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Jennifer woke to a light feeling in her body, in that wonderful plane between sleep and awake, she hovered, warm and pleasant. There was someone else in bed with her, a hand holding hers, knees touching hers. When she blinked herself awake Erica was watching her.
It felt awkward for a second, the morning after a hook up you don't really remember, but Erica smiled at her, bright but not completely happy, and Jennifer's heart broke. She reached for the girl and pulled her close, sat up to hold her properly, to rock her gently, sleep warm fingers over the back of Erica's neck as the girl tried to burrow closer.
'You're Jennifer,' Erica whispered. 'Derek told me about you, told me he was married. He told me and I ran away.'
Jennifer closed her eyes, her heart thudding in her chest. Derek had talked about her, had shared something of her with somebody else, and now that very girl was confessing her crush on Derek. What she had come through, what she spoke of now, she was so brave.
'He told me about you too, how he took you shopping and you were so happy. He hates shopping,' Jennifer said with a little smile.
'I think I remember,' Erica said, 'that feeling I mean. He told me not to leave, that he'd bring you here, that you could be like a mom to me,' Erica sniffed a little and the first tears came. Soon the girl was sobbing hard, her body shaking with the force. Jennifer made hushing noises, running hands over her back and through her hair. An alarmed looking Derek stepped into the room and closed the door.
'We're okay,' Jennifer told him without looking his way. Derek nodded and stepped back, his feet together, leaning back against the wall. Jennifer didn't have time for him, not right now, because this girl needed her, and Jennifer didn't need any distractions. Derek could wait a little longer. 'We're okay aren't we sweetheart,' Jennifer asked Erica. There was a pause before Erica nodded, her face still downcast.
Erica's sobs turned to whimpers eventually. Jennifer rubbed her back as she calmed down. 'Erica, sweetie, I'm really sorry to move you but I gotta pee,' Jennifer said. Erica giggled at her, and Jennifer kissed the top of her head, slipping from the bed to use the en suite. Derek looked like he wanted to follow, but he was frightened to leave Erica, his indecision clear on his face.
Jennifer washed her face and brushed her teeth, and she looked at herself in the mirror for a long moment before returning to the bedroom. Erica hadn't moved other than to cuddle Jennifer's pillow. Derek was still by the wall.
'Why don't you shower,' she suggested sitting on the edge of her bed. Erica looked up at her. 'Go shower, Derek can go get us a bite of breakfast and we can spend the morning getting to know each other. I have a few summer dresses that might be cute on you.'
'It's still raining really heavy, not summer dress weather,' Erica said, her tone almost teasing. It was a good thing, Erica was opening up a little. Jennifer liked it, believed Derek would too.
'You could shower outside,' Jennifer offered. Erica smiled and let Jennifer pull her out of bed.
'I still feel weak,' Erica said catching Jennifer's arm as she swayed slightly.
'If I run you a nice relaxing bath?' Jennifer prompted. Erica nodded and followed Jennifer into the bathroom. Derek did too, hovering in the doorway once again as Jennifer quizzed Erica on the perfect temperatures. Erica stripped the hoodie of Derek's she was wearing and Jennifer bit back her delight at the pyjamas she bought Erica yesterday being her clothing of choice. 'I'll wash your hair out,' Jennifer offered as Erica stripped. Derek stared at his feet, not watching them as Erica stepped into the water and sunk below the suds.
'I'd like that.' Erica said.
'I'm going to do some laundry first, will you be okay here?' Jennifer asked.
'Yeah, I'm good.' Erica said and Jennifer gathered the laundry from the bathroom, tossing it from the bedroom to the hall way. She checked each room upstairs and was just about to pick everything up when Derek appeared.
'No!' Jennifer held her hand up. 'No, not at all, not ready to do this,' Jennifer said looking at Derek's throat.
'Jennifer it was a mistake,' Derek said.
'I know, I know, I understand and it's killing me, I hate myself right now, but I need to sort out how I feel with me before we talk,' Jennifer said.
'Jen,' Derek said.
