Oh for crying out loud
Every face in the crowd
Was looking at us.
Sweet amazing grace
Every time, every space
Everything in it's place
Like I was King for a day
- Crush. King For A Day.
The pattering of the raindrops on the roof of the Grimes' tent began to decrease into small dribbles as the storm began to die out.
"You can't blame yourself," Lori said for the fifth time as the last conversation faded.
"She's right," said Rick, "Daryl had it in his head this morning that he was going out, the most you could do was stall him for a bit."
If you had gone out like you said you were going too, Daryl wouldn't of. She couldn't help but blame him a little. However she blamed herself more. If only she had placed stronger emphasis on the fact that he was still hurting since he wasn't listening to what his body was saying. If only she had the strength to tell him that there wasn't much hope in finding Sophia.
Carol picked at a bit of dirt under her fingernail. She should go to the RV. Dale had been kind enough to open his door to her for the last few nights. She looked around their tent to see if anything needed sewing. Lori said it wasn't her strong suit and Carol doubted she would be able to sleep tonight and her latest project, one of Glenn's baseball T's with a torn sleeve wouldn't take long. Her eyes rested on a white plastic bottle of vitamins tucked against the wall on the table.
"I'm pregnant," Lori explained quietly. Aside from Glenn, Dale, Maggie, Rick, and Shane, no one knew about her condition. She dreaded just having them find out
"Congratulations," Carol smiled, looking from Lori at her side to Rick sitting on the cot. "Both of you."
Lori was very visibly taken back at her sincere reaction to the news. Carol knew why. With what happened to Carl and Sophia, why would someone would want to bring another child in to this world. However when it came down to it, no matter what state the world was it was still the miracle of life.
"This is a good thing," she reassured her.
"You think?" Lori said.
"Yes. This is a great thing," Carol pulled her into a hug.
It occurred to Lori that she wasn't on her own. She had someone who had been through a pregnancy, who would understand what she was going through, someone she could talk to.
"We can still draw strength from each other," Dale had said to her.
He may have been right.
As soon as it began to get a little light inside the RV via early morning sun, Carol got out of the little bed that she had lain awake in all night. Dale was still asleep in the bed across from hers. She observed Andrea's sleeping form in her makeshift bed that folded down from the dinette when she tiptoed over to the door.
At first Carol smiled when she remembered doing her best to put a pillow under Daryl's head, who had graciously volunteered to sleep on the floor that night on the highway, even though Andrea told him that she wasn't tired and he could have the bed. Although she did her best not to wake him, Daryl did wake up and got a little snippy with her for it but then rolled over and may have mumbled gracias.
That smile fell fast and became a hard pit in her stomach.
Daryl, who had almost died looking for her daughter when there was little chance of finding her, who may be out there now when there was even littler chance of finding her and he was still injured.
Maybe he'd made it back. It would be just like him to sleep outside by the campfire burned down to nothing but embers. Unfortunately when she opened the door, he wasn't curled up in a lawn chair with the crossbow on his lap, nor was there any new tent set up.
While she waited for the standard, blue portable water tank to fill the kettle up, Carol, having given up thinking about Sophia, tried to imagine what her father would say to her to comfort her.
Revelations 21:4, and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.
Lori had shared with Carol her thoughts of the night Carl got shot when they weren't sure if he was going to make it, and she said to her if the worse had happened Sophia wouldn't have to run, or be afraid anymore. She was free.
John 14:1-4. Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.
Her father would probably tell her that Sophia was with God in Heaven and that she would see her again.
Maybe her father wouldn't say anything. Would he not question God's plan too? Could even a preacher not have his faith shaken over the death of his only granddaughter?
Ecclesiates 3:1-8. To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under the sun. A time to be born and a time to die…
That was Sophia's favorite passage, had been since she was five.
A heart-stopping scream sliced through the conversation. It was a wonder that they didn't spill their iced tea as both mother and grandmother put down their refreshments and ran around the side of the little yellow bi-level to the front yard where Sophia had wandered off to get something, only after Carol made sure she promised to come right back to the backyard to play.
