ugh, guys I am so sorry I haven't updated sooner! I've just been swamped with exams and revision that I really haven't had the time to do anything at all. I had a bit of a block in the middle of this chapter and I'm not sure I like the way it's turned out but I just couldn't put off updating, so here it is! Two more chapters left!
I love you all and please review!
Chapter 34
"Why the hell did you do that?"
"I was telling her the truth! She wanted to know why I hadn't told her sooner."
"But why did you have to say it like that? It sounds so bitchy and mean."
She ignored the very feminine way his voice turned high and rolled her eyes. "Ugh. If I'd wanted to have this kind of conversation, I would have gone to Quinn. I need you to help me, Dylan." Santana shoved the man's suit case into one of the many spare rooms that occupied Marco's home. The house was empty by now, the sun was just beginning to set and everyone was sitting out on the beach surrounding the bon fire Marco and Orlando decided to have.
"Okay, I'm sorry but I really don't know what to say. You really have screwed up this time, S." Dylan shrugged and dropped backwards down onto the bed, Santana climbed up beside him.
"Have I lost her for good this time?" Santana asked meekly, her eyes filled with tears as she stared down at her hands in her lap.
"I don't know, S." Dylan shrugged with a sigh. "I mean, I don't know… What did she say before she ran off?"
Santana paused for a moment while she thought back to that afternoon. "Nothing, she didn't say anything."
"Then no, I don't think that you've lost her for good. Obviously she was angry but she didn't want to say something that could ruin anything that could happen between you two so she ran away." He explained while Santana just stared at him. "You just need to apologise to her tonight."
Santana nodded in understanding, hopefully he was right and she hadn't just gone and fucked everything up just when things were starting to get better. Just thinking about losing Brittany at this point caused the tears to spill over her eyes and run down her cheeks. She sniffed quietly, lay down next to Dylan and cuddled into his side. "Thank you for being such an amazing best friend." she kissed his cheek and made no move to get up off the bed. Dylan wrapped his arms around the Latina and kissed her forehead. "You don't mind staying here for a little while do you? I know the girls will be okay staying here instead if you don't want to." Santana said after a couple of minutes passed.
"Of course I don't, Marco's awesome and at least if I stay here I will get a decent breakfast." Dylan chuckled as Santana slapped his chest playfully.
"Hey! I cook good breakfasts." she pouted up at the still laughing man.
"You do, but by the time you get up and make it I'm already at work." He deadpanned. "And then I have to pick at leftovers when we get home." Santana just rolled her eyes and stood up.
"Everyone will be wondering where we're at." Dylan nodded and followed Santana out of the room, down the stairs and out onto the porch where they could look out onto the beach. The fire that Rachel had spent two hours building was illuminating the sand and casted shadows in every direction. "Are the guitars in the car?" She asked. Dylan had driven straight to Marco's instead of their home on account of Santana's orders.
"Yes." He said when she opened the car door a strange smell seeped out into the warm air and Santana's nose turned up as a grimace formed on her face. Dylan must have notice the way the Latina's left eyebrow shot up in question because he began to stutter out random words. "I… I can explain… it was um-"
"Did you have sex in my car?!" Santana all but screeched at the top of her lungs. Her fists clenched at her sides and her face grew red with anger. "I can't believe you had sex in my car! That is disgusting, Dylan. I swear to god if you weren't my best friend and I didn't love this car so much I would have smashed your face against the glass until it was covered with blood."
Dylan gulped audibly at the gory image that formed in his mind. He hand no reason to believe that Santana was lying so he took a couple of safe steps back. "I swear I cleaned everything up and look," He pointed at an air freshener that was hanging from the mirror. "I tried to get rid of the smell. I promise it won't happen again." Santana knew his promise was sincere but there was something in his voice that sounded like it wasn't a one off.
"You need to start talking and fast before I go all Lima Heights on your ass." She instructed as she began to spray perfume around the inside of her car.
"It was just this guy; it didn't mean anything I promise!" Dylan held up his hands in defence as Santana climbed out of her car and began to storm towards him.
"Do you know what? I think I've changed my mind about not smashing your head again it." she growled as she reached out to grab him but was stopped by a voice coming from the house.
"What're you shouting about?" Quinn's voice pulled them from their conversation.
"Nothing." Santana called back angrily. "We'll talk about this later." She whispered to Dylan before she pulled her guitar out of the car and headed towards Quinn with the man guiltily following form behind her.
Okay, so things could be worse… Brittany could have jumped on the first plane back to New York and left Santana for good or something equally as heart breaking, not that sitting in front of a huge bonfire with the blonde glaring daggers into the side of her head wasn't heart breaking or anything because it was. Santana wanted to walk off and cry.
She knew she'd hurt Brittany and it was hurting her just as much to know that's why the blonde was upset.
Santana didn't want to look up an meet the sad eyes that she was sure was still staring at her so she kept her eyes on the stick that she was poking into the fire and pretended that she was listening to Anton's rambling. "S'tana!" Santana flew backwards off the log she was sitting on at the loudness of the little boy's voice. She grunted as her back crashed into the cold sand, her eyes were clenched shut and she was sure she had just given herself whiplash. On the other side of the fire pit three women were laughing hysterically at the sight whilst Marco and Orlando ignored her.
"Oh, S'tana. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you…" Anton wined as he climbed on top of the woman chest; he cupped her cheeks and gazed down into her eyes. "Did I hurt you?" he pouted.
Santana just shook her head as she ignored the giggling coming from the other side of the fire. "I'm fine." She pushed herself up which caused Anton to roll off of her, "You going to help me up?" She teased as she held her hand up to the little boy for him to take; both hands clutched around her own but barely even budged her off of the ground before she was using her own strength to lift herself up. Santana shot Quinn a glare when she saw the smug grin on the blondes face as she dusted herself off and sat back down in her spot.
"Why are you covered in sand, S?" Dylan's voice sounded from behind them as he walked away from the house with a bag of what looked to be marshmallows. Santana ignored the question and clenched and unclenched her hands out in front of her until the blonde man dropped the bag into them. "So impatient." Dylan muttered with a roll of his eyes.
