Recurring Nightmares

The next morning held no surprises. It was a Saturday, convieniently, which meant he had absolutly nothing to do but think about trying to get out of the half-year long funk he'd been in. It would be so easy to spend the day doing what he normally did, take the 3 mile long drive to the outskirts of the town and find some area to practice new jutsu's and just fuck around in general. Some cloud gazing would be nice.

But unfortunatley his car was missing a tire. So that was out of the question.

But how did one go about making friends? Just walk up and start a conversation and beg for further interaction? Yea that would work, and then make a trip to the hospital after getting tazed and beaten down. Sounded like a wonderful way to spend saturday.

Well, The first thing to do would be getting another tire. While it was true that it was faster to get around the crowded streets on foot, it was a dangerous idea. And when going long distances, well it was just unrealistic. If you were lucky enough to have your own car you damn well better use it.

So, forcing himself to get up and get something done, Shikamaru made his way outside. He didn't HAVE to be right in front of his car, but it usually helped. There were always identification numbers and tags and all other forms of information that his Insurance adjustor needed, and while memorizing them wouldn't be that hard for the Nara, he had never gotten around to it. It's just such a drag...

He took the stairs at a fast jog as opposed to taking the elevator. The apartment complex wasn't unkept at all, and the elevator was as good he just didn't like the things. Besides, being on the 8th floor of the ten story building, it was a good way to sneak in exersize to a daily routine.

...It was sad that these were the only things he had to think about now...

Luckily for him, the bearded stanger wasn't to be found when he got outside, but this wasn't something he was gratteful for until later. At the moment he was occupied with stareing dumbly at his car. Or more specifically, the tire of his car.

The one that had been missing only the night before.

After standing there in the doorway for a few moment he remembered where he was and quickly took the few steps down onto the sidewalk after shutting the door. Then continued to stare.

This.. this didn't happen. It just didn't. When your stuff went missing around here, you never saw it again.

His first though shot to the homeless man he'd chatted up, but there was no way he could gave accomplished it. The only theory behind that would be that he was secretly a wealthy person in desguise, but no one was that kind.

It occurred to him maybe to check for I.D. numbers on the tire, but he didn't know what the number had been on the last one, or if tires even had numbering systems like that.

Shikamaru scanned the surroundings, turning in a full circle before returning his attention to the tire when he found no one else to be present. This was bizarre. Never in the other 3 times this had happened had another tire just spontaneously appeared the next morning. And quite frankly the situation was making him a bit paranoid, and that was always troublesome.

Was this a joke? Is someone screwing with him? He knew damn well that last night had most certianly happened. He still had the smokes he bought.

The random thought that he hadn't picked up groceries flitted across his mind, but then again he hadn't had a car.

"Thanks to whoever you are..." He muttered, pulling out his cigarettes and lighting one. He still continued to stare, feeling as if he was being watched and unsure of what to do at this point. Not only about this current situation, but the rest of his day as well. Now he had more options, obviously, and he could go train if he wanted. But... he didn't know if he wanted too.

He shifted his weight to one leg and kicked at the tire, as it would answer his questions, and shrugged, exhaling smoke into the humid morning air.

Well, at the very least he could go train for an hour or so. It would at least clear his mind and give him the adrenaline to walk up to a stranger and spark a friendship.

So he stepped off the curb and began to make his way around to the drivers side, but stopped abruptly. Something had caught his eye, and quite frankly it made his skin crawl. He backed up but continued to stare straight ahead. He didn't know if he wanted to doublecheck to see if what he saw was real or not.

But he did anyway. He forced himself to turn his head and look, and it was there. He hadn't been seeing things. His stomache rolled and his cigarette fell to the ground and hissed out when it hit the damp concrete.

There, on the inside of the rim, in a place where he wouldn't have seen it had he not been looking from this precise angle. It was a circle with an upside down triangle.

And it was red. It was blood red.

Well, at least it was that color that blood turns after it's dry, which actually isn't really red. But this just confirmed that it was indeed red.

