I am so deeply sorry that this is quite late but I promise I have a valid reason for that. First of all I've just started my new job so I didn't have a lot of time at the weeked to write and then I've been revising for my first couple of English Language GCSE's that I've done this week. But here's the update! I'm sorry if there are any mistakes, I wanted to get this up as soon as I finished.
I just want to say thank you for reviewing, following and favouriting this story, it really means a lot.
Like always, I love you all so much and please review!
Chapter 33
"SANTANA!"
The Latina froze dead in her tracks, her breath hitched in her throat and her hands tightened around the strap of her bag. She clenched her eyes shut, she couldn't turn round… was she imagining what she just thought she heard? God, this whole thing was just getting to her head. She scoffed to herself and shook her body; her eyes were already drowning in tears. This was all down to someone up there telling her she shouldn't leave. She was pretty sure it was her mother.
"Get on the god damn plane, Santana." She uttered to herself between gritted teeth. She was about to take a step forward when she was stopped again by another voice.
"SANTANA DIABLA LOPEZ." The Latina's foot froze in mid-air as she spun on the foot still grounded. "You get on that plane without us; I'll kick your ass again."
Her whole body ran cold but flushed with heat at the same time. Her mouth fell open and her eyes widened in shock. "Oh my god." She couldn't believe what she was seeing; three frantic and slightly dishevelled looking women stood with their hands waving their boarding passes in the woman's face.
Santana couldn't suppress what could have been mistaken as a scream from escaping her mouth when the woman raced towards her with their bags rattling behind them. The Latina's knees buckled but just as she was about to hit the ground, a blonde threw her arms around her waist and pulled her into a bone crushing embrace.
"Oh my god." Santana slurred into Brittany's shoulder. Her crying escalated up until the point where she was sobbing wildly into the arms of three women. "What… what are you… doing here?"
Quinn chuckled into Santana's back. "We're not letting you leave us again." that earned another sob from Santana as she reached out behind her and squeezed Quinn's arm.
"I can't believe it." Santana shook her head disbelievingly, suddenly fully aware of whom she was still clinging to and who was now clinging to her with just as more tears falling from her eyes. "You're coming to California?" Santana asked again just to make sure she wasn't dreaming.
Brittany looked down with a beaming smile on her face that Santana couldn't help but reciprocate. "We're coming with you." The blonde nodded. The tears began to fall heavier; Santana shook her head and reached up with both hands.
"Don't cry, Britt-Britt." She used her thumbs to wipe away the tears on Brittany's cheeks and stared deeply into ocean blue orbs. All she wanted to do in that moment was kiss the woman senseless, kiss every inch of the woman's face and declare how much she was in love in that moment.
"I can't lose you age-" Brittany was cut off by the woman who was now slamming the heavy metal door shut behind them.
"I'm going to have to ask you ladies to board the plane now." She asked politely.
Santana's stomach dropped to the floor as she remembered where she was standing and what she had to get on. "Fuck." She muttered barely loud enough for the woman around her to hear. She knew her face must have turned green because the two blonde's by her sides laced their hands with hers, she looked back over her shoulder to see if there was any chance she could make a run for it but the door was locked and Rachel was already picking up her bag and smiling sweetly at the Latina. "I can get that." She reached out to take it from the diva but the tiny woman pulled back.
"Don't worry, I've got it." Santana nodded her head in thanks and let the two blonde's guide her down the hallway to the plane door.
Quinn leaned closer to Santana and whispered into the Latina's ear, "looks like I'm sitting with you." She held her pass out next to the crumpled one in Santana's hand to see that their seats were next to one another. Santana could just make out the excited wales of Brittany and Rachel, something about them sitting next to each other too but all Santana could really hear was the pounding of blood in her ears. She gritted her teeth together to hold back the feeling of nausea that was forming in the pit of her stomach once again.
"I can't do this." Santana began to panic as she buckled the seatbelt around her waist with trembling hands. "It's going to crash, my bone is going to be sticking out the top of my leg, and it's going to get amputated. There's going to be snakes on the plane, I'm going to get bitten and die. The pilots are going to have a heart attack… Birds are going to fly into the engines and we'll crash into the Mississippi and we'll have to swim to shore, oh god what if I forget how to swim." She snapped her head round to look at Quinn so fast that she was sure she gave herself whiplash. "I forgot how to swim!" she stretched her arms out in front of her and began to move them in circular motions and figures of eight. "What do I do with my arms? What do I do with my legs?" she kicked her legs at the chair in front of her in a failed attempt at the front call.
A fat grumpy looking bald man turned to face the two women with an irritated looking scow on his face. "Sorry." Quinn mumbled and turned to face Santana. "Would you calm down? We're not going to crash; nothing bad is going to happen. Okay?" Quinn placed her hand on Santana's thigh in hopes that it would calm the Latina.
"You don't know tha-"
"I do. Now, get your headphones in and close your eyes. I'll be right here." Santana nodded and reached into her bag to pull out her iPod.
The plane was pretty empty, for each row of seats there was at least one empty one. Quinn looked towards the back of the plane to see Rachel and Brittany throwing what looked to be skittles up in the air and catching them in their mouths. Quinn had never seen Brittany so excited since Santana left; she felt a heart-warming heat rush through her body. This was by far the best decision Brittany had ever made. Without her, they would all be sitting moping around in their depressing apartment without the fiery Latina.
"Does this mean you guys are getting back together?" Rachel asked the hyper blonde sitting next to her. Brittany had just thrown a sweet up into the air but Rachel question made her freeze. She hadn't actually thought that far ahead. She'd thought of being with Santana again she'd thought of the happy future they could have, babies, marriage, everything. But she hadn't thought about what coming to California meant for them… she'd only been thinking about actually getting to the airport on time to stop the Latina before it was too late. The Skittle landed on her face and rolled to the floor.
"Um… I don't know." She shrugged like it wasn't important but now her mind was racing. She was vaguely aware of the plane taking off and the sound of a woman a few rows in front of them screaming… in fact, that woman sounded a lot like Quinn…
Five minutes into the flight the seatbelt sign flashed above them and Rachel was up and out in less than a second. "Need to peeee….." she trailed off as she ran for the nearest toilet. Brittany smirked and sunk back into her seat with a small grin on her face.
