Recurring Nightmares
A/N- Ohai! Yes, I'm still alive. Sorry it took so long, but there were complications. However, I hope you'll all be plesantly surprised. I've never done this in any of my stories, and I want to state right away that because I am such a terrible prude, all credit for the last scene of this chapter goes to Fluffyisemo. Also, When you get to this scene, you need to go listen to a song while reading it. It's called 'Closer' by Nine Inch Nails. :) It so perfectly fitting.
Now, without further adeiu! Chapter.. uh.. 6 I think.
-o-
He was surrounded by darkness. But not only that, that didn't bother him so much. No, that wasn't it at all.
It wasn't just the dark, it was empty dark. He knew without seeing that if he were to get up and walk around he would run into nothing. His steps would echo as if in a tunnel but no matter which way he turned he would find no wall.
There was absolutly nothing, he was in here completly and totally alone. Unable to see, unable to leave.
He hugged his knees to his chest, it was crushing him, the emptiness. He focused on his breathing to distract him from the overwhelming lonliness, but found that he hadn't been breatheing in the first place. He hadn't the need to breathe.
Was that strange? He thought maybe this should be unusual to him but instead it brought him releif. If he was in this unending darkness, and he didn't need air to live...
He must be dead.
That didn't worry him either. Shouldn't he be concerned if he was dead? That was a bad thing wasn't it? But he didn't mind, he was calm, listening for a heartbeat that wasn't there to hear.
He hid his face between his knees. He didn't want to look anymore, at least with his eyes closed he could pretend he was somewhere else.
But the silence, it was deafening. It was as bad as the perverse amount of nothing that surrounded him.
Someone, anyone, get him out. He didn't know how he got here but he knew without a doupt that if he stayed here he would surely lose his mind.
"Shikamaru."
His head shot up from his knees and he squinted into the darkness. His heart would be racing if he wasn't dead.
Had he really heard that? Was someone here? Or was that his imagination? He held perfectly still, and the silence beat at his eardrums and the darkness clawed at his eyes but he listened and watched with everything he had.
He couldn't have imagined it, it had to be real. But the silence stretched on and finally he let his head back down. He should have known, there was no hope. It was always an illusion, whenever he felt hope it was just a way for whatever omnipetent being was out there to tear him down more than he already was.
"I tried so hard Neji." He whispered into his knees. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I still couldn't save you..." He waited, he didn't know why, there was only him. Hope, stupid useless hope. He kept letting it trick him, thinking things were getting better, thinking he felt better, that maybe he'd keep feeling better. But he always fell back down.
"We're the same now. We are broken. I broke you, and you broke me." He wanted to cry, he was alone anyway, why shouldn't he?
Because he couldn't. His chest burned and ached with the need to just cry and keep crying until the end of time.
"Now we are broken and alone with our nightmares. Both of us. That must be what you wanted.. I hope you're having more luck than I am."
"Shikamaru..."
Again his head shot up. He knew he heard it that time. Someone was here, it was just an echoed whisper but someone was here.
"Hello?" He called out, his voice reminding him of a scared little kid.
There was no answer, but he knew he had heard it, he knew he was not alone. Someone was watching him, trying to get him to notice their presence.
He paused, that had happened before. He had thought he was alone but he hadn't been. Who was it that had done that? It was someone important, someone who made him happy.
"Shikamaru Nara."
He jumped at the suddenly loud voice. He did not recognize it, as he so often did in these sorts of circumstances. It was a mans, so deep that it almost rattled his bones when it spoke.
"You wish for help?" It said, and he could do nothing but nod.
"I can help you."
"Then do it! Help me!" Shikamaru said, scrambling to his feet. He had the feeling no one was here with him, it was just a disembodied voice. But it did not matter, it pushed the emptiness back to where he was no longer being consumed by it. And it broke the silence. He did not care who it was, or what they wanted in return. He just wanted it to go away. He wanted to stop feeling like a peice of himself was missing. He wanted to feel normal again, he did not want to be dead.
"You must stop resisting, and I will help you."
What was he resisting? He wasn't resisting anything right now, there was nothing to resist. It did not matter, he would do anything to make it better. He just wanted to be better.
"I will help you, and when I command it, you will help me. You will be mine, and you will serve me as such."
Shikamaru hesitated. He didn't want to become a slave here. He had no problem returning a favor, but /belonging/ to someone? He was still a person, he may be dead but he was not property to be owned.
"Who are you?" He asked meekly. He wanted the help, he wanted it so badly that he couldn't stand it. But...
But what? He asked for someone to save him. Life does not present solutions, it presents oppurtunity. Temptation and oppurtunity were commonly mistaken, but this was not temptation. Or was it?
"I am your savior." The deep voice said. "This is my gift to you."