"Shut up." She muttered as she slipped three onto a stick and held it into the flames. Anton snatched the packet from her lap and ran off to eat the whole bag himself but was stopped when Orland hauled him up off the ground and threw the bag to the three women on the other side.
"Are you even aloud to eat these, Santana?"
The Latina shrugged with bulging cheeks. "I… don't… know." She said between swallows. "But I don't care because these are so fucking good." She sighed happily before popping another one into her mouth greedily then sticking a handful onto a stick to toast over the fire.
"You should take it easy on those…" Brittany's voice was soft and caring as it sounded across the flickering flames of the fire and straight into Santana's ears. She looked up to meet worried blue eyes and without another thought she dropped the stick into the fire and wiped her mouth clean. Brittany smiled softly at the action that caused tingles to race through Santana's body, their eyes glued together. She hoped that the blonde was feeling this warmth too. Maybe she hadn't messed everything up after all…
"Ow!" Santana's eyes reluctantly pulled away from Brittany's and flashed down to Anton who was screaming with tears beginning to form in his eyes. It took her a second to realise what had happened before she saw the burning stick in his hand and the red welt that was forming there. "Ow." His bottom lips began to quiver but before he could let out another wail, Santana dropped to her knees and pulled his hand to her lips.
"Come here, let me kiss it better." She cooed against his hands as she planted soft kisses around the flared skin. "That was silly, wasn't it?" she teased softly and wiped away the tears that were flowing freely from his eyes.
"You were… going to waist it…" he heaved in a shaky breath and sobbed against Santana's hands.
Santana resisted the urge to laugh at his excuse; she bit on her bottom lip and looked up to Orlando. "I'll take him inside." She nodded her head in the direction of the house as he nodded his head in approval.
"I can take him?" He offered just in case but Santana just shook her head and lifted him up into her arms where he buried his head deep into her neck and carried on sobbing. Just as she was about to turn around and walk up to the house she caught Brittany's eyes and saw the bright flicker of what looked to be like adoration and happiness that was forming in them as she stared up at the Latina. Santana quickly turned to hide the deep blush that was creeping up her neck.
"They're so cute." Quinn whispered from beside Brittany. The taller blonde found herself smiling contently as she watched the two brunettes walk up to the house and disappear behind the door. Everyone thought that Santana always wore this hard exterior like she could never fall in love, never show her feelings and never let anyone past her walls. Everyone who was a part of Santana's life thought this but one person. Brittany. The blonde was the only person who Santana had ever torn down her walls for, she was the only one Santana allowed herself to fall in love with and show every feeling she had. Brittany liked seeing Santana act like this openly; it hadn't gone unnoticed by the blonde how relaxed Santana was here and how happy she seemed to be.
"Yes they are." She stated with a nod. She felt a warm feeling spread through her body and swell in her heart because she knew that was what she wanted with Santana, she wanted to watch the woman take their own child to bed or kiss their cuts and bruises better or fall asleep with the pair of them. She wanted a family with the brunette, she wanted a life, she wanted to be happy and most of all, she wanted Santana.
"What're you going to do, B?" Brittany turned to look at Quinn with confused eyes.
"Huh?"
"Are you coming back to New York?" she watched as Brittany's smile fell from her face and was quickly replaced by a frown. She chose not to tell Brittany about the conversation she'd had with Rachel that afternoon about the couple considering moving here once the diva finished her year at NYADA. That plan would only work if Santana and Brittany got together again, so what would be the point in telling the blonde if there was a chance they wouldn't work out?
"I… I… don't know. I don't know if I want to because I don't want to leave Santana." Quinn nodded her head in understanding. "I want to be with her, I just don't know what to do…" Brittany sighed remembering what Santana had told her earlier that day on the beach. She wasn't angry, not at all but maybe just slightly offended that Santana would ever think she would do that. She loved Santana more than anything, she wanted to be with Santana whether she had a heart condition or not. "She told me about her heart."
Quinn's head whipped round to stair wide eyed at the blonde. No way did she think Santana had the guts to tell Brittany yet, apparently she was wrong. "What exactly did she tell you?" she didn't want to start talking about this until she was sure that Brittany knew the whole story including where Santana got the heart from.
Brittany shrugged. "Just that she got a new heart and she was too scared to tell me." Quinn nodded along, if Santana had told Brittany where she had gotten her heart the blonde would have told her but she didn't so Quinn assumed Santana had chosen to leave that part out.
"Are you shocked?"
"Of course I'm shocked!" Brittany exclaimed then realised that there were still other people sitting around her. "I mean, she didn't tell me and the last I'd heard was that she probably wouldn't get one. It must have been some sort of miracle." Brittany whispered slightly dazed by the whole idea of it.
"Or a really unfortunate accident…" Quinn mumbled under her breath but Brittany caught every word.
"What?" she frowned down at the shorter blonde but Quinn just shook her head to dismiss her statement.
Santana held Anton's hand under the cold tap as she sang softly into his ear; she hoped it would calm him down enough that he wasn't screaming. She hated hearing him cry, it felt like her own heart was breaking at the sound. She had no idea how she would cope if this was her own child. She would probably end up crying along with them. "S'tana, it hurts real bad." Anton whimpered with a pout.
"I know, but this water will make it all better." She reassured him, her face was buried into his soft brown hair. "How about we get you some chocolate and we can go back outside and sing some songs?" she asked with fake cheerfulness, she hoped this would take his mind off of the pain.
"Songs?" he asked hopefully.
"Yeah." She smiled brightly down at him. The tears had stopped falling and a small smile was tugging at the corners of her lips.
"Can you sing that song you were just singing?" Santana frowned wondering why he would want her to sing that one. "Can you sing it to Brittany? She looked sad before and when you sang it to me it made me feel happy." Santana stayed quiet for a moment. She pulled the boys hand out from under the tap and dried it carefully with a towel before she kissed it softly and lifted him up into her arms.
"How about we sing some different songs first and then we'll see, okay?" she offered as the made their way back out onto the beach and towards the glow of the campfire.
"Okay." he nodded excitedly before he jumped down from her arms and raced over to his father. Santana looked around at the many faces that were looking up at her but her eyes stayed on a pair of bright blue orbs for a second or so longer than the rest before she sat down next to Dylan and released a heavy sigh, her eyes still glued to Brittany's.
