So this chapter has been updated now! I changed a lot, so you definitely need to re-read it! I hope you aren't mad that I changed it, but I was struggling with chapter 8, and realized that I wanted to change this one in order to write chapter 8 the way I feel it should be. Please don't hate me! .

Disclaimer-Runs away crying

This chapter is unbetaed

It Started With a Song

Chapter 6- Feelings

Shuichi's heart was racing as Anthony found a place to park. He didn't know why he was so nervous. It wasn't like this was a real date or anything. Or at least he didn't think it was. And even if it was, he shouldn't be nervous. Anthony did like him after all. He was pretty sure, anyway. Why else would the younger boy have kissed him in that restaurant?

He was broken out of his slightly confused thoughts by Anthony saying, "Oh look Shuichi! There's a little carnival at the park today. How lucky are we?" The actor's eyes were lit up with excitement. There were only two rides, a Ferris wheel and a small roller coaster. But there were multiple tents holding games and food. Shuichi smiled softly as he looked up at Anthony's face. Yuki never got excited about carnivals or amusement parks. All he care about was his books.

Shuichi shook his head softly. He didn't want to think about the stupid blonde. He liked Anthony. And whether they dated or just stayed friends, he didn't care. He and Anthony could actually have fun together. And they probably wouldn't have as many fights.

Anthony looked over to the singer, a grin plastered on his face. "Come on, Shuichi! Let's go ride the coaster!" Shuichi laughed as he got out of the car. Anthony immediately grabbed his hand and sped to the ticket booth. Shuichi pulled out his wallet, but Anthony shook his head. "No way, Jose. I'm paying." Shuichi raised an eyebrow as Anthony pulled out money. No way Jose? He shrugged it off, thinking it didn't really matter.

The two spent over an hour riding the roller coaster and playing games. Anthony won Shuichi a giant stuffed panda, causing the singer to blush. He smile shyly and glanced up at the younger boy through his lashes. They weren't even dating yet. They weren't even really on a date. Yet Shuichi felt like they were on a date.

They made their way slowly back through the park so that Shuichi could put his panda up and they could get the picnic basket and blanket for lunch. Anthony found a shady spot under two trees where they could eat. It was away from the carnival, so there weren't many people in the area.

Once the blanket was spread, the boys started unloading their food, talking and flirting as they did so. Shuichi was laughing at Anthony; the singer had sat down gently, not wanting to fall. Anthony, however, had plopped down quickly and ended up falling backwards. Anthony sat up, his hair sticking up all over the place, causing Shuichi to laugh harder. The young boy crossed his arms and stuck out his lower lip, pouting.

"Heeey, stop laughing at me!" When Shuichi didn't stop, Anthony reached across their food and shoved the singer over. Shuichi's eyes widened comically as he hit the ground, and Anthony giggled.

"isn't fun when you're the one on the ground, is it?" Shuichi sat up and glared playfully at the young boy. "I'll get you back for that one, Anthony." The two stare at each other for a moment before they both began laughing. When they had calmed down a bit, they started eating.

As Anthony pulled out their small dessert, his heart started racing. It was now or never if he was going to ask Shuichi. He looked over at the pinkette, who was playing with some flowers. He cleared his throat nervously before he began speaking.

"So, Shuichi...can I ask you something?" Shuichi looked up from his flowers and smiled brightly, saying "Of course. Ask away." Anthony took a shaky breath and smiled. "I know you just broke up with Yuki and aren't really ready for a relationship. And honestly, I've never been in a serious relationship, and I don't think I want to be in one. But I really like you, even though I've only known you for a couple days. I don't want anything serious, just someone to have some fun with. I'm willing to try if you are. So, Shuichi...will you be my boyfriend?"

~ISWAS~

He was running as fast as his legs would carry him. Where he was going, or why he was running, he couldn't say. He only knew that he'd been running for a while now. He started to slow down as he realized where he was; he was in a park. To be specific, he was in the park where he met Shuichi. He stopped for a moment when he noticed a figure standing about twenty feet ahead of him, face hidden in shadow. Yuki continued forward slowly, not sure about the mysterious person.

