Chapter Ten - Argumentative

In the past, all Gil Grissom ever needed was his work. It wasn't until he met Sara for the second time in Las Vegas, that he really started to appreciate the finer things in life. She had taught him a side of humanity that he never even thought about for himself. To him, this new way of living with family life; marriage, kids and the icing on the cake, so to speak, was still a little confusing to him.

He understood that marriage meant a fulltime, everlasting commitment to one woman. A woman that he completely adored, so that wasn't that hard to do. But he didn't understand half of what he was supposed to do as a husband or as a father for that matter. It was his first time in the unfamiliar role, and even though it had been nearly five years, this would be the first time that they had remained in the same house together, as joint parents, for such a long period of time.

The idea of spending the rest of his life with one person used to scare the life out of him, but once he was away from said person on bad terms, it scared him even more than any lifelong commitment.

Unlocking the front door to his house, Grissom set his briefcase and duffel on the floor, taking a look around the house for any signs of life. He had skipped out on them four days ago, regretting it the whole time, but he never thought to run home early with his tail between his legs.

As soon as he stepped into the front room, his nostrils were invaded with the familiar scent of his wife's perfume. She never wore anything on days she had work, as the scent in her profession could mask the odours of a crime scene. She occasionally wore perfume around the house, not so much after their daughter was born, but on special occasions; such as birthdays, anniversaries or nights out on the town with her husband.

"Hello?"

He searched the rest of the house, clambering over the obstacles in the hallway upstairs. They were boxes labelled 'Baby things', but he just had to check to make sure. Inside, he found piles of baby blankets, baby grows, cardigans, dresses... all recognisable as clothes that he used to dress his baby girl in.

Before he started to get too nostalgic over the adorable little clothes, Grissom folded the flaps of the box over again, making his way through to his bedroom. The bed was neatly made, clothes were all put away and their shoes were neatly lined up against the wall, surprising him a little, as Sara wasn't the tidiest person to live with.

It looked as though she hadn't even been in the room, sending chills down his spine.

When the front door rattled open, the man dashed down the stairs, hurrying for the slightly open door. He pulled it open wider, giving out a small sigh of relief as he saw Sara in the driveway, unloading some bags from the boot of her car. She opened the back door as she walked past it, allowing their little girl to jump out. "As soon as you get inside, I want you to wash your hands." She warned her daughter, glancing up as she approached the door, finally acknowledging that her husband was home.

"Da-ddy!" Rosa skipped towards him, throwing her little arms around his legs to hug him, until he lifted her into his embrace.

"Hi." Sara pushed her sunglasses out of the way, resting them on the top of her head. She gave him a smile, relieved he was home, but she wasn't quite ready to forgive him for walking out on them just yet. "I just picked up, Rosa from her ballet, then we went for our weekly shop."

"We went to the park too." Her daughter exclaimed, sliding out of her father's arms, as he aided his wife in carrying the groceries inside. "Daddy, do you want to see what I learned in ballet today?" She followed the man through to the kitchen. "Daddy, Daddy, watch me."

Grissom freed up his hands from the grocery bags, before he turned his complete attention to his little girl. She held both of her arms out in front of her, slightly curved, with her fingers almost touching. She bent her knees with her feet pointing outwards, giving the man a proud smile as she remembered it.

"That's very impressive." He knelt down to her level, hugging her tightly for a moment, until his back gave out. He fought against his aching muscles to climb his feet, giving his little girl a reassuring smile as she saw him struggling.

"You alright?" Sara stepped around him, setting down the last bag.

"They don't have the best bed's on these conference weekends. I could feel every spring in my back. I barely got any sleep." Grissom took a seat at the dining table, removing his shoes now that he was home. "Honey, can you give your mother and I a minute?" He sensed that they really needed to talk, rather than pretending that everything was normal.

As instructed by her mother, Rosa washed her hands, before she hurried across the hall to the front room. Her mother had promised her that she could watch some cartoons once they got in, so she took the opportunity, while the two of them were talking.

"Sara... I'm sorry about what I said," He started, feeling his throat becoming a little dry, before he had even got to the point. "You know that I didn't mean anything that I directed at you..."

