This was heavy going to write! Please review if you enjoy this, I have big plans for the story but need the motivation to keep going!
The dinner table heaved with the weight of large platters of chicken and bowls of vegetables, around the table were crowded an assortment of chairs and stools, as a table designed to hold 8 was currently providing accommodation for at least twice that number. Nick and Jess were squeezed together at one of the shorter ends, Jess sandwiched in between Nick and Jamie's fiancée, Deann, who she had learned had a liking for strong perfume and an ability to drink wine like it was water.
Jess was unusually quiet, it's not that she felt shy or overwhelmed; she was drinking in the atmosphere, learning what made the Millers tick. The room was piping hot and Jess felt her cheeks flush and along with the giddy rush of the wine she had consumed, she felt relaxed and contemplative. She watched as Bonny fussed over everyone; Nick's mom seemed especially thrilled with his presence. From what she had gathered, Nick had very rarely made the trek home to Chicago and his mom wanted to relish every moment of this trip. She was always checking to see if he had enough food, if he needed a drink, asking if he was tired… the list of fuss was endless, but for once Nick did not complain that someone was taking care of him. He seemed to know this was what his mother needed to do. She had already lost one man of the family; she wanted to tightly hold onto those that were left.
Nick's brother Jamie seemed so completely different from Nick in personality, she was struggling to reconcile the fact that they were related. Sure, they looked a bit alike and had similar voices but that was where the similarity ended. Jamie had spent the past hour at the dinner table in a seemingly never ending argument with their cousin Bobby. Jess wasn't overly sure on the subject but it seemed to be something to do with whether tomatoes were a vegetable or a fruit and neither seemed to be backing down. Jamie seemed very immature, although he was only a few years younger than his brother. He made Nick seem wise and mature by comparison. Bobby, for his part, seemed exceptionally competitive and looking to get the edge over his cousins at all times. He was constantly picking at Nick: pointing out that his bartending job paid less than half of his job at the TSA, belittling him for not finishing law school (though Deann had rightly pointed out that Bobby had not even attended regular college). Actually, for all his career faults, Nick seemed to be the most educated and grounded member of his family. Jess's mind began to consider what he could have achieved if he hadn't, well, given up.
For his part, Nick seemed to be soaking up the feeling of being home. Although he rarely came back, he easily sank back into the routine of the Miller household. He knew his mom enjoyed his presence and he let her try and take care of him, but he was also aware of how needy she was. Especially now Jamie was getting married, Nick knew she was going to be alone in that big house with all her boys gone. This grated against Nick and he felt his long standing tie to his mother pull at him; all he ever wanted was for her to be happy. His father never really achieved that. Although he knew his mother loved Walt, Nick was acutely aware he never treated her right and this made his heart ache. The bond between mother and son was strong despite the years of physical distance and he only ever wanted to make her smile and be happy.
"So, Nick, when you gonna make an honest woman of your little lady?" Bobby asked, practically leaning over the table and leering at Jess in her cotton sundress.
"Bob…" began Nick
"Oh hush," said Bonnie, swatting Bobby away with her hand as she made another circuit of the table with a piping hot pot of gravy, "They only just started dating!"
"Well, y'know," he began, raising his eyebrows, "I thought somethin' was going on at Walt's-"
An audible intake of breath spread across the table and all eyes turned to Bobby as the dinner guests anticipated his next words. An awkward silence spread across the table. Jess turned to look at Bonnie and saw the colour begin to drain slowly from her face. The quiet permeated the room, so you could hear a pin drop. Instinctively, Jess rose from the plastic garden chair that was her seat and walked around to Bonnie who stood a few feet away. "Hey Bonnie, can I help with the dessert?" Bonnie looked momentarily confused before her eyes moved to meet Jess's and a broad smile spread across her face.
"Oh honey, that'd be lovely!" she wrapped and arm around Jess in a side hug and led her towards the kitchen door. Nick smiled as he watched the scene. Jess's big heart never failed to amaze him. Anytime she saw someone in a sad situation, she was the one to jump in and be their cheerleader.