Arms suddenly wrapped around him from behind. Shikamaru instantly slumped into the embrace, wanting to cry again but from releif this time. He put his own arms over the ones holding him and squeezed, it felt good. All the nothingness that had been driving him mad shrank back with this simple act, like demons crawling around in the shadows at the edge of light. This was all he'd wanted. Comfort, company, /care/. He did not want to be alone, he did not want to stop feeling. Not anymore, he was done with it. Especially now, now that he had... had...
Who was this?
He slid his hands along the strangers arms. They certainly were not Neji's. Neji's arms were not this muscular, he wasn't weak but he was far more feminine than this.
He looked down but could not see, he was still in the dark. But that was fine. As long as he had someone here with him.
But who was it? He had to know.
He twisted around, and the stranger let him, replacing their arms around his waist as he faced their chest.
It was just as muscular as the arms, and Shikamaru felt a small zap of excitement. His 'Savior' was a gracious person, apparently.
"Who are you?" Shikamaru whispered, and the only reply he received was a another whisper.
"Wake up."
Shikamaru's eyes opened slowly, and he blinked a few times before realization hit him.
He was awake? He'd been sleeping?
He was in his bed, it must be true. He remembered going to bed last night but not falling asleep. His mind had been racing so fast with everything that had happened that he had almost been ready to just go watch T.V.
And that hadn't felt like his usual dreams, or his usual nightmares at least. It started the same, but instead of getting warped and malicious and heart-wrenching it actually got better.
It was nice, not waking up in a panic. And he felt good, even when he didn't have nightmares he still rarely woke up in a good mood.
He was sad at the same time though, that it was over. His first good dream in half a year and it ended just when it was getting good. It was a content sort of sadness though. He could work with that, he could be happy.
He hopped out of bed and was about to head to the bathroom to start his daily morning routine when, for no reason he really could understand or even care enough to, he quickly whirled around, opened his window, and leaned out to see how the clouds were today.
It was raining, not a downpour, not really even rain. It was more like a mist, no, more than that. A drizzle. Either way it was peaceful in a somber type of way. The air smelled wonderful at the least.
Now he finally turned and made his way to the bathroom. His body felt good as new, no aches or pains at all. And he thought maybe a good workout was in order to boost his spirits even more.
But that would be decided later, for now, shower, shave, and breakfast. He still had two more days before they were expecting him back at work. So he needed to force as much enjoyment as he could in there.
-o-
He had just sat down in his recliner and lit up a cigarrette when, once again, he was nearly victim to a heart attack.
"Good Morning Shikamaru." Itachi's voice said, shattering the silence.
After recovering from the scare, the Nara's eyes flicked over to the livingroom window that Hidan usually used as his doorway. Itachi was perched there, somehow still looking refined even in such a position.
What the hell was up with these Akatsuki people and not using the damn door?
"Eh, morning."
"May I come in?" The Uchiha asked plainly, and Shika almost laughed. He was pretty well already inside, hopefully he hadn't just been sitting there waiting on him to come in and sit down.
"Yeah sure. You know you could just knock on the door like a normal person."
Itachi ignored this and stepped inside, his eyes scanning the room before he stopped in his tracks. Shikamaru followed his gaze and his mood plummeted for just a moment when he realized he'd forgotten to dispose of the bloodied sheets. He'd just kicked them into a bundle in the corner after that fiasco had gone down, not wanting to deal with it at the time. Then he'd gotten drunk, and then he'd just forgotten about them.
Itachi sighed heavily. "I thought as much."
Shikamaru jerked forward, blushing. "That's not what you think it is!" He said, hoping desperatly that Itachi did not actually know what had happened and was just trying to play mind games.
Itachi just stared at him, one brow raised in intrest. "You haven't been practicing Jashinism then?"
...Oh yeah.
He'd forgotten about Itachi's unexplained extensive knowledge of the religion. When Shikamaru had confronted it before he'd just dismissed it as being crucial information related to being Hidan's acquantaince. It was a good enough reason, he supposed, but not a satisfying one.
"Uh... " He replied dumbly. Had he just given himself away? Oh please please Jashin don't let him have given himself away.
Dammit! Not Jashin!
Itachi blinked and turned back to the sheets, studying them as if unwilling to go any closer. "I can't seem to predict what that idiot is going to do no matter what I try." He muttered quietly. Shikamaru wasn't sure if he was talking to him or to himself. "How did he manage to trick you into it?" The Uchiha said, not turning to look.
Shikamaru chuckled nervously and scratched the back of his head. "Well. Erm... I kind of did it to myself, in a way." Why did he say that? Hidan had admitted to manipulating him with the tire shennanigan... But still, it wasn't as if he forced him too.
Now his visitor turned to look, disbeleif just the slightest bit evident on his features.
"It's... it's a long story..." Shikamaru admitted, slouching.
"Shorten it." Itachi ordered, as if it were the easiest thing in the world.
"Why is this important?"