Her first thought had been that her five year old had walked out into the road and got hit by a car. Much to Carol's relief, Sophia was unharmed. She was sitting in the grass. Her hair cast over her face, reminding Carol that she needed to get her in for a hair cut.
"What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Carol bent over to be able to hear what her upset child was going to say.
"Ginger hurt a bird," A teary Sophia held out a bloody, lifeless sparrow she was cradling in both hands. The perpetrator, Ginger the orange tabby cat was crouched a few yards away.
Sophia brought the bird back down to her lap and stroked one of its outstretched wings with one finger. She was waiting for it to come to life but the bird wasn't hurt. It was dead. Carol scooped the bird out of Sophia's hands, it was unnervingly damp and sticky. "I'm sorry, Roo. There's nothing we can do for it."
Eyes still watering, Sophia looked over at the sparrow, head lolled back at an unnatural angles, tiny, gray claws clenched into balls. Ginger began to creep in on her belly to reclaim her kill.
"Bad cat!" she screeched, grabbing a small rock and chucked it at Ginger.
"Sophia. No. I don't ever want to see you throw another rock at living creature again." Carol scolded her. "Ginger can't help it, she's a cat. They go after birds sometimes, it's just what they do."
She took Sophia inside the house she had grown up in. They walked down the wood floored hallway that Sophia would slide down in her socks now as she had once and washed her hands in the bathroom, goodness knows what could've been on that bird.
They went back out to the backyard and then in for dinner. Sophia played unnaturally quiet the whole time.
After dinner Sophia looked out the front window to the scene of the crime while Carol visited a little longer with her parents. Ed hadn't been happy they were coming out here today, so she didn't think they would be out next Sunday. Of course she wasn't going to tell them that right now. After three years, she still hadn't heard the end of her moving away.
"Why did the bird die?" She asked.
Carol and her mother, May, had explained to her numerous times that the bird's death was a part of nature order but it apparently did little to console her. In Sophia's world, nature was supposed to be like a Disney movie.
Her patriarchal father, Robert, waved Sophia over to his barker lounger and sat her in his lap like he use to do with Carol and her sisters when they were small.
"It was it's time, Roo," he said. "There is a planned time for everything to happen. It's why you can only plant veggies in the spring and not in the fall or winter. You'll see plenty of things come and go in your life, and there will be a season for you to do so many great things. But promise no matter how big you grow, you'll always come visit your Mamaw and Papaw."
"Always." Sophia looked up to her Papaw like he had all the answers.
Why did I take her away from here? Carol questioned. Her dream had always been for Sophia to grow up in her hometown; to catch minnows in the stream with Linda McTraver's kids, to run down for slurpies at the 7/11 on Main Street on a hot summer day, to live in Dawsonville, the community that knew her name.
They sat in her father's church a few weeks later. Sophia was starting to squirm in the pew and was much more interested in how the colored light pattern from the stained glass windows covered her hands than what her Papaw was saying.
"…my grand daughter, Sophia was quite upset about what happened to this little bird."
Hearing her name, Sophia froze in place, arms outstretched with lavender and green diamonds up her arms. As he began to recite the Bible verse that his speech to her was based on, Carol watched Sophia become so concentrated in every word.
A week later, she could recite the verse almost word for word.
Rick was sitting up on the RV. His mind was so occupied with everything going on that he didn't notice Maggie riding up until she was right on their doorstep so to speak. He climbed down off the roof to greet her.
"Hey, we got two of yours back at our place," she said from on top of her horse scratching it's leg with its teeth.
"Two?" The number confused him at first then it slowly dawned on Rick what that meant, "Daryl found Sophia?"
Maggie nodded. "Yeah, she's drop dead tired, couldn't keep her awake for more than five minutes. Daryl was going to go out looking for your camp and then bring her back to cut down on the time he'd be holding her up in the saddle but he's tired too, he was up with her most the night. So I thought I better."
