Me: Yeah you all hate me I know.

Danny Muse: They have every right to. You suck.

Me: I know, I know. But I have a very valid excuse.

Danny Muse: Which is…?

Me: I am the laziest person alive.

Chapter 11

Hope is like a blossoming flower, transforming even the ugliest bush into a work of art.

The smell of antiseptic hits me like a ton of bricks, and my nose wrinkles in utter protest. I groan in frustration, and groggily try to pull my hand up to cover it…I feel a tug though, and I find that I cannot move my arms! I snap my eyes open, and look at them… I gasp when I see that they are strapped down to a bed I appear to be laying on… and bandaged? I try with all my power to break free of them, but they are too thick. I start panicking, my mind is racing, and my breath is short. I look around, trying to spot someone; but all I see is white. I can't remember anything except that I am tied down, and I don't know where the HELL I am! I start pulling at the straps more frantically, and start screaming in fear. I am trapped, I want out; I want out, I want OUT!

I feel pain on my arms, but I keep tugging despite it. I need to get the hell out of here… GET ME OUT OF THESE STRAPS! I scream louder and start rocking the entire bed in protest. My ears start ringing in an insane protest to some high pitched beeping sound, and then I hear a slam coming from my right.

"DANNY!" I hear her voice and I stop for a moment and look around the room, trying to find it. Soon, my eyes meet the violet one's that I've longed after since 6th grade, and I sigh in relief. I look towards the door and see a swarm of doctors barge through it and I shrink into the bed as much as possible.

"Can you guys take him out of the straps? I think they're doing more harm than good at this point… I'll keep an eye on him." Sam pleads with the medical staff, and they nod their heads in unison. All but one leaves the room, and the one doctor left rushes forward to unbuckle my straps. He looks around 30, has dirty blond hair, and bright blue eyes. I look at him silently, frozen in fear. I don't know where I am, what's going on, and why the heck I was strapped down in the first place. The doctor frees me of my straps, and I quickly fold my arms. I don't like people touching my arms.

"Hello Daniel-" The doctor begins but I interrupt him.

"It's Danny."

"Hello Danny," The doctor corrects before he continues, "I am Doctor Bays. I am going to be stopping by every once in a while to check up on you… alright?" I almost roll my eyes. Yeah, like I have a choice. This nut-job is going to do whatever he wants, regardless of what I want; I can see it in his eyes… full of fake care. He doesn't care about my well being… he cares about money. Freaking ton of doctor money along with that mile long plastic smile… might as well just agree so he will leave faster.

"Whatever." I spit and the doctor almost flinches, and I repress the urge to grin. The doctor just nods his head with his fake sympathy, and fake smile, and fake kindness before he struts out the door like he is God himself.

…I hate this guy.

"Danny? How are you doing?" Sam asks me and I give her a look.

"Well saying as I just woke up in what I THINK might be a hospital, and I woke up with freaking STRAPS tying me down for god knows why... not so well." I spit as I turn over and flop my head into my pillow. I hear Sam sigh and grab my shoulder to turn me back over. I could have stayed there with my ugly face in the crappy dingy pillow forever, but I allow her to turn me over. Not because I feel bad for her, but because I want to know what the heck is going on.

"Danny, you ARE in the hospital…d-don't you remember anything?" Sam stutters and my eyes grow wide. The last thing I remember was that ally… and the glass… and Sam…

Oh man…

"Uh… I think so." I hang my head in shame, and Sam looks slightly relived. I suppose she didn't want to talk about it either.

Good.

"We'll there you go… that's why you were tied down." She states blatantly and I look up at her in surprise.

"How on EARTH does that justify tying me down?" I gasp.

"…are you seriously going to make me say it?" She sighs and I nod really slowly.

"…Uh YEAH." I spit rolling my eyes in frustration.

"They do it with all patients who come into the hospital with… situations like yours."

"Well that's kinda dumb. It wasn't that bad!" I snap.

"Wasn't that bad?! Danny you- you tried to kill yourself!" She screams and I stare at her dumbfounded.

"W-what!? I n-never-"

"BULL CRAP! I saw you Danny! There was blood EVERYWHERE! You were soaked in it, and-and on the walls…and-and you fainted –an-an-and-" Sam can't finish her sentence and starts sobbing. "I was so scared Danny… I-I thought you died…"

I stare at her in shock. Was it really that bad? I thought I only did a few… I don't remember being soaked in blood… but- but Sam would never lie about something like this. Tucker, maybe. Sam, Sam would never. Maybe… maybe it did get out of hand… but I wasn't trying to kill myself… but-but that doesn't mean that I didn't almost do it…

I lift Sam's face up and try to meet her eyes, but she keeps avoiding my gaze. My heart sinks at this and I feel my eyes begin to fill with tears.

"Sam look at me." I demand, and at last her amethyst eyes meet mine. "Listen," She nods her head, and I continue, " I wasn't trying to kill myself-"

"Then how do you explain-"

"Sam LISTEN TO ME! I wasn't trying to kill myself. Please belive me… I-I can't explain why I did it. I guess… It was like my mind was in a different world Sam, I only thought I cut a few times…"

"You cut more than a few times Danny… look at your arms!" Sam cried and I look down and get a real good look at them. They were covered in bandages…

"And your legs…"

I pull my legs up to my chest and my heart falls when I see them covered in bandages also.

"Sam…" I whisper, but she interrupts me.

"How can you expect me to believe that you weren't trying to kill yourself!? You looked like a ghost… well more than you normally do… but still. Danny how can I believe that?" She looks like she is about to cry again, so I quickly rebuttal.

"Sam… at least try to understand me okay? I… you saw the scars right?" She nods, and I sigh when I see a single tear run across her face, before she casts it away, "Well… cutting makes me happy."

"How can hurting yourself make you happy!?" Sam demands and I resist the urge to snap back.

"Sam, please try to understand me. I don't think that I can take it if you are against me." I take a shuddering breath, and I see her eyes soften. She nods her head and I take a few deep breaths before continuing.

"Sam… I-I just feel so sad all the time… I try to smile… but it hurts to smile. I just feel…I feel empty… I don't know how to explain it. It's like… like the absence of all emotions yet not at the same time and… I'm not making any sense am I?" Sam shakes her head and offers a weak chuckle, and I smile sadly at her.

"Sam… I don't know how to explain how I feel. I just… It hurts me. It's like this thing is eating away at me, and it doesn't matter how much I laugh, how much I smile, how happy I am… I-I somehow I am not at the same time. Do you know how frustrating that is? It's such an impossible emotion that I feel constantly… but somehow it exists. It drives me insane Sam. I-I guess that doing…doing that helps me deal with it. It distracts me from the pain. I can smile when I hurt myself because the emptiness is gone. It kills it for a few minutes… don't you understand? I wasn't trying to kill myself Sam… I just wanted the emptiness to go away for a while so I could think. I'm so sorry it got out of control… I just wanted to smile. Please try to understand Sam…Please"

"…Danny I don't think I know why you did any of this…" I feel my heart fall, " But I think I am starting to understand it a little bit." I feel as though my heart is flying. Could it be she gets it?

"Yo-you do?" I stutter in joy and she nods.

"It's really hard to understand… but… I believe you Danny. I believe that you weren't trying to end your life.