"It's important because you have once again gotten yourself into something thats not what you think it to be. I'm helping you only because had it not been for you and your boyfriend two years ago I would never have known what Sasuke was doing without my knowledge."
Shikamaru made a face. "Ex-boyfriend." He corrected, leaning back into his chair.
Itachi stared, waiting for him to explain. He sighed, might as well, seeing as it was a pretty important part.
"We..broke up six months ago. I have no idea where Neji went. He only left a note saying that... that he couldn't stay with me. because I was a constant reminder of what happened to him."
Itachi nodded, sympathetic sadness flicking across his features. "Neji Hyuga went through quite a bit of trauma." He said quietly, only reinstating a fact Shikamaru was already well-aware of. He supposed it was the Uchiha's attempt at consolement. But it didn't help.
He just nodded and continued, knowing what his visitor really wanted to hear. "A little over a week ago someone stole a tire off my car. I didn't think anything of it since it'd been happening frequently. Those are the perils of living here." He shrugged, ignoring Itachi's accusing eyes. He didn't freeking know he was supposed to be suspicious!
"Anyway, the next morning someone had put my tire back on my car, and I noticed a little tiny Jashin symbol on the inside rim. It was in blood but the lab couldn't identify who's it was. Obviously at this point I realized someone was screwing with me. So long story short, I was trying to draw them out by pretending to join their religion." He paused to take a slow, deep breath. "Apparently that had been the plan all along. Hidan showed himself, and after nearly shitting myself, we fought, I beat him, and to keep him from going after Neji, I made him swear his loyalty to me."
"Why didn't you kill him?"
It was Shikamaru's turn to stare at the man like he was stupid. "Uh, well I did that before. Remember? Didn't work. I figured this way he'd be under my control and I could just keep him from making the sacrifices he needs to stay alive. And then the problem would solve itself."
"And what about those." Itachi motioned to the sheets. Shikamaru hesitated. Would he know if he was telling the whole story? Should he just tell him? Maybe the sharingan user could shed more light on the subject. He knew Hidan better than Shikamaru, that was for sure.
He... he couldn't though. It was hard enough trying to believe it himself. He didn't think Itachi would understand. You had to be there. Shikamaru had participated and even he didn't completly get it.
"I was pretty badly injured during our fight." He thought breifly of telling Itachi about the infection he'd gotten and Hidan taking care of him, but honestly that part seemed irrelevant. "He convinced me that praying would help me heal faster. I... I didn't think anything would actually come of it."
Itachi gave an irritated sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Your ignorance is a persisting thorn in my side Shikamaru Nara."
Shikamaru couldn't even be insulted, he was right, he'd been so stupid. But even Itachi had just stated moments ago that Hidan was impossible to figure out. How the hell was he supposed to stop screwing up? No matter what he did, it was the wrong decision.
"Where is he now?" Itachi demanded, interrupting his thoughts. And Shikamaru tried his hardest not to let his alarm show. He was going to have to explain what happened. Shit, he couldn't do that. He just couldn't
"I don't know. I was more or less attacked by... by Jashin... I guess, during the ceremony. When it was over I told him to get the hell out. I havn't seen him since." Mostly the truth, he reassured himself. I didn't lie, just left one little detail out.
"Well, you look to be in perfect health. I'm taking it your prayers did not go unheard. Regardless, I need to find Hidan. We need to have a chat."
"How did he escape?" Shikamaru asked quickly when Itachi started stepping toward the window. The elder Uchiha hesitated, and turned back to him. "It's a long story." He said softly, quoting Shikamaru.
The Nara considered this. Itachi was obviously in a hurry, he wasn't going to explain everything. He had to be very precise about the questions he asked.
"Hidan said he had been stalking me for four months. He told me he didn't just attack me right away because he was after Neji. But that doesn't really explain anything. He has been acting... different... than I remember.."
Itachi was patiently waiting for an actual question to be asked, though he was listening intently to the information Shika kept dishing out.
"I guess what I want to know is, why? Why didn't he just kill me in my sleep? Why does he want me to convert? And why did he wait so long? Did he just get out of the ground recently or what?"
Itachi looked almost sullen at this. "I think we all wish to know why Hidan does the things he does."
Shikamaru slouched, it was useless. If Itachi couldn't clear things up, he was damned.
"But... maybe it makes sense, if you're open to thinking of Hidan as a person underneath all his insanity." Itachi added quietly, his gaze steady on the floor.
"I suppose you deserve an exanation for what you've been through because of him. I won't make excuses, but this is what I know... Kakuzu... has gone missing." His voice was laced with uncertainty at the last. "Nagato has not been able to make contact with him. He's been missing for about a year. We have all pretty well accepted him as dead. Kakuzu is not a man to be taken hostage in any situation."