Shikamaru felt like he was going to be sick, he was going to be violently sick. His breaths came faster as he stared at the symbol, trying to will it away. Telling himself it was his imagination, that there was no way it was really there, that he had never woken up this morning and he was still dreaming and this was a nightmare. And to make sure of it he even brought his hand up and slapped himself, probably harder than necessary, without taking his eyes off the miniscule little symbol.

Oh God... It was still there. And now his face hurt. This was really happening, he was really seeing this. He suddenly realized he was on the verge of hypervenilating and closed his eyes, tearing himself away from the sight. He counted in his head and he took slow breaths.

It wasn't possible. There was no way, absolutley no way. Not unless... Unless it was another Jashinist. Yes, that could explain it, though it didn't make him feel any better. The cult must have found out what he did to Hidan. They.. they were either out for revenge, or perhaps they wanted him to join them still. Shikamaru had to rebalance himself as the ground suddenly swirled beneath him. Was he having a panic attack? Oh God was he having a nervous breakdown? He couldn't, that didn't happen to him, he was Shikamaru Nara. He was easy-going and he was broken and he didn't care enough about anything to have an episode like this.

But.. if that was true. If they were after him... Hidan had been a Holy priest or a High preist or whatever it was called. That meant he was at the top of the chain, which meant he was the most threat. If he had managed to take Hidan out then how would any of the underlings think they stood a chance against him?

While it's true that Itachi did most of the work back then, even though in all honesty all he'd really done was help him find the zealot and knock him unconcious, and then keep him unconcious. But if they knew that then they obviously wouldn't be after him.

Then again he didn't know how many there were, The Uchiha himself had told him that Jashinism was more common than anyone realized.

Shikamaru, hands shaking, quickly pulled out another cigarette and lit it. There was no way in hell he was getting in that car, convenience be damned. But now he sure as hell needed a change of scenery. He'd just have to venture out around the neighborhood and see if there was an unoccupied stretch of open space that he could exert some physical frustration in. If anyone was watching him, they could see what he was capable of. He wasn't an unmodest person, but he would admit to anyone who asked that he had been working very, very hard to improve his jutsu and physical prowess. And he knew without a doupt he had taken some pretty big strides. The jutsu was coming along slowly, but surely. And his speed and stamina had very well skyrocketed. Though he'd never had to test it... He hadn't had any actual sparring matches against anyone since Neji had left. But regardless.. when they witnessed it they'd either turn and run, or get reinforcements. And if he had any luck on his side at all it would be the first.

-o-

Sweat poured from him as he tried to catch his breath. The shadow clone in front of him mirrored this, and he was vaugley aware of the shutter sound of cell cameras going off somewhere to his left. A few girls had been jogging through the park when they'd spotted him and nearly tripped over each other as they stopped to stare in awe.

It had made him chuckle, and admittedly boosted his ego a little bit. But unfortunatly for them, girls weren't his thing. Only men. Men who looked like girls. Like Neji.

He shook his head, that was the last thing he needed to do. The session had pumped him up and he was feeling pretty good, he'd managed to shove the idea of a coven of Jashinist lurking in the shadows, waiting for the right time to ambush him, to the back of his mind. And right now he needed to focus on breathing. Damn, smoking would be the death of him, but he was less willing than ever to quit with every day that passed.

He knew that Asuma had died in some sort of car crash about a month after the whole ordeal. And for now he was under the assumption that it had probably been Sasuke. He had never kidded himself with the idea that he would actually stay incarcerated. After all, he took on Itachi and Hidan at the same time, and did quite a bit of damage. And now that he thought about it, the youngest Uchiha could even be a suspect in this whole 'missing tire' situation. Maybe he'd come after Shikamaru for revenge. Which meant Neji was in danger too, wherever he was.. maybe he should try to contact him...

No. No Shikamaru, bad. Stop thinking about him. He sighed in irritation. He had to keep the Hyuga off his mind. His break was over, he needed to get up and get back to his practice.

The murmuring of his onlookers increased when he stood up, and he sent a glare their way, though it only made them blush and whisper among themselves. Ugh, what was it with girls and 'bad boys'?

Once again, Shikamaru was not conceited in the least, but he couldn't help but think sometimes, if Neji could see me now... His training session had tripled in every aspect after his lover had left, in an attempt to keep him off the Nara's mind. So he supposed he could call it a hobby.

