Chapter Nine - Fading Fast

Sighing softly, Sara shook her head, thinking it would be easier to just admit defeat and give up on the whole thing altogether. She had no idea how insecure her own husband was, even though she had known him for years now. "I don't get what the big deal is, it's just a couple of photos. You said that you were alright with her meeting her donor father."

"I didn't know you were going to include him in the family albums though, did I?" Grissom stuffed some more clothes in his duffel bag, grabbing his glasses case and wallet, before he made a move towards the door. "I'm going away for a couple of days, we can talk about this when I get back."

"On an emergency conference?" She rolled her eyes, not believing that little lie he had told her for a second. "We're going to your mother's this weekend, what am I supposed to say to her? And who am I supposed to get at such short notice to take care of Rosa?"

"You could always stay home with her. My mother's just a phone call away too." He purposely bypassed her at the doorway, making his way downstairs to the front room. He dropped his bag in the doorway, searching for his keys on the table beside the door. He looked over his shoulder as his heard his daughter singing to herself, making his way over to her on the sofa. "C'mere, honey," He slid his hands beneath his daughter's arms, lifting her from the sofa into his embrace. "Daddy has to go away for a few days."

"Where are you going, Daddy?" Rosa curiously asked him, holding onto the little Lego brick boat she had been building.

"Not too far. I'll try and call you every day." He brushed her soft brown hair behind her ear. "I'll miss you. Make sure that you brush your teeth and be a good girl for Mommy, okay. I'll be back before you know it." Grissom pressed a kiss to her forehead, before he set her back on the sofa with her cartoons and Lego bricks. "I love you."

"I love you too, Daddy."

Grissom gave her a smile, leaving her to her Lego building, while he left for the conference that he had signed himself up for at short notice. As he made his way out to the car, his wife chased him down, holding a picture of their baby in her hands.

"Sara, what are you doing?"

"Your daughter, your baby girl." Sara practically shouted at him. "How can you just throw away the past five years with her, just because of a couple of photos with Nick? He donated his sperm, that's it. Your her father. She needs you, not him. You were the one who told her about him in the first place. It's natural for her to want to meet him."

"It doesn't mean that I have to like it though."

"Yes it does." Sara argued, "When all this started, you were the one who said that you didn't want the sperm donor to be a complete stranger to us. You couldn't live with knowing that your daughter's DNA was a complete mystery to you, and neither could I, so we asked our friends. It didn't have to be Nick, but I'm glad it was, or she wouldn't be the way she is."

"I don't want her to change either." The man admitted, throwing his things into the back of his car. "But every time I'm reminded of the fact that she doesn't share my DNA, it reminds me that I couldn't give you what you wanted, but he could."

"You're acting as though I had an affair with the man."

"Might as well of." Grissom spoke without even thinking. "That's how I feel, right now. It's easier to forget when we're away from here, where it all started. But now that we're back, it's obvious . . . and it hurts. She'll never be mine, not like she is his."

"Gil." Sara shook her head, folding her arms across her chest. "He's not the enemy, Gil. You used to love him like a son."

"Yeah, and imagine how that makes me feel now. I can't do this now. I have to go." Grissom pressed a kiss to her cheek, slowly turning away from her to climb into his car. He gave her a wave as he backed out of the drive, wishing that things could be as simple as they were back in Colorado.

Sara looked at the photo she had in her hands, smiling at the memory, secretly wishing they could go back there too.

It was Friday evening, mid-November. The sky was dark, the moon was hidden, but the street lit up from the glistening snow, freshly fallen from the night before. Grissom stood by his car in the driveway, enjoying the cold weather as he spun his keys in his hands, patiently waiting for his wife. It was understandable that she was a little nervous about leaving their three month old baby for the first time, even if she was being left with an experienced baby sitter, but it was the first night that, Sara, wouldn't be there to tend to their baby girl's every need.