"I think you've broken my hand." Quinn muttered as she stared intensely at the deep red nail marks that had marked her wrists. She shook it around like it was floppy and let it fall to her thigh.
"Stop being to dramatic. If you hadn't put your hand there, it wouldn't have been the first thing I grabbed hold of to save my life." Santana retorted in a shaky voice.
"Your life was hardly in need of saving." Quinn argued but Santana wasn't listening. She was digging around in her bag frantically looking for something.
"Oh no, no, no, no…" Santana began to panic even more than she had when they were taking off. "You have got to be kidding me."
"What? What's wrong, S?" Quinn asked frantically.
The Latina tipped her bag upside down and emptied its contents into her lap. "I forgot the book you leant me; it's in the car with Dylan. I need the book to read so I can stay calm." She slapped her hands on the sides of her head in a frantic frustration. "Do you think the pilot will land and I can call Dylan so he can meet us…" she trailed off as she stood up and tried to move past Quinn but the blonde stopped her and sat her back down.
"Stop." She held her hands in front of the Latina. "Take a deep breath." Santana did as she was told. "Do you really need a book to keep calm?" Quinn asked like Santana was maybe over doing it a bit but the brunette just nodded frantically. The blonde sighed. "Okay, I'll be right back, just stay here and don't go trying to talk to the pilot." She warned before walking off towards the back of the plane.
Brittany couldn't hold her laughter back when she saw the exasperated look on Quinn's face. "You okay, Q?" she asked teasingly.
"Don't even start." Quinn leaned over to rummage through Rachel's bag where she knew there was a Harry Potter book in there somewhere. "She really doesn't like flying, does she?" She said sarcastically.
"Nope, not one bit." Brittany shook her head with a grin as she remembered the last time she had been on a plane with the Latina. She had tried to open the emergency doors and escape but thankfully one of the flight attendants had stopped her just in time. "Was that you screaming before?" she asked knowing full well that it was. Quinn just shot the blonde a glare.
"She has a fierce death grip." Quinn deadpanned. Brittany's head tipped back as laughter filled the space around them. "I swear if she doesn't calm down, I'll end up strangling her." Her laughter turned into sorts as she pictured Quinn trying to murder a hysteric Santana. "It's not funny; if I knew she was this bad I would have swapped seats with you or Rach."
Brittany raised an eyebrow in thought. "I'll swap if you like?" she asked with a shrug. "I know you'd probably prefer to sit with Rachel…" she added just in case Quinn caught on that she just wanted to be with Santana.
"Thank would be great." She sighed in relief. "I mean, I love her and all but she's crazy when she's scared." Brittany nodded in agreement but all she could think about how adorable the Latina was. "Give her this would you?" Quinn handed Brittany the book and sat down into her seat.
"See you when we get off." Brittany winked and headed down the aisle towards Santana.
The Latina was curled up in her chair with her face buried deep into her lap as she mumbled quietly to herself. She'd closed the shutter on the window so that it was obstructing her view of where she was sure she was about to crash and die. She played with the wring on her finger but it still wouldn't take her mind of the fact that she was like a million miles up in the sky with no safety ropes.
"San?" a soft voice pulled the Latina from her internal panic attack. She looked up to meet innocent blue eyes. "Is it okay if I sit with you? Quinn's…" she pointed to the back of the plane where she was now curled into Rachel's side fast asleep.
"It's fine." Santana moved some of her things that had fallen onto the chair and pushed them back into her bag. "I think she was ready to kill me." she mumbled to herself.
Brittany smiled at the comment. "She's never been on a plane with you before," she chuckled. "She doesn't know this side of you."
Santana blushed shyly and ducked her head. "You remember the last time?" she suddenly felt oddly calm in the presence of the blonde. The nausea had died down and her body had stopped trembling.
"What? When you tried to jump off the plane? How could I forget?" Brittany nudged the Latina's shoulder playfully, she was glad that Santana seemed to have calmed down slightly and some of the colour had even come back to her face. "Quinn told me to give you this." She handed Santana the book and she took it gratefully but instead of going straight into reading she placed it on her lap and turned back to Brittany with a sad smile. "Listen, about the other night…" the blonde trailed off when Santana broke out into a grin.
"Don't worry about it, you know I love hearing you sing and you had every right to go off on one at me like that." Santana was still beaming up at the blonde; Brittany didn't say anything and just sank back into her seat with a smile that mirrored the Latina's.
"You should try and get some sleep or read; we still have five and a half hours left." Brittany slipped in her own headphones and closed her eyes. Santana resisted the urge to pout, she couldn't think of a better way to pass the time than to sit and talk to Brittany but she knew she shouldn't push the blonde when it came to interacting with her. So she slipped in her own headphones and picked up the book and began to read.
The god thing about the first Harry Potter book is that it's so thin, so two hours into the journey the book was finished and lying closed in Santana's lap with the woman snoring softly as she slept.
Brittany couldn't take her eyes off of the Latina. She looked nothing less than beautiful, her bangs were draped over her face, and her lips were forming a small pout that would part a little with each exhale of breath. It would have been so easy for her just to lean across the armrest and place a soft kiss to the woman's lips, Santana wouldn't even know…
Brittany felt herself leaning across before she could even stop herself, she could feel her heart racing in her chest. She wanted Santana back, she wanted her back more than anything but for some reason she felt like the Latina was keeping something from her. She frowned at the thought, her mind wandered back to the night in Vibez when she had that conversation with Dylan. He'd talked about something bad happening in Santana's and Marco's life. Was that was the Latina was keeping from her?
Brittany reached out and moved the bangs out of the woman's face and leaned forward that little bit further. She could feel Santana warm breath on her face that caused shivers to race down her spine and warmth to form in between her legs. That was something she had never felt in a long time.
Just when Brittany was about to graze Santana's lips with her own, the plane lurched and the blonde let out a yelp. She shot backwards into her seat; her whole body stiffened as her hands gripped the arm rests by her sides. "Britt?" Santana's voice was full of sleep but Brittany could still hear the panic in her tone. "What's happening?"