"No, Gil." She cut him off. "I'm not going to accept some lame ass apology, just like that. We can't ignore this and pretend that it never happened. We have to fix this, Gil." She was still grateful that her husband had returned home from his conference after a four day weekend, but she didn't want things to blow up in their faces again in a few days time. They really needed to have an in depth conversation about this, whether he liked it or not. "C'mon Gil, just talk to me. You and I both know that the so called idea of a perfect happy life doesn't exist, so you have to work at the life you do have. Why would you want to throw this away, just because of one technical detail with your daughter's DNA?"

"I didn't throw anything away." He objected.

"The way you're going about it, it makes me scared that you're going to." Sara admitted to him, sinking into one of the vacant chairs around the table. "And I hate all this arguing. We haven't stopped since we got back here."

"You think I like it? I feel like I'm scattered all over the place at the moment, trying to figure out what to do to make sense of it all." Grissom tried to explain how he was feeling to her, but he wasn't the best at sharing his emotions with others. "You know that I don't like to argue with anyone, least of all you. If I could take a quick fix pill for this, I would, because this is the last thing that I want." He wished that he could stop himself from feeling this way, but it wasn't very easy to switch it off like that.

"Gil, if you didn't want a baby..."

"I did." He stopped her there. "I didn't at first, because I was worried that I was far too old to even think about having a baby. But when it got to the point when they said we couldn't have our own baby, I felt as though I had failed you. I could fix it by suggesting the sperm donation option, but deep down inside, I still feel as though I've failed. I still do, and being back here and around the donor father, it just reminds me of how much of a failure I am. He did what I couldn't do for you."

"Unbelievable," Chortling softly, Sara shook her head at her husband, surprised that it was just that. "The man knows everything there is to know about every insect that ever walked the planet, but he still manages to feel like a failure over one little thing."

"It's not that little."

"It is, because it doesn't matter where she came from, you've treated her like your own flesh and blood for the past five years. DNA really doesn't matter when there's love. I don't remember that much about my own father, but you're everything a father should be to our little girl." Taking his hands into her own, Sara weaved their things together, giving the man a warm smile. "Last time I checked, father's who raise beautiful, smart little girl's are not failures. You are not a failure, Gil."

Grissom pursed his lips together, wishing it were that simple. "It's not so little to me." He spoke softly. "But I've done it for the past five years, I'll stick out from now on, no more running away. I owe my daughter that much." Giving his wife a reassuring smile, Grissom explained, "My stomach was in knots the whole conference. When it came my turn to speak, I couldn't even get the words out. I tried to write you a letter of how I was feeling, but I didn't know how to make you understand. It's got nothing to do with you or Rosa, it's just... me. Being back here really brings it all back. Everything we went through to get pregnant, my failure to do that for you. It doesn't really have anything to do with him either. I don't regret the sperm donation option for a moment, because then I would never of had her. We wouldn't be where we are today."

"Him as in, Nick?"

He nodded slightly. "It sounds stupid when I say it out loud. But I've always stuck to what I'm good at. If I try something, I see it through to the end. It's hard to go through something that I failed at. Being away from here, where it all started, it made me forget about the struggle that we went through to get, Rosa. Don't get me wrong, she was definitely worth the struggle, but it's brought it all back like I'm some trauma victim or something. And then the pictures of him and her together, it felt like a knife in the back."

"They were just meant to be so she has some reference to what he looks like. She got over the fact that she has a donor father, pretty quickly after we let her meet him. Like I told you that she would, she's still only five." She reminded him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze in her own. "It will destroy her if you ever give up on her, just because she doesn't share your DNA. I don't think she really understands what it means, so you've got to get past this one small detail, Gil."

"It's not a small detail to me." He defended himself. "Nick's not only her biological father, but he'd probably be better at it than me. I'm in my sixties, Sara. I can't keep up with a five year old."

"Do you think that matters to her? She loves you. You're her Daddy. We can't pick and choose our parents, just like we can't pick and choose our kids."

"It still doesn't alter the fact that I'm old enough to be her great grandfather."