"Are you okay?" Dylan asked as he looked at his best friend staring off towards the other side of the fire.
"Yeah." she admitted with a nod and for the first time in more than a year she actually meant it. She felt happy and full of life and there wasn't one bit of sadness or anger inside of her at that point in time. Santana ducked her head as she felt a deep blush creeping up her neck.
Dylan leaned into her side and wrapped his arm around her waist. "Did you tell her?" he asked softly. Santana just nodded but didn't make a move to say anything. "What did she say?"
"Nothing." She said shortly. Dylan took that as his queue to change the subject so he cleared his throat and pulled away slightly. "What do we have planned for tomorrow then?" He asked to no one in particular and hoped someone would answer.
"We were thinking of going shopping again." Rachel answered for the three women sitting opposite them. Santana stared at Quinn for a moment, hadn't she just been shopping earlier that day? She was just about to Question the blonde when she was halted with a glare from hazel eyes and abruptly shut her mouth. She would have to ask her about that later. "You can never have too many shoes." She chuckled and Santana found herself smiling at the sound of it. No matter how annoying the diva was, Santana still considered her one of her best friends.
"Wouldn't mind if I tagged along would you?" Santana asked.
"Of course not." Rachel beamed. "You can help me and Quinn pick out a new dress for my fathers' anniversary dinner." Santana rolled her eyes playfully but nodded in agreement, she had to bite down on her lip when she saw the look on Quinn's face.
"And I can't wait for that!" Quinn cheered sarcastically but stopped when Rachel shot her a glare. "What? Not that there is anything wrong with your dads or anything but I'm just not a parent kind of girl." She shrugged and began to pick at the stick that was in her hand.
Rachel just shook her head exasperatedly. "Honestly, Quinn." Her face softened when she turned back to Santana. "How are you and your mom, Santana? You haven't mentioned her yet; you must have spoken to her since you left New York right…?"
Suddenly the air around the fire turned cold and thick and an eerie silence fell around them all. Santana's whole body tensed and a pang of pain shot through her and stung at her eyes to form tears that were ready to spill over. All the happiness from earlier dissipated and the pain she had become used to over the past year returned but for some reason it was ten times as strong and burned her insides just as much. Dylan's arm gripped tighter around her but he kept his distance in case the Latina lost it. Out of the corner of her eye she saw her father get up and race off into the house with Orlando close behind him with a confused Anton in his arms, she knew he hated talking about her mother and he still wasn't completely over the shock just yet. Santana didn't have to look at the three women across from her to know that Quinn had her face buried deep into the palms of her hands and Rachel and Brittany with confused looks on their faces.
"Santana?" Brittany's voice was so innocent and full of love that Santana couldn't hold back her pain any longer. She slumped forward, her face pressed into her thighs and her hands curled under her stomach as she cried softly. She was so sick of crying, it seemed like the only thing she did anymore but what would you expect of someone who had gone through what she had in the space of two years. It was enough to crack someone up. Maybe she already had cracked up… maybe she was imagining this whole thing and she was still sitting in that hospital room when the doctor first told her she had a heart condition…
Maybe her mom hadn't died.
Maybe she still hadn't had the chance to ruin things with Brittany.
Maybe she could have the chance to do everything right this time.
But to her disappointment those hopes were shattered when she heard Dylan's voice whispering softly into her ear. She couldn't make out what he was saying but it was enough to make the pain in her chest grown. Her crying quickly turned into sobs and her whole body began to shake. Dylan pulled his arm away from her and the sound of muffled voices could be heard over the crackling of the fire and her deep breaths and whimpers but she chose to ignore it.
I should have called her or something; I was here for six months before she died. What kind of daughter does that?
Brittany stared at the woman she loved with wide eyes, never had she seen her look so broken even after all they had been through. She was sure if she reached out to touch her that Santana would shatter into a million tiny pieces.
Quinn had pulled Rachel and Dylan back up to the house – muttering to Rachel that she would explain later - and told Brittany to talk to her and that was what she intended on doing just as soon as she figured out how to get her feet to work. "Santana?" she asked again but the Latina just whimpered in response. Brittany pushed herself up off of the log and pulled her feet through the warm sand and sat down a respectable distance away from the brunette. "San, what's going on?" She reached out and placed her hand on the woman's back to try and sooth her but before she knew it Santana was throwing herself into the blonde's arms and clinging to her clothes for dear life as she sobbed into the crook of Brittany's neck.
"Brittany." Her breath was warm against the blonde's pale skin and she felt the woman shuddered against her and her grip tighten. Maybe if she wasn't crying she would have smiled at that but she just couldn't find it in her to do so. "I'm so sick of crying." She muttered harshly to herself but kept her grip tight on the blonde and slowly Santana felt herself calming in the blonde's arms, her body was relaxing and her crying was slowing. Santana may have been good at calming Brittany in thunderstorms but the blonde was definitely amazing at calming Santana when it came to feelings. "I need to tell you something." She said after a short while.
For some reason Brittany felt her stomach plummet at Santana's words, there was something in her that didn't want to hear anymore of Santana's painful memories but she knew that if there was any chance of the two of them getting back together then this would be the only way. "San, talk to me please." Brittany leaned back so that she could see Santana better, her hands moved up the Latina's arms until they were cupping her neck and their eyes were boring into one another.
Santana clenched her eyes shut and even more tears began to spill over, she leaned forward and pressed her forehead against the blonde's. "I'm… I'm sorry I left you, I'm sorry I just disappeared without saying goodbye, I'm sorry I came back and hurt you all over again and I'm sorry I ever thought you would use me like that because you're the most perfect woman on this planet and I know you wouldn't do that to me. I love you so much, Brittany and I swear to you I never meant to intentionally hurt you." she rushed out the best she could through her body shaking sobs. Brittany just stared at the woman confused.
"Why are you saying this?" her thumbs rubbed across Santana's cheeks as she wiped away the salty water that was streaking the makeup.