Nick was still smiling, thinking of Jess and his mom carving up chocolate cake in the kitchen, when Jamie swooped down and rested himself on Jess's vacant chair. "Soo, bro," he smiled at Nick and pulled one of Nick's hands into his fist before enveloping him into a bear hug and patting him on the back. "You're girl, she's, pretty cool."
"Thanks bro, but I think you got the market cornered amazing women this weekend," with that Nick lifted up his bottle of beer and pointed his index finger at Deana how sat on the other side of Jamie, engrossed in an in depth conversation about cuticle care with her maid of honour Marcie.
"Yeah, I'm a lucky son of a bitch right? She couldn't even wait to plan the wedding. I had to make her hold off until at least it got a bit warmer, I knew Ma would want the reception at the house," Jamie smiled as he looked at his bride to be and Nick felt a twinge of jealousy at the certainty that his little brothers life now held. "Hey," Jamie began, "You guys coming to Magoo's? Going to meet up with all my buddies, have my last few drinks as a free man…"
"Ah, dude, I can't leave Jess…."
"The girls are coming too! It's like a joint bachelor/bachelorette party. Deann didn't like the idea of us guys going to some strip club somewhere," Jamie sounded so excited that Nick conceded.
"Alright, I'll just run it by Jess," Jamie grabbed Nick by both arms and shook him roughly.
"Yeah! Awesome! Beeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrr!" and with that he downed the brown bottle he had in his hand and wandered off to find Bobby and continue their argument. Nick shook his head. He really did wonder how they were related at times.
Walking into Magoo's Jess felt a rush of self-consciousness flood through her body. It was a strange feeling coming back to your boyfriend's home town and seeing his old haunts. She could feel eyes upon her like powerful lasers, making her neck feel hot. Who was that? Is she with Nick? Although Nick came home only once a year or so, he seemed to make his way around the bar with ease, shaking hands and giving small hugs to the people as he went and introducing them to Jess who gave a smile and a firm handshake in return. As a teacher Jess was used to presenting herself to large groups and being confident and gregarious, but today she felt small, uncertain and a little confused. Normally she was assertive in any situation. What was the problem? She couldn't put her finger on it and a small cloud of confusion began to form over her mind as they headed to the sticky wooden bar where Nick ordered her a large glass of pink wine.
As Jess waited for her drink, she turned her back to the service area and surveyed the sight before her. The bar was dark and worn looking. It wasn't dirty, but it had certainly seen better days. All around there were groups of people, chatting, drinking beers and dancing to the music from the jukebox in the corner. At one side of the bar there was a pool table which was currently being used for what looked like an intense game of beer pong. Loud, 'oohs' and 'ahhs' arose from that area at frequent intervals. Suddenly, she felt an arm envelope her and a glass of cool wine was placed in her right hand. She smiled in surprise and looked up to see Nick beaming at her. She sighed in relief. "You okay? He asked, sounding concerned, "I know this could be a little intimidating…"
"No, it's great. I'm getting an insight into the origins of Nick Miller," she gave him a lopsided smile and squeezed his side in response.
"Oh, well please don't judge me based on a bar… This was the hangout in high school but like I said, 3 jobs, I didn't spend a great deal of time here," Jess smiled at his self-conscious speech and pulled his lips towards her in a small kiss.
XXXXXX
Thirty minutes later the two wedding parties had split into the bachelorette and bachelor parties. The ladies had made claim on the area around the juke box and had laid out a line of quarters that guaranteed an evening of 80's soft rock combined with the odd power ballad and a little country. The maid of honour, Marcie, seemed particularly taken with Jess. She was it seemed, a hair stylist and seemed enchanted with Jess's hair and had spent the last 10 minutes trying to convince her to perm it.
"Seriously," Marcie slurred, "A few well-placed rollers and 'bam' huge volume. You hair can take it." She raked her hands through Jess's hair, fluffling up the sides and snagging the ends as she did so, causing Jess to flinch.
"I'll really think about it, but I don't want to make any rush decisions," Jess replied, trying to subtly move out of the reach of Marcie's fingers.
"Well I'm doing the wedding hair, so if you change your mind…" Jess nodded and smiled and turned away as Marcie's attention returned to the bride to be. Jess was sat at the end of a table of 10 women who were talking in quick, Chicago accents. Their names had all melded into one, Stacey, Annie, Tracey… So Jess had taken to nodding and smiling at any questions and avoiding the need for replying with a specific name.
