Chapter 9 - Thank you for all the amazing reviews, you have no idea how happy I'm to know you like the story!

In these chapter Addison will have to deal with so many news, I hope you will like it... Don't be so angry at Derek, he is an ass but at the moment is living a personal tragedy, his wife' and baby's lives are in jeopardy. As always reviews are more than welcome!

A special thanks to the co-author and beta reader Casey!

Addison watched Jake and Nancy exit from the room as Derek screamed at them. She couldn't help but notice how defensive and irrational Derek was being towards these doctors that were trying to help his family. Her glance was then drawn to Meredith's chart on the bed, she grabbed it and opened the files assessing the woman's condition. She took note of the complications during the delivery and the emergency hysterectomy performed by the two doctors. Nancy's charting was always meticulous and everything seemed to be up to standard. Addison knew that this would always been the case, however she double checked it to ensure that Derek had some piece of mind.

"Derek, I don't know what to say..."

"What do you mean Addie?" Derek pleaded as he tried to understand his ex wife.

"Nancy and Jake's approach and surgical notes are flawless. Everything is accounted for and I can honestly say that I myself would have followed the same approach."

"Addie, look at Mere, she's not well. She's going to hate me and the... the baby is ill, and I can't deal with everything all at once. My family were meant to be happy and healthy, I was meant to protect them."

Addison felt the tears well in her eyes as Derek released all of his repressed emotion. He knew her so well and could always confide in her regardless of the circumstances.

"Derek, honey how about we take a moment to step away from Meredith and discuss this in the conference room across the hall."

Derek nodded in agreeance and followed the tall redhead.

"Do you love him?" he suddenly asked

"Excuse me?"

"Jake, your husband, do you really love him?"

"Yes, very much so."

"Does he treat you right? Does he take care of you?"

"Yes, Derek, Jake is the perfect gentleman, he is a very nice person...What's with the 20 questions?"

"What so I don't get to know anything about you now?"

"No Derek, that's not what I mean. You had all of this time to talk to me and you're only just taking an interest in things now? When you signed those papers Derek, you forfeited any right to pry into my personal life."

"I'm sorry, I just… I don't even know anymore."

She wasn't angry at him, just surprised "Derek, it's ok you're in a very stressful position. All your life you've been a perfectionist and most of the time you get your way but now that something is out of your control you feel helpless and depressed. Don't try to argue with me on that one Derek because if I've learnt anything from the eleven years that we were married it's that."

Derek gave the red head a small smile as he looked into her deep blue eyes.

"I just miss you Addie."

Addison felt her heart shatter as she looked at her ex husband. She wanted to fix him and glue all of the broken pieces back together but this wasn't anymore her job, even if it was killing her seeing him so sad and in desperate needing of her.

"Addie, what if I loose them?"

"Derek you're not going to loose them you have the best staff of doctors from around the country working on Meredith and the baby and soon enough the three of you will be at home happily enjoying each other's presence. Meredith's a fighter Derek and so is that baby."

"But what if it's my fault?"

"Derek you couldn't have caused or prevented this. These things happen out of the blue, no one expects to have a complicated pregnancy or go into emergency surgery. It just happens and it's our roles as family to support them through their recovery. Don't beat yourself up Derek, I know you always do but this was out of your control."

Derek looked up at his ex-wife and searched for the hope in her eyes. He could no longer hide his feelings and bursts into tears grabbing Addison. She held his clinging form and kisses the top of his head to try and calm him down.

"Derek, honey I'm going to look over this chart again with Nancy and Jake to assess our approaches after I check on the baby. What you need to do for me is go home for a couple of hours or find an on call room and sleep. You're tired, exhausted and thinking irrationally and that isn't going to help anyone at all in this situation ok?"

Derek nodded at the woman and he exited the room.

Addison watched him as he left and stared at the charts again. Everything was as it was meant to be, her colleagues actions were textbook. So why did she felt as though she could have prevented this? Tired and exhausted she buried her head into her hands and took a deep breath. Maybe coming to Seattle was a mistake, this whole situation was causing so much stress with the Shepherds, and Jake being there that caused extra pressure on the baby. Addison just wanted to go home to where everything was perfect and tranquil, she just wanted things to go back to normality.

Jake was still confused for all the many things happened that morning, meeting his wife in Seattle wasn't exactly what he expected. He headed to the cafeteria in search of a good coffee and a minute of quiet, he still had to metabolize all those news.

He was at the cash when he heard a lady's voice, "Hey stranger, this is my turn to offer you a coffee!" he turned his head to the voice to discover it was Nancy, "I'm old fashion Nancy, it's still my turn. What would you like?"

"Cappuccino. Thank you Jake, you are always so nice!"