'No! Erica needs you right now, go to her, we can sort us out later,' Jennifer said. Derek looked unsure, his eyes falling to the floor. 'Derek our relationship is strong enough to weather this, isn't it?'
'Yeah,' Derek nodded. 'Yes it is,' he said. Jennifer raised to her toes and pecked his lips before ducking away downstairs. Boyd, Allison and Cora sat watching television. Jennifer shot them a smile as she passed them. She wasn't surprised when she felt a body behind her in the laundry room.
'Are you okay?' Allison asked squeezing her shoulder.
'Last night I wasn't but I'm good now. I just needed to process,' Jennifer admitted. 'I wouldn't mind some clothing donations,' Jennifer said. 'I don't think Erica's up to shopping.'
'Jennifer if you need to talk-'
'Can I have a hug?' Jennifer interrupted.
Allison wrapped deceptively strong arms around Jennifer and she took a deep breath, and she knew that everything would be okay, hope was still here. It was a strange place to be, on the edge of her husbands pack, not the most important thing, or the only thing in his world any longer. Allison emphasised, she was in the same place with Scott, and their bond was strong because of it.
Jennifer pulled away and wiped her eyes, heading back upstairs. Derek was sitting awkwardly on the toilet seat and Erica was cleaning her nails with a brush. 'I'll wash your hair now okay?' Jennifer asked, and Erica just nodded, not looking up.
It was a quiet Sunday. Erica was clingy to Derek, but she had taken to Jennifer too, holding hands or using her thigh as a pillow. The rest of the kids came and went, but around five in the evening Jennifer realised it was just the three of them. Derek was in the kitchen making dinner, and Erica sat chewing on a corner of her thumbnail. Jennifer had rubbed moisturiser into the dry skin of her feet, was massaging her legs now.
'After dinner we can see if there's anything in my closet for you,' Jennifer ran a hand down Erica's back.
'A fashion show?' Erica said.
'We can get Derek to watch, he hates it when I keep trying on new clothes,' Jennifer said. The hurt had calmed some, the more time she spent with Erica the easier it got, it had just been bad timing the other night, but she didn't think she would ever forget that feeling.
'Fuck!' Derek swore.
'You should go help him,' Erica said. 'I feel safe here.'
'Are you sure?' Jennifer asked.
'Go,' Erica said.
Derek was watching her come in, his eyes wide. Jennifer brushed a hand over his back as she passed him, taking his place by the stove. 'Do you want me to do something?'
'Talk to me,' Derek said barely looking at her.
'It hurts, but I'm so confused, because I know Erica needs you, and you said her name in our bed, during sex and it feels like you're cheating, but I know deep inside that you're not, that your beta called for you at the worst possible time, and I just need to work through that myself, and you need to respect that and give me time,' Jennifer explained squeezing his arm.
'Forgive me!' Derek pleaded. 'Please.' He looked so open and vulnerable and Jennifer hated it, she wanted him to look stern and gruff like he usually did.
'There's nothing to forgive,' Jennifer said. Derek stepped into her space and dipped to her to kiss her mouth. He lifted her and rested her on the counter and she held him as he trembled. She wanted to know what he was thinking but now wasn't the time.
'I'm so sorry, I tried!' Erica said from the doorway. She looked like a rabbit, pale and ill.
'Come here,' Jennifer said and Erica moved into where Derek had been standing wrapping her arms around Jennifer's waist. Derek stood behind her, and Jennifer pulled him in too, her hand going to the short hairs at the back of his neck.
'You smell more like him than he does,' Erica muttered. Jennifer realised Erica meant Derek. 'Is there such thing as an alpha female?'
'Its not called alpha female, she's just your alphas partner or wife, or whatever, but yeah, same sort of system in the family dynamic.' Derek explained.
'Well you're my alpha female,' Erica said softly.
It was a quiet night in the house, quiet but comfortable. They saved the fashion show for later and instead curled together on the bed watching reruns of Friends instead.
In the morning Derek stood in the doorway of their bedroom, leaning against the door jamb wearing just jeans and smiled at them on the bed. Jennifer smiled back.