"Okay, I'm sorry." Adjusting the straps of her evening gown, Sara smoothed her hands down her front, feeling unattractive from the bulge of her stomach. She had her baby three months ago, but her stomach still looked as though she was at least four months pregnant. She tightened her shawl around her shoulders, gritting her teeth together as she stepped through the snow in her heels, towards her husband by the car. "So, what do you think?"

Grissom reached his hands out for her shawl, lowering it slightly from her shoulders, so he could examine the detail of the dress. He remembered that she described the colour as magenta. It rested low on her shoulders, tightened just beneath the bust with a beautiful belt, then fanned out around her more curvaceous figure.

He felt a little lost for words, but he just about managed to croak, "You look amazing."

"Really?" Sara slid her thumbs beneath the straps, adjusting them again. "I feel as though I'm about to burst out of the top half. I've already expressed enough for three bottles, but they still won't go down." She rubbed her heavy breasts, feeling as though they would rupture with milk at any moment.

On that note, Grissom anxiously cleared his throat, opening the passenger side door for her. "My lady," He took her hand, giving her a smile as he helped her into the car. "Stop worrying about, Rosa." He caught her anxiously glancing back at the house. "She'll be fine for a couple of hours without us."

"I know . . . I just don't like to leave her." Sara didn't even like to leave her on her own for a few minutes, let alone a few hours. Their babysitter waved out the window to them from the window, before she returned her attention to their baby girl. "Look at me, I've turned into one of 'those' women already, that can't do anything without worrying about their kids. C'mon, let's go." She urged, before she started to change her mind again. "We deserve this after the past year or so with no social life."

Grissom smiled in agreement, hurrying round the other side of the car. They were attending a charity ball that his colleagues from the college had invited him to. He would much rather be taking his beautiful wife out to dinner somewhere, but this was what they were stuck with tonight.

Still, it was the first time they had been out together in a long time.

Once they arrived, Grissom was proud to introduce his wife to everyone, while Sara was worried about what they would think of her, taking so much time out of work to try and have a baby. The question of 'what do you do, Sara?' came up a few times, but her husband always responded by telling them about her past career of being a criminologist. She didn't feel like one anymore though, she felt like a fulltime mother and wife.

"Gil Grissom's wife?" A woman in a black gown, with short strawberry blonde, noticed the woman watching the champagne fountain. "Professor Collier." She introduced herself, smiling through her perfect pearly whites. "You can call me, Tori. Professor Grissom's told me a lot about you. I understand you used to be a criminologist. May I ask what it is that you do now?"

"Um... well, actually I'm out of work for a while." Sara spoke softly, feeling slightly ashamed to say it out loud. She didn't mind telling her own friends that, but these were her husband's colleagues. "My own choice, actually."

"Oh really, are you a writer, painter, photographer?" She queried, wondering what kind of woman, Professor Grissom had married.

"No... we had a baby. I'm taking some time off to raise her. We didn't want her to think of a full time nanny as her mother, so I decided that I'd stay home with her. At least until she starts school."

"Oh." The woman twisted her lips, looking at Sara as though she was one of 'those' women that left her husband to do everything. "Would you excuse me?" Tori Collier made a hasty departure, leaving Sara alone once again.

Grissom returned to his wife a few minutes later, handing her the orange juice he had fetched for her. "I saw you talking to Professor Collier. Did you like her?" Sara immediately shook her head, dropping into one of the empty seats around the outside of the room. "Oh. Why not?"

"She's a little rude." Sara simply stated, motioning her husband's attention across the room. "Looks like you're being summoned."

"Oh, sorry. I'll be right back." He pecked a quick kiss to his wife's forehead, before he made his way across the room to greet the new arrivals.

Sara remained put to finish her drink, before she decided to walk around, meeting some more of his co-workers. The evening wasn't as glamorous as she had hoped, especially after meeting another woman that thought she was letting down the female species by staying home with her newborn baby.

"We've always considered settling down, moving out of the city and starting a family," Another woman in her mid-fifties started talking to Sara, while their husbands were talking about work. Her dress wasn't quite as grand as Sara's, but the pure white, strapless dress made her look even more elegant than every other woman at the ball.

