Thank you all for reading and reviewing Second Chances. This new chapter will face Addison's fears and it will show us more of their past. Hope you like it. Reviews, advices, and critics are really appreciated, they help us improving the story. A special thanks to my co-writer "Adrienne Forbes".

Chapter 2

"I've spent the past 2 decades learning about fetal medicine and everything that there is to know about the development of a child from the moment it's conceived to the second it's delivered and there after. But all this knowledge seems so foreign and so irrelevant now that I find myself on the other side of it all. I've comforted patients and eased their fears, told them that everything's ok and I've assured them that I can help their child. But yet I can't seem to put my own mind at ease. This child is a miracle and a second chance, to change my life and to experience unconditional love. When the dark of night approaches so do all of my fears and nightmares about all of the bad things that could happen to this child. The breaths of reassurance are quick and shallow but are soon gone as I suffocate underneath the ocean of guilt that floods my mind."

It was a dark and stormy night in LA and the rough ocean waves mimic the thoughts in Addison's head. She can't sleep as the countless thoughts of the amniocentesis plague her mind. A few months ago her life was so simple, she was happy and fearless but now it was as though every mood that she made was questioned. She moves from her spot on the lounge and spots a familiar box hidden in the bookcase near the stairs. Without even thinking she grabs the box and runs her fingers over the shape of the box trying to remember why she would hide such a nice box. As she opens it all of the memories as to why she hid it come rushing back and it's all too much. Addison then took a moment to compose herself and stared to look at the photographs within, it's of her and Derek. Then her hand instantly went to her stomach. She had always wanted a baby with Derek but never imagined that it would happen like this. A small smile appeared on her face as she remembered all of the good times that they shared and the love that they had for each other and the love that this child would have.

A light quickly switched on upstairs and she quickly shut the box and put it back in its spot, but as she did that a photograph fell on the floor. She picked it up and stared at it, it was on of her and Derek in Central Park having a picnic in the spring. Addison remembered that day very well, it was one of her favorite memories of her and her ex-husband, it was the day that she found out she was pregnant.

The sound of footsteps became increasingly louder as Jake made his way down the stairs. Addison quickly sat back on the lounge and covered herself with a blanket as she resumed staring into space.

"Addison? What are you still doing down here? It's 3am you should really get some sleep." Jake was concerned for his wife as he stared at her emotionless face.

"I'm sorry I couldn't get to sleep, I thought I would just get a glass of water but I guess I just got distracted."

"You're worried about the amniocentesis aren't you?"

"It's a beautiful storm, it isn't it?" Addison then averted her gaze to the windows.

"You're changing the subject, Addison what's wrong?" Jake knew that she had her fears after everything that she had been though but he wanted to help her as much as he could through this difficult time.

"You look tired, let's go to bed. We can talk later in the morning." Addison wasn't in the mood to talk to Jake about this, she could see how tired he looked and didn't want to bother him anymore than she could.

Jake looked at the woman and simply complied with her suggestion knowing fully that there was no point in trying to get through to her now. He just hoped that she would be more responsive in the morning. He continued up the stairs and made his way back to the bedroom.

Addison soon followed but took the photo she had hidden behind her back and placed it in the box. Her mind lingered with the memory of that day and she walked up the stairs to join her husband in bed.

Flashback – Central Park

It was a beautiful Sunday of Spring, Central park trees and flowers were all in bloom. It was the perfect day for a picnic.

"I hope you like the sandwiches" Addison said opening the basket "Mushrooms or tuna?"

"Tuna" he said absently looking again at his palmtop "I still don't understand why you wanted to do this picnic, we could book a restaurant"

"It's a beautiful Sunday, and look at the park, it's full of families"

Derek noticed that his always flawless wife today was a little unsecure.

"Are you fine?" he asked gently.

She took a deep breath before answering, "I have to tell you something, Derek"

"Is it something good or something bad?" he held her hands.

"Listen, I know you weren't happy about the whole IVF and that you preferred waiting…but" she took a deep breath "two weeks ago, while you were in Chicago for that conference on spinal traumas, I proceeded with the implant of the first two embryos…"

"What? Addie, we decided to wait…"

"I've waited enough, Derek"

"Addison, we waited because you were at risk to develop ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome"

"This was 3 months ago Derek, now I was fine, my body was ready… It was the best timing, Derek… and it worked! I'm pregnant!"

