Vicissitude
Chapter Three
"You want to get out of here for a while?" Steve asked.
Loki nodded gravely.
"Okay, I've got some errands to run, and you can come with me. Nothing exciting, but I figure you could use some fresh air. But you have to stick with me, and you have to behave" Steve warned.
"I swear" Loki typed with a straight face.
…
"So, welcome to the joys of mass transit" Steve said, as he handed Loki a travel pass. Loki was looking around the subway with an expression of abject horror on his face.
"Do you not have a private vehicle we could have travelled in instead?" he wrote.
"Well, I have my motorcycle, but you would have looked silly sitting on the pillion seat and holding my waist" Steve said dryly.
Loki raised his eyebrows and didn't argue that point. "What are we doing today?"
"Heading out to Brooklyn. I need a haircut, and there's a barber there I found that I like."
Loki eyed Steve's hair dubiously, and Steve returned the speculative look. "You know, you could really do with a haircut. You're starting to look like a pirate."
"No thank you" Loki typed. "I'm not letting whoever cuts your hair touch mine."
"Don't like my hair?" Steve said casually.
"You have an old man's haircut. No offence or anything."
"Oh, no, none taken" Steve said with raised eyebrows.
"Actually no- you have the same kind of floppy mop as that dolt, Fandrel."
Steve folded his arms across his well-muscled chest. "I met Fandrel, and I thought he was pretty cool."
Loki just raised his eyebrows.
Steve sighed and shook his head.
…
"I retract my previous comment" Loki typed.
"Oh?" Steve almost hated to ask.
"You do not just have old man hair, you have old man clothing, too, apparently" Loki gestured around the room to the other patrons of the barber shop. Most of them were in their twilight years, and were, indeed, dressed in a similar fashion to Steve.
"I can, and will, hold you down and let them cut your hair" Steve threatened quietly.
"Never mind" Loki wrote with a smirk.
...
They'd taken a little more off the top than Steve liked, but he figured his hair would grown back pretty quickly. He ran his hand through it to dry it off as they walked in the sunshine.
"Ready for lunch?" he asked Loki. Loki nodded, his dark hair still as long as it had been; Steve hadn't been able to talk him into having even so much as a trim.
"Good. There's a sandwich shop by here that does amazing meatball foot-longs."
Loki gave Steve a questioning look.
"It's a kind of food" Steve said, frowning. "You'll like it, trust me."
They'd almost reached the sandwich shop when Steve looked back over his shoulder, a curious expression on his face. Loki looked expectantly at him.
"I think someone is following us" Steve muttered.
Loki turned to look, and at first didn't see anyone, but then a woman with an intense look of concentration on her face hurried through the crowd and caught up with them.
"Wow, you guys are fast walkers! I've been chasing you for two blocks!" she breathed.
"Ma'am?" Steve questioned. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine!" She assured him. "Or at least, I might be... please tell me you're both new in town and don't have an agent yet" she said in a pleading tone.
Loki's mind immediately went to Agent Romanoff and Agent Barton, but he didn't think that was what the woman had in mind.
Neither did Steve. "An agent?"
"A modelling agent." She looked Steve up and down with a keen eye, and then did the same to Loki. "Or are you actors? It's okay if you are, a lot of actors start out modelling. The pay is very good."
"I... what... ma'am?" Steve muttered. "We're not models."
She let out an enormous sight of relief. "So you haven't signed with anyone? Oh, hallelujah! As soon as I saw the both of you, I knew you'd both be perfect! But then I figured you're probably already signed to someone. This is our lucky day, huh? Discovered outside a sub sandwich shop in Brooklyn, how about that!" she enthused.
Steve and Loki both gaped at her, completely stunned.
"Hey, there's no need to look worried, guys, I'm completely legit. No porn or anything nasty like that, I swear!" She reached into her purse. "Here's my business card. See? This is a major agency. Check out our website if you're not sure."
Steve and Loki continued to stare, open-mouthed.
"Now, we'll have to get some headshots, but don't worry. I can tell both of you are major finds, so the agency can take care of the cost." She beamed at them. "Oh, this is like Christmas!"She looked hard at Loki. "Your bone structure is absolutely to die for, and that wiry, hipster look is really in for men right now."
Loki looked at Steve for guidance and found none.
"And you-" she'd turned her scrutiny on to Steve. 'Your waist-to-shoulder ratio, and those legs! Perfect for underwear modelling."
Steve was slack-jawed at this news.
"Okay. Well, I'm so glad we got to have this chat. And I'm serious, guys. You two are a find, trust me. Call me, we'll set up a meeting."
She reached up and gave both of them a friendly squeeze on their arms, and then walked off, a spring in her step.
Loki and Steve just stared at each other. Slowly, Loki took the jotter out of his pocket.
"What in the name of the Nine Realms was that?"
Steve shook his head. "I don't know..."
…
Bruce studied the card. "You probably shouldn't mention this to Tony. He'll just give you a hard time."
"Shouldn't mention what to me?" Tony said, breezing into the room.
"Oh, hell" Bruce breathed. He tried to casually slip the card into his pocket, but Tony saw, and pointed at him.
"What are you bozos up to?" Tony demanded.
Steve folded his arms and said nothing. Bruce leaned back on the counter and said nothing.