Shikamaru's eyes narrowed as Itachi finally looked up at him. Hidan hadn't wanted to talk about Kakuzu because he was dead? But, if Kakuzu was dead...
"Hidan went on a rampage. We've had to track him down twice now. These last few months have been quiet. Too quiet for our liking. And so I'm here to make sure he's minding himself. This is his last chance for freedom before Nagato gets himself involved. Hidan will not live through what he is planning, immortal or not."
Itachi went silent in thought. And Shikamaru, for the hundredth time, did not know how to respond to this information. It did make sense, Hidan had probably sought Shikamaru and Neji out to kill them, a safe way for him to work out some anger seeing as he had a personal vendetta against them. But when he found Shikamaru, alone and miserable and broken... Maybe he'd stuck around because... because he understood.
Oh God, Hidan knew what empathy was. He really was a person, instead of a mindless killing machine.
But maybe that explained why he kept giving Shikamaru crap for being depressed. At least Neji wasn't dead...
He suddenly felt like a complete ass, even though he'd really done nothing wrong. How could he have possibley known Hidan was hurting like that?
He... he was lonley too. That's why he stuck around.
But there was one more thing that he wanted to ask about. He already had an idea, but he wanted to be sure.
"Kakuzu got him out, didn't he?"
Itachi looked at him, and it almost seemed like he wanted to say more. But he only nodded.
Shikamaru repeated the gesture. Of course he had. He'd noticed that Kakuzu didn't seem the least bit concerned at the funeral, though he never would have assumed that to be the reason why. It was stupid that he didn't think of it, but really, how could he have known?
"They've been doing this for awhile, huh?" Shikamaru asked somberly.
Again Itachi nodded.
Kakuzu was Hidan's knight, come to rescue him every time he screwed up and got himself killed. But now, if he messed up, he was done.
He was scared, hurt, confused, and looking for somewhere to turn. And Jashin... oh lord... Jashin had answered. He'd tricked Shikamaru into it. Even into spareing his life, he didn't stop himself from killing Hidan because he was afraid he'd come back, he'd thought that doing so would be playing right into the Demon God's hand. But he'd done it anyway by doing the opposite.
Hidan had only agreed to Shikamaru's terms because he knew there would be no one to rescue him this time.
DAMMIT! He didn't know whether to be mad or sympathetic... or even happy.
"I need to be going now, if you need me again use this." Itachi removed a ring from his pocket and extended it to Shikamaru. Just channel chakra unto it and use it like a microphone."
With one fluid movement Itachi was out the window and gone. And Shikamaru found himself wondering why Itachi was going to all the trouble of helping him out, even if all he did was answer some questions. He stared at the ring in his palm.
Yes, he'd said that Shikamaru helped him with Sasuke, But he would think they'd be even after Itachi helped him save Neji. He shrugged and stuffed the ring into his pocket.
There was still something more here that he was missing out on.
Troublesome.
He gave the empty room a loud, dramatic sigh that turned into a growl halfway through. Jashin forbid anything ever be simple.
"Agh! Stop saying Jashin!" He cried aloud, grabbing his head with both hands, but he froze when he saw the sheets bundled in the corner.
He needed to talk to Hidan, the air needed cleared, and without any way of finding him, Jashin was the only answer.
It was exactly what the God wanted, he realized now. But... it had to be done. He had to pray, he needed to meditate, and ask him to bring Hidan back. And then maybe, maybe go buy him a cell phone.
Itachi too.
He pushed himself from the chair, he had to do it before he changed his mind. It had to be done, he repeated to himself. He didn't feel anything for Hidan, he didn't just want to see him. He just had to... to talk to him. Clear the air.
Yes, that was all.
That was all.
But there was no way in hell he was using those disgusting, bloodcaked sheets. Reusing a circle made perfect sense in theory, but it was gross.
So, he had to ruin another one, Damn, Hidan had better replace them like he promised. And Shikamaru obviously needed to get some kind of rug/tarp or something if this was going to continue happening.
He ripped a sheet from the hall closet and shook it out until it layed flat. This one looked kind of thin, hopefully nothing would soak through. If so, he guessed he wasn't getting his deposit back...
Unfortunatly for him he realized he didn't have a convienient little razorblade with which to perform the initial cut. That meant he had to use a knife, seeing as he really didn't have anything sharper in the house, except maybe scizzors.
He shuddered, fuck, he felt like a drug addict, except he was addicted to cutting himself open.
Well, a knife would work. Geez, some of the shit he put himself through because of that lunatic...
After getting himself a knife and then scouring his apartment for some candles as an afterthought, he sat down. They were his emergency power outage candles, but they had these nifty things called flashlights now.
He stared blankly for a few moments at the candle. Every other religious ritual that involved candles had them positioned at the 5 points on whatever diagram within a circle they used. Shikamaru had 6, so he lit up three and set them around him just outside his reach, and saved the other three to put around the circle. He swore again when he remembered to get up and shut off the lights, and once again sat crosslegged on the sheet.