The Latina just ducked her head and shook it sadly before she looked back up to meet concerned blue eyes. "Because I couldn't tell my mom how much I loved her before she... before… I couldn't tell her how much she meant to me and how grateful I was for the way she brought me up even though she could have done a better job. The last words I ever said to my mom was that I didn't want to see her again." Santana bit back a sob that stuck in her throat. "I didn't get to tell my mom I loved her and I never will ever again because she's dead." She finished, her hands reached up and laced with Brittany's that were still holding her neck. The blonde was frozen, her mouth was gaping and she could feel her own tears now falling down her cheeks. She couldn't find it in her to say anything to the Latina. She knew there was no way to make her feel better so she just stared into the woman's eyes and hoped they conveyed all of the love she felt for her. "She gave me her heart." Santana whispered and it took a few seconds for Brittany to take in what she was saying. "I didn't even get a chance to say thank you. And I'll be fucking damned if I ever let you go, Brittany." In that single moment all Brittany wanted to do was lean that inch closer and kiss Santana senseless but just as she was about to do so, the Latina pulled away with a sad smile on her face.
"Where are you going?" Brittany whispered, her hands reached out in front of her as she tried to pull the woman back to her. Santana's smile turned into a happy one that almost reached her eyes but she moved far enough out of the blonde's reach so that she could pick up her guitar that had been resting against the end of the log. "When did you learn to play?" Brittany asked curiously.
"The day I realised I was only existing and not living, the day I realised I needed you in my life to survive." She pulled the instrument into her lap and saddled the log beneath her so that she was mirroring Brittany's new position. She felt her smile grow as she watched a bashful expression form on the blonde's face. "When I was inside just then with Anton, he told me to sing you this song." She ducked her head as a deep blush crept up her neck. "I think it's perfect because it shows what you mean to me…" he began to pluck at the strings and hoped she wouldn't start crying halfway through and ruin the whole thing and maybe things would work out the way she hoped they would. She closed her eyes and let the music take over.
Aren't you something to admire?
'Cause your shine is something like a mirror
And I can't help but notice
You reflect in this heart of mine
If you ever feel alone and
The glare makes me hard to find
Just know that I'm always
Parallel on the other side
Brittany's whole body shivered at the words, her heart burned in her chest and tears of happiness began to pool in her eyes. She knew that Santana didn't even have to sing the rest of the song to know what she was trying to tell the blonde because Brittany wanted to be with Santana and Santana wanted to be with Brittany, it couldn't get any simpler than that.
'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass
I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong
Santana didn't have to open her eyes to know that Brittany was smiling, she could feel the happiness physically radiating off of the other woman. She wanted to do something simple like reach out and take the woman's hand but she carried on playing.
'Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
The vacancy that sat in my heart
Is a space that now you hold
Show me how to fight for now
And I'll tell you, baby, it was easy
Comin' back here to you once I figured it out
You were right here all along
Brittany bit down on her bottom lip to try and supress the size of the embarrassingly large smile that had formed on her face. She shuffled forward on the log until her knees were pressed against Santana's and reached out to placed her hands on the woman's thighs.
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
'Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me
Santana opened her eyes and gasped at how close Brittany was to her. Blue eyes were sparkling in the light of the amber flames, her skin was glowing and her lips were perfectly pink. She had to resist the urge to lean forward and press their lips together because there was nothing more in that moment she wanted to do more.
'Cause with your hand in my hand and a pocket full of soul
I can tell you there's no place we couldn't go
Just put your hand on the glass
I'll be tryin' to pull you through
You just gotta be strong
"I love you, San." Brittany whispered softly into the Latina's ear when she leaned forward to plant a soft kiss onto the woman's cheeks as she carried on singing. She would have kissed her lips but then that would stop Santana from singing and just the sound of Santana's voice was doing crazy things to her body.
It's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me
I couldn't get any bigger
With anyone else beside of me
And now it's clear as this promise
That we're making two reflections into one
'Cause it's like you're my mirror
My mirror staring back at me, staring back at me
Santana leaned forward and placed their foreheads back together so she could feel Brittany's breath against her skin. She fit down on her lip for a single second to stop a whimper from break through because hell did she miss feeling this woman so close to her.
Yesterday is history
Tomorrow's a mystery
I can see you lookin' back at me
Keep your eyes on me
Baby, keep your eyes on me
Both women were breathing heavily, their breaths mixing in the air between them. Brittany's eyes were full of love, want and what Santana could only describe as pure adoration and she hoped that her own eyes mirrored the blonde's.
Now you're the inspiration for this precious song
And I just wanna see your face light up since you put me on
So now I say goodbye to the old me, it's already gone
And I can't wait wait wait wait wait to get you home
Just to let you know, you are
"I love you so much." Brittany panted out against Santana's lips; her hands had found their way to the Latina's hips around the sides of the guitar and had begun to pull Santana closer.
Girl you're my reflection, all I see is you
My reflection, in everything I do
You're my reflection and all I see is you
My reflection, in everything I do
"You're the love of my life." Santana spoke the very last words of the song before she crashed their lips together in a passionate kiss that caused goose bumps to erupt all over her body and heat to rush to her chest. She couldn't suppress the smile that tugged at her lips when Brittany yanked the guitar from her hands and dropped it to the floor, she moved forward so that her legs were resting on top of the blonde's and her arms looped around Brittany's neck so that she couldn't pull away. Santana's mind was racing, her senses were in overload with Brittany's sent and she was sure she wanted nothing more than to hold her in her arms for the rest of their happy life together.
At that thought Santana's smile grew because she knew this was it, there was no more running away and no more being scared. She had Brittany now and she was sure she would be the happiest person alive up until the day she died and probably longer.
"San…" Brittany moaned as her hands gripped tighter on Santana's waist and pulled her closer until their bodies were flushed together. Brittany never wanted to let the woman go again, she didn't want to lose Santana and this was the only way she could stop herself from floating off into the amazing fuzziness that was swamping her brain.
The Latina wound her fingers into perfect blonde locks and flicked her tongue along Brittany's lip begging for access but to her disappointment the blonde pulled away but not before nipping at Santana's swollen lip. The Latina didn't know how she had lasted an entire year without this woman in her life, she had so many chances to come back to the blonde but she put off and put because she was afraid. But it was at this very moment that she realised that if she had gone a week or so longer without this woman she would have completely lost it.
Suddenly, Santana realised it was considerably colder and a lot darker. She gave Brittany one last peck on the lips before she took the blonde's hand and stood up on shaky legs, the fire had just about burned out and the wind was picking up. "Does this mean we can be in love again?" Santana asked cautiously as she rubbed the back of her neck.