Hooray, he had a hobby.

That made his existance just a little bit less pathetic.

Dammit Shikamaru! Stop being negative!

He shook his head and nodded to his clone, bouncing from one foot to the other as he readied himself. There was no one better to spar against than yourself, right? At least, when you didn't have anyone else...

He blocked a high kick and dodged the low sweep that came after it, grabbing the clones arm as he spun and twisting it. The clone grunted and took a blow to the kidneys before dropping his legs out from under him and swinging them up to wrap around Shikamaru's neck. Shikamaru evaded it by letting go of the clone and falling into a backward somersault, extending his foot at the last second and catching the clone in the chin.

The girls cheered. Shikamaru growled.

He threw a few punches and leaped to the side to avoid a roundhouse, and was suddenly on the ground as the clone predicted this and pounced immediatly after. Shikamaru used his knee to shove the clone over his head and grabbed it's ankle, yanking it back and twisting to that it was forced to flip onto it's stomache. As he was doing so he used his free hand and put his index and middle finger to his lips and mouthed his invocation word. Immediatly the shadows of every blade of grass within a 30 foot diameter pooled around his feet and reached up to restrain the clone.

Then he felt a drain on his chakra, and his eyes met the clones. A glowing mass of black and purple energy was rotating in it's hand. Shikamaru barely managed to jump to the side in time to avoid it, and then the clone was back on it's feet and instantly 10 feet away.

Yea, he could finally do those huge leaps. Shikamaru pulled out a smoke bomb and threw it at the ground, then reappearing behind the clone only to have his jabs and kicks blocked. He didn't manage to evade as the clone's hand glowed purple and jabed a flat palm into his chest, and suddenly he was on the ground.

"Dammit." He growled, flipping himself back up onto his feet, narrowly avoiding having his face stomped in, and twisted his body into a jump-kick. The clone caught the brunt of it right in the face and his body was thrown sideways so forcefully that it's head hit the ground and it vanished in a puff of smoke.

Shikamaru stood there panting slightly for a moment before letting his hands fall to his sides. This wasn't working, even his shadow clones couldn't keep up, mainly because they kept draining his chakra by using his own jutsu's against him. He could just split his reserves in half and give it to the clone, but then they'd both be drained in minutes. Unfortunatly for him, something he really couldn't improve on was the amount of chakra he could hold. It wasn't all that much, not any less than normal, but not any more either. He didn't even know if there was a way to learn to spindle it and store it in the body for later. Maybe there was, maybe it was just a psychological thing.. He made a mental note to look into that.

The troup of girls collectivley 'Aww'd' when he put his shirt back on and collected his things. He'd been out here for 3 hours, that was a pretty decent sized work-out. Unfortunatly his idea of working himself up to go meet some people had been completley tossed away. Not only was he pretty well pooped, he still had this troublesome Jashinist and/or Sasuke revenge scheme stuck in his head.

Immediatly he pulled out a cigarette, lit it, and inhaled deeply. He held the breathe with an expression of contentment, and released it.

He'd passed some sort of old-school looking diner on his way here, and he could go for a little taste of home-cooked meal. Honestly, this wasn't such a bad day. Maybe he'd just blown the Jashinist symbol thing a little out of proportion. Then again, it wasn't a coincidence. Someone purposely stole his tire and returned it with that blood circle specifically to get his attention. Whoever it was, they had it. Whether they were going to act on it or not was up to them now. He would go grab a bite to eat, restore a little energy and chakra, and find something else to do. Maybe take a swab of that blood and see who it belonged to. Maybe scan a few obituaries and make a few calls. Of course it wouldn't be anyone he knew, because he didn't know anyone, but a lead was a lead.

He stepped up onto the sidewalk and was just taking another drag of his cigarette when a quick movement caught his eye in the foliage some 50 feet from where he'd been training. But when he focused on it, there was nothing.

He grimaced, great, he was being watched. Shikamaru wasn't stupid enough to rationalize it as being an animal. This was a city, there was no animal big enough to make a movement like that, except maybe a deer. And they wouldn't venture this far without either getting hit by a car or called in and picked up by animal control. And the stalker was either really bad at stalking, or wanted him to see.