Maggie hopped down off her horse and tried to sneak a glance at the new camp. The back of the RV blocked out most of it. She was on the look out for two people, Glenn, and Shane. The former she wanted to talk to, the latter she wanted to avoid.
"You go in and get them, that's it. Do not talk to my dad," said Maggie, "I'll try vouching for you guys once he's calmed down."
Rick looked at her in disbelief, the stress he'd been holding in the corner of his eyes and around his mouth eased away. They had an inside man. There was hope yet.
"But only if you don't intrude," Maggie stated firmly. "Things are hard enough right now."
Maggie wanted them back. Glenn was a part of that but also her close call with the walker in pharmacy had snapped her awake to how dangerous this new world was. They had been lucky to survive just them for as long as they did. Plus living off their land entailed a lot of work that was very hard on all of them.
Rick nodded, "don't say anything until we get back."
Maggie looked confused.
"We can't take this away from Daryl," he explained.
Rick shook the smile off while he walked around the RV. Finally a win. They had been long over due for one.
Carol was crouched by the fire pit, a dish towel in her hand . The kettle hung over the flames beginning to whistle slightly as it reached its boiling point.
"Hey, Daryl made it back to the Greene's last night," he told her, it was hard not to say anything about Sophia. "He's in rough shape, so could you come with me and drive him back, while I drive his motorcycle back."
"Of course." She took the kettle off of the fire and set it to the side. Someone else would have to make the coffee. They had to get moving before Daryl took off again.
They didn't talk the whole ride there. Each going through their own personal struggle, they didn't want to share. It wasn't a comfortable silence but thankfully it wasn't a long drive to the Greene's.
Through the screen door they could see Daryl moving about the kitchen, looks like they got there just in time. He gave them a brief nod when they walked in and then went back to his breakfast sizzling on the stove, a generous helping of four eggs. Carol wasn't sure if she wanted to hit him or hug him. Either one would probably get the same flinch from him.
"Does Sophia like pepper on her eggs?" he asked, dividing the eggs on to separate plates. Carol looked at him like she just ran into a glass door. Hard. Very Hard.
"I know she likes it on tomatoes…"
Behind her, Rick's crack of a grin told Daryl for whatever reason he had not told her that Sophia was here as well. The absolutely stunned expression on Carol's face told him that saying Sophia was here wouldn't be enough. She'd have to see it.
"C'mon," Daryl gently took Carol's wrist and led the shell shocked mother down the hallway and into the bedroom where Sophia was curled up in the bed in the ball she had been all night even though there was no way she could've been cold with the electric blanket up as high as it was.
It can't be. Carol thought.
"She's fine – well exhausted – but just fine like I said." It would be the first in a long line of I-told-you-so's for Daryl.
Completely overwhelmed, Carol walked over to the bed. She felt like her legs might give out on her but she made it over to sit beside the daughter she thought she would never see again. She tucked her hair behind her ears. Her hair was soft and silky. Being able to feel her proved it to be real, Sophia was really lying here.
The touch woke Sophia up. She expected it to be Daryl, who had been oddly fussing over her.
"Mom?" Sophia questioned her eyes when she saw her mom sitting beside her.
The lost girl went to sit up about the same time her mother leaned forward and they met in a hug in the middle.
It wasn't long before they were both crying. Crying and holding each other.
Daryl stayed in the room, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. The thought of his breakfast going cold crossed his mind but he couldn't leave. Normally people crying, especially girls, made him uncomfortable and all but run from the room. This was different.
"I love you. I love you so much…" Carol found her voice and said the only thought that was in her head at that moment.
"I love you too, Mom." Sophia pressed herself as close as she could to her mom.
Finding Sophia hadn't felt like anything special until now he could see the aftermath of it. They were reunited. Carol had her daughter back, Sophia could be held by her mother and it was all because of him.
A seed of happiness embedded itself over his heart, somewhere high up on the aorta.