"I never stopped being in love with you." Brittany stated as she placed their lips together in a loving kiss. "But yes, we can be in love again." she smiled softly and wrapped her arms around Santana's waist. The Latina couldn't suppress the huge and embarrassing grin that formed on her face, she definitely hadn't been this happy in a long time. She was pulled from her thoughts when she felt Brittany shudder against her body.
"We should head back home…" Santana chuckled as she pointed towards the street to where her apartment was then turned back to look at Brittany who had darker than usual eyes. She bit down on her lip to hide the smile but Brittany caught it and before she knew it the blonde was pulling her into her arms and spinning her in a tight circle.
"I've missed you so much." Brittany whispered into the crook of the Latina's neck as she walked them up to Marco's home. Santana pressed a soft kiss to Brittany's temple in response.
"Why aren't we going home?" Santana asked in confusion as they walked up onto the porch and entered the kitchen area.
Santana didn't see the beaming smile on Brittany's face, she didn't realise that she had just said 'home' instead of 'her house' and she didn't know how fast Brittany's heart was racing at the thought of them living together. "Because your apartment is too far away and I just want to sit and hold you for a little while." She whispered sweetly. Santana almost walked into the wall at the blondes words and had to steady herself up on the sink for a couple of seconds. Brittany just winked and held out a hand for Santana to take. The Latina's heart jumped at the gesture and she had to take in a few deep breaths to calm herself so that she wouldn't jump up and down with delight. Maybe a little too enthusiastically she took Brittany's hand, their fingers laced together perfectly and a smile formed on both of their faces. "We should go see everyone first though…" Brittany trailed off as they walked into the living room where everyone had gathered in a circle.
Their heads shot up at the sound of the two women entering the room, they all expected to see a shocked or confused look on Brittany's face, red and sad eyes on Santana but they were utterly confused to see the exact opposite. Santana's eyes were sparkling with happiness and Brittany was grinning with love. Their eyes moved down to the women's hands in sync to see them clasped tightly together and realisation hit them.
"Holy shit."
"Finally."
"Oh my god."
That was the only thing the couple could make out when the room erupted into cheers of happiness. Santana found herself blushing with a cheesy grin on her face and the only way she could hide it was by burying her face into Brittany's neck and god was that a mistake because the woman's perfume and natural sent climbed up her nose and sent a rush of heat to her brain and then down between her legs. She knew Brittany felt it too because the blonde wound her other hand around Santana's waist and pulled her impossibly closer as she placed a soft kiss to the top of Santana's head. "I love you." Brittany whispered and Santana's entire body shuddered at the words before she pulled away and pressed their lips together into a searing kiss even though it lasted for two seconds.
"I love you too." Santana felt her cheeks begin to ache from the smile that had glued itself on her face from the second she had finished singing to the love of her life.
"Break it up you two!" Rachel's joking voice pulled the couple from their trances and pulled them back to real life. "Come and sit down, we were just about to sing a few songs." She gestured to Dylan's guitar that was leaning up against the sofa but before anyone could say anything the two women were shaking their head 'no'.
"Actually, we were just going to head home…" All the adults in the room cocked their heads to the side as they smirked up at Santana knowingly. "It's been a long day and Britt-Britt here is tired. Isn't that right, baby?" Brittany almost chocked on air at the term of endearment and found herself beaming down at the beautiful woman wrapped in her arms. She was so lost in the dark brown orbs that she forgot what the question was and decided to just nod and hoped it was the right answer. Apparently she answered correctly because the smile on Santana face grew and she watched the light get brighter in the woman's eyes.
"But… but, S'tana you said we could sing a song." Santana looked down to see the tiny Latino tugging on the hem of her shorts with bright pleading eyes. She knew no one would ever be able to say no to him, they were almost as irresistible as Brittany's.
Almost.
She looked back up at the blonde for help and hoped that she would be able to help get them out of this situation because as much as she loved her family and friends, she just wanted to be alone with Brittany. But as she met ocean blue eyes she knew she was screwed because apparently Brittany couldn't resist Anton's puppy dog gaze either and was now staring at Santana with her own set of pleading eyes.
I'm screwed I tell you. Screwed!
She let out a long sigh because she knew she had no choice in the matter and buried her face into Brittany's chest as she reached out and ruffled Anton's hair. "Fine, but it's your fault if I fall asleep." She teased before she pulled Brittany down to sit on the floor next to her. She pulled the blonde's hand into her lap and began to trail her fingers up and down the perfectly smooth skin as Dylan began to play his guitar and Anton sang along loudly.
Brittany couldn't take her eyes off of the bright smile that had formed on Santana's face. The brunette's happiness caused a bubble of love to form in Brittany's chest and all she wanted to do was lean forward and kiss that smile until she couldn't breathe. But if she did that then she wouldn't be able to just stair and at the woman's smile that she had missed so much this year.
Santana knew Brittany was staring at her and it was doing all kinds of crazy things to her body but they weren't the only set of eyes on her. She blinked a few times before she turned to find Quinn and Rachel beaming at her with excited eyes. It took so much of Santana's will power to stop herself from rolling her eyes playfully and instead just sent the woman a wink before she turned to Brittany, cupped the blonde's cheek in the palm of her hand and pulled her down into a loving kiss. Sparks seemed to erupt behind the Latina's eyes and warmth rushed through her body starting from her lips and ending at her toes.
Yup, I definitely would have gone crazy if I'd waited another day.
Santana thought surely as she tried to deepen the kiss but was stopped at the sound of someone clearing their throat from beside the couple. Brittany groaned and wrapped her arms tightly around Santana's neck so that the smaller woman couldn't pull away, she smiled against Santana's lips when she chuckled and reciprocated Brittany's action by winding her own arms around her waist.
"S, can we talk?" Quinn's voice was slightly impatient but there were still traces of playfulness in her tone. Santana rolled her eyes knowing that Quinn wouldn't go away anytime soon and reluctantly pulled away from Brittany who let out an irritated groan.
"This better be good, Q. I've spent a year away from Britt-Britt and I don't intend on wasting another second without her." Santana stood up but not before planting a soft kiss onto Brittany's temple and followed Quinn out into the kitchen and left Brittany to do whatever with Rachel who was now ushering the blonde off into the opposite direction.