Loki started typing. "We were spotting by something called a modelling agent, and she wants us to be models. Apparently I have cheekbones to die for, and Captain Rogers should be an underwear model."
Tony read the note. He pressed his lips together so hard they almost disappeared. Then he covered his mouth with his hands. His shoulders began to shake with suppressed laughter
.
"Oh, geez, Loki. Why did you have to tell him?" Steve grumbled. "He's just gonna laugh at us."
The shaking spread to Tony's entire body, and tears welled in his eyes. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any long, and gave a great whoop of laughter. He grabbed his stomach and laughed and laughed.
Bruce sighed and rolled his eyes, giving Steve an apologetic look. Steve just frowned and shook his head. "It's not that funny."
"Oh. God. Yes. It is" Tony gasped. He staggered over to a kitchen chair and dropped into it, still laughing.
"Hilarious" Loki typed, his lips pursed.
Finally, Tony brought himself under tenuous control. He stared at Loki, mouth open.
"It's perfect!" he cried. He looked at Steve. Steve scowled at him.
"No! I'm serious! Don't you get it? He would be perfect!" he gestured to Loki, who looked openly puzzled.
"What do fashion models do?" Tony asked. "They get dressed up in fancy clothes, and sit around all day looking haughty and arrogant. They don't have to say or do anything other than look freakishly attractive." He made a dramatic presentation gesture at Loki with his hands.
Bruce looked thoughtful. "That's actually a good point" he said lightly.
"And you, Captain Spangles! Those cornflower blue eyes! That flawless complexion! Those abs you could grate carrots on!"
"Shut up, Tony" Steve grumbled.
Tony dissolved into a fit of laughter again. He put his head down on the table.
A thought came to Steve, and he looked speculatively at Loki. "Although..." he muttered.
Loki looked at him suspiciously "What?" he typed.
Steve studied Loki. "I would never have thought of it before, but... your bone structure is pretty amazing. And you've got good musculature."
Loki frowned at him.
"And given that you have no problem being naked in front of people you don't know... you could probably get work as an artist's model" Steve shrugged.
"That's also not a bad idea" Bruce said.
Tony's laughing fit abruptly ended, and he sat up. He looked curiously at Steve. "You wanna draw him like one of your French girls?" Tony quipped. Steve ignored him.
"They're always looking for artist's models at the community college" Steve said with a shrug. "Pays about twenty an hour, which is better than working in a convenience store. Plus, you don't have to talk, which, all things considered, is a good thing..."
"What would I have to do?" Loki asked.
"Well, when I've done life drawing classes-"
"-Wait! You've seen strangers in the nude? Captain! I'm ashamed" Tony interrupted.
Steve rolled his eyes and persevered. "The model is usually unclothed, so you can see the lines of their body, and they stand or sit in different poses, for anywhere from a minute to a couple of hours, depending on what the study is" Steve explained.
Loki shrugged. "I could do that" he wrote.
Steve considered him. "You'd get bored, though. You have to be prepared to just sit there, or stand there, or twist yourself into different positions to make your form interesting to draw."
Tony snorted. "And don't forget to smile for the camera!"
He was fixed with three withering looks.
"I'll talk to the Arts department head at the college, find out if they need anyone."
Loki mouth pursed. "Won't you be bashful if you have to see me naked for a prolonged period in one of your classes?" he typed with a smirk.
"I've already seen you naked. I'm done worrying about it. Besides, I'm focusing on illustration this term, not figure drawing." Steve shot back.
"Bravo!" Tony cried. "And here I was, thinking I'd have to get him a street performer's permit so he could be a mime!"
Loki, Steve and Bruce all sighed.
…
Steve had never gotten his meatball sub; he and Loki were so bemused by the woman's request that they had fled back to the safety of Stark Tower without eating.
He was starving, and his stomach growled loudly. He happily left Tony's mocking and Loki's smugness and Bruce's gentle amusement and headed to the elevator.
"Hey there!" Carol Danvers greeted him with the elevator doors opened.
"Captain Danvers" Steve nodded as he stepped into the car.
"Please, call me Carol. I'm not in uniform today" she told him.
He smiled and nodded. "I didn't realise you were staying in the building."
"Yeah, Tony gave me and Rhodey guest rooms up top. Much better than the Air Force or SHIELD digs."
"I agree" Steve said with a wry smile.
"Heading out for the evening?" She enquired.
"The guys are driving me crazy, I needed a break. Just going to grab something to eat."
"Me too. I got caught up writing a report and skipped lunch. Blood sugar is about to crash."
The elevator reached the ground floor, and Carol and Steve stepped out into the lobby.
"Is there anywhere especially good around here to eat?" Carol asked.
"Well, I like Whistle Stop, it's over near Grand Central Station. Why don't you join me?" Steve offered.
"Sounds good" Carol agreed.
Steve smiled, and they walked off together in companionable silence.
"Hey, Carol?" Steve suddenly said. 'What does waist-to-shoulder ratio mean, and why is it a good thing?"
… … … …
Author's notes: My reaction when I came up with this idea was very much like Tony's reaction, only I was on public transport at the time. It's okay... I like sitting by myself! A little over-the-top? Maybe. But I can genuinely imagine that happening.
And I accept no responsibility for at the fangirl/fanboy brain explosions the mental imagery of posingnude!Loki conjures. You're welcome ;)
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