Meep, meep, meep, meep. A small travelers alarm clock began chirping. It was set to wake Glenn up for his early morning watch shift. It consequentially woke up his tent mates, T-Dog and Shane.
"Sorry guys, " Glenn apologized as he looked for the off button.
Meep, meep, meep. The alarm continued to sing the song of it's people as a flustered Glenn couldn't find the button. T-Dog grabbed it from him, silencing it instantly.
"You've lost all alarm privileges," said T-Dog.
"Shoulda taken that way after the last time," said Shane, shamelessly shirtless as he stretched the kinks out of his body.
Glenn feigned a sad look complete with his bottom lip sticking out in a pout and crawled out of the tent. He stuck his head back in. "Hey could someone throw me my hat?"
T-Dog looked over at Glenn's corner of the tent, his baseball cap sitting perfect on top of his stuff, and did nothing more.
"Please," begged Glenn. His shoes were too dirty to walk into the tent with and he just tied them up.
Shane gave it a small toss so it landed close to the entrance. Glenn leaned in as far as possible but the hat remained out of reach. This would be so much easy if he was in Portal.
"C'mon son, ya gotta want it," Shane teased as Glenn's fingers brushed at the rim.
"I don't think he does," T-Dog chimed in when he continued to fail at reaching it.
"You bums needed to get up anyway." Glenn found a way to shift a little closer so that his toes were barely inside the tent and grabbed his hat.
He walked over to the RV to grab whatever food they had for breakfast where Andrea and Dale and Maggie…Glenn completely forgot what he was doing.
"Good morning," she greeted.
"Maggie. Um hi," said Glenn. Despite how happy he was to see her, she could tell he was a wondering why she was here at all.
"Daryl came back to our place last night right before the storm to return our horse, was barely able to hold himself up in the saddle, had ripped out all his stitches. We didn't think it'd be wise for him to ride back on his motorcycle so I came to get someone to bring him back." Maggie restated the story she had told Andrea and Dale.
"Oh. Do you want some coffee or are you staying that long?" asked Glenn hopefully, "oh crap, I'm on watch right now."
"I'll make it and bring it up to you then." Maggie accepted his offer to have a chat.
Carl was the last one out of bed. He commonly was now. It wasn't only that he was still recovering from getting shot, his dad said he was growing. He wasn't going to get up right away then he recognized Maggie's voice outside as she talked to his mom. That got him up.
"Hi, can we borrow those maps? Me and my dad are going to look for Sophia," asked Carl. He did notice his dad wasn't around right now, but was confident he'd come back soon. Rick promised Carl that they could look for Sophia, especially if Daryl wouldn't be able to.
This is news to me. Lori looked over at her adventurous son.
"Shoot, I didn't think to bring those, I'll run back and get them in a bit," Maggie could hardly keep a straight face and very quickly joined Glenn up on top of the RV.
Everyone fell in to doing odd chores around camp.
"Hey Glenn, can I grab your sleeping bag?" Lori called up to him, "me and Carol are going to wash all the bedding today."
"Absolutely. Thanks. It's starting smell." Glenn added without thinking of his companion, Maggie snorted in mid-drink, "Um Carol went with Rick to our place to get Daryl. "
Right on queue, the roar of the motorcycle coming up the road made them all look out towards the approaching vehicles. They were a little surprised to see it was Daryl who circled in on the motorcycle but they didn't get overly suspicious. Carol getting out of the backseat rather than the front caught some attention. Then Sophia managed to climb out of the car on unsteady bare feet.
The group had a collective response, a wide eye opening shock to happy surprise and to a big smile. Daryl looked over at the only who skipped the surprised phase, Maggie.
Why was no one told?
Sophia didn't get to far before she toppled over. Sleep deprivation is the same as being drunk, sitting in the grass in a daze in a shirt that obviously wasn't hers that was exactly how she looked.
She made no move to stand up. Carol was too shaky to try and lift her. Daryl expected Rick to move in but he was grinning uncontrollably with the rest of them.
