June 1st 2017

Bang, bang, bang. Tony woke with a start, unsure of the reason for his waking. The fog from being wrenched from a deep sleep began to dissipate and the sound of a loud pounding began to register in his brain. Some one was at the door. He rolled over to look at the clock. The harsh glow of the alarm clock shown 3:23 am. Who in the world was at his door after 3 in the morning? He grabbed his piece off the nightstand and made his way to the door. He peered through the peephole and pulled the door open.

"Sheesh, Ziva. What are you doing here?" he said thickly, rubbing his eyes. He stepped aside, allowing her entrance in to the apartment. He placed his gun on the table next to the door and turned to face her.

Ziva and Tristan had been in town for the last week to meet with several venues for the wedding as well as for Ziva to meet with both NCIS and the Pentagon to discus the specifics of the job offers.

"I am sorry to wake you Tony, I could not sleep. I needed to talk to you about something." She said as she went to sit on the couch.

"And you're sure it couldn't wait till morning."

"I was afraid I would lose my nerve by morning."

This last sentence peeked Tony's interest. He looked at her and noticed that her eyes were red and puffy, like she had been crying. "What is it Ziva?" he said as he made his way to take a seat next to her on the couch.

The look on Ziva's face was one of confusion. She looked like she was in the middle of an intense argument with herself. Tony reached out and took her hand in his, bringing her back to reality. She looked up into his face with a look of pure torture.

"I am so confused," she confessed, "I do not know what to think or feel anymore. What am I suppose to do?"

Tony looked at her, a hint of sarcasm tracing his features. "Why Ms. David, if I didn't know any better I would think that you were getting a bad case of cold feet."

Ziva stood and began to pace around the living room, wringing her hands. "That is what I thought at first. I thought that I was just nervous about such a big commitment. We have been arguing a lot about where to live. He said he was open to moving to DC but the more we talked about it the more abstinent he became. And then I thought: if something like where we are to live is bothering me this much, maybe it is not right. This is a relatively small thing considering. I don't know, there is something that just seems… off. And then there is… "

Ziva faltered for a moment, something else obviously on her mind. Tony looked at her, waiting for her to continue. When she did not he broke the silence. "And then there is… what?"

Ziva stopped her pacing for a moment, her eyes meeting his. The look on her face was one of uncertainty. She just stood there, her eyes on his, before she finally broke the silence. "You know what," her voice barely a whisper.

If Tony hadn't been paying attention, he might have missed this last comment. However vague it might have been, Tony had no questions about what she meant. Tony didn't move. He stared at Ziva from where he sat; afraid the slightest movement would somehow change the meaning that he knew was behind that last sentence. Silence filled the room, thick and unsure. No one moved. No one spoke.

Tony finally let out a deep sigh, running his hands trough his hair. He looked down at the carpet, doing his best to collect his scrambled thoughts. On one hand he wanted to shout for joy, on the other hand he feared that handling the next few moments wrong would cost him her for the rest of his life. The idea of loosing her (though he had not even known that having her was even a possibility a few moments ago) was too much for him. Taking a deep breath he finally looked up at Ziva.

She had apparently misinterpreted his silence as rejection. Her face looked crestfallen and knowing, like she was heart broken but had expected noting less. He slowly stood up, making his way to stand not a foot from her. Her eyes were cautious as she watched him come to rest in front of her. Tony reached up, softly trailing his thumb down her cheek. Tony was lost for words in this moment, so he said nothing. He did his best to pore out is thoughts and feelings in to this one look. He could see so much in her eyes.

Ziva slowly leaned forward, reaching up on to her tippy-toes and pressed a kiss to his lips gently. He met her tentatively at first but soon the kiss took on a life of its own. Their lips began a beautiful dance, matching each other tit for tat. The kiss deepened, hungry and inflamed from emotion. They parted after a moment, breathless, pulled tightly against each other. Ziva shook her head for a moment and pushed her self out of his embrace. She was retreating and he knew it, so he through caution to the wind.