"Shush, don't worry. It's just turbulence, it'll be over in a second." The plane carried on shaking and the two women could feel their stomachs drop with the movement. Santana whimpered in her chair as the realisation of what was going on hit her.
"We're going to die." She grabbed at her seatbelt with shaky hands and tried her hardest to fasten it only to drop it in frustration. Her vision began to blur as tears formed in her eyes. She'd survived fucking heart failure. She didn't want to die in a plane crash.
Brittany felt her heart breaking at the sight of the terrified Latina. Santana was so good at putting on a hard face but when it came to being scared like this all of those walls went crumbling down. It also hadn't gone unnoticed by Brittany how emotional Santana had been; there would have been a time when Santana wouldn't have even let the emotion flicker in her eyes but in the past two weeks Brittany had seen Santana completely vulnerable. It was killing her to watch Santana panic like this but she didn't know whether or not she would be crossing some sort of line if she tried to help and calm the woman.
"Oh my god, oh my god." The plane was still shaking and somewhere in there was a flight attendant explaining that it wouldn't stop for another five or so minutes. That news made Santana freak out even more.
Brittany couldn't take it anymore. She flipped up the arm rest unbuckled her own seatbelt and wrapped her arms around Santana. The Latina froze at the action but found herself relaxing slightly into Brittany's embrace. She pulled Santana flush against her side and began to whisper into her ear. "You're okay; we're not going to crash. Just talk to me and it'll all be over before you know it." Santana nodded in response but made no effort to start speaking. She was pretty sure her voice had flown out of the window with the rest of her dignity. The Latina couldn't believe she was acting so pathetic in front of Brittany.
"How was your book?" Brittany asked after a couple of seconds.
Santana opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, she didn't know how talking would help her stop the internal screaming. Her eyes were tightly shut and her face was buried into what she was sure was Brittany's side boob. She didn't want to speak in case she threw up everywhere. "Was good." Was all she trusted herself to say.
Brittany chuckled and began to instinctively trail soft circles on the back of Santana's neck. "Is that all?" she nudged the woman slightly. "You usually would have a hell of a lot more to say about something than that…" she teased and regardless of the situation, Santana found herself smirking.
"I think… I would have enjoyed it more… shit-" the plane jerked and few people around them let out gasps. Brittany tightened her grip and planted a soft kiss on the top of Santana's head; she didn't care about the possibility of crossing any lines. The Latina breathed in deeply to try and calm herself before continuing. "I think I would have enjoyed it more if I hadn't already seen the films." She rushed out so that she couldn't be interrupted by any more turbulence.
Brittany nodded in understanding; she could feel the woman's shoulders relaxing in her arms. She didn't want to let go of Santana again but she knew in an hour or so she would have to and then they would be left to awkward silences and glances. "The films were pretty cool though."
"You fall asleep every time we watched them though." Santana couldn't hold back her laughter. She pulled away from Brittany so that she could look at her properly but they kept their arms securely attached to one another. "Do you even know what happens in any of them?" she asked sarcastically.
Brittany rolled her eyes playfully. "Dobby dies." She stated simply. Santana raised her eyebrow anticipating more. "That's all I know." Brittany blushed and grinned down at Santana.
The Latina snorted as she began to laugh again, Brittany's smile grew at the sound and her heart began to pound. She didn't realise how much she'd missed that sound. "So how do you know that the films were good?" Santana challenged smugly with a raised eyebrow.
"Because," Brittany leaned closer to whisper into the Latina's ear. "No matter how old we were or where we were when we were watching it, I would always fall asleep in your arms." She explained simply.
Santana shivered as the warmth of Brittany's breath caressed the shell of her ear. She resisted the urge to reach out and kiss her until her lips went numb; she had a feeling that wouldn't go down well with the blonde still holding her. The turbulence ended a minute ago but Santana wasn't in any rush to pull away from Brittany. The Latina didn't know how to reply to what Brittany had just said, she didn't know what was appropriate to say even though Brittany had probably just crossed the line she was trying hard to stay on the right side of. So instead she smile up at the blonde and hugged her tight. She refused to let go anytime soon. "You know I've had to fly on one of these things twice in the past year and I haven't once felt as calm as I do right now." She mumbled, her sleepiness had caught up on her and her eyes were drooping closed.
"I'll wake you when we land." Brittany whispered into Santana's hair. The Latina muttered something incoherent before falling back to sleep.
"There it is!" Rachel screamed at the top of her lungs when she spotted her bright pink suit case moving towards them on the conveyer belt. Santana flinched at the sound; her head was pounding thanks to the heat they were met with when they climbed off the plane.
"Someone shut her up." Santana moaned into her hands.
Quinn chuckled from the seat next to her. "Rachel, baby…? I think Santana has a bad head, keep it down." She said sweetly to her hyperactive girlfriend.
"I'm sorry, Santana. I'm just really excited to be here. "I've never been to California before and everything's just so bright and sunny and it just makes me feel really happy, you know?" the diva rambled.
"No shit." Santana muttered under her breath.
"You know if you're not feeling too good you should probably take that sweater off. It looks really stuffy." Rachel suggested as she attempted and failed at pulling her suit case off the conveyer belt. "Brittany, can you help?" she asked when it began pulling her along with it.
"Brittany to the rescue!" the blonde cheered giddily as she hauled it off and placed it on the floor next to the brunette. They were so busy being over excited that they didn't notice Santana's mini freak out.
She still hadn't told Rachel and Brittany about her heart transplant, she was terrified of the consequences and now that she'd left it so long to tell Brittany she was worried that she would be mad at her for keeping from her. California was hot in the summer time and the only people she'd been around while she was here was her family and Dylan and they all knew about the huge scar that made her chest look disgusting. She had been thankful while she had been in New York that it was cool enough to wear a jacket or a hoodie to cover up her scar but now she was back here with Brittany, she had no reason to wear one when it was so hot. She had no excuses…
"Quinn." She whispered to the blonde next to her. "I haven't told her yet." Her voice was shaking with panic.
The blonde next to her placed a hand on Santana's thigh and smiled the best she could. "Don't worry, everything's going to be fine we'll sort everything later. But right now I just need to sleep." She muttered and buried her face into her hands. Quinn's calmness seemed to be infectious because she found herself relaxing into her chair even though she'd zipped her hoodie right up to her neck. "Speaking of which, does Marco know we're with you?"