The person looked up just as Yuki reached him. The blonde stopped short and gasped as he looked into two teary, purple eyes. The air had grown cold; white puffs of air flew out of the pinkette's mouth as he cried softly. "Why, Yuki? All I did was love you. I let myself be raped for you. And you don't even love me! I did everything for you! I can't stand you! I don't love you anymore, Yuki! I HATE you!" The boy slapped Yuki across the face, scowling, and then turned and ran the other direction. Yuki reached out a hand, catching nothing but cold, empty air. "But I love you, Shuichi."

The blonde shot up out of bed, breathing hard. He was covered in a cold sweat. He'd never had such a realistic nightmare about Shuichi. He looked over at the clock; it was noon. He'd only slept for about an hour. He got up and made his way to the kitchen, shaking slightly. He put a pot of water on the stove to boil for some tea. He also turned on the radio, feeling that the apartment was eerie without noise.

His pounding heart started to calm down as he drank his tea. He'd had nightmares about Kitazawa almost every night before he met Shuichi. But never had he had such a terrifying nightmare. He came out of his thoughts as a man started singing. He had heard the song a few time before, but didn't know it very well.

"Cold as ice and more bitter than a December

Winter night that's how I treated you

And I know that I, I sometimes tend to lose my temper

And I cross the line yeah that's the truth

I know it gets hard sometimes

But I could never leave your side

No matter what I say

Cause if I wanted to go I would've gone by now

But I really need you near me to keep my mind off the edge

If I wanted to leave I would've left by now

But you're the only one that knows me better than I know myself"

The author leaned against his kitchen counter, pouring himself another cup of tea. It was like the lyrics were written just for him. No one knew him better than Shuichi did. His thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock at his front door, and he jumped, cursing as he spilled tea on his hand. He grumbled quietly under his breath As he moved to open the door. There was another knock, and Yuki became irritated.

Who in the world is being so impatient? He opened the door to find a very worried looking Tohma. "I've called you six times, Eiri. Why didn't you answer?" Yuki moved to let Tohma in, shrugging with a blank expression.

"Turned it off. Didn't wanna talk to anybody." Tohma's brow creased. He followed his brother-in-law into the kitchen. Yuki poured a second glass of tea and handed it to Tohma without saying a word. The radio continued to play quietly in the background.

Yuki leaned once again against the counter as he stared at a wall, silently drinking his tea. He couldn't stop thinking about his nightmare. Would the singer really say things like that? Yuki already blamed himself for the boy's rape, but did Shuichi feel the same? The author stared at his reflection in the tea. Who was he? A famous author? The kind of man who has women falling all over him? Why did that matter to him when he wanted Shuichi? Was he man enough to fix things with the boy?"

"-ri, are you even listening to me?" Yuki blinked and looked up at Tohma. He then shrugged. Tohma scowled in return. "Eiri, stop acting like this is nothing! I'm worried about you. You're my brother. And I've never seen you cut yourself off like this. I don't know what happened between you and Shindou-san, but you usually don't care, or at least you act like you don't."

The author looked down into his empty cup and shrugged yet again. He didn't really feel like talking about the brat. For the moment, he really just wanted to forget. Still looking down, he spoke quietly. "I know you worry about me, Tohma. But I don't want to talk to anyone right now. Please…can you just let me be alone?"

Tohma's eyes widened. He had never seen Yuki so quiet. Or so…polite. Normally, the author told him he was fine and then shoved him out the door. Tohma sighed quietly. He closed his light blue eyes for a moment, then opened them slowly. Nodding, he said, "Alright, Eiri. But if you need anything, promise you'll call me." Yuki nodded, but averted his eyes. Tohma sighed again as he set his tea down and left the apartment.