He took a deep breath as he grabbed the knife, and then another as he pressed it to his now perfectly healed palm.
Accept the pain, embrace the pain, trick your mind into thinking it's good.
He could deal with pain, but if it could be avoided then he'd very much like to do so. He was nervous, very much so. He didn't want another episode like last time, if he died, there would be no one to find him until someone complained of the stench from his dead body.
It's all in your head./ He consoled. /You can do it. Stop thinking about it so hard, thats what got you into this whole stupid mess.
He slowly let his breath out as he parted the flesh of his hand for the third damn time, focusing on that instead of the stinging. Hidan was right, it was going to take awhile to do this, not that he planned on doing it more.
"Fuuck." He hissed, tossing the weapon away and massasing his hand to build up the bloodflow.
Okay, it's done, focus, focus, focus.
He made his circle, and put the triangle in the middle, he paused long enough to set up three candles on the points where the two shapes connected and light them, and took a deep breath.
He worked his wrist and flexed his fingers, trying to hurry up and get five drops worth of blood pooled in his hand. If he didn't hurry the hell up he was going to talk himself out of it.
Again he inhaled, and as if he were taking a shot of alcohol, tipped his head back and poured the blood into his mouth. That was quite a bit more than five drops, he thought as he grimaced through a swallow.
Gross.
He put his fingertips together and started counting in his head. Breathe in, count to 4. Breathe out, count to 5.
Alright Jashin, you have my attention. He tried desperatly to keep all the other thoughts from his head, he closed his eyes and felt his face harden in concentration.
Clear your mind, meditation requires the seperation from earthly things, or... something like that.
He wanted Hidan to come back right? So think about that, Hidan sitting in his livingroom eating pizza, Hidan laughing after teasing Shikamaru about something, his childlike intrest in little things most people take for granted.
Hidan in a t-shirt and jeans, Hidan in the rain in his trenchcoat and bare, wet chest...
Wait, no... stop. Don't think about him like that.
Hidan pouting because Shikamaru refused to smoke with him, Hidan grinning crookedly, how his eyes always had mischeif in them, calling him pineapple head, looking at him like he wanted to grab Shikamaru and..
His eyes flashed open. Dammit, this was having the opposite effect he wanted it to.
Damn himself, and his stupid lustful emotions. Damn Neji for making him so lonley and neglected. Damn Hidan for showing back up in his life and confusing him like this. And damn Jashin for ... for whatever involvement he had. He was probably holding the strings behind all this.
Dance puppets, dance. Hahaha look how stupid you are.
Then Shikamaru winced as a sharp pain shot breifly through his skull.
Oh damn. He heard me.
Again his breath hissed in as suddenly it felt as if a thousand cats were all clawing on a chalkboard in his head.
With both hands he clutched at it, squeezing as if the pressure would force it out. Holy shit this was even worse than not breathing.
I'm sorry! He thought. He vaugly heard himself groaning out loud. Oh it was a nightmare, his vision was shuddering and his ears felt as if they might start bleeding if his entire head didn't just explode first!
His fingers tangled in his hair and a few chunks were pulled from his ponytail as he worked to free himself from it.
There, it dulled ever so slightly, and without even taking time to think about it he ripped the band from his hair and let it down.
Instantly it was gone, he was in a quiet candlelit room and there wasn't a single noise to be heard, he couldn't even hear the traffic, which was far beyond weird.
Eyes wide in confusion, he ran a hand through his free hair.
"What the hell was that about?" He panted. Jashin didn't like ponytails, apparently. He'd never had a problem with it before...
"You could've just fucking asked me to do it!" He shouted to the empty room.
Then again, this was a deity that encouraged muder and self-destruction. He was probably laughing his ass of wherever he is.
"He didn't like it when I started gelling my hair either."
Shikamaru jumped and twisted to the new voice, wishing he could stop the smirk that formed on his face when he saw none other than the albino himself standing just inside the window with his arms crossed.
A sudden warm feeling bloomed in the Nara's chest, so strong that it made him dizzy.
"Don't get distracted. Finish the meditation. Kakuzu always fucking interrupted me, pain in my ass." He muttered, coming to sit in front of Shikamaru calmly. Shikamaru felt a ping of sadness at the mention of Hidan's fallen lover. But he pushed it away. He couldn't let himself feel for the psycho. He had to concentrate.. but...
Hidan wasn't wearing a shirt, of course he wasn't wearing a shirt. That would be too convenient for Shikamaru. That would keep him from admiring how Hidan's rain dampened skin shimmered in the candlelight, how it made his chest look even more chisled.
He closed his eyes to get away from the image. Dammit Hidan, oblivious fucking Hidan, why? Just... just why?
