A/N: Chapter 2 is up! Hope you enjoy.

Many many thanks to the beautiful people who reviewed Chapter 1! *hugs*

Later that evening Legolas was leisurely lounging in one of the large halls of Rivendell. He was admiring a lovely tapestry when Merry and Pippin walked in with purposeful looks on their faces.

'Where are you off to, Masters Hobbit?' queried Legolas.

Pippin frowned at him. 'Well, you didn't take Strider's wound seriously…'

'…We are going to tell Master Elrond. He's a healer, he ought to know. 'Merry continued firmly.

'NO!' Legolas yelled, practically wrestling the hobbits into a chair. Of all the people… Mule-headed mortal he may be, but surely Aragorn doesn't deserve that. The hobbits were glaring. Why, Valar, why me? Legolas groaned to himself.

Out loud he said, 'Very well. I suppose you have no idea at all what the mark on Aragorn's neck is?'

'Wild animal.' Pippin replied promptly.

Well, wild is right. Legolas thought suppressing a snort. 'If you must know...it was Lady Arwen.' There. I said it. Gah. I'll never look at the Lady of Rivendell the same way again.

'Lady Arwen? That makes absolutely no sense at all.' Merry frowned.

Sweet Elbereth. Am I supposed to give these young hobbits the First Talk? No wonder my father made my brother do it.

'Do you… do you… well… do you know of a certain…process?'

Blank looks.

'Between a man … um… a hobbit and a lady hobbit?' prompted the Elf. They are tweenagers… they would know at this age…please…

'Ah, of course. You mean courtship.' said Pippin.

Legolas felt like throwing his head back and howling. Breathing in deeply, he said, 'I mean a more… physical process.' The first thing after this conversation, I'm taking the ship to Valinor.

'Oh.' 'Ah.' The hobbits went crimson. A wave of relief washed over the poor Elf. He cautiously sat on a chair beside the hobbits.

'Still…' wondered Merry. 'That doesn't explain the bite.'

Doesn't it? Well, wait till you find yourself a hobbit-lass, you young pain in the… Calm down, Legolas!

'Oh, I see.' said Pippin with an air of realization. 'It is an Elven ritual, isn't it? The biting?'

'Poor Strider.' muttered Merry, shaking his head.

What?

'I think you have misunderstood, my friends. It's no ritual.' I need no ship, I can swim to Valinor… 'Uh…When two people are very much in love, the act can be most passionate, and that results in…bites and such.' There. I explained. I stopped them from going to Lord Elrond. Please let it stop now…

'Still, isn't it…' Pippin started.

But Legolas had sprung to his feet, his eyes blinking rapidly.

'Why don't you ask Bilbo?' His voice had risen a full octave. 'Or Glorfindel? I… I think I forgot to put out the fire in my room; I take your leave.'

With that, he turned and walked away shakily, breaking into a feverish sprint after the first few steps.

Legolas staggered into the library, desperate to erase the scarring images of Aragorn and Arwen the conversation with the hobbits had burned in his mind. A good book… that's what I need. A good book.

He pulled out the first book that caught his eye and slumped into a chair in a cosy corner, trying to focus on the words.

Suddenly the door of the library flew open. Aragorn and Arwen stumbled in, wrapped in each other's arms. Thanks to his preoccupied mind, the Ranger's keen eyes entirely missed the wretched Prince of Mirkwood who was trapped in the corner. Aragorn pinned Arwen to the wall with a low growl as she twisted her fingers into his hair, moaning.

We all reach a point in our lives when we just CANNOT TAKE ANY MORE. Legolas just reached his.

The couple's perfect moment was rudely interrupted by an ear-splitting crash of breaking glass. Not even bothering to undo the lock, Legolas made his exit through the window.

Forget about sharp shards of glass; this was a matter of sanity.

A/N: Leave a review, please! :)