Yuki closed his eyes when he heard the door shut. He knew he wouldn't call Tohma, or anyone else. He put the empty cups into the sink before moving into the living room. He locked his front door, hoping that no one would bother him again. Not having anything else to do, he put a movie in and laid down on the couch, hoping it would occupy his mind.

~ISWAS~

Shuichi's heart pounded as he looked at Anthony. Why would Anthony want to date him, even if it was just a casual relationship? He had seen the horrific crying incident. He knew that Shuichi would always be damaged goods. So why? He knew he couldn't ever love Anthony like he had loved Yuki. But maybe, just being in a casual relationship would be good for him.

It took all of ten seconds for Shuichi to figure these things out and make a decision. He closed his eyes and took a deep, shaky breath. "Anthony..." He opened his eyes and looked at Anthony's expectant face. "I honestly don't know if I'm ready for even just a casual relationship like you're suggesting..." Anthony's face fell slightly, but he masked it quickly with a small smile.

"It's alright, Shuichi. I completely understand."

Shuichi smiled and shook his head. "I wasn't going to say no, Anthony. I was going to say maybe. On one condition."

Anthony's heart raced slightly as he grew hopeful once more. "What's the condition?" Shuichi grinned mischievously, making the actor's heart skip a beat. He really did like Shuichi, which scared him slightly. He usually didn't have any sort of feelings towards the people he dated. He just dated them because they were attractive and fun to be around. But he genuinely liked the singer's personality. It was a new feeling for him.

"The condition is…you have to take me out on a real date tonight." Shuichi smiled a shy smile, looking hopeful. Anthony let out a breath he didn't even realize he was holding before he smiled.

"I can definitely do that." They both smiled shyly at each other. Then Anthony stretched and spoke, breaking the silence.

"So, what do you wanna do for our date? It's noon now. We could take this stuff back to the apartment and then maybe go see a movie? Does that sound okay to you Shuichi?"

Shuichi's smile widened slightly. "A movie sounds fine to me. But could we go to a club later tonight? I feel like I haven't been out dancing in forever. We could invite Ryuichi and Tatsuha for that, if it's alright with you."

Anthony's smile brightened in response to Shuichi's. "That sounds fine to me. We can ask them about tonight when we get back to the apartment, if they're still there of course."

Anthony stood and held out a hand to Shuichi to help him up from his spot on the ground. They picked up their things from the picnic and started towards the car, a comfortable silence falling around them.

~ISWAS~

As the credits started rolling, Yuki stood up and put a different movie in. He then laid back down. He wasn't really paying attention to the movie. It was just keeping his mind numb from any unwanted thoughts. He hadn't eaten or had anything to drink all day. But he really wasn't hungry. A headache was starting to form because he hadn't smoked either: he didn't care. He didn't have the energy to get up long enough to smoke.

~ISWAS~

Tohma walked away from the apartment fuming. He was sick of finding Eiri upset because of a stupid pop star.

The blonde pulled out his phone and dialed Shuichi's number. He was going to tell the boy to leave Eiri alone for good. It would take his brother time to get over Shuichi, but it would be better for him in the end.

As the phone continued to ring, Tohma's anger grew. He was about to give up when there was finally answered. Shuichi was giggling, and someone else was talking in the background. "Hi, Seguchi-san. Is there something you need?"

Tohma kept his voice calm, not wanting his anger to show too badly. "Shindou-san, I want you to leave Eiri alone. I don't want you to hurt him anymore. And that isn't a request; it's an order. If you see him again, your career will be over. Do you understand?"

Shuichi was silent for a moment before answering quietly. "I understand. And I have one thing I want to say; I might have hurt him, but he hurt me first." Having made his point, Shuichi hung up, leaving nothing but a dial tone and a slightly confused Tohma. He had somewhat expected the boy to cry, or at least sound upset. But he had just been calm. Hoping that it was a sign he was actually serious, Tohma just shrugged and continued on his way.

