Me: Hey I've returned!
Danny Muse: To torture me?
Me: YEAH!
Danny Muse: I hate you!
Me: I KNOW! :D
Chapter 10
The cold of this night is all that I deserve… I have failed them all… they-they- they hate me…
I shiver as icy wind blows past, but I continue to run… I have to get away. I don't care where I go; I don't care what happens to me. All that I give a damn about is getting AWAY. I cry out, in pain? No…no… it's not pain that I feel, it is an emotion all that much stronger… it is… disappointment. It is not them I am disappointed in however, it is instead myself. This entire situation was my fault. They did everything a good loved one should…
This is all my, MY, MY FALT!
I scream out in pure, unadulterated frustration, I can't believe the absolute HELL I have put them through… and for WHAT? Do tell, what justifies treating those who care about you like they don't matter… ALL I EVER DO IS HELP MYSELF. I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYONE ELSE, EXCEPT ME, ME, ME, ME, ME!
I. HATE. ME.
I look to the sky, and notice that autumn's night has begun to crawl in. I wonder how long I have been running… ah, it doesn't matter. I am away from them… I need to be away from them… they don't deserve... me. They don't deserve me.
Oh and the salt that kisses my lips, it tastes oh too pure to belong to someone as awful as myself. I don't even deserve to drink these tears… for they are too pure to grace my very tongue. I raise my hands to my face. They are so… ugly. They are not ugly on the outside… but it is the deeds they have carried out by orders of my demonic mind that make them ugly. They have done this! These damned hands have murdered my life! They have whistled in joy as they wrote blood upon my wrists.
And I look at the scars…oh the scars…
I never have looked at them is such a fashion. I find myself incapable of baring my own weight, and slump over to a nearby alleyway and slide down the filthy wall, until I rest upon the ground. The cement supporting me is cracked, and blades of grass are forcing their way to the heavens.
I stare at the scars as dusk becomes night, the only light shining being that of the moon. It is that moonlight that reflects my scars… oh my scars…
I can't even bring myself to look at the rest… I just stare at my arms… wondering how I could even think of doing this… and how did it get to this point?
I still remember the first time I cut… it wasn't even that big a deal. I just remember I was really mad… mad at everything, mad at the world. So, I started punching the walls of my room… and when that wasn't enough I grabbed a pair of nail clippers and dug them into my right forearm…
And… I felt okay then.
…so I did it again.
And again, and again, and again…
Until it got to the point that I was breaking my mom's shaving razors apart and hiding them in my room.
…Why did I ever start this?
It was only one day of feeling angry… I can't even remember what I was angry about. Maybe I had failed one of Lancer's tests… but was that moment of sweet pleasure worth the hell that I am forced to endure now?
Was it worth these scars? The cross hatched lines of confused red?
Not by a long shot.
And now I am crying… for what exactly I don't know. My emotions are confused… they are jumbled… am I crying out of shame? Regret? Self-hatred? Oh I just don't know. I wrap my arms around my legs and sob.
Oh god I just don't know…
…I can't believe how damn STUPID I am!
"GAH!" I scream and rip the sleeves off my shirt. I'M DONE HIDING! I AM JUST DONE! LET THE WHOLE FREAKING WORLD SEE THE HELL THAT I HAVE BEEN FORCED TO ENDURE!
I scream again and rip the bottoms of my pant legs off. Let the entire world see those see those scars too!
Hey-hehe, let's show them more scars! Scars all over! New scars! Old scars! Who cares?!
I laugh as I get up onto my knees and search for the sharpest thing I can find. I quickly spot a green piece of glass shining in the moonlight. I pick it up and press it to my wrist and smile in pure ecstasy.
Another cut and another, what the hell? What's one more?
Oooooh blood, blood on the walls!
My wrists are gliding across the brick of the alleyway. Red crimson… so beautiful!
THIS WILL SHOW THEM! NOW THEY CAN ALL SEE THE REAL ME!
I DESERVE THIS HELL!
I need more blood! More blood!
The smell of rust fills the alleyway, and I laugh as I press the glass to my exposed leg.
I DESERVE THESE SCARS!
I cackle as I stand up and make yet another scar on my wrist, this time on the left. I cut deep, and smile as blood kisses the ground. I dig my finger into the wound, until it is coated with crimson. Then I begin on my masterpiece. I draw in sick satisfaction on the brick canvas before me. I draw myself… my wrists bleeding.
I want everyone to know the hell I've gone through.
I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE.
I fall to the ground and sob… oh god why won't someone just LISTEN to me…?
"Hello? Anyone there?" I stop dead at the voice and turn around. Oh crap, somebody saw me, I stand up and shove my hands in my pockets and turn to run the other way… only to realize the alleyway is a dead end.
Great… this is… this is just magnificent!
"DANNY!"
And… they know who I am. Situation just got ten times better!
I only have a few seconds to brace myself before the inevitable happens.
Tight hands grip me around the waist, and force the beautiful glass from my unwilling hand. It is thrown to the end of the alleyway, where it is shattered into a million useless pieces. I cry out in anguish. I want it back. I want the damned thing back!
"Oh my god, oh my god, Danny look at yourself!"
I really don't care… why should I care…? My life is useless.
I hear a woman sobbing… but where?
"DANNY!"
I'm kinda tired… man that ground looks comfortable… who the heck is Danny?
"DANNY GET UP! OH MY GOD…"
Whoa… when did I get on the ground? Man… this is comfy…
"Danny please stay with me! I'm calling for help! TUCKER, JAZZ, CALL THE HOSPITAL NOW!"
Shut up lady… I'm trying to sleep here!
"OH MY GOD! DANNY!"
I don't give a CRAP about whoever you're screaming to. Now SHUT UP AND LET ME SLEEP! Goodnight!
"HELLO? 911? MY BROTHER HE…"
Goodnight.