"I'm glad you and Brittany are okay again." Quinn smiled lovingly at Santana who returned it followed by a nod.
"Make it quick, blondie." Santana teased as she leaned against the counter and stared curiously at her friend.
"You know we have to leave in less than a week right?" Santana felt her heart drop at the thought as she nodded. She had tried so hard to keep that thought out of her head or at least push it to the back of her mind but she knew there was no point because soon enough Brittany would be flying back to good old New York and she would be staying here.
Alone.
"It had crossed my mind." Santana replied cockily as she crossed her arms over her chest defensively. "But what are you getting at?"
Quinn moved closer to the Latina so they could talk quietly without the people in the other room hearing them. "What are you going to do?" Santana frowned in confusion and tightened her arms around herself. Quinn noticed the look on her friends face and chose to elaborate because she knew how slow Santana could be with this sort of stuff. "Are you going to do long distance? Or are you going to ask her to move in with you?"
Santana was caught momentarily off guard. Surprisingly – or not – she hadn't actually thought about what would happen to her and Brittany once it was time for the blonde and their friends to leave. All she had been thinking about since Brittany became a part of her life again was how she could get her back and now that they were together again all she had wanted to do was kiss and touch the blonde, so really there hadn't been much room for anything else to occupy her mind. But now that Quinn had sprouted that thought in her head everything else had gone silence.
What would she do? She knew long distance only lasted in fairy tales but she also knew that she would never cheat on Brittany and the same would go for the blonde so would they be able to cope just for a little while or would it just end up in even more heart break? Santana couldn't cope with her heart breaking again, her family and friends wouldn't be enough this time and she was one hundred per cent certain of that.
The only other option she had was to ask Brittany to move in with her. The thought was so daunting that she felt herself sway on her feet until she reached out and caught herself on the counter. Yes, Brittany and her have already lived together but they decided to move in together when they were best friends, their relationship formed after that. If she asked Brittany to move in with her this time it would mean a lot more to the both of them, it would mean being jumping right back into a serious relationship but Santana didn't know if they would be able to handle that in such a short space of time.
Maybe if they tried long distance Brittany would eventually move here or Santana could move back to New York. The Latina was willing to do anything for her blonde. She wanted to be with Brittany more than anything but could the blonde actually trust her after she ran away and broke her heart?
"Santana, what're you going to do?" Santana stared at Quinn with a panicked expression on her face and her eyes full of worry.
"Brittany, are you listening to me?" Rachel's voice could only just be heard over the loud troubled thoughts that were whirling around inside of Brittany's mind. Little did she know that Santana had just been asked the very same question.
No, I'm not listening to you. Please fuck off while I have an internal freak out and leave a message after the beep. BEEP!
She shook away the angry, panicked thoughts and looked back at the diva in front of her. "I don't know. I don't want to go back to New York now I know what it's like here. Now that I know how it feels to be happy again with her." Brittany found herself smiling at the memory of kissing Santana outside in front of the fire and how happy she had felt. She didn't ever want to be without that feeling but it wasn't like she could just announce her moving in with the woman.
Rachel nodded her head in understanding. "Quinn and I were talking earlier and we've decided that we're going to move over here once I've finished school." She stated and Brittany's eyes grew wide. "And we figured that you should too, only if you want to which you clearly do." Brittany was nodding her head before the diva had even finished her sentence but her smile was soon replaced by a slight frown. "What is it?"
"I don't have a job here…" Brittany whispered sadly, if she didn't have a job she wouldn't be able to afford anywhere to live – if she didn't move in with Santana – or be able to help out with the rent and groceries.
"Oh but you do." Rachel grinned mischievously and pulled out her phone and handed it to the blonde. "You need to call Kristen." Brittany wanted to protest; she had no intentions of ever talking to that woman again but chose to trust that Rachel knew what she was doing. After all, the brunette was one of the smartest people she knew.
Santana walked back into the living room after going into a mad panic with Quinn and found Brittany and Rachel already there. She was about to make some snide remark about swapping girlfriends when she noticed the bright toothy smile that was on Brittany's face. "Ugh, I've missed seeing that." Santana muttered as she sat down in between the blonde's legs and pulled long pale arms around her waist as she leaned back into her chest.
"What have you missed?" Brittany asked, she buried her face into the crook of Santana's neck and inhaled deeply.
"Your smile." Santana answered with a sigh of happiness.
Brittany hummed in response. She could list a few things she missed about the Latina. Like the floral small that seemed to be the woman's natural sent or the smoothness of Santana's skin. She missed the way Santana's chest rose and fell with each breath, the way her nose scrunched up when she laughed, the swirls in her eyes and the way Santana would shudder when she would kiss that spot behind her ear…
Santana began to stroke small circles on the skin of Brittany's arm sleepily as her eyes began to feel heavy and her head began to bob as exhaustion took over. Brittany leaned back against the sofa and pulled Santana with her so that the woman would be more comfortable. This. This is what she had been missing, being able to just hold Santana was more than anyone could ask for. Brittany planted small, soft kisses up the Latina's neck until she stopped behind her eyes at that spot and blew on it softly. She watched as Santana shivered and cuddled up to her further, her hands curled around Brittany's.
"You should take her home…" Marco's voice sounded softly from across the room. Brittany looked up to meet an affectionate smile and nodded softly as she shifted slightly so that she could lift Santana up in her arms – she didn't even stir. Rachel and Quinn were close behind as they all said their goodbyes and walked out towards Santana's car.
"She's going to kill us for driving this." Quinn chuckled as she climbed in the driver's seat and looked back at Brittany with a smirk.
"She would have killed you the last time you'd driven it if she hadn't been so ill." Rachel chimed in, the memory of the four of them driving to Lima flashed in their minds but Brittany blocked the rest of the conversation out, her fingers were tracing along Santana's facial features and racking through her hair.
They pulled up outside Santana's apartment and clambered out one after the other. The Latina mumbled incoherently in Brittany's arms but didn't wake, she wound her arms around the blonde's neck and buried her face into the crook of her neck and breathed in the women's sent unconsciously. Brittany's body warmed at the feeling, she tightened her arms around Santana like she was her life line and carried her into the apartment.
