Friday, February 13, 2015
It was late in the evening when Ziva heard the door to the apartment open. She was sitting at the kitchen table, her food growing cold. Tristan was late again. She looked up at the clock. 8:45. He said he would be home by 7.
Tristan entered the room sheepishly, looking around like he was expecting a trap. "Hey Babe," he said through a timid grin, "I know I said I would be home by 7, but something came up at work."
"It is fine," she said coolly; looking at him through empty, narrow eyes.
He came over and kissed the top of her head and picked up the plate of food that she had laid out for him and headed to the microwave.
"Tony and Mairin will be here in ten minutes," Ziva said with an air of annoyance. Of all the days for him to pull this it had to be today.
The truth was that the four of them had become quite close sense the wedding. She genuinely started to like Mairin and Tony seemed to get along rather nicely with Tristan. They had seen each other several times over the summer. Ziva had traveled down between summer school sessions and had spent the last three weeks of the summer in DC. They had even spent the last weekend together on a mini vacation at the beach.
One knight in October, Tony had called Ziva and told her that Mairin was pregnant. She could hear the excitement in his voice. They seemed so happy and she was happy for them. She had long begun to make piece with their marriage. He asked her not to say anything to anyone, except perhaps Tristan, because they weren't going to tell the family until after the end of the first trimester. They decided that they could each pick one person, or couple, to tell, and Tony had picked Ziva.
They told the family at Christmas. It was an exciting moment for their family. Abby gushed about becoming an aunt and Ducky gave a warm toast to the soon-to-be parents. Tony had pulled Gibbs aside at one point and asked him if the baby could call him Pop, which he loved. It was all very wonderful, but short-lived. On January 8th Mairin miscarried. It tore them both apart, but Mairin was inconsolable. It was part of the reason Tony had asked if they could come up to New York for Valentines weekend. He thought the change in pace and distance would do them some good. Things were rocky between them.
When Tony walked through the door at 9:15, she could see it on his face. Ziva looked in to his eyes and saw nothing but darkness, his usual mischievous twinkly replaced with emptiness and distance. He smiled, his smile nothing more than an empty attempt at what it use to be. Ziva looked to the side, not wishing so see that look any longer.
She recovered quickly and gave a warm, enthusiastic welcome to Mairin, who's own eyes held noting but despair. The foursome made some light chitchat about work and the weather before heading to a bar down the street that Ziva and Tristan frequented.
The evening drug on, awkward and desolate. Ziva made a mental note to do her best to get Tony alone for a few minutes during their stay. The night ended around 11 and Tony and Mairin headed back to their hotel.
They had a full day planned the next day. It was Valentines Day and they decided to spend the day going to the Met, taking a walk through central park, and heading to Broadway to see a matinee performance of Wicked. At this point they would go their separate directions, as it was Valentines Day. Tony was planning on taking Mairin to a very nice restaurant before walking around Time Square. Ziva did not know Tristan's plans.
As they were walking around the Met, Ziva let Tristan and Mairin get ahead of her and Tony. While they were pretending to look intently at a piece of art, Ziva quietly whispered to Tony, "What is going on between the two of you?"
"Nothing," was Tony's only reply.
"I can see that is not true Tony," she said, staring in to his face fiercely, her face only inches from his.
"No, it really is nothing," he said, keeping his eyes trained on the painting, "and that is the problem."
Tony let out a deep, soulful sigh before continuing. "She doesn't talk to me. She doesn't look at me. She doesn't touch me. Its like she is a ghost."
Ziva nodded her head thoughtfully, remembering all the times she had behaved this was towards him when she was struggling.
"She's not even walking with me. She won't hold my hand. She did not say a single word to me the entire drive up here. I don't know what to do Ziva."
Tony finally met Ziva's eyes. She had never seen him so despaired.
Ziva placed her hand reassuringly on his arm and replied, "Just keep trying, and give her some time."
His eyes faltered and he looked away. "I know it's only been a month. I just wish she would not push me away so much."
They were quiet for a few moments, pretending to look at the next painting, before Ziva spoke up again, "How much have you been drinking?"
"Too much."
Ziva nodded again, knowing. They decided they should probably move on before the others noticed their lagging.
The rest of the morning and after noon passed quickly. They took a short stroll through central park, having to cut their plan short due to the fact that it was much too cold out. They re-routed to a dinner a couple of blocks away and grabbed lunch. The musical was fantastic, as expected, and they parted a little after 5. Mairin seemed to liven up after the day's festivities, but she kept looking at Ziva with a look that she couldn't fully understand.
Ziva and Tristan's evening was nice and relaxing. He took her to her favorite restaurant, where he gave her a necklace with a heart shaped diamond pendent. After that they picked up desert at a very good, and way over priced, bakery that Ziva also loved and headed home to relax in the privacy of their own apartment.
The next morning the two couples met up for breakfast at the Starbucks across the street from Tony and Mairin's hotel. From there they headed to the Empire state building and on to the statue of liberty. They went back to the apartment after that for Ziva to make lunch before Tony and Mairin began their drive home. Ziva made one of Tony's favorites, Lasagna. The lunch was going well, every one was talking and seemed happy. They laughed about funny things that had happened during their time as partners, they told each other about funny things that they had seen. Everything was at peace.