At least he stayed silent so Shikamaru could focus, the warm feeling wasn't going away. At least it didn't hurt, though it was uncomfortable.
Actually, it was nice, he just didn't like it because he knew that it wasn't him doing it, it was Jashin, making him feel things he didn't really feel. He didn't feel anything for Hidan, it was just the demented God trying to force a new lover on his most beloved deciple. That's all it was.
Right?
The feeling strengthened when he took a deep breath. Holy hell that felt good, it was like how he sometimes felt after smoking just the exact right amount of pot. He just felt so at peace, all the sudden. Like everything was fine, he had no worries in all the world.
Oh yeah... this was nice...
...Now what was it he was doing?
Oh right right, he was praying to Jashin.
Heh, heheheh. He was worshipping an intangible entity. Shikamaru Nara, the genious strategist and world renowned athiest was getting high with the God of slaughter. But wait, he wasn't smoking, oh yeah! This was Jashin's handywork. It was good handiwork, damn... if he could bottle this and sell it he would never have to work another day in his life.
He heard himself chuckle out loud at the idea, and then for some reason the fact that he was laughing made him do it even harder.
He opened his eyes, still giggling.
"Oh... I forgot you came in.." he drawled, and both Hidan's eyebrows shot up.
"Are you stoned? Fuck, I shoulda known something was weird when I found you praying without me having to fucking force you." Hidan said, twisting his upper torso to pop his back. "You know you gotta share now that I'm here right, ya pineapple head."
Shikamaru just laughed even harder. He had been upset with Hidan, why was that? He couldn't remember, he couldn't even imagine how it felt to be upset right now. He felt so good.
"You can't call me that, see?" He said, running his hand through his hair, and then touseling it. "No pineapple. So shut up you greaser." He said, and then burst out laughing at the image of Hidan in a leather jacket and tight pants and a toothpick...
No wait... that wasn't funny. That was hot.
Damn, Hidan would look good in just about anything. That was so unfair.
Shikamaru had never been insecure, but theres some stuff he just looked rediculous in.
"Your hair looks better like that," Hidan said, breaking him from his thoughts. It took him a moment to blink away the blurry Hidan and focus on him.
Hidans eyes drifted to the floor, lost in thought, and Shikamaru tilted his head. Why did he look so sad? This was a happy time! The Nara felt amazing! He never felt amazing, this was something to celebrate over.
"I don't like it when people put their hair up. I know it gets in their face and shit but..You look better like this... your hair looks like..." Hidan paused, his brow creasing. Then he lifted his gaze and met Shikamaru's. "It's just better."
Hidan's eyes were getting a little glazed over, Shika thought. Was Jashin making him feel this too? He couldn't be, Hidan looked sullen, not relaxed and at peace with the world.
Wait, why was he here again? They were mad at each other or something weren't they? But... oh well. He didn't care right now. He'd worry about it when he stopped feeling so wonderful. He had to enjoy this, before he was miserable again. Miserable and lonley..
He realized he was staring at the candle absentmindedly, and refocused on the fellow Jashinist in front on him.
"You should join me." He slurred, and Hidan looked at him like he'd just told him an elephant flew out his ass.
Shikamaru spent a good 5 minutes trying to regain control of his body after being unable to contain the laughter that thought caused.
"What the hell is wrong with you pinapple head? You're being fucking weird."
"Hidan." Shikamaru said, suddenly serious as a heart attack. "You... are being a buzzkill. So put a little blood in your mouth and ask Jashin to share some of the stuff he's giving me." His solmn expression relaxed and he chuckled. "Because it's... it's just really awesome."
Hidan stared in confusion, but the zealot would never pass up an oppurtunity to indulge a fellow desciple of the great and mighty Jashin. This is what Shikamaru assumed at least, as the albino swiftly pulled out a razorblade from his pocket and opened it with a click.
"Ahh, you're on a blood-high. I haven't gotten one of those fuckers in awhile." He rose to his feet just long enough to grab a soiled sheet, fold it in half and lay it out under him.
Awe. Shikamaru thought, smiling. How considerate.
Without even a second thought the silver-haired man drug the blade across his palm and held it above his head, tongue hanging out.
...Wow... Shikamaru couldn't look away as the blood trickled onto the outstretched muscle. Yeah, random fact, tongues are muscles.
That was blood, It was just Hidan tasting his own blood. Why was he reacting like this?
He absently licked his lips. Damn, maybe this was how Hidan felt that last time when they'd prayed together.
Hidan quickly and efficiently made a circle around him, stopping once for a heartbeat to give Shikamaru a weird look.
"Told'ja candles help." He said, grinning to Shikamaru, who couldn't help but admire it, and then put his hands on his knees and bowed his head ever-so-slightly.
Shikamaru watched him for a moment. There it was again, he was so calm and serene. He was nice like this, no scowling or grimacing or argueing or snarky comments. He looked like a normal person.