Or think he saw.

You did see it. He reassured himself. This was no time to let doupt kick in. Something important was actually going on, and he needed to pay attention. No more walking around like a zombie. Neji had ripped out his heart, but that was something he'd have to deal with. His life was not over, and he needed to stop acting like it was.

-o-

Shikamaru opens his eyes, and he's in a kitchen. Not just any kitchen, it's his kitchen, his old kitchen. The kitchen he and Neji had shared.

He sighed and buried his face in his hands, leaning on the island.

He just couldn't get that damn man off his mind. Not in reality, not in a dream.

Yes, he knew this was a dream. This was one of those lucky ones when he was aware of it right at the beginning. So he should be happy, in a way, this way he could control it, he could force Neji out of it...

If he had any idea what else to change it to.

"Shikamaru."

"Not now.." He replied drearily. There was no telling what would happen if he just walked out the door. it might just take him into his old front yard, or he could fall into some completly different dreamscape. That is... if there was a door. Apparently this version of his house didn't come with doors... or windows.

That's okay though, all he had to do was will a door into existance. Use his brilliant mind to create a door, he could picture it oh so clearly in his dream-mind, but it still wasn't appearing. He sighed, and looked around. Apparently this dream wasn't going to follow orders.

"Shikamaru."

"Go away." He groaned. It's not real, he told himself, don't be tricked by your own subconcious mind.

"Listen to me dammit!"

"What!?" He barked at the disembodied voice, "What the hell is it? What do you want? How do you want to torture me tonight huh?"

There was no reply, and he laughed, slightly shocked at the slightly insane sound of it. "Yeah, okay. That's so like you. Yell at me to listen to you when I'm busy and then get mad and fucking walk away when I start paying attention."

Silence.

"HEY!" He shouted, his voice echoing in a way he never remembered it doing. Maybe it was just one of those details he forgot. "C'mon. Hurry it the hell up! I'd like to actually feel like I got some sleep in the morning when I was up. So get the stupid nightmare half of this over with and give me control of my fucking dream back."

"Shikamaru?"

He jumped and whirled around, and choked back a pained cry when he found Neji behind him. His hair was wet, like he'd just gotten out of the shower, his beautiful eyes and perfect brows creased in concern. He wasn't wearing a shirt, only silk pajama pants.

"Who are you yelling at?"

"No one.." He replied, smilng softly despite himself. He reached out, he just wanted to touch him, just for a moment, smooth his hair back from his face. He could do it, he just had to want it badly enough, this was his dream, he was in control. He was in control.

Neji looked at him quizically as he did, his gaze flicking back and forth from Shikamaru's outstretched hand to his face.

"Are you okay?"

He could do it. He could touch him, he wanted it. He wanted it so desperatley that there was no way it wouldn't happen. He took a step forward and brushed his fingertips against his cheek.

They ghosted through, like they always do. Every damn time. In every dream, in every nightmare. He can't touch him, not ever. Not for a moment, not for a millisecond.

He recoiled against the almost tangible pain that exploded in his chest. Letting his clenched fist fall to his side, and dropping his eyes to the floor. "This isn't fair." He said, his voice breaking and his eyes stinging, like they always do. Every last Goddamn time.

"Why can't you leave me alone?" He said, looking back up at Neji, and gasping. Neij had changed suddenly, and he was standing in front of him all covered in bandages and gause, his arm in a sling and his hair 5 inches shorter, cut in a long bob. It was exactly how he looked that day in the hospital, except his eyes weren't covered.

He almost wished they were.

Because they weren't there at all. Just empty sockets, empty bleeding sockets.

"I don't want to leave you alone." The broken Neji said, but not in Neji's voice. It was demonic, both high and low at the same time, like there were three people talking in unison. "How do you think I felt, Shikamaru? How do you think I felt laying in that bed, unable to see the man who was going to try to murder me standing there over me, staring at me?"

"Stop it." Shikamaru said through clenched teeth.

"How do you think I felt being down in that dark, dirty hole. Feeling pain from wounds that didn't exist?" It's voice was getting louder. And Shikamaru closed his eyes. This wasn't Neji, this wasn't Neji speaking, This was a nightmare. It was nothing but a nightmare. It wasn't real, nothing was real.