"Are you guys just going to head to bed?" Brittany whispered as she climbed the stairs up to Santana's room.
"Yeah, we're going to head out earlier and get some shopping done." Quinn answered softly as she took Rachel's hand and walked over to Dylan's empty bed.
"Good night, guys." Brittany smiled before she turned and walked further into Santana's room and lay the woman down on her bed.
"Mm, Britt-Britt." Santana stirred and reached out blindly at Brittany's blazer, she clasped her hands around the fabric and pulled the blonde down to lay next to her. Brittany chuckled and wound her arms around Santana's waist to pull her closer to her body.
"I can't believe it's been so long since I've held you like this." Brittany sighed into soft brown hair. Santana turned in her arms to face Brittany and looked up into clouded eyes.
"I…" Santana wanted to apologise but she couldn't form the words in her mouth, she wanted to tell Brittany how much she had missed her while she was here but the words weren't there. She clenched her eyes shut and hoped that when she opened them Brittany would know what she was trying to say because after all this time, Santana never regretted anything as much as this. She wished she hadn't left New York; they would still have been a couple and so in love that it was better than a drug. They wouldn't have missed out on a year living happy together, their hearts wouldn't have been broken and they wouldn't have gone through so much pain.
Brittany stared down into emotion filled eyes and held down the gasp at the intensity of them. She watched as love, adoration and so many other emotions flashed towards the blonde. Brittany knew Santana was trying to apologise but the truth was that Santana's apology wasn't what mattered to her anymore, she was so sick of feeling pain and anger, she just wanted to be happy and in love again. So she reached out with one hand and cupped Santana's cheek, her thumb traced across her cheekbone and wiped away the single tear that had managed to fall from the deep brown orbs.
"I love you, San." Brittany whispered before she closed the gap between them and pressed their lips together in a soft and loving kiss, the kind that made their hearts race rapidly and their heads spin out of control, the kind that conveyed every ounce of love the two women felt for each other. She didn't know she was crying until Santana reached up and wiped away the tears that had dripped onto her own skin. The Latina moaned softly as Brittany swiped her tongue along Santana's lip begging for access.
Santana parted her lips without a second thought, her hands pushed against Brittany's shoulders until the blonde was lying flat on her back and Santana lifted one leg over Brittany's waist to straddle her hips. She stared down longingly into dark blue eyes, one hand held her body up next to Brittany face while the other rested on the blonde's chest – it moved up and down with ever inhale and exhale. Santana gulped at the feeling of Brittany's solid heart beat beneath her fingertips.
She had longed to feel that feeling again.
She pressed their lips softly together again, Santana had to hold back the moan that was threatening to escape at the feeling of Brittany flick her tongue against the roof of Santana's mouth. Brittany slid her hands up the Latina's thighs and stopped at the hem of her shorts before she slipped her fingers beneath the fabric and began to stroke soft patterns against her burning hot skin. More tears began to fall from Santana's eyes at the action, never in the year she had been away from Brittany had she been touched like this, never in the year she had been away had she felt this happy, this in love and this wanted.
"Brittany." She pulled away with a gasp as a rush of pleaser coursed down her spine and formed a heavy throb in between her legs. She didn't want this to just be about sex, she wanted to show Brittany how much she loved her and how sorry she was for leaving, that she was never going to leave her again.
Brittany sat up into an upright position and wrapped her arms around Santana's neck to pull her close. She played with the soft hair on the nape of her neck while she moaned into the woman's mouth as she felt a wave of her own pleasure wash over her because this is where she wanted to be, right here with Santana's body pressed flush against her own and the pair of them declaring their for each other through hot passionate sex. Yup, she definitely did not want to be anywhere else.
Brittany began to pant against Santana's lips when the brunette pushed Brittany's blazer off her shoulder, threw it across the room and slipped her hands under her shirt and pressed the pads of her fingers to the skin of her pale stomach.
It was almost unimaginable to Santana that this was happening after so long without it. It felt so good and yet she was scared to let herself believe it was real in case she opened her eyes to find she was lying in her bed at Marco's house, a depressed mess and had just woken up from a dream. Someone up there must really hate her if they would do that to her. She was pulled from her thoughts when Brittany began to nibble on her bottom lip which caused Santana's hips to rock into the blonde. Her grip tightened around Santana's body before her hands slipped down to cup the Latina's ass – earning a deep and throaty moan to escape Santana's mouth.
The brunette tugged desperately at Brittany's shirt until the blonde held her arms in the air so she could pull it free from her body. Santana felt even more warmth flood through her body causing her mind to grow fuzzy and the throbbing between her legs to turn into a solid pounding. She wasn't even embarrassed by the fact that Brittany could probably feel her wetness through her denim shorts; she carried on rocking her hips in time with her heart beat.
Brittany gasped loudly when Santana cupped her breasts in both hands and began to massage them softly until the blonde fell flat onto her back and began to grind her own hips against the Latina's. "Brittany, oh my god." Santana moaned loudly, she latched her lips onto the blonde's neck and sucked, nipped and licked at the soft flesh there until a deep purple mark had formed. There was something inside of her that reacted at the thought of being able to do that to Brittany after so long; she could call the woman her own again.
"San," Brittany gasped and dark brown eye's flickered up to meet deep blue, pale hands cupped Santana's cheeks and pulled the woman down to kiss her lovingly as they moved in time against each other. Santana hooked her fingers around Brittany's shorts and began to tug them down her thighs causing Brittany to whimper louder than Santana had ever heard her. The air around the woman was suddenly filled with the sweet smell of Brittany's arousal and no doubt Santana's as well.
Santana mentally begged her eyes not to roll to far back into her head as she looked down at Brittany's perfect body. She reached out and trailed her pointer finger down the valley of the blonde's breasts and down her stomach where she stopped at the top of her lacy underwear. Brittany's hips began to buck up into Santana's hand begging the woman to stop teasing her. Santana smirked, pulled her hands away and ducked her head to press her lips firmly against the blonde's as she her hands reached round behind her and pulled the bra from Brittany's body.
The taller woman gasped loudly when Santana cool hands cupped her warm breasts in both hands and began to pinch and kneed at the soft skin there. "Ugh, I love you so much." Brittany hummed into Santana's mouth as pleasure seared through her body.