Sara couldn't remember her name, but she could already tell that she wasn't going to like this woman either, just from the way she was looking at her.

"Honestly though, we're both too selfish for children. I'm a realtor, I don't have spare time in my day to raise children. I suppose that's what nannies are for though, right?" She cackled with laughter. "So Sara, your husband mentioned that the two of you have children? How many? Are they in college yet? My niece just got into Harvard law. We're all very proud of her."

"Eh no, not for a long time yet." Sara shook her head. "We just have the one. A little girl. She's three months old."

"Oh, really?" She seemed surprised that they had a child that was still so young. "I suppose a lot of older couples are adopting infants these days. They don't exactly have the patience for these teenagers, so they pick a cute and cuddly baby. Are you planning on adopting anymore?"

"I didn't adopt her. She's mine. I've still got the figure to prove it." Sara scowled at the woman for implying that she was too old to have a baby. She quickly walked away from her after that. Having had enough with the whole evening, Sara dragged her husband away from his colleagues, complaining, "I hate this. I want to go home. I feel like I'm about to explode too." She rubbed the side of her aching breast, knowing the normal thing to do would be to either express the milk or feed her baby, but she had neither one nearby. "Can we please go home? I can't stand another moment of this."

"We haven't eaten yet, and the auction hasn't started yet." They had only been there for less than a hour, making it a little rude to just leave.

"Gil." She gave him a glare that let him know she meant business.

"Okay." Quickly setting down his champagne glass, Grissom said his goodbyes to his colleagues, before he led his wife out to the car. He didn't want to drive straight home, not without at least having dinner with his beautiful wife, so he took her to a restaurant nearby, that he knew she would like. "C'mon, you'll like it, I swear." He took her shawl for her, leading her over to their table by the window. She felt a little over dressed for this place, but she could already smell the delicious food, stopping her from walking away as she really was starving now.

"Mmm... this is really good." Sara smiled at her husband, taking another bite of her salmon. "I had that dream again last night, where I'm stuck in the basement, while Rosa is crying her eyes out upstairs. Do you think I should be worried?"

"We don't have a basement." Her husband chuckled softly. "No, I don't think it means anything. Just like the one where you leave her in the car after a shopping trip, and forget about her. I think it's just natural anxiety of being a new mother. You haven't done it yet, have you?"

"No." Sara shook her head, adjusting herself in her dress again. "I wonder if she's okay. Do you have your cell on you, so I can call?"

"She'll be fine. Stop worrying about her. Margo knows what she's doing. We wouldn't have hired her if she didn't." Her husband assured her, getting a smile out of her. "Uh... Sara," He motioned her attention towards her dress. "Do you want a napkin?" He handed her his own.

"Oh, great." The woman anxiously looked around, feeling completely mortified as her breasts were leaking milk through her dress. She tried wiping it with the napkins, but it was no use. "I love every part of being a mother, except this part. The doctor said it should have slowed down by now."

"Here." Her husband quickly retrieved his jacket from the back of his chair, stepping round the table to place it over her shoulders. He couldn't help but laugh at the situation, erupting beautiful laughter from his wife too. They didn't want to leave right away, and no one had noticed yet, so they stuck around for the rest of their meal, reminiscing about old times at the lab, before they returned home to their baby.

As soon as they got home, Sara got herself out of her dress and into some more comfortable clothes, so she could sit down with her baby to feed her. She smiled at her husband as he entered the room, holding a bowl of ice cream each in his hands. They skipped out on dessert at the restaurant to avoid anymore humiliation, but he still managed to make up for it from things they had at home.

"Mm, a chocolate flake too. You even grated white chocolate over the top. Thank you." She pressed a kiss to his cheek, making room for him as he sat down beside her on the sofa. "We should do things like this more often."