Tony was sitting next to Ziva at the small round kitchen table. During lunch he noticed the new necklace. "It looks good on you," he said, looking into her eyes, suggesting that he was talking not just about the necklace but the man who had given it to her.
"I know," she smiled and looked in to his eyes. Their eyes lingered there for a moment. Sharing in contentment. Things seemed to be improving between Mairin and Tony for the last two days. Ziva reached over and squeezed Tony's hand. Maybe they had talked.
It was then that Mairin stood up quickly, knocking her chair to the floor and pushing her plate of the table with a crash. Tony looked up at her, stunned.
"I AM RIGHT HERE!" she bellowed before she turned to storm out of the apartment.
Tony barely had time to register what was going on before he sprang to his feet and out the door. Tristan looked at Ziva questioningly as they began to hear there muffled fight through the door. Ziva shrugged, just as confused and shocked as everyone else.
Tony and Mairin where having a full fledged screaming match in the hallway, though Mairin did most of the screaming. They could not hear all of it but the bits and pieces they could hear made Ziva shrink.
"I can see the way you look at her," Mairin bellowed. They could not make out Tony's muffled reply. What ever he had said elicited a, "don't lie to me" from Mairin.
More muffled talking seeped through the door that Ziva assumed was Tony before she heard Mairin's quick "NO!"
"Will you listen to me?" Tony's voice was beginning to rise.
The next few sentences were unintelligible. It sounded as if Mairin had begun to cry. What they could make out involved the words "looks" and "wedding" and "museum."
"PLEASE LISTEN TO ME, THERE IS NOTING GOING ON!" Tony bellowed at her.
At this point Ziva stood and crossed the apartment, her hand on the doorknob, debating whether she should get involved. She decided and opened the door slowly, a calm look on her face. Tony was standing in front of her door facing to the side. What little of his face she could see was pinched in a painful look, his eyes narrowed in anger.
Ziva stepped out in to the hall. "Please come back inside Mairin," she said calmly, "lets talk about this." Mairin's face was red from all the screaming and tear tracks ran down her cheeks.
"No, I will not go back inside to watch you two make love with your eyes," she said incredulously.
"Mairin, you have to believe me there is nothing going on between Tony and I, we are just friends," was Ziva's desperate reply.
"I promise you honey, we have nothing but friendship for each other," Tony pleaded.
Mairin looked between them coolly. "Than prove it," her voice like ice.
Ziva and Tony exchanged glances. "How?" Tony said quietly.
"I never want you to see each other again. Ever. No phone calls. No emails. No holidays. Nothing."
Tony and Ziva stood frozen in the hall. Tristan was now standing in the doorway surveying the ongoing fight. Tony slowly turned to Ziva, his eyes searching for hers, questioning. Ziva looked at him and did her best to poor in to that look everything she needed to say. She did her best to tell him in one look that she understood, that it was ok, that she would miss him, and that she was at peace with what was going to happen next. She wanted him to agree to Mairin's terms, even if it would hurt her so badly. In that look there was still that glimmer in her eyes, one that had been long forgotten. Behind that look was the same love that had been there from the beginning. It had taken on many faces over the years. This was the final act of love that she could give him. She could let him go.
He turned and looked at Mairin and slowly nodded, his face distant and dark. With out a word he pushed past Ziva and Tristan to collect their belongings from the apartment. He looked strait ahead over Ziva's shoulder as he passed back through. He walked a few paces and stopped, with his back to her he whispered, "Goodbye Ziva." Ziva did not respond. He walked down the hall, Mairin following, stepped in to the elevator at the end of the hall and out of her life. Forever.
"Goodbye Tony," she whispered after the doors to the elevator closed. She turned and wrapped her arms around Tristan's neck and began to cry. Tristan pulled back and led her inside before he turned and wiped the tears from her eyes. His eyes were full of compassion and understanding.
"He was my best friend," she croaked out before burring her face in his shirt.
She stood like this for a very long time, just thinking. Thinking about the day she met Tony and their oh so infamous conversation about phone sex. She thought about all of the times that Tony had been there for her, all the times he had found her. She thought of all the missed opportunities over the years. She thought of the conversation that dealt with the feelings that had been boiling just under the surface for so long. She had long thought that she had made a mistake that night. Sure she loved Tristan, but there was something about Tony… She thought about the fact that she might never see him again and the idea was too much. A gnawing, cold ace settled in to her stomach. A growing void started in her heart, a void that could never be filled, a void that never wanted to be filled with anything or anyone but Tony. She knew that this void was not something that would go away, or something that would go away with time, but a void she would carry with her, every day, always.
End of Part 1: Falling Apart.
So… Mairin pulled an Emily/Ross/Rachel. I have a love/hate relationship with this chapter. I actually like the way I wrote it and love the path it is setting them up for… but it's just heart breaking. I would love some feedback. :)
I still promise that I know where this is going and that it will end peacefully, whatever that may mean. :P Again, hang in there.
I also wanted to say that I am in no way trying to villanize Mairin in this chapter or belittle what a great loss that would be.