"Hey, I know you ain't big on being carried but hows about you give those worn out feet a break and let me pick ya up?" Daryl asked her.
"Okay," Sophia agreed, much to Carol's surprise.
Daryl grabbed her up under the arms and scooped her up again. Since she was still only clad in his shirt so he had to be really mindful on how he held her. Sophia reached over his shoulder to Carol. Her mother took her hand and kissed her knuckles.
Wings. There were angel wings on Daryl's back. They weren't soft or delicate looking like every other pair I'd seen in pictures or on statues. Their lines were rough, making jagged feathers but they were still angel wings and were beautiful all the same.
Sophia's head drooped as she fell back asleep, her cheek resting the sun warmed leather vest. She looked so peaceful. Carol almost started crying again.
At that moment, a herd of walkers could've overrun the camp. Everyone was frozen in place, watching the three of them.
Daryl took Sophia into the RV, Carol right on his heels, and tucked her in to bed that Carol had lain awake in thinking about her. He can't explain why he felt compelled to do so but Daryl smoothed the back of her head.
Sophia had slept last night but it couldn't of been restful with the way she was almost constantly whining and crying out. Daryl wanted to wake her up, seemed way kinder than letting her stay in whatever she was dreaming about but he'd been strongly told waking her up was the last thing to do when they spent the night in the old folks home. He wondered if Carol remembered that night. Her delivery of don't you dare as Daryl was about to wake Sophia up, sent him back to his spot with his tail between his legs.
"Thank you," Carol hugged him as he turned to leave. A little hard for his new stitches.
"Save it for yer girl," Daryl mumbled.
Carol sat down on the bed. Daryl lingered in the door a bit, like he had when he gave her the Cherokee rose, and took in the scene of the two of them like they were on a TV show or a movie, removed from this bleak new world.
"Is she ok?" asked Carl, once he stepped outside. "She's ok, right?"
Everyone else was asking him the same wordlessly, Daryl felt like they may as well be holding a thousand microphones out to him.
"Yeah, she's fine. Like I said."
Carl hugged him. It threw Daryl off guard and Andrea moved in for a casual one-armed hug around his neck once the boy let go.
"Make her a sandwich?" asked Andrea when she broke off.
"No, she wanted fried tomatoes," said Daryl. "I made myself one and she ate half of that too though."
Dale clapped Daryl on the back. "This is astounding. That's all I can say. Good work, son."
There was more hugs and thumps on the back than he could keep track of after that, it got to be so overwhelming for him to but in a good way.
"How'd ya find her?" someone asked.
He recounted how Sophia walked out in front of him and more. Maggie couldn't help but contribute a little bit when she felt something needed to be said about the last night.
"…He got so damn snappy with me but turned on his heel and was so nice to Sophia." Maggie retold the hurricane that hit her bathroom good-naturedly.
Daryl's ears burnt at that. No one had stopped grinning at him which didn't help matters.
That seed of happiness on his heart sprouted vines that twined around every bone in his body and blossomed. Daryl never felt so good in his whole life as he did right then.
Carol sat beside the light of her life. She thought about doing some knitting buy was physically unable to stop reaching out and caressing Sophia's face or stroking her hair.
In all honesty, Sophia had been an accident. Her and Ed weren't planning on starting a family, not when they were barely making ends meet. But her initial reaction to the positive result on the pee stick was over joy. She was going to be a mother.
The RV jounced as someone came in the door. It was Daryl.
"She was badly dehydrated last night, had to give her a IV. Wasn't too happy with me. So make sure she drinks somethin' in a little while." Daryl gave Carol a full water bottle.
"I'll never be able to fully thank you," said Carol.
"Don't need to. I just looked in the right place. Actually she walked out right in front of me. Rick or Shane could've-"
"No, they weren't looking anymore," stated Carol firmly. Daryl chewed on his bottom lip. "If it weren't for you, she would've died out there."
Daryl nodded and very quickly ducked out of the RV.