"How do you think I felt Shikamaru? HUH?! HOW DO YOU THINK I FELT!? Every time I took a shower I see that scar. Every time I look at you, I see you standing there defending him. Saying he's 'a real person'. Smoking weed with him. Having a grand old time with your buddy while he's sitting there looking at me thinking of how good it's gonna feel when he KILLS ME!"

"Shut up!" Shikamaru snarled. "It's not my fault!"

There blood leaking out of Neji's mouth as he talks now, Blood spurting from his sockets, that Jashin symbol is suddenly on his chest, bleeding more than it ever had in reality.

"You think you're a shell of a person? I DIED, Shikamaru. There was nothing left of me. Twice, you left me alone, you let me be attacked. Twice, I thought I was going to die. Twice, I accepted that fate. And you know what they say Shika, third times a charm. I've got one life left."

"I didn't know.." Shikamaru was sobbing now. It wasn't real, he knew it wasn't real. But everything the not-Neji was saying. It was true. Neji had gone through the worst trauma anyone could go through, the only thing missing was rape. "I'm so sorry Neji. I tried so hard. You wanted me to finish it. I he's gone Neji, he's dead! I fixed it, please.. please come back.."

"I've got one life left. And I'm not wasting it on you."

The last was nothing more than an echo as the world went dark around him. Shikamaru tried to regain control of himself. It's not real... It had become his mantra. It's not real, it's not real, it'snotrealit'snotreal!

That didn't stop it from hurting though. It hurt so bad. If it wasn't real, he shouldn't feel the pain.

"I can take it away..."

Shikamaru looked up, he knew that voice, but it was a shock to hear it have actual emotion in it.

"You're dead. Go away." Shikamaru said flatly, he didn't even beleive himself with that tone. "That's enough of a nightmare. I've been tortured enough. Leave me alone."

"I don't want to torture you. I'm giving you a way out."

"No Hidan, go away."

"God dammit Pineapple head I'm trying to fucking help here."

"SHUT UP!" Shikamaru shouted, finally looking up and meeting the violet eyes of his ex-neighbor. "You're the one who started it all! This is all your fault! Neji was right all a long. I wish you would have just fucking left us alone, I wish you would have never moved in, I wish I never met you you stupid fucking PSYCHO!"

Hidan glared at him, And it was all Shikamaru could do not to shrink away from his gaze. If looks could kill, if his dream decided that looks could kill, he would be dead right now.

"Don't piss me off pineapple head. You know what happens when you piss me off."

"Yeah yeah. You'll kill me or sacrifice me or whatever. You're dead. Shut up and leave me alone."

"You're mine fucker. You just wait."

Shikamaru gasped into awareness, sitting up on his bed and clenching the sheets. They were soaked with sweat, and he had to wipe his eyes, as usual. He looked around the room, this was his apartment. Which meant this was real. He never dreamt of his apartment.

After catching his breath, he threw off the blankets and stood up. He needed to make a call, these nightmares were getting to be too much. He could probably handle Neji's hateful words, but when Hidan made an appearance, that was too much. It made him jumpy and paranoid, and now especially since this morning's little discovery, it was even worse.

He needed to call the lab at his firm. That was one of the few perks of being in a city now, the firm had it's very own forensics lab taking up the entire basement floor. Granted, it wasn't top-of-the-line stuff going on down there, but it was far better than having to send it off and wait three weeks for results like they'd had to do back in the crap little town he used to live in.

Regardless, he needed to see who's blood that was, and then he needed to look up the person to see if it was anything relevant. He needed to put an end to this crap, it was getting far, faaar too troublesome.

-0-

A/N- Whew. That was... that was emotional. Almost made myself cry, heh.

Anyways, Don't hate Neji. He went through some pretty serious shit, and that doesn't just go away. This was absolutly inevatible for the sequel. It would be rediculously unrealistic if he was just all the sudden okay. I know it's heart-wrenching. But don't worry. I have a plan. :)

Anywhosen, REVIEWWW because you love me. If you don't, I guess I have no choice but to eat your soul.