The two doctors took seats in one of the table of the cafeteria "I thought you were in the hall with the rest of your family"

"To hear again that I almost killed my brother's perfect little family, no way… I prefer hiding hear sipping a cappuccino… So, Jake Reilly and Addison Montgomery, your names sound really good together, I like it!"

Jake stared at the coffee cup, he was a little uncomfortable now, "I was so happy when Amelia told me our Addie tied the knot again!"

"Were they happy?" he asked too focused on his own thoughts

"Who?"

"Addison and Derek, were they happy when they were married, Nancy?"

"The first time I met Addison she was 20 year old... her and Derek seemed perfect for each other, and I thought she was the right one for my brother, even if she was a little too wasp and privileged for our standards… I don't want to lie to you, Jake... They were happy and such a nice couple, very in love with each others... until the last two year of their marriage, they barely talk to each other" she sighed, "I always had the feeling their biggest problem was they were both very competitive... They wanted to reach the top of their respective careers and at first Addison was the most ambitious... Maybe if they had children things could be different. You know, it's the same old story…"

"What's story?"

"When Addison became chief resident instead of Derek… Gosh, they were even thinking to start a family in that period, but then Addison decided it was too soon to start a family and having a baby could hurt her career, furthermore, she really wanted to show to her family, especially her mother, how good she was in her job… Addison can seem so fierce, but indeed she's very fragile and in need of approval… Towards the latter years of their marriage Addison started having the urge to start a family, but this time Derek was so consumed in his work that he just forgot about her and their dreams. It was sad but the damage had been done, then Mark and Meredith came along and that just sealed their fate. They weren't the same people as they were before and as much as I loved the two of them with all of my heart the divorce was the best thing that could happen so that they could both be at peace."

Nancy's words were like a slap in the face for Jake, how could be possible that he knew so few about his wife, "…You are too silence, Jake!"

"Sorry, it's just…I don't know, maybe I'm wrong… I know Amelia, and I know how deep is the relationship between her and Addison, now you told me this story. Nancy, you, and with 'you' I mean all of you, were a family for Addison, you have a story…"

"Addison was Derek's family for more than 11 years Jake, without counting the years during school of medicine… They have a very long story… but you are a great man, Jake, and I'm sure Addison really loves you…"

"I don't know, I feel like I'm not allowed to know her past…"

"Addison's past is full of pain, Jake, this is the reason why she doesn't want to talk about it"

Jake looked up at the surgeon and stared at her nervously.

"I'd like if what I said to you the other day about the baby…" but before Jake could finished Nancy interrupted him.

"...Consider it a doctor-patient confidentiality, Jake, don't be afraid your secret is safe with me. You and Addison are two of my dearest friends," Nancy said as she gazed into the doctor's large brown eyes.

There was something about Jake that allowed her to connect with him on some deep and profound level. Nancy couldn't believe how long it had been since she felt this way towards anyone, but reality struck and she realized that she couldn't act on her sudden feelings towards Jake. He was a married man, in fact he was married to her ex sister in law and to do anything at this point would jeopardize her relationship with Jake but also with Addison who she considered to be one of her closest friends.

Jake stepped off of the elevator and headed to the NICU to check on baby Shepherd. When he entered he found his wife silently sitting beside the incubator gently stroking the fragile infant. He looked into her eyes as if she was defeated and wondered if this was all too much for her. Regardless he walks over to the red head and places a soft kiss on her cheek.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too," she replied as her gaze was focused on the baby in front of them.

"How's baby Shep doing?"

"He had a seizure 2 hours ago, now he is ok, vitals are stable but he'll still need constant monitoring for at least the next few weeks…" she signed something in his chart "I signed an EEG for tomorrow. I should ask Derek some news about the pregnancy, especially if there were signs of gestational diabetes... Maybe we should require a maternal glycated hemoglobin"

"I'd like to think that they'd be friends and would play together."

"What?"

"Baby Shep and Chicco, they'd be good friends and have adventures together."

"Maybe they won't even like each others at all," replied Addison in a monotone voice.

"Addie, are you…" but she cut him off before he could finish.

"Jake, what if this baby was a mistake?" Addison lifted her eyes up from the incubator and stared into Jakes pleadingly. He could see the tears that were threatening to fall as Addison was about to release all of her insecurities. "We tried to play God when we shouldn't have. Look at Meredith and Derek, they did everything right and now their baby is fighting for its life. I took Derek and my embryos and implanted them without even asking him. What's even going to happen to me because I usually don't have the best track record with these things…" she sighed and she finally admitted with a broken voice "…He wanted kids but he just didn't want them with me."

Jake saw how vulnerable she looked and walked up to her and caressed her cheek in his palm.

