Vicissitude
Chapter Two
"Need a spot?" Steve asked.
"Nah, I'm good" Clint breathed. He pushed the barbell up off the stand and did a rapid set of reps.
"You kinda disappeared after Captain Danvers showed us the jet, I wasn't sure where you'd gotten to" Steve said casually.
"Came here to atone for my sins" Clint sighed, putting the barbell back into its cradle.
Steve smiled slightly and nodded. "Haven't seen you around here much lately"
"Haven't been around much" Clint let his arms fall by his sides.
"SHIELD got you working on anything?"
"Nope" Clint said, taking up the barbell again.
Well, this was going badly. Steve sighed. "Clint, this is your home, too. And I'm sorry if you've been... scared off since we brought Loki back with us."
"I'm not scared of him, don't worry" Clint said, irritated. "Me not being around here means Nat isn't around here either. And that's good for Loki's health and safety."
"I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable-"
"That's a Kobayashi Maru" Clint muttered. Steve looked at him askance. "Never mind" Clint muttered.
"I think maybe you feel a little betrayed by the team..." Steve hazarded, laying it all out.
"No. Not betrayed..." Clint trailed off.
"What then?"
Clint slowly sat up, thinking hard. He shook his head. "I don't know. I can't put it into words. I don't feel betrayed, but... none of this sits quite right with me."
"I understand"
"No, you don't" Clint said simply. "And I don't expect you to. It is what it is" he shrugged.
Steve felt completely wrong-footed, and he didn't know how to make things right.
"I need to know, Clint... if you feel like you can continue to be part of the Avengers? I need to know that you can be relied upon when bad stuff is happening. We have to be able to work as a team-"
Clint looked at him, mildly annoyed. "You relied upon me just fine for the battle of New York, and that was, what, thirty minutes after I'd been Loki's minion. If I could function then, I can function now."
"Yes, but our 'family' situation has changed, and that's got to be strange for you. If you've got... what do they call it now? Not shell shock...?"
Clint's brow furrowed "Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?"
"Yes. If you've got PTSD, it could be a problem."
"I got cleared by the shrinks at HQ" Clint said flatly.
Steve nodded "Months ago. But... having Loki around... the stress of being on Asgard... the ongoing stress of being on the team... it could hit you at any moment, when you least expect it-"
"Gee, thanks for putting that idea in my head, Cap" Clint said dryly.
"You know what I mean" Steve said gravely.
"It's not going to be a problem. Loki is not going to be a problem, as long as he keeps his distance" Clint said in a tight voice.
Steve drew in a deep breath; he knew Clint was not going to like this.
"I trust you Clint, but for the sake of the team, and for your own good... I want you to talk to someone."
"I already did that" Clint said slowly.
Steve shook his head "Not since we got back from Asgard. This is a new situation, it needs to be handled. I want you to set up an appointment with someone. Everything you tell them is confidential. I just want you to talk it out before it becomes a problem."
Clint looked at him narrowly.
"Hey, it's not just you, all right. I have to talk to the shrink every week. Standard Operating Procedure... it helps, maybe just little" Steve admitted with a tiny shrug.
"Whatever gets you through" Clint muttered. He lay back down on the bench and grabbed the barbell. Steve silently watched him go through a set of reps, and wandered off, no real idea if he'd gotten through to the enigmatic man.