"Well Gil, maybe you should of thought of that, when we were trying to get pregnant," She gave him a smile, brushing her thumb across the back of his hand. "Gil, you're great with her. I've never seen you with kids before her, but I'd say you're a natural. There isn't anyone or anything in this world that would make me give up on you, and I know you'll do the same for her, but you've got to get past this. Or this is never gonna work."

"I already said that I'll stick it out." Climbing to his feet, Grissom pressed a kiss to his wife's forehead, before he started making some coffee. "Maybe coming here was a mistake. This house isn't exactly doing us any favours, either." He motioned towards the tap that was still dripping. They only just had the plumber round a few days ago to fix it, but it was leaking already. "Your idea about finding a more permanent house is looking pretty good right now."

"With manicured lawns, white picket fence and the perfect family home?" Sara giggled softly, climbing to her feet to unpack the groceries. "You always said that you'd go crazy living in a place like that long term."

"I've never exactly tried it before." Grissom pointed out to her, grabbing her coffee mug for her. "I'm sure I could give it a go. We should start fishing around, try for some place close to Clark County Elementary."

"Really?" Looking over her shoulder surprised, Sara realised that the man was serious. "You want to stay in Las Vegas? After everything that you just said about coming back here?"

Grissom responded with a nod, raising his hot cup of coffee to his lips. "Why not?" He took a sip, setting it on the counter behind him again. "I can't get over my jealously for Nick by running away. Provided he doesn't stop by for family meals, I think we can make it work."

"Mommy!" Rosa's little voice called out to her from the other room.

"Rosa, I've told you before, if you want something, come and ask me. Don't yell at me." Sara answered her, finishing with the groceries. She folded the bags away into the bottom cupboard, turning for the door.

"I'll go." Grissom leant forwards to press a kiss to his wife's forehead, before he tended to his daughter in the front room. She was lying on her front across the middle of the sofa, clutching her teddy bear under her arm with her thumb in her mouth. "Are you tired, my dear?" Sweeping her off the sofa into his arms, Grissom pressed a kiss to her delicate little cheek, hugging her tightly in his embrace. "Mm, you smell like cookies." He smiled at her, perching himself on the sofa with her. "Mommy let you eat them in the car again?"

"After ballet," She pointed to her 'Hello Kitty' backpack, set on the sofa beside them. "I didn't eat them all."

"You saved me some, huh?" Reaching his hand into the bag, Grissom moved her leotard from ballet out the way, finding a Barbie doll with a change of clothes, a few Lego bricks and finally the box of chocolate chip cookies. "Mm, they're the ones with gooey chocolate chips."

"Hey, don't spoil your appetite." Sara caught him stuffing a cookie into his mouth. "Dinner's soon. Don't let her fall asleep either. She won't sleep tonight otherwise." She sorted the books on the coffee table, before she grabbed her daughter's ballet things from her bag to wash them. "Don't let Daddy have anymore, will you?"

"No." Rosa shook her head, grinning widely at her father as he licked the gooey chocolate from his fingers. "Mommy, I'm hungry."

"I'm starting dinner soon, so no more cookies." She warned the two of them.

"Okay." Her husband gave her a smile. He motioned towards the television, as soon as his wife left the room, asking, "So, is this that polka dot pig thing?"

"No, Daddy." His daughter giggled softly. "Her name is Peppa Pig. This is Dora Explorer though. Peppa Pig is a pig."

"Oh, okay." Putting his feet up on the coffee table, Grissom reached for the blanket from the back of the sofa, covering himself and his daughter with it. "I missed you." He hugged her tighter, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Did you miss me?"

"Yeah, Mommy's sad when you're gone." Rosa nodded, tilting her head back against her father's chest. "Nana was mad you didn't go at weekend. Auntie Patti thought you left us."

"Never." He whispered softly, looking into her big brown eyes. "I love you and Mommy too much to ever leave you." He pressed a kiss to her forehead, feeling her little heart beating against his chest. He had worked so much with death throughout his life, that he had forgotten how precious and amazing life really was, especially the little life in his arms, that wouldn't even be here had it not been for his wife and their donor.

Sometimes it takes losing something to realise what you had.

Hope you enjoyed that chapter, thank you for reading, please review!

~ Holly