"Addison Adrienne Forbes Montgomery Reilly, I knew since the very first moment I saw you that I was in love with you and that I wanted to have a family with you. You are the kindest and most loving person I have ever met and any child of ours will be perfect."

Addison surrendered her tough exterior and fell into his arms as he embraced her in an attempt to remove her fears and insecurities. He was the perfect guy and everyday Addison was thankful that she had found someone as amazing as him.

Jake pulled out of the embrace and let Addison over to a nearby rocking chair. He took a seat and gestured for her to sit on him. She was apprehensive at first but eventually gave in after he gave her puppy dog eyes. Addison sat on his lap and nestled her head into the crook of his neck as he held her.

"Seattle's a nice place you know."

Addison was confused at his sudden choice of conversation but went with it "It's nice in the springtime, I guess,"

"It offers so many opportunity, it is considered the NYC of the west coast… Honey, I know what I'm going to ask you it's hard for you, especially, because this city it's full of bad memories for you…"

She stared at her husband confused, but before replying to him she waited until he finished his speech, "I confess you I'm taking seriously Dr. Webber and the board offer", she suddenly felt a knot in her throat, "It's a 2 million $/year offer, Addison, and they even propose me a flexible schedule to give me the opportunity to spend time with my family, without considering all the facilities, like day care center… Dr. Webber even assured me the board could offer you a position too…"

Addison was torn, how could she said no to Jake after all he did for her, after all the times he stared to her side, even when the decision to take was incredibly hard, "…Listen, honey, if it can sound hard to you, you can image how hard if it's for me" Jake continued "especially since I have to work everyday with the biological father of my son, but I will not even ask you to change completely our lives, if I wasn't sure this was the right thing to do…"

Addison continued to stay in silence not sure what to answer, "Please, sweetheart, say something, even a NO, but say something!"

She slowly got up from his lap and let herself out of the NICU without a word being said. Addison couldn't process all of this new information right now, she just needed some space, it was happening all too fast and too soon. As she entered the hallway she silently whispered to herself "Not again."

Jake stood there with a shocked look plastered on his face. How could she be so against this idea? Addison didn't even say a word in response to his proposal? Was she completely against it? Did she need time to consider it? So many questions filled Jake's head as he tried to process the events that had just occurred.

Jake decided to give her some space, maybe she just needed time, it was a lot to process for anyone, especially Addison. The last thing he wanted to do was to make her feel uncomfortable and place extra stress on her and the baby. All he wanted was to make her happy and give her the life that she so badly deserved.

"Oh no not again," Addison said again covering her mouth as she rushed out of the NICU. She didn't know what to say to Jake but the sudden onset of nausea was all too much for her to still remain there and maintain her composure. She darted down the hallway to the nearest ladies room to empty the contents of her stomach. As she entered, she ran into the closest cubicle and viciously hurled into the toilet bowl the entire contents of her stomach. It lasted for at least 15 minutes with the occasional dry heaving as the nausea plagued her entire body to the point where she was completely oblivious to her surroundings. Addison was so caught up with trying to control her morning sickness that she didn't even notice the figure that approached her from behind.

"Well this brings back memories of my bachelorette party and when Derek had to take you home because someone had ingested a little too much vodka and tequila shots."

Addison looked up from the bowl at the woman behind her and let out a small smile before another round of nausea hit.

"You know that ginger helps, it worked with Abby and Parker."

"Nancy, I feel like I'm going to die, ugh."

"Don't worry Addie, it won't last for too much longer," Nancy said as she helped the doctor up from the ground.

"I'm just so exhausted these days and everything is happening all at once."

"Now that's not the Addison I'm used to. The Addison I knew would be walking tall and ordering everyone around, putting them in her place and not letting the little things like a bit of morning sickness get to her," she said as she giggled.

It was so strange for Nancy to see Addison like this, she loved her sister in law to pieces and knew her inside and out but seeing her like this so vulnerable and confused made Nancy a little concerned. She always knew that Addison would make a great mother and she would be a great Auntie but Addison just looked completely terrified all of the time and she assumed that there was something that Addison wasn't telling her. Maybe after all of these years and everything with Derek that the two of them had drifted apart but Nancy wanted to be there for Addison no matter what. She wanted to be her best friend again and maybe that meant telling her the truth.

"Addie, when do you finish up today?"

"Uhhh, I was going to see Meredith and the baby one more time before I headed back to my hotel room to catch up on a bit of sleep."

"Where are you staying?"

"I'm staying at the Archfield at the moment, why do you ask?"

"Well I'm staying there too and I'm finishing up in a couple of hours too so I was thinking that we could catch up you know? It's been a while since we last talked and I missed you Addie. I want to know what's been happening. We could have dinner together at the hotel restaurant, but maybe you and Jake have other plans for the night"

"I think Jake will be more than happy to have dinner with us, we can discuss the case and remember the good old days… 8 pm at the Archfield restaurant?"

