Bernadette climbed onto her parents' spare bed and curled into a tiny ball. This was all her fault. Her sweet, forgiving husband was probably shacking up with Penny right now. She could almost see it, them kissing, ripping each other's clothes off, their writhing bodies...

She shook herself. She was being silly. Penny wouldn't do that to her and she certainly wouldn't do that to Leonard. Perhaps it was for the best that she didn't know where Howie was. She couldn't trust herself with him anymore. It was just whenever she didn't get her way, she was jolted back in time, her parents screwing up her plans because they were doing something else and needed her to babysit. She was always expected to be the perfect daughter and never disappointed, but she'd hated it. The bitterness she'd often felt at her stolen childhood just crept up on her. The three times she'd beaten up Howard, there had been three points in her younger life that she'd felt completely betrayed by her parents.

The time she'd punched him for example.

"Where are you going?" Mike Rostenkowski stared in bemusement at his eight year old daughter who was heaving a small backpack onto her tiny shoulders.

"I'm going next door to Maxine's, remember? We're having a sleepover and..."

"No, darling. You're staying here to look after Joey and the twins."

"But, Daddy..."

"Now, Bernadette, listen to your father. Be a good girl." Good old Mom, always defending her.

"But it's not fair. You promised I could go!"

"Bernadette! Mind your tone!" Her father thundered. Bernadette sighed softly in defeat.

"OK. I'll babysit."

She'd cried herself to sleep that night, hearing Maxine's laughter through the open window. Joey padded out of bed and awkwardly patted his big sister on the back.

"Don't cry, Bernie. I'm sorry."

That had shut her up. It wasn't her baby brother's fault. It was just Mom and Dad being grown ups. She hugged him tight and then took her 5 year old brother to his bed and tucked him in. She was promised another sleepover with Maxine in the future. It was no surprise when that promise was broken again.

Then the wine bottle incident.

Bernadette was almost jumping up and down. Daddy had bought a recorder for their TV and he'd offered to record The Little Mermaid for her while she was at school. She'd missed out on seeing it in theatres because her parents hadn't been sure, but after seeing how she'd like to see it, her father had given in. The eleven year old ripped off her tie and skipped into the living room. She was shocked to see how angry her dad looked.

"Daddy?"

"Bernadette, that movie is a disgrace. It has a woman naked in it."

"It does?"

"Yes. You are not seeing it."

"But, you got to and you said.."

"Don't contradict me, young lady. You can't see it."

She gaped in horror at her father's departing back and glanced at the screen.

"I've destroyed the tape, so don't even bother looking for it."

She burst into tears. He'd known how badly she'd wanted to see it, he knew how he'd promised she could, and the fact he'd done this to her really hurt her.

"Stop that racket!"

Her mother came in and comforted her, but the woman was as adamant as Daddy had been that she would not see it.

And last night.

"Oh, my God! You failed biology? Ha ha!"

She glared at her nine year old idiotball of a cousin and glanced at her parents.

"You told him?"

"We told everyone." Her father shrugged. She spluttered.

"Guys! Don't you know how embarrassing it is? I want to work with micro-organisms and I've..."

"Calm down, sweetheart. They're family. They have a right to know."

"No, they don't. I'm 21 years old, I don't think even you have a right to know."

"Don't talk to your father like that." Mom scolded.

Bernadette dodged past her cousin and went to her room. Moments later, eighteen year old Joey looked in.

"Are you alright, Midget?"

"Shut up."

He came and sat by her.

"Come on, Midge. You know what Mom and Mike are like."

"That's Dad to you."

"I know. I just like seeing that vein pop out! Anyway, you know they can't keep stuff to themselves. Jeez, none of us can. Try and forgive 'em alright? You know what Jesus said."

"Didn't know you were all that religious."

"I'm not. Doesn't mean I can't follow his teachings."

He kissed her forehead and went back to his own room. Bernadette sighed. It was alright for him. He wasn't the one forced to take care of his younger siblings, though he did help out with Joy, Faith, Charity, Peter and Andrew. But he did because he wanted to. She had no choice.

The oldest Rostenkowski daughter rolled over and sighed. She hadn't seen him since the great Thanksgiving fight of yesteryear. Howard had sworn he was never having Thanksgiving with them again. She could hardly blame him, but had managed to convince him to come to Joy's birthday.

Knock! Knock!

Her mother looked in. She had brought her some grapes and soda. She sat by her and set the snacks on the bedside table.

"Are you alright, dear?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Mom."

Her mom lifted her into a sitting position- God, she was strong for a frail woman in her fifties and cuddled her. She really did give the best hugs, despite Howard saying that his mom did. If the smell of Bengay didn't burn your eyes. Oh, she missed him! She started weeping into her mother's chest. Mrs. Rostenkowski patted her daughter's back and kissed her.

"Mom, I really hurt him! I just got so mad and I couldn't stop and now he's gone. I drove him away!"

"Oh, sweetheart. Shh, shh, shh."

When her sobs died down, the woman held her for a short while before talking.

"He's a man. He should be able to take it."

"No. Mom, I once hit him with a wine bottle!"

"You drink?!"

"Mom, listen to me! I assaulted him with a wine bottle and he got really hurt and I think I hit with a lamp last night!"

"What are you saying?"

"I keep hurting my husband. Every time something that reminds me of the reason I missed out on a lot of my childhood, makes me hit him."

"How do you mean?"

"The sleepovers I missed. The times you'd tell people things about me without my permission. The fact you wouldn't let me fit in because I was your 'fragile little girl'. The fact I had to be mom to my own brothers and sisters.."

"Oh, Bernie!"

"It's true! And now he's gone."

She looked at her mother's terror-stricken face and felt overwhelming guilt. She stuffed her feet into her shoes and snatched up her car keys. Only one man could help her now.

TBBTBBTBBTBBTBBBTBBBTBBBTBBBTBBBTBBBTBBBTBBBTBBBTB BBTBBBTBBBTBBTBBTBBBTBBBTBBBTBBBTBBBTBBBTBBBTBBBTB BBTBBBTBBT

"Midget!"

After sweeping up his little big sister in his customary bear hug, he frowned down at her.

"What's the matter? Is it Wolowitz? I heard..."

"I kept beating him up!"

"Well, that's not cool, but I'm sure if you just apologised and kept your paws to yourself..."

"I tried and failed."

"Oh, jeez. Come on, Midge, let's talk about it."

Joey looked horrified at the end of her explanation.

"Whoa, I never knew! That sucks."

"What do I do, Joe?"

"Well, seeing as Mom probably told Dad, I think you're better off hanging about here till they calm down about it. Then I think you and Midget Man had better go in for marriage counselling, especially if you want it to work out."

"Yeah. I just feel terrible."

"Aw, come on, sis. It'll work out, alright?"

"Alright."

He kissed her forehead and then got up.

"Come on, let's go to Mom and Mike's to pick up your things."

Did ya like it? Yeh, I personally believe that having a childhood like that can leave a person fairly pissed off, I don't know about you, but that's my belief. Joey Rostenkowski is canon, he's on the TBBT wiki! Ha ha! I'm not sure about Charity, Joy, Faith, Peter and Andrew. They never gave us names for Bernadette's other brothers and sisters, did they? So, was everything good? Was it not good? Review at any time and thanks again for past reviews, they make my day! Peace out!

Love Shania. xx