At these words Santana's eyes clouded over as a rush of emotion took over. It was something so little yet something huge, it didn't take a lot of energy to say those words but hell did it make Santana fall in love even further with Brittany – which she thought was impossible. "I love you, Britt-Britt." She gasped as she began to grind down harder into the blonde's core. She could feel Brittany's wetness sticking to her thigh and she couldn't take it anymore. She lifted up an inch or so before she slid her hand down past the hem of her underwear and slid a finger through the blonde's folds. Both women sighed when the brunette flicked her finger over Brittany's clit once, twice, three times before she dipped the tip of it into her entrance.
"Oh fuck." Brittany's nails dug into Santana's still clothed back as the Latina's pushed in further, stars erupted in front of blue eyes that momentarily blinded her before she regained her vision and reached up to Santana's chin so that the Latina would look her in the eyes. When she did, Brittany had to bite down on her bottom lip to hold back the sob of happiness she was sure was bubbling up in her throat. Santana's eyes were pooling with tears but behind the salty water she could clearly see the pure love the Latina had for her and she hoped that her own eyes were mirroring the brown orbs in front of her. "Don't stop."
Santana nodded and began to pump her hand back and forth; she added another finger and groaned when she felt Brittany tighten around her. It had been too long. She had been stupid to leave, completely idiotic and Santana was going to make sure she never did anything like that again. She vowed never to hurt Brittany for the rest of her life. She ducked her head so that their foreheads were pressed together and they were gazing into each other's eyes as sweat began to form on both of their bodies.
The two women down stairs were completely forgotten, the friends and family streets away were now non-existent and the rest of the world just didn't matter anymore because they were together, in this room making sweet, sweet love. Neither of them cared about anything but the fact they were with each other.
Brittany's body began to shudder and her lips parted, her eyes rolled back into her head, her hips bucked rapidly into Santana's hand and a final scream of arousal racked through her body as she came undone in the Latina's arms. Arms she should have been in all along. A single tear streamed down the side of her cheek and a beaming smile graced her face and lit up the entire room. Santana's heart jumped at the sight. "I love you, Brittany. I always have and I always will." The blonde stared up in complete bliss.
Brittany reached up with a shaky hand to cup Santana's cheek; she pulled her down and kissed her softly. "I know, always and forever. Me and you." Brittany smiled against the brunette's lips when she heard her sniff and wiped at her face. "Don't cry." The blonde cooed. "You don't have to be sad anymore, we've got each other again, I got you and you got me. You have an amazing family and you have a heart…" Brittany trailed off; she traced her finger over the spot she was sure Santana's heart was. A thought popped into her head, something she should have said earlier that night when they were down on the beach. "The fact that your mom gave you her heart shows how much you meant to her and how much she loved you despite what was going on because you're her daughter. And your mom is always going to be with you because of that. She's always going to be a part of your life no matter what because she gave you her love. It's all in there Santana." Brittany pointed at Santana's heart. The Latina's eyes were soft and full of love, they were completely drowned in tears but her eyes didn't match the smile on her face. "Please don't cry." Brittany pouted as she kissed the tears that were streaming down Santana's face.
"I'm crying because I'm happy, Britt. You make me so happy, crazy happy." the smile Santana gave the blonde made her heart ram against her chest; she reached up and pulled Santana into a strong hug. The Latina peppered Brittany's face with kisses, she worked her way down her neck, her shoulders, arms, chest and then her stomach, her kisses were soft and completely love filled. She's missed being able to kiss the blonde like this it caused butterflies to form in her stomach and her face to flush. She then proceeded down and hovered over Brittany's covered centre but was stopped from making another move when Brittany pulled on her shoulder and flipped them over.
Santana gasped at the action and revelled in the feeling of the pounding in between her legs intensifying as Brittany climbed up her body and ducked her head to latch her lips onto Santana's neck. But before she could stop anything from happening Brittany was already tugging at the hem of her shirt and pulling it up past her stomach. Santana practically launched herself off of the bed and pinned herself back against the wall, her eyes were wide and full of panic as she stared back at a dumbfounded Brittany.
"San?" Brittany's brow rose in confusion as she slowly climbed of the bed clad in only her underwear and walked slowly over to the shaking Latina. "What's wrong?" She reached out to take Santana hand but she snapped it away before Brittany could touch her. A pout formed and she looked down sadly at her hands. Had she done something wrong? Had Santana changed her mind about wanting to get back together?
"I…" Santana started but stopped, she didn't know how to tell Brittany she was embarrassed about her scar, the blonde had already seen it but that was a spur of the moment kind of thing. She didn't want to be in such an intimate moment with the love of her life and feel completely disgusting at the same time. "I can't take my top off." Santana decided to say after a few seconds of standing in silence, panic was beginning to rise within her chest and she didn't know what else to do. She didn't want Brittany to think that she didn't want to do this with her and show her how much she loved her because she did. More than anything.
It took Brittany a few seconds to understand what she was talking about but then she remembered Santana's scar and how insecure she was of it. She looked down in to brown orbs and all she could see was panic and uncertainty. "Santana," Brittany reached out and laced her fingers with Santana's, she was thankful the Latina didn't pull away. "You will always be beautiful, scar or no scar you're perfect in my eyes and everyone else who sees you." Santana ducked her head in embarrassment. There was no doubt in her mind that Brittany thought she was beautiful and maybe her family and friends did too but that didn't stop her from feeling the complete opposite. "Look at me." Brittany ordered when Santana turned away. "Please believe me." Santana gave her a soft smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. Brittany sighed. "I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that you're beautiful, I'll ask people on the streets, I'll scream it from the roof tops. Hey, I'll even make a ton of billboards if that's what it takes." The Latina's smile grew. "I love you; you're beautiful inside and out."
Something in the Latina's chest tugged and she felt her smile finally reach her eyes. Maybe it would take a long time and maybe it would be heard work but she believed Brittany when she'd said she would make her feel beautiful again and something that felt like hope welled inside of her heart. So she tugged at the corners of her shirt and yanked it up over her head. "Okay." was all she said before she pushed the blonde back onto the bed and straddled her hips.
This was just the beginning of a lifetime of healing.