"So, how do you know our Nicky?" asked a red faced brunette on the opposite side of the table. Tracey? Jess thought.
"Ah, well," Jess began, taking a sip of wine, "We're actually roommates."
"Oooohhhh," a chorus rang out amongst the voices around her.
"You two share a place?" continued Tracey (?).
"Well, actually it's me and 3 guys," Jess replied.
"Oh, honey! 3 guys? How do you find the time?" and the table erupted in laughter. Jess tried to expain-
"No, wait you guys-" but then, her vision was assaulted by an unexpected scene. Across the bar she could see Nick being greeted by a very attractive, very leggy blonde who gave him a (too long in Jess's opinion) hug, before proceeding to sit on the arm of his lounge chair as she laughed and joked with him, tossing her hair back in a totally unnecessary display of femininity (in Jess's opinion). She felt her face twist into a small frown as she watched the scene unfold, perplexed. Who was that?
Determined to find out, she turned her attention back to Marcie, "Hey Marcie, you see that girl over there? Do you know her? I love her hair!"
At the mention of hair Marcie switched her attention back to Jess. She smiled, seemingly happy that her skills were being valued. Jess made a small gesture in the direction of Nick. "Oh, that's Alison Daniels, soooo full of herself. Thinks she hit the big time working on the Mac counter in SEARS. But honey, you don't wanna go blonde. Your hair will be like straw." She gave Jess a concerned look as she continued to drink her fruity drink through a bunch of straws.
Alison Daniels? Why was that familiar? Jess wracked her brains. She had heard that name before. When? She closed her eyes in deep thought until it popped up. Alison Daniels, in the woods. Oh. She thought. Slowly, a cold feeling sank across her body. She had a sudden urge for another drink and excused herself and headed to the bar.
The whisky and coke she had purchased caught in her throat has she sat on the red vinyl bar stool. The girls did not seem to realise she had not came back yet after the many jugs of fruity cocktail they had consumed, so Jess decided to stay a while where she was and calm herself. What was wrong with her? Nick could talk to other women! She wasn't the jealous type.
Twisting herself on the seat to face the bachelorette party, she looked to her left to observe the scene through a curtain of her hair. Most of the guys were playing what looked like a rather messy game of beer pong. More pong than beer. Jamie and Bobby seemed to be still engrossed in their argument and Bobby currently had Jamie in some kind of head lock and was wrapping one of his knuckles against his hair. A few other guys stood around chatting drinking bottles of beer. But then there was Nick. Still sat in his high sided chair with the leggy figure of Alison God-damn Daniels perched on the arm. Her head flicked backwards in a peal of laughter. Nick, too, seemed to find something very funny and Jess observed with hostility as he reached out and gave one of Alison's arms a squeeze.
A strange feeling came over her as she watched the scene. She felt a little breathless and panicky. Why am I feeling like this? Her mind began to whirl with scenarios. Losing Nick. Feeling loss. Bertrayal. Little blond haired Miller babies. Stories around the dinner table of how they were each other's first. STOP! She told herself. You are being an irrational idiot. Nick would never to that to you. He cares about you. She took a large gulp of whisky to try and calm herself. Just at that moment she saw her head bend down towards Nick and for a second she felt sure they would kiss. But instead she saw her mouth move to Nick's ear to whisper something, her cleavage was so close to his face. The she saw him laugh. With that, her stomach hit the floor. She felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. Seeing the guy she loved looking so intimate with someone from his past was more than she take. As irrational as she knew it was, she needed air, now. Unfortunately, the door was in the direction of them. Nick and her.
Grabbing her purse, she took a deep breath and looking down, she started power walking towards the exit. Hoping Nick wouldn't see her. But, as she walked near him she hear his distinctive, "Jess…"
She looked up startled and only then did he see that her eyes were a little red. "Hey, I want you to meet Alison," Jess awkwardly shook Alison's hand before stepping quickly away.
"Nick has been telling me all about you," she began in her distinctive draw, "You're a lucky girl getting our Nicky!" and she ended with a small, guttural laugh. Nick's face reciprocated with a smile and Jess couldn't take any more.