Santana smiled as lifted her phone like she needed to prove to Quinn. "Yes, as soon as we got off the plane I called him, I couldn't really hear what he was saying over the sound of Ant screaming and then I'm sure my father joined in…" she trailed off with an amused raised eye brow.
"He's excited?" Quinn giggled.
"He's missed you guys just as much as I have." Santana said truthfully as she stood up to join the two other women who were now holding hands and swinging in a circle. "What're you guys doing?" she couldn't keep the amused look off of her face, the sound of the blondes laughter filling her with warmth. How did I last a whole year without hearing that?
"Just… really… excited…" Rachel panted out while Brittany nodded furiously beside her.
"Well come on then." Santana chuckled and headed towards arrivals. Brittany skipped alongside her with Quinn and Rachel trailing behind them.
"S'tana!" A bright smile formed on Santana face before she even had a chance to spot the little boy who was racing towards her at full speed.
"Ant!" she screamed back just as loudly, she opened her arms wide just in time to catch Anton as he threw himself into her.
He squealed and giggled as she swung him round and tickled his sides. "S't- S… S'tana!" he wriggled his way up her body and wrapped his arms around her neck so that he could look into her eyes. "I missed you, you can't go away again." he pouted adorably at the woman.
"I missed you too." She kissed his cheek before turning around to where the other women were staring at them in awe. This was the first time they'd seen her act so adorable with Ant, Brittany could feel her heart beat race at the thought of Santana with her own child, their child. "Look who came to see you!" she pointed to Brittany, the scream that left Anton's mouth was almost deafening as he jumped form Santana's arms and over to the blonde.
"Brittany!" the blonde crouched just in time to grab him in her own arms. "Where you been all this time? Santana didn't bring you here before." He pouted.
Brittany froze, what was she supposed to say to that? She didn't know what Santana had told him but she knew she wouldn't have told him why Santana had left. "Sorry, little man. I'm here now so that's all that matters." she reassured him but the pout didn't leave his face.
"Will you have to leave again?" She wanted to say no, after all who could resist that pout, she looked over the little boys shoulder to look at Santana for help but the woman was staring down at her shoe while she scuffed it against the floor. She wanted to stay here with Santana, she would go anywhere as the Latina was by her side but she couldn't just decide to move in with the woman when there was so much drama going on. They weren't even dating were they?
"Marco!" Quinn screamed from beside her, thankfully drawing the attention away from her and Anton. Brittany looked up to see Santana wrapped up in the man's arms and Rachel and Quinn racing towards him. The Latina began to chuckle against Marco's chest when she felt the other woman wrap their arms around him too.
"I've missed you girls." His voice was deep and the Latina could hear it echoing in his chest. "How have you all been? Anything new happened in your lives?" he pulled away from the group of women and picked up some of their bags. Quinn and Brittany rushed ahead to catch up with the man while Anton climbed up onto Santana's shoulders and Rachel walked beside her.
"I know." Rachel's voice caused Santana's head to snap round and star at her.
"What?"
"I know you had a heart transplant." She deadpanned, her eyes were glued to the two blonde's in front of them, her voice was low enough for only the Latina to hear her.
"I… I don't know what you're talking about…" Santana stuttered out, her heart was beginning to pound furiously in her chest. How did she know? Had she told Brittany?
"Yes you do." Rachel stated surely, Santana just ducked her head and nodded sadly she knew Rachel wasn't finished speaking so she stayed silent. "You still had Quinn as your emergency contact after you left. A hospital called her on Thanksgiving but she was in the shower so I answered the phone instead, they said they'd found you a heart. I told them to call Marco because that's where I thought you were staying at the time, guess I was right." She smiled to the Latina and reached out to squeeze her hands reassuringly.
"Why didn't you tell Quinn and Britt?" she asked curiously.
"It wasn't my place. But I think you should tell Brittany."
"I… can't. I'm scared."
"I know, Quinn told me but you know better than I do that Brittany would never do that to you. She actually does love you." They reached the car and threw their things in the trunk. "Shot gun!" Rachel screamed and ran to the passenger door to climb in. Santana knew she should probably feel hurt that Quinn and Rachel had been talking about this behind her back but she understood, they were engaged and they had every right to tell secrets to each other.
"S'tana? Can I sit in your lap?" Anton tugged at the brunette's hair from where he was still perched up on her shoulders.
"Of course you can, little man." Santana lifted him down and climbed into the car with the two blonde's sitting either side of her. She resisted the urge to reach out and take Brittany's hand in hers.
"So, Brittany. How did your performance go on Christmas?" Marco asked from the driver's seat as he pulled out of the car park and onto the pain road. Santana's whole body tensed. She hadn't told Brittany she was there but she was sure the blonde knew it. She was also sure that Brittany could feel her body tensing against hers.
"It was amazing; there were so many people there." Brittany smiled brightly.
Marco nodded his head in agreement. "Santana and Dylan said you were amazing. I wish I could have been there too but they refused to let me come." He pouted but Santana didn't notice a thing, her eyes were wide, her face was flushed and the palms of her hands were sweating furiously. She rubbed them against her things to dry them but Brittany's burning gaze in the side of her head wasn't helping at all.
"You were there?" She asked unbelievably, she had thought she was going crazy or something when she was up on that stage but now that she knew Santana had actually been there she didn't know how to feel? Angry? Sad? Pissed? Happy?
"I'm sorry… I thought you'd told her…" Marco stuttered as he looked at his daughter through the rear-view mirror. Santana shook her head to dismiss the man's apology.
"I knew it was you."
"You saw me?" Santana finally turned to meet the blonde's gaze. Brittany shook her head 'no'. The Latina cocked her head to the side in confusion.
"I just got a feeling." Brittany muttered in embarrassment. She'd hated trying to convince Quinn, Rachel and Kristen of this feeling she got, they never seemed to understand. But as she looked into Santana's eyes she knew the woman understood what she was talking about. "I tried to see you but the lights were really bright." She said shyly.
"You're not mad at me?" Santana asked dumbfound.