His chest was warm again, so was his stomache. He was aware of his heart beating really loud, and his eyes widened slightly when he heard someone whisper to him.
"Stop resisting, and I will help you."
That, that was from his was the same voice. That was... it was Jashin! Of course! Why hadn't he realized that right away?
Stop resisting. Stop resisting.
Okay, okay he could do that. He felt like he could do anything right now, his heart was racing and he felt this sudden excitement even though he didn't really know why.
It felt amazing, if it felt this good to be a Jashinist, hell yea he'd do it. A million times yes.
He took a really deep breath, letting his eyes close, and relaxed. Relaxed everything. He relaxed his body, his mind, he let all his thoughts trickle away, he focused on this beautiful feeling, on how utterly wonderful he felt right now. This is what he wanted, this is what he'd asked for. Jashin had given it as a gift.
Just like in the dream. "This is my gift to you." He had said, and then someone had grabbed Shikamaru and held him. And all his heartache and pain and miserable lonley thoughts went away and his heart hurt with how much relief it was to just feel wanted like that.
He opened his eyes, the excited feeling bubbling in his torso was becoming too much to handle. He wanted to do something, he needed to get up and run, he wanted to tackle someone, wrestle someone.
Hidan's violet eyes opened slowly, almost lazily. Shikamaru watched as he lifted his head and their eyes met.
And something exploded within his chest.
He realized in the giant wave of that something that rolled through him that it was him. Jashin gave Shikamaru him. It was a perfect fix for them both, even if it was wrong. That's what made it so right.
Hidan smiled at him, and before realizing what he was doing, before he could stop himself, Shikamaru lunged.
-o-
He landed on his knees with is out stretched palms on Hidan's shoulders, fingers splayed wide curling around hard muscle. Eyes still locked with now wide open amethyst.
Hidan's gaze flicked down to the Naras lips before coming back up again. He didn't move, didn't react in anyway. The heated, rain slicked flesh felt so amazing under Shikamarus hands. He subconsciously leaned in closer. So close that he could feel warm breath ghost over his lips.
The air seemed to become heavier in the few moments they just looked at each other, time almost standing still. Then a larger hand gripped shikas hip and he was pulled into that strong body. He moved, fallowing the pulling hand and ended up straddling the older mans muscled thighs. His hands had slid up to grip the back of Hidan's neck, his fingers tangling into the short silver tresses at the base of his nape.
His heart was literally hammering in his rib cage and his breathing continued to get shorter as the zealot wrapped his other arm around shikamarus waist. The hand that was previously gripping his hip pushed up through the bottom of his T-shirt and ran from the base of his spine up, up, up, only to dive into his hair. Shikamarus breath hitched as Hidan tugged him forward, holding him just centimeters away from his mouth.
They hadn't broken eye contact but to blink this whole time. Everything was so intimate. Half lidded violet eyes seemed to stare right into his very soul. It felt so good, so right to be held like this. The heat that was still spreading through his body seemed to intensify and he released a shaky breath the then closed his eyes.
Parted lips finally connected with a smirking pair and a mutual sound of pleasure filled the quiet, candlelit room.
The elder Jashinist used his grip in shikamarus hair to tilt his face to the right and the kiss deepened. Hidan's taste flooded his system like a drug, carving molten fire into his veins. It burned so good. The hold Hidan had on his waist tightened and he was pulled flush against the hard body,hips meeting hips, chest to chest.
When the hot, slick muscle pushed past shikamarus lips a groan from deep in his chest was torn from his body. He was vaguely aware of his own trembling and might of even been a little ashamed if he didn't feel so damn good. If Hidan didn't feel so right in his arms.
The kiss was so unyeilding and dominant, unlike anything he'd ever felt before. The grip in his hair had just the right amount of pained pleasure, and he melted into the embrace.
As tongues thrust against each other, previously idle hands began to move. Tugging at clothing and bare skin, nails digging into flesh and hair. Shikamaru ripped his mouth away to gasp for the breath that he hadn't known he'd been holding. His whole being on fire as harsh fingers literally ripped his shirt from his flushed torso with a sharp tearing sound.
Then that scorching, devilish mouth attached to the naras neck, teeth scraping against sinew and his head was jerked back by the handful of hair in Hidan's grasp.
His own hands pulled the wicked mouth closer. A profanity slipping from his panting lips, only to be responded with a roll of Hidan's hips that had him moaning like a two dollar whore.
He hadn't noticed how fucking hard he was until then and the knowledge of finding out that Hidan was just as hot and bothered from him, gave his so much satisfaction.
His world was suddenly shifted to were his back was pressed against sheet covered carpet and Hidan hovering over him. The feverishly hot, calloused hands assaulting the taught skin stretching over his flat abdomen. Blunt nails raked over shikamarus hip bones, then he was pulled against the zealot by hidans grip on his pelvis.