He was definitely not angry. He looked again at his beautiful wife smiling "Ssssshh…." He said kissing her lips "This is the best news you could give me today… and I can't wait to do picnic in Central Park with our beautiful baby!"

Addison awoke not realizing that it was dawn already, she had so many thoughts on her mind about what was going to happen today and if her baby was going to be ok. She felt Jake start to stir and get out of bed, she quickly closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep to avoid the conversation that she had dreaded since last night. He left a small lingering kiss on her left cheek and walked downstairs to make some coffee. Addison was facing the window her gaze fixed on the light emitting from the blinds and just lied there. She didn't want to move or even think about getting up because getting up meant that she had to face Jake and she had to face the amniocentesis and right now bed seemed to be the better option. Her blankets engulfed her like a protective coccoon from the dangers and pressures of the outside world and she wanted to stay there forever not wanting to face her own reality. If only she could create this little bubble where everything was ok and her baby was protected from harm, maybe then she would be willing to get up but for now she knew that wasn't going to happen.

Jake was standing downstairs in the kitchen and took a sip of his coffee. He was highly concerned for Addison's wellbeing, he just wanted to be there for her but it was as if every move that he made only pushed her away more. Her emotional indifference towards him was taking it's toll and all he wanted to do was having things go back to the way they were before. Jake put him coffee down and decided to check on her again to see if she was awake. His footsteps were soft and quiet as he approached the bedroom. She looked so peaceful and so quiet from behind that he wanted to leave her alone but decided against this because he was determined to make this work if not for her sake for the sake of their marriage.

She could hear him come closer and simply stared at the windows once again. Addison saw his gentle face as he walked over to her side of the bed and bent over and eventually sitting on the floor in front of her.

"Good Morning Sweetheart, how are you feeling this morning?" Jake started the talking because he knew that she was in no mood to initiate conversation with him.

There was no reply from Addison's end as she still had her gaze fixed on the same spot in an attempt to block out his words. She ever so badly didn't want to do this, she couldn't, it was too hard for her.

"Addison, please talk to me," Jake pleaded as he tried to reach out to his wife for the second time. "You need to tell me what's wrong because I hate to see you like this and I love you so much and when you're like this I feel so helpless. I took an oath to protect you and I can't do that unless you talk to me." At this point Jake had risen his voice quite a bit so that it was stern but not a shout so that she could understand him.

She kept looking at the wall, but this time a tear escaped her eye and then another, until she started to sob uncontrollably in front of the man she loved. Addison was panicking and she didn't know why she couldn't reach out to him, she wanted to so badly but just couldn't find it in herself to.

The man saw how upset and broken she looked and picked her up from her cocoon and hugged her as tightly as he could, trying to soothe her pain.

"I'm sorry Addie, I didn't mean to yell or upset you. I shouldn't have said that."

She reciprocated his actions and hugged him back softly but this time rested her head on his shoulder.

"Please don't leave me, I love you."

Jake was taken back by these words; she had said them last night in her state but then again after all of this. Did she feel like she was alone? Was he not there enough for her? All of theses things came into the man's mind as he held his wife.

She sits in the kitchen eating her yogurt and muesli quietly observing the activity in the office. Amelia's always been one to notice things and sense when something's wrong. She saw Jake exit Addison's office and cross the foyer. He had a look of concern and determination as he crossed the foyer and disappeared into the examination room. After deciding that she's had enough of her food, she simply discarded it into the bin and went to see Addison. As she approached her office, she noticed that the blinds were once again closed and that people here only did that when they needed some serious alone time. Amelia placed her hand on the door handle and walked in to see her sister.

She observed the woman sitting on the couch in her sweats with a box of tissues beside her whilst she stared down at the ground. This wasn't the Addison that she knew, the Addison she knew would have been strutting around the office in 4 inch heels and a tight wrap dress not daggy sweats that didn't show off her figure. Amelia walked over to where Addison was sitting and took a seat beside her on the right.

"Addie, you know that you're my sister and my best friend and that you can tell me anything. You know me better than most of my own family and I've grown up with you, learnt from you and supported you through everything." Amelia was really trying to reach out to the redhead hoping that this would settle the ever growing tension in the office with her and Jake.

The red head lifts her eyes and looked into Amelia's dark blue orbs, as see read the concern that was written all over her face.

"You know that you were going to be an auntie before." She said as she let out a small laugh.

"I know Addison, losing one of the twins was hard on everyone." Amelia said sympathetically to the woman.