~ISWAS~

After getting off the phone with Tohma, Shuichi turned to look at Anthony, who was on the phone with Ryuichi, laughing. Ryuichi and Tatsuha wouldn't be able to go to the club with them that night, because they were out having fun already. Shuichi was a little disappointed, but was happy that he would get to dance either way.

When both boys were ready, they left for the movie theater. They weren't really sure what they were going to see, but it didn't matter all that much. They just wanted to have a good time.

Shuichi looked over at Anthony and grinned. "Thank you for taking me to the movies. Yuki hated going to the movies. He said it was always too crowded and noisy for his liking."

Anthony smiled brightly back at Shuichi. He grabbed the singer's hand and intertwined their fingers. "Well, I'm not that jerk. Also, I'm not an alien. I enjoy a good movie just as much as the next human." Shuichi laughed, causing the raven's smile to widen in response. Once the singer's laughter had died down, they fell into a comfortable silence. Shuichi didn't even think about the fact that his fingers where still laced with the other boy's.

They ended up settling on a comedy, because everything else was either a romance or a family-friendly movie. Anthony insisted on paying, and once they had settled into their seats, he held Shuichi's hand once again. Shuichi looked over and smiled at him before the lights dimmed and the movie started.

Anthony rolled his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time since the movie had ended. They had just found a parking spot outside the best sushi restaurant in town. They had left the theater almost half an hour ago, and Shuichi was still talking about how funny the movie was. Now the actor could see why Yuki wouldn't do this. It had been cute the first ten minutes; not so much anymore.

The singer looked at Anthony as they walked into the restaurant. The boy looked a bit annoyed, and Shuichi felt bad. He waited until they were seated before smiling sheepishly. "Sorry, I know I probably just annoyed you really bad. I just get so excited about good movies like that one." Shuichi looked down at the table, hoping Anthony wasn't mad. If it had been Yuki, he would've said 'Shut up, you damn brat' and taken Shuichi home. But when the singer looked back up, he was surprised; Anthony was smiling at him.

The raven was smiling because he hadn't realized that Shuichi would feel so bad just because he had annoyed him. Yes, the talking was annoying. But at least Shuichi was enjoying himself. Shuichi almost looked like he was afraid that Anthony would actually be mad at him. He supposed that it meant that Yuki probably would have been angry with the singer, which honestly didn't shock him.

"It's okay Shuichi, I don't mind. I get the same way about this TV. show I watch called Doctor Who." Shuichi looked confused, which caused Anthony's jaw to drop. "Have you never watched Doctor Who?!" The singer shook his head slowly. Anthony looked like his eyes were going to bug out of his head.

"And to think I thought we would be able to get along! Well, we'll just have to watch Doctor Who for our next date so that you can understand." A waitress came to take their orders as Shuichi laughed and agreed to their next date. The two men ate in companionable silence. Anthony couldn't stop stealing glances at Shuichi, and the pinkette was doing the same thing on his side of the table. When one of them would catch the other, they'd both grin and look away blushing. Even though dinner was quiet, it was the best date Shuichi had ever been on…except for his first date with Yuki.

Shuichi's smile left his face as he thought of the blonde. Tohma said Shuichi had hurt him…was that really true? The singer assumed that Yuki wouldn't care that he was gone. The man would probably be happier without him. Had his assumption been wrong? Shuichi shook his head to clear those thoughts away. He was with Anthony now, and that was all he needed to be thinking about.

After they left the restaurant, the two headed towards Ryuichi's apartment. They weren't sure if he and Tatsuha were back from their date yet or not, but they figured that if they were, they could ask again if they wanted to go clubbing.

The two left the car laughing. When they were almost to the door, Anthony laughed and raised an eyebrow towards his date. "What if they're in there having kinky sex?" The singer blushed, but laughed harder than he had been before. "That would be embarrassing to walk in on."

The two were both shocked when they opened the door and found their joking had been right on the spot: there were moans coming from the direction of Ryuichi's bedroom. Anthony quietly shut the door and turned to look at Shuichi, a comical look on his face that was somewhere between trying not to laugh and being absolutely disgusted.