Legs spread wide and Hidan's heavy wait pressing down on him. If felt so fucking good, the fire in him threatened to consume his soul.
Shikamaru grabbed at the waistline of hidans ripped denim, shakily trying to get them open. He wanted him naked, them both naked, to feel the burn of flesh on flesh. He got the button undone when his wrists were grabbed in a bruising grasp and forced over his head in one large hand, Hidan's mouth at his ear.
"Slow down... I want to enjoy this." Hidan's voice was liquid sin, and it both thrilled and scared him to death. The free hand of the zealot pushed its way under his lower back and into the back of his jeans. His left ass cheek was grabbed so harshly that he should of cried out in pain, but what came out was a twisted strained version of Hidan's name.
His back arched off the floor and he threw his head back, eyes wide. That's when he noticed why. They were still in the circle. Oh Jashin, beautiful Jashin, he'd never felt this before. Never been this wanton or this needy.
Hips were pressed into his so roughly, again and again, as the older Jashinist continued his assault on his neck and mouth. The rutting continued until shikamaru was in tears and begging "Please, fucking please! Just hurry up!" His voice cracking and hitching.
Hands and mouth left his flesh and he barley managed to prop himself on his elbow through his shaking. The Naras eyes half lidded as he watched Hidan undo shikamarus jeans pulling them off along with his underwear, and tossing them randomly behind him.
His cock hurt so wonderfully, and it was weeping onto his lower stomach. He wanted to touch himself but he was too consumed with the need to touch Hidan.
He found strength then to sit up all the way and tugged the zealot to him by his waistband. Hidan still kneeling between his spread legs. Still trembling fingers touched and then squeezed the bulge that Hidan's jeans did nothing to hide. Shikamarus other hand finally pulling the zipper down and with a sharp movement had the denim pulled down corded, athletic legs.
His hair was fisted again at the back of his skull. he flicked his gaze up to meet smouldering violet, and the demonic smirk. Gaze still fixed on Hidans eyes, he felt the blunt head of the zealots cock slide wetly over his parted lips. He watched Hidan's face contorte in pleasure and licked his lips, groaning at the taste.
Before he even realized what he was doing, Hidan's cock was so deep in his mouth that he felt it pushing on the back of his throat. The older Jashinist used the hold on his hair to move him back as he swore.
"Fuck. Easy, you wouldn't want me to come on that pretty face before we get to the fun part", Hidan growled out is a husky whisper. Shikamaru felt his face flush from Hidan's words and he was hungrily shoved backwards again.
His hips were raised until his ass was laying on pale thighs and Hidan clutched his hips in a crushing hold. The nara stared down at himself, watching his stomach tremble and his bruised legs shake. He looked up as he felt blunt, moist pressure on his hole.
Hidan looked so sexy, his hair was mussed and he was sweating. His panting making the chiselled muscles is his chest and his abs strain against his pale skin. Hellfire eyes staring right back at him, making his heart almost skip a beat. He knew that Hidan didn't plan on preparing him but, he also knew that jashin still had them is his clutches.
Shikamaru bravely pulled Hidan into himself with his legs only a fraction of an inch and then he was suddenly being ripped into. He felt his walls tear and the blood run out of him onto the sheet but his scream was one of ecstasy.
Hidan paused only for a second to mumble something shikamaru didn't catch then he was being pounded into the carpet. Tan legs being held in the crook of muscled pale arms, and he was bent double. It was mind numbing pleasure. The naras nails scraping into the tops of Hidan's shoulders until crimson poured from there too.
At first the thrusts were dry and they stung pleasantly, then the blood acted as lubricant and he was in heaven. Or maybe even hell, he didn't care, as long as Hidan didn't stop this torture. His prostate was being rammed on the inward thrust, every sharp stab making him scream.
Shikamaru couldn't breathe. His insides ached wonderfully and he was being hammered into so hard that a few drops of scarlet shower down onto him from his clawing hands.
It was all to fucking good to last. The heat inside him suddenly exploded and his back arched completely off the sheet. translucent ropes of his escents streamed out of him, spraying his chest,some shooting onto his parted lips and chin as he felt scalding silk fill his abused ass.
The sound of groaning in the room faded out into a load humming noise. The last thing he saw before his. Vision tunneled out, was Hidan lick the blood from his own lips. The violet eyes closed serenely. His world fadded into blackness as a wet tongue traced his dirtied mouth. And he sank into the peaceful dark.
-o-
A/N-
...Uh..
..uh..
I have to go.. take care of something. xD
BUT REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Fluffyisemo will probably be monitering these reviews, and she may or may not eat your soul/be your best friend ever if you hated/liked her work.
Also, apologies for typos and spelling and all that crap. I basically just skimmed this before putting it up, kinda in a super-rush right now.
Love you all! Expect the next chapter soon!