Why does he have such a hard time accepting how good he is?
Apparently she didn't scare Daryl off to bad as he came back in ten minutes later with a small Tupperware container of a cream colored powder and Sophia's old clothes.
"Patricia gave me some powdered milk to give to her last night to get some calories in her. There's about two cups in there, I think and I'm not sure if you can save these."
"I was wondering about this," Carol thumbed the collar of his shirt.
"Didn't have anything else."
"She was pretty dirty and wanted to clean up. She really thought she would see you last night. Kept askin' where ya were. I don't know what happened to her shoulder. But obviously ain't a bite, fever would've hit her long before now."
"Its a sort of a old wound. She scratches herself when she's upset or nervous," Carol explained.
From the looks of sizable hole, Sophia had been going out of her mind with worry in the woods.
"Anyone gets weird about it, let me know. I'll set 'em straight," said Daryl.
Carol got some gauze and medical tape from the bathroom. Daryl had a point about someone getting suspicious about it and bandaging it would keep Sophia from further irritating it. Looking for an escape from everyone else, Daryl stayed in the RV. Carol was too nice to say anything if he was bugging her but he got the sense that he wasn't and he liked that.
"Man, I can't believe you found her," said Shane.
They happened on each other while walking back, each doing a quick patrol after dinner before it got dark. Daryl was excused from it but he wanted to.
"Yeah I know you can't," growled Daryl.
Shane cocked his head a little to the right. There had been nothing provoking in his tone but the redneck acted as if there was.
"You had her own mother convinced to give up on her when she was alive this whole time."
In Daryl's eyes, if anyone was to be blamed for wanting to give up on Sophia it was Shane. If it had been Carl, anyone who dare question whether they keep looking even if a month passed would've been shot down. Daryl knew the score, Sophia was treated differently because she wasn't born into the right family. It disturbed him.
"It was highly unlikely that she was alive. C'mon man, you almost died out there." Shane couldn't back down.
"But I didn't and neither did she," neither could Daryl. "When you see Sophia hoppin' around here, know that you were wrong."
Sophia was hopping around camp when they walked in. Not in literally, if she looked intoxicated before, she now looked like the day afterward. As weary as she looked, she was stacking firewood with such concentration. There was something strange about it.
T-Dog walked up behind her. Startled Sophia dropped a log on her hand.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
"Yes. It's fine," she shied away from him.
Shane called T-Dog over to where he had joined Andrea stringing cans, and Sophia's attention followed him. She had the same troubled expression that she had when he sat with her. She looked around camp and Daryl's gaze followed hers. Something where Carol was doing dishes with Lori rubbed her the wrong way.
Their eyes locked for moment, then Sophia went back to stacking the logs with new energy. Daryl continued watching. She became almost frantic when a one log wouldn't fit anywhere in to the newly organized pile. With few exceptions for logs with half the width of the others, the columns were always four high. He looked back to Carol and Lori. The drying rack had no system, plates were in with cups, and running wild with the spoons.
Does she have OCD? Daryl wondered.
She started scratching at the bandage on her shoulder.
It has too. I have to find a place for it.
Slowly and from the front, Daryl approached her and held out his hand.
"Here."
Author's Note:
Thanks to all who reviewed. I hope you all had happy holidays and 2013 has been very kind so far; GemmaTellerSoa, letmefallasleep, 6747, Emberka-2012, war90, Lilacsonafence, Ihasabukkit, Chemical Ghost, JackAndHoney, Lord-Cas, sonshinedaisy,
On the Talking Dead, they mentioned a deleted scene in "Say The Word." with Daryl and Maggie talking about the death of Lori, and supposedly Carol where Daryl says Carol had so much hope for the baby. That's where the first part came from.
There is a deleted scene in Season 2 where they go back to the nursing home at the very start. I'm using it as canon fact.
My question to you is: Think they are going to get back to the Farm?
Next time on Dark Horse:
All good things must come to an end. A close call leaves one of the group broken.