"8 pm is perfect!" Nancy took a look at her watch "It's late, I have a meeting with my family, wish me luck!" she hugged her former sister in law

"Good luck, Nancy! See you later"

Addison was tired but Nancy's suggestion was something that she had been looking forward to. It had been ages since Nancy and her had last talked and she thought that she had lost one of her closest friends. It's true that ever since the divorce and when her and Derek left New York that she had lost a lot of her friends and right now being in Seattle, Addison needed someone that she could talk to who wasn't all caught up in the Seattle Grace rumor mill.

Later that night Addison met Nancy at the restaurant of the hotel. Her former sister in law noticed Jake wasn't with her, "Hi, Addie!...Where is that handsome man of your husband?"

"An hour ago, Richard paged him to help him on a surgery "

"Problems with Meredith?" she asked concerned.

"No, no another patient... It should be an ovarian mass, I hope he will not be busy all night"

"Richard Webber is really alluring Jake, and I think he is right, Jake is an amazing surgeon, he could be a great addition for the hospital"

"Are you trying to convince me to move here again too, Nancy?"

"I'm just saying that maybe is not a bad idea for you two move here in Seattle, Addie! Are you thinking about it?"

"I don't know, Nancy, all these things all together... my pregnancy, Jake's offer, Derek, it isn't really an easy choice to take." She looked up at the menu on the table and trying to change subject "I think I'll go for this Rigatoni Arcobaleno?"

"Look Addie I can sense that your hiding something and I love you and we used to share everything. It's ok to tell me things, you know, you are still my sister no matter what. I need you to know that I'm here for you no matter what, Addie we've known each other the longest out of everyone here."

"I'm not hiding anything, Nancy!" she said defensive "The problem here is not about me, it's about Meredith, baby Shep, and my husband job's offer"

"Someone is nervous here!"

"Sorry Nancy, I didn't mean to snap like that. You know I miss this, I miss hanging out with you. After everything with the divorce and moving to LA I just never really found the time to talk to you and most probably because of Derek but I'm really glad that we're doing this."

"Addison, I've known you for over a decade and I know you almost as well as Derek I mean come on, I've seen you at your best and your worst. I was there when Derek left, I was the one that picked you up at the clinic after the abortion, Addison you're my sister no matter what. I'm only asking you because I care about you and because you know that you can trust me."

"Nancy, there's nothing wrong and you don't need to go prying into something that isn't there."

Nancy could sense how uncomfortable Addison was at her accusation and felt that maybe she should bring up what Jake told her.

"I know it's not my place but I know about the paternity of the baby."

"Are you going to tell him?" Addison asked afraid

"Addison, it's completely up to you whether you want to tell the father or not, but don't you think Derek should have at least some clue?"

"It's not that simple Nancy I can't just tell him, he has other obligations you know and right now I just can't add this to his stress, especially in his current situation. You know Nancy, I can't just walk up to him and be like 'oh Derek, I forgot to tell you that after the numerous voicemail messages that you ignored and lunches that you never showed up to that I took our embryos and implanted them'." She sighed and finally confessed all her frustrations about her pregnancy, "It was a mistake, Nancy, this baby was a terrible mistake…" she had no more the strength to hide the tears, she was exhausted both physically and mentally "I forced Jake and I didn't wait for an answer by Derek, this baby will be another victim of my screwed moral compass Nancy!"

Nancy didn't know what to say, she was too painful seeing Addison so broken "Don't be so severe with yourself, Addie, we all made mistakes in our life…" she said gently trying to reassure Addison "You wanted this baby so much, and finally it arrived, no matter how… You will be a terrific mother, Addie! This baby is blessed to have two amazing parents like you and Jake"

She shook her head "It should have been in the picture… just years ago, not now!"

"Oh, Addie… After these years…"

"I waited too much, Nancy…" she told her drying the tears from her eyes "and I ran out of time! …I will be forever considered an adulterous bitch who forgot to have child"

"Why do you care so much about what Derek could think? Don't be too severe with yourself, Addie!"

"He is the father, Nancy… He is the biological father of the baby I'm carrying… and he will never love him as much as his own son" she admitted "I saw the way he looked at his baby in the NICU, he will never look at my baby in that way… And maybe neither Jake!"

"The most important thing now is that you will love this baby, no matter what Derek, Jake, your family will think!" then she genuinely smiled and with sincere enthusiasm exclaimed "Oh my god, Addie, I don't care what my brother will think or will do, I'm going to be an auntie!"

What do you think of Addison's fears and confessions? Please let me know your thoughts. Reviews are more than welcome, they help me write the story.