"I gotta, er, get some air," she mumbled and without waiting for a response, she headed for the glass doors that opened onto the parking lot. As she stumbled outside she felt her breath coming in irrational gasps and she walked over to a small bench laid next to the payphone and bent her head down wards, worried she was beginning to panic.
"Jess, Jess?" she heard Nick's voice calling her but she hadn't the energy to raise her head and if she had, she was worried she would be sick. Her head was swimming and she felt a cold chill of dread in her stomach and a buzzing in her ears. She hadn't felt like this since-
"Jess," Nick continued as he sat on the wooden bench next to her, "What was that? You got this weird look on your face and then you just split. I was worried." He placed one hand on her shoulder. Jess felt the sickness continue to squirm in her belly and she was unable to speak, but she managed to raise her body and meet Nick's earnest gaze with a sad one of her own. "What's wrong Jess? I thought you were having a good time…"
Jess felt a wave of sickness run over her. She wasn't sure whether it was the conversation of the quickly consumed whiskey but either way it was determined to make her feel vile. "I," she breathed, "I…I was worried."
Nick looked at her quizzically, "Worried? About what?" Jess continued to lock eyes with Nick, unable to give him more information. But then he saw it in her eyes and the penny dropped. "Alison." He said simply. Jess nodded and then placed her face in her hand and took deep breaths. "Hey Jess, we were just catching up, ya know, I haven't seen her in over ten years…"
Jess slowly straightened herself and levelled her gaze with Nick's. "I know. And I know this is irrational and stupid but it makes my stomach turn." She took a deep breath. "How did you feel when you thought I was going to meet up with Teddy?"
She saw Nick's expression change into one of contemplation. "I felt jealous. More jealous than I ever thought possible. I didn't want you to go."
"Well in this case, we are already dating and she is here," Jess felt the sickness begin to retreat and she sat upwards, pulling her legs to her chest.
"Well Jess, that was different, you were going on a date with Teddy. We were just talking," he spoke carefully, unsure of her reaction.
"I know and it's crazy. I am not the jealous type. Never. But being here, with all these people who know you so much better than I do…" With that she took a large intake of breath and stifled a cry. What is wrong with me she thought. Nick closed the gap between them and pulled her closer to him, she felt the heat radiating off him in the balmy night course through her. "It's so ridiculous," she continued, "But I'm scared, so scared…" and with that she began to lightly sob into Nick's shoulder.
Nick had never seen her cry like this. He had seen her get upset and cry. He had seen her get angry and cry. She had cried over Dirty Dancing and orphaned baby dolphins but never over him. She seemed so sad. "Shhh," he hushed as he pulled her close to him, kissing her lightly on the forehead, "Hey, stop this, you're being silly. I would never so anything to hurt you never,"
Jess kept her face pushed into his shoulder as she replied, "Spencer used to say that too me too," and with that her small body was wracked with silent sobs. And then he saw it. His strong, independent, confident, amazing Jess was still a little broken. Still touched from the actions of someone who had said he loved her. And she worried Nick would to the same. A sudden wave of affection came over him as he pulled her onto his lap and hushed her soft cries.
Finally, her breathing became more regular and she looked up into his eyes. Using his thumb, he wiped away the two small tears that remained on her cheek, before brushing his fingers against her red lips. They both looked into each other's eyes and began to match their breathing.
"Jess, I would never, ever, in a million years do anything to hurt you. You mean so much to me…" he trailed off and had to recompose himself. "This life here I left behind a long time ago. It's not me, these people aren't me. Sure, they helped make me what I am, but let's be honest they didn't do that great a job," he gave her a small smile, "My life is in LA now. And, to be honest, since I met you, it's not been the same. These people don't really know me anymore, they see a Nick from 10 years ago who doesn't exist. You know me better than anyone," he pulled her closer, "You are my best friend Jess, you make me want to be better. Not for you, but just because I believe I can be. Please don't ever think I would ever do anything to-"
And with that Jess cut him off with a kiss. A passionate, love filled kiss, full of promise, outside a beat up dive bar on an early summer evening in Chicago.