Brittany looked shocked by the Latina's question. "What? No, I'm just surprised…" Santana looked down and frowned at her hands, she didn't know whether or not Brittany was just saying that because there were other people in the car with them and she didn't want to cause a scene or if she actually meant in. She chose not to say anything and they all sat in silence for the rest of the journey.
Santana found herself getting happier the closer they got to her home. New York was nice, don't get her wrong but everything seemed to be so dark and dull compared to the brightness of California. She definitely loved it here. "So where are you girls sleeping?" Marco asked as he pulled up in front of Santana's apartment. They all turned to look at Santana for answers, she hadn't even thought this far ahead.
"Dylan won't mind going back to his dads for a couple of weeks I don't think so his bed is free…" she paused and turned to Quinn who was giving her a curious look. "Don't worry, he's very clean, cleaner than Rachel in fact…" the woman relaxed and smiles formed on their faces. "And the sofa is pretty big." She added when she realised Brittany would definitely not want to share a bed with her – not any more anyways… She didn't see the pout form on Brittany's face when she realised that Santana was offering her the couch.
"That sounds great! Oh god I can't wait to see your place. Is it big? Is it bright? Oh, what's your room like?" Quinn gushed excitedly as she clambered out of the car and dragged Santana with her. The Latina couldn't hold back her laughter when Rachel and Brittany joined in with the questions. Marco and Anton stayed behind to carry everyone's bags, the man didn't seem to mind though, he loved seeing his daughter this happy. The man couldn't believe what he was hearing when Santana had called to tell him who was with her. Sure he was excited to see them all but what made him even happier was the fact that Santana would hopefully be her old self again.
"Holy shit."
"Fuck me."
"Wow."
Santana tried not to look so happy by her best friend's reaction to her home. She wouldn't admit it but she had been worried they wouldn't like it here; she wanted them to like her new life. She didn't know why but she thought it was important that they knew she was happy here. "Do you like it?" she asked cautiously from where she was standing in front of the wall of glass that looked out onto the ocean.
"Like it? This place is amazing!" Quinn babbled as she raced around Santana's apartment with Rachel's hand securely clasped in her own.
"It's really bright; did Dylan decorate because you're usually into the dark stuff?" Rachel asked.
Santana snorted and crossed her arms defensively over her chest; she leaned back against the window and watched as the women wandered around her home in complete awe. "I'll try not to feel too insulted by that, Rachel." She placed her hand over her heart and feigned hurt. "And for your information, no he did not decorate this place… The furniture was already here when we moved in but the pictures on the walls and everything else you see was all me." She smiled proudly at the brunette who was now admiring a particular picture.
"You took these?" she waved her hand around the room.
"Every one." Santana couldn't hold back the smile. "I told Dylan we could put some of his up but he said mine have more of a warm feel to them." She shrugged and turned back to look out at the ocean and left her friends to admire her home. Her smile grew with every gasp and squeal she heard from Quinn and Rachel, she was glad they liked it here. Brittany however, had been silent since they had walked in through the door. Santana turned to see where the blonde was and almost jumped out of her skin when she bumped into the woman's chest. She squeaked in surprise and backed her body against the window.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you." Brittany stuttered out as she took her own step back, she stared down at her feet as she scuffed her shoe against the hardwood floor.
Santana found herself smiling brightly at how adorable Brittany was. "It's okay." she reassured the woman before she turned back to look out at the ocean, her body immediately relaxed at the sight even though she was fully aware of Brittany standing only inches behind her. The blonde was close that she could feel her warm breath on the back of her neck, all she wanted to do was lean back into the woman's chest. "What do you think about this place then?" Santana asked so that the thoughts in her head would silence.
Brittany let her eyes wander around the apartment, they stopped now and again on pictures or some sort of decorative piece that was littering the room but she found her eyes glued back on the Latina who was staring calmly out of the window. The sun was just beginning to set, the oranges and purples lit up Santana's face perfectly, and it highlighted everything perfect about the Latina. Brittany could see nothing but love for this place in the deep chocolate swirls of Santana's eyes. She could tell the Latina loved it here. Brittany loved the way Santana's lips had curled up into a bright and warming smile, something she had missed so much. "Beautiful." She finally said after a few seconds passed. She knew Santana didn't know she was actually talking about her but she didn't mind, she loved watching Santana's smile brighten when she turned to face the blonde.
"Not as beautiful as you." Santana stated simply, she kept her eyes glued to Brittany's. "You're perfect." The blonde felt her face grow hot and her heart well at the Latina's words. All either woman wanted to do was reach out and kiss the other but Santana still had that nagging feeling in the back of her mind and Brittany knew Santana was still keeping something from her.
"Brittany!" Quinn screamed from the top of the stair that led to Santana's bedroom, her voice pulled the two women from their heated stare down. "You have to see this picture!"
Santana had missed the feeling of sand in between her toes. Granted she had only been away for two weeks but that can feel like a long time… She loved the feeling of the blazing hot sun on the back of her neck and the way it made her whole body relax as she jogged along the beach.
"It suits you." Rachel's voice pulled Santana from her thoughts.
"What does?" she asked as she slowed to a fast walk until she found the bench she had sat on the first time she had ever met Dylan and sat down.
"This place, California." She waved her hand round in front of them. "I can tell it makes you happy being here."
Santana nodded in agreement. "It does. I love working here, I love being with my father more especially after everything that's happened…" she trailed off when she realised Rachel didn't know about her mother yet, and she was sure Quinn hadn't mentioned anything to her because she would have said something when they were talking about her heart. "I just feel more at home here, if you know what I mean."
"I do, it is amazing here… I would actually go as far as to say I would even consider moving here after I finish at NYADA." Santana's eye's widened in surprise at the woman's confession. "I mean I know Brittany and Quinn don't want to lose you again and neither do I and I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard for us to find work here."
"You love New York though…" Santana would feel so guilty if Rachel left her favourite place in the world to move here.
"I do." She nodded in agreement. "But I love Quinn more and you and Brittany. You're all my favourite people, another family, my sisters…" she went off on a rant but Santana wasn't listening, her mind was swimming at the thought of everyone moving here with her, Brittany moving here. Would that mean they could be together again? She would have to tell the blonde about her heart and about her mother dying too… Santana didn't know if she would be able to talk about her to Brittany, it would hurt too much. All she wanted when she was at that funeral was to turn and see Brittany holding her hand with a reassuring smile. "No, I really do think I would love it here." Rachel said as Santana shook away her thoughts.