"I love you," he breathed out into the small space between them. Ziva didn't move, her eyes were boring into his as tears slowly began to fill her eyes. Tony took this as a sign to continue. "I always have. I never stopped. Mairin was right. I tried to deny it. I convinced myself that I didn't love you a thousand different times. The only reason I married Mairin that day was because I thought that you didn't love me. It's the only reason I even proposed to her. All this time, and it was always you. Everyday for two years, it was you. And today, today it is still you."

After his little speech he stood as still as a statue, just waiting for her to respond. When she did it wasn't what he expected in the slightest. "I love him, Tony. I am engaged and I love him."

Tony took a step back, turning away from her, shaking his head as if to erase that last sentence. "Don't do this," he said turning back to her. Her face was like cold stone.

"I am sorry for kissing you, I should not have done that," she said calmly, "I should not have come here."

Her admission was too much for Tony. Anger boiled up in him, threatening to spill over at any moment, and spill it did. His eyes met hers, anger blazing out of them. "Then why did you!?" he spat. "I was fine, FINE, with out this," he said, motioning between them, "We were friends, everything was good."

"I am sorry, I was just confused," she pleaded, "can we just let this go, pretend that it never happened?"

"NO!" he shouted, "next time your confused go for a run, call Abby, or talk to your FIANCE! Don't come over here and say things. You can't just kiss me and then ask me to forget about it. You knew what this was!" His face fell into a look of misery. "How could you?" he asked, his voice nothing but a breath.

"I am so sorry Tony. You are right; I should not have come. It's just that… I love him but… then I look at you, or think about you and I just," her voice faltered as tears started to slide down her face. She was shaking from head to toe. "I just do not know what to think. I do not know what to feel. It… it is like you are gravity, just pulling me in. As long as I do not see you or think about you everything is fine. I am happy. And I love him again. You are right; we cannot go back to the way things were. It has to be a clean break this time."

"Fine," he snapped, not looking up to her face. "Please leave."

"I don't want to leave it like this…"

"How do you want to leave it? What? What happens now Ziva? You said you wanted a clean break, well me too. This is it. I can't do this anymore. I never want to see you again!"

Tony finally looked up at Ziva, his face resolute. The look on Ziva's face was one of anger and hurt.

"Don't… DON'T say that!" she half yelled, turning her back on him.

"What did you expect? What do you want Ziva?" he spat at her.

"I DO NOT KNOW!" she yelled back at him, turning on him and throwing her hands in to the air. Her face was flushed and she was panting.

Tony was a little taken aback. She was so unsure. His voice softened a little, "After all this time, how could you not know?"

Tears were slowly making their way down her face again. "I have to go."

She half ran to the door but Tony got there first, "Please Ziva. I know you feel it, I know you do. It's you and me. I have always known that in the end we're supposed to end up together. Don't do this. Please don't marry him." Tony had his shoulder against the door with his hand holding a tight grasp on Ziva's right wrist. She struggled against his hold for a moment, her eyes anywhere but his. She stopped fighting for a brief second and looked at him. She let a sob escape her lips. She shook her head no one last time and wrenched her wrist from his hand. He stepped away from the door, his heart breaking.

He watched as she slowly pulled the door open and stopped, turning to look at him for what may be the last time. The look on her face was the same look that had always been there, but this time it was full of grief. With out a word she walked up to him and kissed him on the cheek. Tony barely had time to register what she had done before she quietly slipped out the door and presumably out of his life.

Tony looked after her, unsure if that was goodbye. He locked the door as he moved back into his apartment. He made his way to the kitchen, as it was nearly 5 and there would be no going back to sleep tonight. As the coffee brewed he thought about what had just transpired. Regardless of how their conversation ended it led him to hope, especially after her last wordless action. He knew in his heart that she was the one for him. He hoped against all odds that she would change her mind about marrying Tristan. He had carried this torch for her for so long. He knew that he would never put it down. He would carry it with him, always.

Well… once again I have a love/hate relationship with this chapter. There are parts that I really like and parts that I have rewritten so many times that I just had to walk away from it. It's why it took me longer to publish. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Only 2 more chapters to go and only 3 more days till the dreaded premier (I seriously have never not wanted to watch an NCIS episode more in my entire life). Reviews are welcome. :)