"Well, I don't know about you, but now I'm reeeeally glad that we made plans to go to the club. I guess they'll just have to miss out on having fun with their friends. And, we can tease the crap out of them for it later."

Shuichi laughed for what felt like the millionth time that night as he and Anthony made their way back towards the car. "Yeah, that'll be fun."

The club that they decided on was packed full of other couples that were about their age. Shuichi went straight to the dance floor, dragging a laughing Anthony behind him. Shuichi found a clear spot and started dancing right away. Anthony came up behind him, placing his hands on Shuichi's hips. He kept a small distance between them as they moved together.

After being there for only about thirty minutes, the two men were already flushed. They left the dance floor and found their way to the bar to get something to drink.

The rest of the night followed the same basic pattern; Anthony and Shuichi would dance until they started to get hot. Then they'd go have a few drinks. But after each set of drinks they had, their bodies moved just a little bit closer together.

When the clock hit twelve, the club was still packed, but Anthony and Shuichi were in their own private, drunken bubble. The two were in a darker corner of the place, grinding against each other. Every now and then their lips would meet in a sloppy kiss.

Shuichi hadn't really planned on drinking so much. He had wanted to have fun, but thoughts of Yuki continued to pop into his head, so he continued to drink more than he should. He was aware of where he was, who he was with, and what they were doing. But in the morning, he'd have almost no memory of any of it unless he was lucky. Because of this, he most likely wouldn't remember the fact that he was coming on pretty strong to Anthony. And while Anthony was still dancing with him, he continued to politely dodge all of Shuichi's advances to do more than kiss.

Anthony wanted Shuichi. He wanted him more than he'd ever wanted anyone else. But he held himself back, because as the night had progressed, he had continued to realize just how much he liked Shuichi's personality. Usually, when his relationships ended, he never saw the other person again. They never had anything in common, and he always moved on as soon as it was over, never really caring that it ended.

He didn't want things to be like that with Shuichi. He wanted to be able to be friends with him. And because of that, he refused to take advantage of him when he was obviously wasted. He also didn't want to hurt Shuichi, and he knew that if they had sex, he would be hurt.

Shuichi was getting slightly frustrated by the fact that Anthony was dodging his advances. Was the actor teasing him, or had he decided that Shuichi wasn't exactly what he wanted? At least with Yuki, it was obvious what he was thinking and where his actions were coming from.

Why am I thinking about that bastard right now?! I've been having a great time with Anthony up until now. Screw Yuki! I'll just have to find a way to figure what exactly it is Anthony wants from me. As long as I'm not thinking about that stupid blonde jerk, I really don't care!

The singer captured the raven's mouth again before pulling away to whisper, "Do you want to go to a hotel?"

Anthony knew exactly what Shuichi wanted, but he raised his brows in a quizzical look, not wanting to go along with it. Shuichi, however, thought that the raven was actually confused, and figured it would be easier to show him what he meant than to tell him. He leaned forward and kissed a trail from the corner of Anthony's mouth, to his jaw, and down his neck. Anthony tried to hold back a moan by biting his bottom lip when Shuichi reached his collar bone, but wasn't able to succeed when Shuichi started to suck on the spot.

Suddenly, without remembering how he got there, Shuichi was in a hotel room, and Anthony was stripping him of his clothing, and of his own shirt. Shuichi didn't realize that the boy was just trying to get him down to his boxers so that he could put him to bed. The pinkette didn't know that he had passed out the second that Anthony had strapped him into the car. Shuichi didn't even really remember leaving the club, but he didn't care anyway. All he cared about was the half-naked man who had just gently pushed him down on the bed. Somehow without noticing, he'd already been stripped of all his clothing except his boxers. That didn't matter either, because his eyes were on the man in front of him.

Anthony had changed into black skinny jeans and a white v-neck for their date. His shirt was now on the floor. His jeans were hanging low on his hips, the button and zipper both undone. This gave Shuichi a perfect view of the man's small happy trail, the perfect abs, and a small tattoo of a bleeding heart right about the boy's hip bone. Shuichi unconsciously licked his lips, the sight causing a twitch in his erection.