"I think I would end up feeling guilty if you guys moved out here because of me." She muttered.
Rachel just chuckled. "It would be our decision, it's not like Quinn or Brittany have anything to stay on that side of the country for and Quinn and me are getting ma-" the diva cut herself off before she could finish. Her eyes widened and the air seemed to be caught in her throat.
Santana couldn't hold back the laughter as she watched Rachel have an internal freak out in front of her. "Rach, Rachel." She giggled as she placed a hand on the woman's thigh. "It's okay, I already know."
Rachel relaxed ay the sight of Santana's kind smile. "You do?" the Latina nodded. "How?"
"I'm telepathic." She deadpanned. "Quinn told me and you have no idea how happy I am for you guys." She grabbed Rachel's hands and squeezed them softly.
A second passed before the diva began to squeal with excitement. Her face was bright and Santana swore she'd never seen the brunette this happy in her life. "You have no idea how bad I've wanted to talk to someone about this with someone who wasn't Quinn or Brittany."
The fact that Brittany knew surprised Santana only because Quinn had told her that they hadn't told the blonde yet. She supposed if Quinn could keep secrets then so could Rachel, that secret being that she'd told Brittany behind the blonde's back. Santana smiled because it was the only thing she could think to do and stood up off the bench. She pulled back on her running trainers and set of jogging again. "Last one back can build the fire."
Rachel shot up from where she was sitting cross legged on the bench. "Wait, what fire?" she called after the Latina who was now sprinting as fast as she could down the beach. "Santana!" she screamed.
Quinn slammed the refrigerator door shut and sighed exasperatedly. "That's it. I'm screwed, she has no food! Brittany, she's got no food!" She ran her fingers through her short hair as she banged on the bathroom door. "Did you hear me, B?"
"God, Quinn! It's not the end of the world. Just because you can't have your bacon in the morning doesn't mean you have to go and ruin my shower." Brittany barged past the shorter blonde with her hair wrapped up in a towel and her body clad in only her duck print underwear.
"Whoa. Jeez, B. put some clothes on." Quinn slapped her hands over her eyes.
"I was waiting for San to leave until I took a shower…" Brittany blushed as she walked over to the sofa where her case was opened on one end of it.
"What's going on with you two? Are you together or…?" Quinn trailed off; she wasn't sure what to say. She had certainly noticed the way Santana and Brittany would look at each other or the way the room turned hot when they were together… just the little things.
Brittany paused to think about that question for a second. She knew they weren't together yet, she knew that not until she found out what Santana was keeping from her would they ever be able to go back to what they were. But she had no idea what so ever what was going on with them… they couldn't just be friends again, not after everything that had happened. "I don't know." She sighed, her clothes completely forgotten as she collapsed back into the soft sofa. "I mean I don't know what's going on between us."
Quinn leaned back on the sofa to mirror Brittany's position, she kept her eyes glued to the huge plasma screen TV - that made theirs back in New York look like a match box – because Brittany was still half naked and she wouldn't feel right looking at one of her best friends like that. "Have you even had a chance to talk about it with her?" Brittany just shook her head in response. "Then do you not think that would be a good place to start?"
Brittany couldn't help but roll her eyes. "I'm not stupid, Quinn. I know that. Of course I want to talk to her about it; I want everything to go back to how things were. I still love her and I know I always will but I don't want anything to happen when she's keeping something from me." She crossed her arms over her chest defensively ready for whatever Quinn was about to say next.
"How do you know she's keeping something from you?" Quinn asked but the way she said it made Brittany think she already knew what Santana was hiding. She felt a sting of pain in her chest, not only had Quinn known that Santana had come back to New York a day before Brittany found out but now she knew what Santana was keeping from her and hadn't told her yet.
"You know…" Brittany turned to face the blonde fully. Quinn didn't know whether to cower into a corner and hide or laugh at the ridiculous expression Brittany had on her face – she never could look angry.
"I… um yes, but I can't tell you." Quinn stuttered out as she decided to take to first option and shuffled backwards on the sofa and away from the half-naked but very angry blonde.
"Why not?" She demanded.
"I just think- I think that maybe Santana should be the one to tell you this." She looked at Brittany with pleading eye's silently begging her to drop the subject.
Brittany sighed, her shoulders relaxed and she slumped back into the sofa. "Okay." she reached into her suitcase and pulled out a tank top before she slipped it on followed by some shorts – the up side to not being in New York. "I'm going to make some lunch for when those two get back from their jog, do you want anything?"
"I'm good. I had a big breakfast." Quinn lied; she just wanted to get out the house so she could do some much needed shopping. She pulled her phone out of her purse to check for any messages before she stood up and walked over to the door. "I'll be back before three." She called out to the blonde. She knew she shouldn't be leaving Brittany alone in the kitchen but she trusted her not to blow anything up this time.
Just as Quinn was about to close the door Brittany called out to her. "I know about you and Rachel, you didn't have to keep it from me because I was such a wreck. I'm so happy for you guys!" Quinn could hear the smile in Brittany's voice and she found her own smile forming on her lips. She didn't need to say anything back. She left the apartment feeling happier than she'd been in a long time.
Everything was almost perfect.
"Can I have some help with this?" Rachel called to Quinn and Santana who were lying flat out on the beach, the blonde was wearing a plain red bikini that made her whole body glow. The Latina however, was wearing a stripy white and blue top where the collar went right up to her neck but she was still wearing her bikini beneath it so it still kind of counted right?
"No, I was the first one back so you have to set this up." Santana snickered as she leaned up on her elbows and gestured to the huge fire pit that sat a couple of yards away from Marco's home.
"But… but… you're…" Rachel groaned and stomped her foot, her hands found their way to her hips and she pouted at Santana.