"Skip out on charity auctions or leak breast milk all over restaurants?" The man smirked. "It was good." He agreed with her, sealing a kiss to her lips. "We'll finish the evening with bad TV and a bowl ice scream, cuddling up to our baby girl." He smiled at her, switching the television on in front of them.

"Hank been fed?"

"Yeah, he's fast asleep on our bed. Margo said he wore himself out, chasing a cat out of the garden." Grissom inched a little closer to her, keeping an eye on his baby girl as she nursed, resting in the crook of her mother's arm. She had her eyes closed as if she was sleeping, but she was definitely still feeding. "I'm really glad that we did this, Sara. Creation of a life is something that a lot of people take for granted. They say it's in all of our genetic makeup to procreate. A basic instinct deep rooted into our DNA. This was the last thing I ever expected. I never expected to get married either, but this is even more major that than. I love you, more than I ever could have imagined, but what I feel for her is the closest form of unconditional, transcendent love."

Sara giggled softly, gently brushing her hand across the man's cheek. "Who would believe that before all this, you said a child was just a way for adults to feel as though they had achieved something, or a way to make themselves feel better about their lives."

"Well, that was true when we were living in New York, not one of the women I worked with, even knew a thing about the children they had back home." Grissom delicately brushed his fingertip across his baby girl's forehead, adoring every little thing she did. "I'll never take either of you for granted, for as long as I live."

"Mommy."

"Don't stand on the driveway." Sara quickly lifted her daughter off the ground, brushing her hand across her bare little feet to make sure she hadn't stood on anything in their driveway. "Let's go inside and run your bath now. Did you brush your teeth yet?"

"No." Rosa shook her head, giggling as her mother playfully tickled her sides. "I only just woke up, Mommy."

"Oh okay, we better go upstairs and brush them then." Her mother carried her up the stairs, sitting her on the sink counter with her toothbrush, while she ran her bath for her. "Make sure you brush the back ones too." She warned her, pouring some of her strawberry bath salts into the water, making it extra bubbly for her daughter. "Let me see." She climbed to her feet, taking the toothbrush off her hands.

"Mommy, I did them already."

"Let me just check." Sara quickly brushed them herself in case her daughter had missed any, before she lifted her down from the sink. "If you want any toys in there, you better go get them now. No cuddly toys." She warned her, watching her daughter running down the hall to her bedroom.

Rosa hurried back with two of her mermaid dolls. One of them still didn't look right after her daughter decided to give her a little haircut and the other one had play dough caked through her blonde locks.

"Okay, ready?" Sara knelt down on the bath mat, undressing her daughter from her pyjamas. "I see Daddy didn't brush your hair last night." She gently combed her fingers through her daughter's hair, finding one of the Minnie Mouse hair clips knotted in her hair. "Did you brush your teeth last night?"

Rosa shook her head from side to side, holding onto her mother's shoulders as she stepped out of her pyjama bottoms. "I fell asleep on your bed."

"Oh you did? Daddy didn't even manage to put you to bed?" Sara giggled, lifting her into the bath tub. "Oh, don't move a muscle," She warned her, hearing the phone ringing in the next room. She hurried out to the bedroom to get it, returning to the bathroom door with it, so she could keep an eye on her daughter. "Hey, Mom . . . no, I can't come see you today. I know you get lonely . . . but I have Rosa all day today." She explained to her, closing the bathroom door slightly, so her daughter couldn't hear what she was saying. "The hospital is no place for a child, Mom. No . . . no, he isn't here today."

The last thing she wanted to do was admit to her mother that she was having problems in her marriage. She imagined that the woman would smugly smile through the phone, saying her usual 'I told you so' if she knew the truth.

Sara knew from experience that people ran away when things in their lives got bad. She was hoping that Grissom wasn't going to do that to her and her daughter. She didn't ever want to see her daughter's spirit crushed like the damaged spirits of the little kids that she met on the job.

She just hoped that he would see sense and come back to them.

Thank you for reading, please review.

Hope you have a great weekend!

~ Holly