"No, about 7 years ago. Derek and I, we tried. It was when we first had the embryos frozen and tried the first round of implantation. We were both so excited you know, the thought of a family and having something that brought us closer together was so indescribable, we were happy then. I uh... I remember the day that I told him, we were having a picnic in Central Park and you should have seen the look on his face when he found out he was going to be a daddy," she said as she tried to blink back the tears that were ever present in her eyes.

"Addie, you were pregnant?" Amelia questioned her best friend after being shocked of the news.

FLASHBACK

It was late in the night and Derek was still not at home as usual. Addison put the dinner in a Tupperware and left a post-it note on the microwave. She did not feel very well, she had this abdominal pain for all the night, but no sign of bleeding. Maybe she was just tired, she thought, she had a very rough day at the hospital.

She headed to the master bedroom and she soon fell asleep.

She did not hear Derek when he arrived at home almost 3 hours later. He rapidly ate the dinner alone in the kitchen, not even sure if he was more tired or hungry. Before going to bed he took a quick look at the news. When he arrived at the bedroom he found his wife sleeping in fetal position, she looked pale and tired. He changed in his pajamas and lied next to her.

"I love you" he whispered.

"I didn't hear you coming"

"I didn't want to wake you up… How are you feeling?"

"Dizzy and I have this pain that won't go…" he gently put his hand on her still flat belly.

"You will be fine, Addie… Your labs were good, everything looked normal, right?"

She nodded "…I have to go to the bathroom"

"Nausea?" he asked, "maybe you have a stomach flu…"

10 minutes later Addison was still in the bathroom, and Derek started worried "Addison, are you fine?" he asked from behind the door "Do you need help?", still no answers, "Addison, honey, please answer me, I'm worried" he finally decided to enter in the bathroom, and when in, he found Addison collapsed on the floor bleeding, "Oh gosh" he checked her pulse, it was fast and weak. He lifted her up and carried her on the bed. He wore a pair jeans and an old sweater, and frantically searched for the key of the car, "Derek…" it sounded more like a plea, "Don't worry, honey, everything will be fine" he tried to reassure her.

She was getting over, but she was still weary. "I lost it, Derek… I lost it" she whispered with a feeble voice broken by crying.

"Don't say it, Addie, we will go the hospital, we will do an ultrasound, we will see our baby alive...and everything will be fine" he knew she was right.

Next morning Derek found his wife in a bed hospital gazing absently at the window. She was even paler than the night before. He entered in the hospital room; his face was a mix of tiredness and sorrow. He put on a vase the bouquet of white lilies and yellow roses he bought for her, and took a seat near her. He held her cold hand, and trying to hide his sadness he said, "We can try again, honey... We know it could happen".

She turned on his husband, he noticed her puffy eyes, "I'm not ready, Derek... don't think I can do this again… I just can't go through all this pain all over again."

"Oh Addie, I didn't know." Amelia at this point was crying too, she had just found out she had lost a niece or nephew and understood all of Addison's fears. It was as though her sister couldn't let herself be happy out of the fear that something would go wrong because in Addison's eyes something always went wrong.

She reached out to the woman and grabbed her, hugging out all of her emotions and showing her just how much she had missed her. Amelia knew from this point on that she would abandon Addison and let this happen to her again. She was going to reassure her that people would always be there for her and that it's always ok to ask for help.

"I'm going to come with you Addie and I'm going to hold you're hand. I don't care if you don't want me there. You are going to hold onto me and you're going to cry on my shoulder when you need to because that's what sisters do, we're there for each other."

Addison didn't know what to say. It had been a while she had seen Amelia since being married to Derek but it's true that at that moment she felt like she had reconnected with her old self and the old Amelia that she used to confide with. She felt like her family was coming back and that gave her the courage to brave what was going to happen next.

Amelia extended her hand towards Addison and she grabbed it. The two of them held hands as they slowly made their way to the exam room. Amelia opened the door and guided Addison over to the chair.

"Breathe." That's all she needed to say because she could read Addison's mind. "Just take a deep breath and it'll be over before you know it.

The red head smiled at her husband, and squeezed Amelia's hand in reassurance.

"Alright here we go," Jake said as he started the procedure. Addison closed her eyes. Jake entered the needle in Addison's womb with confidence and precision, very careful to not hurt in anyway the baby, "It's done, sweetheart!" and to reassure his wife he let her listen again the strong heartbeat of their baby.