"Suck it up, Berry." Santana shrugged and looked down at her hands like she didn't care. She didn't mean to sound so bitchy but it was so hot out but she couldn't take off this fucking top, she couldn't risk Brittany seeing her scars because the blonde wasn't stupid, she would know what had happened to Santana. At the thought of Brittany, Santana found herself peeking over the top of her glasses and over at the woman who was playing in the water with Anton. Her mouth grew dry at the sight; Brittany was wearing a light yellow bikini that lit up her eyes brighter than to blue of the sky. Her hair was reflecting the light and instead of blonde it looked almost white. Santana had to gulp back a whimper she was sure was ready to roll of the tip of her tongue.
The scene reminded her of the first time she had left the house after she had run away. She had sat on a bench and watched as a mother played in the freezing water with her son. The little boy had squealed in delight just as Anton was doing now. Santana could feel her lips tugging up into a smile; she remembered when all she could think about was having something like that with Brittany, having their own baby. She wanted a family and she didn't want to let anything get in her way.
"S?" Quinn's voice pulled Santana out of her thoughts. "Rachel's finished so do you want to come and get some dinner with us?"
Santana stared blankly at the blonde for a moment; her brain was still fuzzy with her thoughts from a moment ago. "I…" she turned and looked at Brittany for a second before she turned back to the shorter blonde. "I'm going over there…" she pointed at Brittany as she jumped to her feet and raced of down the beach towards the two people giggling together in the water.
"S'tana!" Anton's voice sounded from behind Brittany. Her back was facing the Latina who was jogging towards them; the blonde held her breath and paused for a split second to feel her heart pound in her chest.
"Hey little man. Just came to see what you guys were up to." Santana smiled brightly at Brittany, the taller woman was wearing an even brighter smile when she met Santana's eyes but it dropped slightly when she realised what she was doing. Santana tried not to frown at that. "If that's okay, I mean I can go back over there." She pointed blindly behind her in the direction she knew the others were sat.
Brittany was shaking her head before Santana could even finish. "No." her voice was slightly raised. "I mean, don't. We don't mind you playing with us do we?" she looked down at Anton who was splashing in the water and not really paying the two women any attention. "I don't mind." She corrected herself with a bashful smile.
Santana's smile grew even bigger and she was sure a deep red blush had crawled up her neck. "Look!" Anton screamed from beside them as he held up a bright pink shell towards Santana. "You should have this one too, it can go with your star fish." He pointed to the necklace hanging around the Latina's neck. Santana crouched down and took the shell from him before looking up to Brittany with a soft smile.
"I have an idea," Santana started as she lifted Anton up and walked to the water's edge before she sat down with him in her lap, Brittany was quick to follow but kept a respectable distance between her and Santana – much to the Latina's disappointment. "How about, we let Brittany have this one. That way all three of us will have one." She looked up at the blonde, she knew Brittany wouldn't be able to see her looking because she was still wearing her glasses but Santana's heart welled when she saw the smile form on Brittany's face.
"Yes! And that way we can all be together forever." Anton clapped his hands together in excitement.
"Together forever…" Santana looked over the top of her glasses this time so that the blonde could see clearly that she was looking at her. Brittany blushed furiously but smiled shyly at the Latina before taking the shell from Anton's tiny hand.
"Thank you." She kissed his cheek before he shrieked something about wanting to see what they would be cooking over the fire and ran off towards Marco's house with bright red cheeks.
"He's such a ladies man." Santana chuckled as she leaned back on her hands and tried to focus on a boat way out in the distance rather than how close Brittany had seemed to have moved towards her. The Latina felt the sand shift by her hand, her eyes flickered back to see that Brittany was now mirroring her position. It would have been simple for Santana to move her hand a millimetre in Brittany's direction and they would be touching, a lot of things seemed simple right now but she knew they weren't.
Nothing was ever that simple.
"You look hot." Brittany's voice startled Santana out of her thoughts. Her eyes widened in surprise and her mouth dropped open so wide she was sure it was just chilling in her lap. "I err… I mean because it's hot and you have a tee shirt on." Brittany stuttered when she saw the shock on Santana's face. "Not that you're not hot or anything, because you are… like really hot…" She trailed off as a deep blush burned up her neck and swamped her face.
Santana breathed out an awkward chuckle as she tried to hide her own blush but it wasn't caused by Brittany's comment – okay that was a lie, part of it was – but by the fact she had pointed out the fact that she was wearing a tee shirt. Santana thought that maybe because Quinn, Brittany and everyone else had questioned it then maybe Brittany wouldn't, apparently she was wrong.
"You might get sun stroke if you keep it on, or really bad tan lines." Brittany said when Santana was quiet for longer than she'd meant to be.
"I have sun burn on my back, I don't want it to blister." She immediately regretted it because she never was a good liar and Brittany had always been able to see right through her. A frown formed on the blondes face and Santana gulped audibly as the air around them got impossibly hotter.
"You never burn." Brittany deadpanned as she narrowed her eyes at the Latina. "And your eye is doing that thing where it flickers because you're lying to me." Santana's heart ached at the hurt she could hear in Brittany's voice. She didn't like lying to the blonde; in fact she hated it more than anything. But she didn't know whether she had the guts to tell the woman about her heart.
Santana blushed and looked away from Brittany and back out at the boat on the ocean that now seemed a lot closer than it was before. "Can we talk about something else?" she asked, desperately trying to get off the subject.
"No." Santana felt Brittany shuffle closer to her, so close that the sides of their thighs were now pressed flushed together. "I know you've been keeping something from me too, something that Quinn and probably everything else seems to know. I'm not stupid, Santana."
Santana's head whipped round to stare in unbelievable shock at Brittany. "I know you're not stupid. You're everything but stupid and I would never call you stupid. You know that." She stuttered out honestly.
"Then what are you keeping from me? Did you honestly think I wouldn't catch on?" Santana wanted to cry because she didn't realise she was actually hurting Brittany by keeping this from her but she was too panicked to let any other emotion come close to effecting her. She knew she was going to have to tell Brittany but she wanted to do that in her own time, right now she was being forced into telling her.
"Britt-"
"No. Don't 'Britt' me. You left me for a year and now you're that you're back you're lying to me."
"I'm not lying to you." Santana argued. She wasn't lying to Brittany; she just wasn't telling her something that was very important and that could affect what happened with them.
"You're not telling me the truth either." A small pout formed on Brittany's lips and all Santana wanted to do was kiss it away. "Why are you wearing a tee shirt in this weather?" she asked as she turned to face Santana.
