as she handed Brittany a bowl of cereal.
"I asked her to stay but she didn't say anything and then we argued for a bit." Brittany shrugged like it was nothing important. But she hadn't stop thinking about what she'd said to Santana all night. She loved Santana and the Latina knew it. But she didn't know whether it was enough anymore…
"She didn't say anything else?" There was something in Quinn's voice that made Brittany think she was hoping to hear something.
"No." Brittany shook her head and tucked into her food but the frown that formed on Quinn's face didn't go unnoticed. "What's wrong, Q?"
The blonde shook her head and smiled up at Brittany. "Nothing, just a bad head." She lied. Why didn't she tell Brittany? She'd leaving in the morning… she shook her head in annoyance. "Are you going to see her before she leaves?"
"I have work." Brittany muttered. She didn't have work, she hadn't worked since that day Santana punched Kristen in the face, and she just couldn't see Santana today… She was leaving her again and it wasn't fair. "Speaking of witch," she looked up at the clock. "I better get going." She picked an apple out of the fruit bowl and headed for the door. "I'll be back around seven." She didn't know what she was going to do all day, maybe shop? She just couldn't be around the house with Quinn and Rachel going on at her.
"Would you fucking help me with this?" Santana snapped at Dylan across the top of the car. "Stop looking at your hair!" she shoved at the box of clothes that were refusing to get into the car.
"God, you need to calm down. We have all day to get packed." He sighed and rolled his eyes as he walked round the front of the car to help the woman.
"No we don't. I want my things back on time so you're leaving now since you're adamant on driving back." Dylan's eyes widened in surprise.
"Now? When did you decide this?"
Santana shrugged. "Just now." She slammed the door shut on the box and walked back into the hotel to get the rest of her bags. The good thing about Dylan driving home was that she would only need to take her carry on onto the plane because he was taking everything else.
"You're too random for your own good sometimes, you know that?" Dylan picked up their two suitcases and pulled them into the elevator.
"It's called being spontaneous." She said in a sing-song voice.
"Whatever you say." He chuckled as he threw the cases ungracefully into the back of the car.
"You be careful with my baby, I never let people drive him so if you hurt him I will tear your balls off."
Dylan raised an amused eyebrow at the Latina. "'Him?'" he chuckled as he nudged her side. "You're such a freak."
"Puh-lease…. You love me."
"That I do." He faked sadness as he climbed into the driver's seat. "Call me as soon as you get home so I know you're okay." his overprotective side shining through. "You'll be okay on the plane if you listen to some music or read. Didn't Quinn lend you that book?" He didn't ask anything about Brittany, he hadn't mentioned her since the previous night, he knew that Santana knew what she was doing and he understood that this was hard for her; he just hoped she got her shit together before she left.
Santana nodded, she couldn't speak, just by the thought of getting on a plane made her nauseous. Dylan had had to drug her with sleeping pills on the way here she didn't know how she was going to cope without him on the way back.
"You'll be okay, don't worry." He leaned out of the window and kissed her cheek. "I'll be hallway back when you call me so make sure the apartment is clean for me." he chuckled at Santana expression. "What am I think, Santana Lopez doesn't clean." She leaned back and hugged him. "I'll see you soon." Dylan pulled away from the sidewalk and Santana waved as he disappeared into the midst of the busy New York traffic.
"I'll see you soon." She mumbled to herself.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Quinn asked over her shoulder.
"Yes, she's not leaving us again."
Rachel rolled her eyes and carried on typing in her credit card details. "You've definitely had a change of tune." Quinn nudged the diva.
"Being mad with someone is too tiring and it was beginning to make me feel bad." Rachel muttered. "I miss being her friend and I don't want her to leave us again either."
"Three left! Get them, get them now!"
"Okay, okay, calm down." Rachel chuckled. "Ugh, my dads are going to kill me."
"We'll pay you back, wont we, B?" Quinn nudged Brittany's shoulder who was jumping up and down on the balls of her feet.
"Every single penny! Just get them now!" she pleaded with her hands clasped together in front of her.
"Flight 137 to LAX is now boarding." A woman's voice sounded through the crowded airport, Santana sat with her head buried in her hands. The first huge mistake she ever made was leaving Brittany, she was supposed to have learned from that… she knew this was shooting to the top of her 'list of mistakes' and she wasn't doing anything to stop it. She threw her half eaten sandwich into the trashcan next to her, she didn't feel very hungry right now. The mixture of nausea and the feeling of her heart breaking all over again were putting her off her food.
She sighed as she brushed down her clothes, her hands shook when she reached into her pocket to pull out her mirror so that she could check her makeup and hair. "Ugh, pull yourself together, Lopez." She shook out her shoulders and jumped on the balls of her feet earing a few awkward glances from people passing by. "You can do this." It was beginning to occur to her that maybe she wasn't nervous about getting on a plane but nervous about leaving Brittany again.
After seeing the blonde these past two weeks, it was clear that she had caused more damage than what she had done when she was in California. Maybe Brittany was better off without her. That's what she kept telling herself.
She wiped away her tears and began walking in the directing of the boarding gate. "Final call for flight 137 to LAX."
"Okay! I get it!" Santana snapped as she stormed towards the woman collecting people's boarding passes. She gave Santana a questioning look but didn't mention the red swollen eyes.
"Passport?" she asked.
"Oh yeah, right here." She handed the woman her passport and watched as she looked between her photo and the small book before she handed it back with a smile.
"Enjoy your flight." Santana rolled her eyes at how rehearsed the woman sounded.
"I doubt it." she muttered as she took a step forward through the doors, a step closer to California and a step further away from the love of her life.
This was it. She was leaving and there was something deep down inside of her that was saying that it was for good this time, despite everything she had told Quinn about coming back for visits and calling. It would probably just be better for everyone if she stayed out of their lives…
"SANTANA!"
missyellowbrick, did you see it ;)