Due to popular request (and I couldn't resist it), here's another chapter of the fic. First of all, all Avengers belong to Marvel. The surprise guest star belongs to 20th Century Fox. I really want to thank this chapter's betareader, Para Prosdokia. She really helped out with the guest star.

Steve and Thor's Wacky Adventures

Chapter: Elderly Harem

By Marie Nomad

"No." Steve said for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Why not? You need to relax." Tony said as he waved the bottle full of his version of Hercules' special wine. "If I remember correctly, you had fun."

"My head was pounding and I nearly threw up."

"And all it took was a glass of water and you were back to normal. I wish Clint and I could recover from hangovers as fast as you."

Steve sighed. Ever since the Mt. Rushmore Incident, Tony have been pestering him to get drunk again. He didn't like the idea of losing control of his actions. "I'm not like you. Somebody could go hurt."

"Hey, I piloted a suit loaded with enough power to level a city while drunk and everything turned out okay." Steve stared at him. "I didn't break anything that wasn't mine. Besides, you are more of a benevolent drunk. You like to do stuff to help others."

"I defaced a national monument!"

"I wouldn't say defaced it. More like finish it. You just need to relax. Let your hair down. Just a tip, take Thor with you. Being drunk with friends just adds on to the fun." Tony handed Steve the bottle and walked away.

Steve sighed as he glanced at the bottle. Maybe if he was careful, he wouldn't destroy anything. "Thor! Let's take another stab at the wine!"

Several drinks later...

Steve opened his eyes and the first thing he noticed was that he was wearing only underwear. The second thing he noticed was the floor was littered with half naked old people. He stumbled to the nearest sink and drank some water. "Thor?"

"Here!" Thor held up his hand. He was shirtless. "We have an elderly harem." Thor said with a strange sense of pride.

"Tony is going to kill me." Steve muttered as he studied the damage. There were empty bottles of booze everywhere. "JARVIS? Are our guests okay and who are they?"

"They are all currently sleeping and in better condition than when they arrived. The BSA would be proud. They are guests from the Golden Years Retirement Home in New York City; veterans and spouses of veterans."

"Oh... that was fun." An elderly man reached up and wrapped his arm around Steve's broad shoulders. He laughed. "I haven't been to a party like this since that party after Bin Ladin died." He grabbed his cane and patted Steve's arm. "You threw a hell of a party, Son."

"Thanks. This is going to sound stupid but who are you?"

"It's okay, I've get that question all the time. Captain Hawkeye Pierce," his salute is somehow lazy, mocking, and somehow respectful all at once. Steve wouldn't believe it possible if he hadn't seen the same salute from Tony countless times, "Retired. Or at least I was 'Hawkeye' before your teammate stole my name. These days I mostly go by Ben; or Dr. Pierce if I'm trying to impress the ladies," he smiled and once again Steve was struck by the resemblance to his teammate. "I had no idea that you were such a party animal. I always thought that you were a bit up tight. I was wrong."

"Thanks, I think," Steve watched as the elderly doctor helped the other senior citizens to their feet and they started to sort their discarded clothing. "So, what war did you serve in?"

"Korea. Courtesy of Uncle Sam's draft. I was there for three years, but God knows it felt like eleven. What a lousy, senseless, war. I was a surgeon- 4077th," he swallowed, a haunted look shadowing his eyes, "I saw kids mutilated. Soldiers shellshocked. I had to fight not only death on daily basis but the whole damned system. It was Hell."

"I'm sorry."

Thor bowed his head toward the old man. "I know naught of this Korea War that you speak of but any healer willing to brave the ravages of war to aid others is a truly honorable man. I thank you for your brave service."

"I'm just a doctor, but thanks. But what I did was nothing compared to you two; you saved the world."

"What the hell is going on?!" Tony shouted as he entered the room. as he entered the room," There're naked old... old people everywhere! I need brain bleach!" He howled, covering his eyes.

"What? Like this is the first time you've seen an orgy." Stark's expression was priceless, "I've seen your tapes, Mr. Stark."

"That's different! Those are hot young models! These people are old enough to be my parents. I feel nauseous. You clean up around here. It's your party." Tony pointed at Steve and stumbled away. "Booze... I need booze..."

Steve and Dr. Peirce sighed. "Young people." The doctor muttered.

"Tell me about it." Steve nodded, "Was there an orgy?"

"No, but it's not every day I get to pull Tony Stark's leg."

Later as Dr. Pierce helped his friend, Margaret, with her shoes Steve confessed, "I think that every time I get drunk, I do something crazy for the greater good."

"Sounds like a pattern. I suggest you keep on doing it. See what happens. Maybe you and Thor will finish more of the government's unfinished projects or throw some more parties."

"Old people teeth are in my couch! I touched old people teeth!" Tony yelled.

"Well," Steve shrugged, "maybe."

The end

In case you didn't notice, the special guest star is Hawkeye Peirce from MASH.