Anthony smiled softly. Even though it was obvious that Shuichi was "in the mood", the singer's eyelids were drooping in more than just arousal. He was exhausted. Anthony pushed Shuichi gently into the pillow before pulling the covers over the boy. Shuichi started to protest, but Anthony whispered, "I'll be right back. I just have to run down to the car and grab something I forgot."

Shuichi smirked as he unconsciously got comfortable under the covers. He sounded just slightly groggy when he replied, "Hurry back."

Anthony threw his shirt back on, grabbed the key to the room, and quietly made his exit. There wasn't anything he needed from the car. He just knew that if he left for long enough, Shuichi would be asleep by the time he got back.

He grabbed a soda from around the corner and unscrewed the cap, drinking the soda as he slowly made his way back to the room. When he opened the door, Shuichi was fast asleep. The actor smiled down at the sleepy form, whispering a quiet good night before he rid himself of his clothing and laid down to go to sleep as well.

Shuichi woke up, but he didn't open his eyes. Yuki's arms were wrapped around him, and he didn't want to wake the man up. He snuggled closer to Yuki, nuzzling his head against the man's chest. Times like this were few in number, but they were what made the whole relationship worth it.

Yuki always looked like an angel while he slept. His blonde hair framed his face, and his face was peaceful. It was one of Shuichi's favorite things about the man. He was completely open when he was asleep. Shuichi opened his eyes and looked up at Yuki…only to be shocked that it wasn't Yuki.

Anthony's mouth was open slightly. He looked so sweet. But Shuichi didn't know how he had ended up in the same bed as him. He slowly moved away from the raven and sat up on the bed. He looked around the dark room as his eyes adjusted. The comforter looked exactly like the curtains that were hanging over the window. There was a flat screen TV. across from the bed. Next to that was a mini fridge. Shuichi's stomach growled as he looked at the fridge, which made him look down at his stomach.

That was when he realized he was naked except for his boxers. His heart pounded in his chest as he tried to recall what had happened the night before. He remembered going to the movie and then going to dinner. He remembered going by Ryuichi's apartment to see if he and Tatsuha wanted to come to the club. He remembered that, apparently, Ryuichi had been having sex. He remembered going to the club. Dancing. Then it got foggy. He might have come on to Anthony. He might have suggested that they should go to a hotel. And he might have tried to get Anthony to sex with him...

Shuichi hugged his knees to his chest and buried his face. I just had sex with a guy I barely know…I don't even love him. I love Yuki…and I just betrayed him…

The boy looked up, his eyes clouded with tears. He looked over at the sleeping man next to him. Anthony was curled up, breathing softly. The blankets were pooled around his waste, so Shuichi wasn't able to see the fact that Anthony was also wearing boxers. The actor's chest was rising and falling, and his mouth was slightly open.

Shuichi moved his eyes away quickly, ashamed of himself and what what he did. He wiped the tears away angrily before looking at the small table next to him. He saw his phone sitting on it and picked it up. He flipped it open, planning on texting Hiro or Ryuichi, but paused when he looked at his wallpaper.

It was a picture of Yuki working at his computer, a coffee mug off to the side, a cigarette in his mouth, and a look of concentration on his face. The author didn't even know that Shuichi had taken a picture. He never really paid attention to his surroundings while he was working. Shuichi smiled slightly, but it fell quickly as the tears started again. Still staring at the picture, Shuichi wiped the new round of tears from his eyes. He couldn't believe he had let this happen. With a shaky voice, he whispered a single sentence into the silent room:

"What the hell have I done?"

The song is Better Than I Know Myself by Adam Lambert (if you haven't seen the music video, WATCH IT)

So, did you like this better than it was the first time? I hope you don't mind the changes O.o I will definitely have chapter 8 up by the end of the week! You guys are amazing! Please r&r!