Santana opened and closed her mouth at least four times before she gave up on trying to come up with a good enough explanation that wasn't 'I don't want you to see my scars because that means I have to tell you about my heart transplant' and just looked down dejectedly at her feet that were being engulfed by the cool, salty waves. She didn't want the thoughts that had been poisoning her mind for the past two weeks to be true. She didn't want to be rejected by Brittany when she was so in love with the blonde.
Brittany moved to get up with an irritated sigh, she was mumbling under breath angrily but before she could fully get to her feet Santana snapped her hand up to wrap it securely around the blonde's wrist. "Wait." She managed to blurt out.
Brittany looked down to meet Santana's eyes but she was only met by her own reflection in the woman's Aviators. Another sigh parted through her lips when the Latina didn't make another move to say anything. "I'm not going to wait forever, San."
Santana looked down to where her hand was holding onto Brittany's wrist. The blonde's words were echoing in her head, the double meaning behind them. Brittany wasn't going to wait forever for Santana to tell her about her heart but she also wasn't going to wait forever for her. And the only way they were ever going to be able to be together again was when Santana started telling Brittany the truth. Before Santana had a chance to say anything, Brittany had begun to storm up the beach towards Marco's home.
Santana launched to her feet and hurtled up the sand as quick as she could. "Brittany!" she called out, her hands curled at the hem of her top. This is it. You can do it. "Brittany, stop please." She pulled it up over her head; her glasses flew off along with it as it fell to the warm sand. When she looked back up, Brittany was staring at her curiously. Santana watched as a confused frown formed on her face and she walked the three steps towards Santana that he been separating them. "This is the truth. This is what I haven't been telling you." She hadn't realised she'd self-consciously crossed her arms over her chest until now so she dropped them to her sides so that Brittany had a good view of her chest and the ugly scar that ruined her body.
Brittany felt her whole body change.
She relaxed but tensed.
She calmed but grew angry.
And she wanted to reach out and hug Santana but slap her at the same time. Her eyes were glued to the light pink scar that travelled down the valley in between Santana's breasts, at first she was confused she didn't know what was going on until something in her head clicked. There was no bulge on the upper part of Santana's chest where her ICD used to hide, it was flat which meant she'd had it taken out which also meant that either Santana was dead or…
"You got a new heart." Brittany could barely believe her own words. They sounded so sweet rolling off of her tongue and she almost felt giddy when she heard them.
"I got a new heart." Santana repeated with a sad smile because with every time she thought of the good came thoughts of the bad. The bad being her mother. Her mother was dead. Santana's was snapped out of her thoughts when Brittany's hand extended out in front of her and reached out to Santana's chest but she paused when she realised what she was doing.
"Can… can I?" she nodded to the scar. Santana had never let anyone touch her scar, only her doctor. She wanted to cringe at the thought but instead she found herself nod at the blonde.
She held her breath and watched as Brittany trailed her index gently down the scar. Santana was sure the blonde could feel her heart racing beneath her finger and she was worried that it was about to break through her ribs and fly into Brittany. She was fully aware that Brittany was touching her scar, she was also fully aware that Brittany was touching her in between her breasts, the woman could easily enough move an inch to either side and touch what she hadn't touched in over a year.
Brittany's mind was reeling; no matter how hard she tried she couldn't find a reason good enough for Santana not to tell her about this. The whole reason Santana hadn't wanted to be with her in the first place was because she was dying and needed a new heart, but now that Santana finally had one she didn't tell her, which in Brittany's mind meant that Santana didn't want to be with her anymore…
"Why… why didn't you tell me?" Brittany asked after a couple of minutes of them just standing in absolute silence. She was dreading what Santana's answer would be.
The Latina's mouth gaped as she scrambled for words. She didn't want to say something that might upset Brittany. "I was scared."
Brittany's face contorted in confusion. "Scared of what?" there was so many things racing through her mind that she didn't know if her words had come out right.
Santana looked down at Brittany's hand on her chest guiltily and gulped back a sob. She'd cried too much this past couple of weeks, she didn't want to seem completely broken in front of the blonde because she wasn't, well not as much as she'd been this year. Coming back to see Brittany had definitely fixed something inside of her. "Britt…" Her voice was pleading, she didn't want to tell her how stupid her thoughts had been because as she looked up into crystal blue eyes, she could see that the blonde would never do anything to hurt her.
"Please." Brittany's voice was just as pleading as Santana's had been and it caused the words the Latina had been trying to keep down to pour off of her tongue.
"I thought that maybe- maybe once I got a new heart you wouldn't want to be with me." Santana clenched her eyes shut as she heard the words fill the thick air between them.
Brittany's eyes widened and her hand dropped from the brunette's chest. An empty feeling formed inside of Santana. "I love you more than anything in existence. I love you more than I ever loved lord Tubbington, more than my stupid parents and more than life itself." Santana's breath was caught somewhere inside of her chest. "So, give me one reason why I wouldn't want to be with you." Brittany's voice was firm and challenging and Santana knew that anything she would say now would be pointless… All she wanted was Brittany and the blonde had just as good as admitted that she wanted to be her too. "Why did you think I wouldn't want to be with you, Santana?"
"I thought that maybe… you were only with me because you felt sorry for me or that you felt obligated to." Santana kept her eyes closed so she wouldn't have to see that angry or pained expression on Brittany's face. "I thought that if I told you that I got a new heart, you wouldn't have a reason to be with me anymore…" she trailed off feeling the air around her go cold and the sand shifted beneath her feet. She cautiously let her eyes flicker open to be met by a view of the ocean. The boat that had been gradually getting closer was now only a hundred feet from the shore line, but there was no Brittany, no perfect blue eyed blonde.
Santana was alone on the beach.
The painful feelings and memories of that first day she had met Dylan out on this exact beach - tears streaming down her face and her whole body shuddering with heartbreak - came swarming back and she felt tears sting at her eyes. She had just possibly ruined any chance she had of getting back together with Brittany. She'd never been so scared of being without the blonde in her entire life, because now she knew what it was like to wake up without Brittany by her side and she would die if she had to wake up like that one more time.