OUT THERE

A/N: To celebrate the fact that season 9 is finally coming to the UK - an extra update!

-xx-

Chapter Eight

"You never know. Maybe when we're dreaming... we're more lucid than when we are awake." (Katherine Angela Yeboah)

The street was dark. A warm breeze followed Adam, carrying with it the breath of the city - and something more. He knew the scent of fear. It had stalked him throughout his life, a vigilant shadow that would not fall away, no matter how hard he tried to escape it. His stride quickened and he hunched his shoulders, desperate to look back but knowing all too well that, if he did so, he would be lost.

I have to get home.

Home was a place of safety. Not true, said the boy who suddenly walked beside him. Adam's reply was gentle. "My home," he said. "Not yours. There are no monsters there." The boy stared back at him, wide-eyed, before slipping away down a nearby alley. Adam halted.

"Wait. Not that way," he whispered urgently. That way led to pain...

And now the fear was tangible; a probing touch that sent prickles chasing up and down his skin.

"Stop..."

He left the street and set off down the alley. The fear was right behind him. Footsteps, echoing twice where, before, there had been no footsteps. Ahead of him, the boy had disappeared. On either side, the walls closed in, tall and black. Adam felt as though he were being swallowed alive. As the ground dropped away, he teetered on the edge of a chasm - no, a stairway; endless in the dark.

I don't want to...

The boy hadn't gone. The boy was inside him - and he was afraid...

"Did you think that I wouldn't come here, Adam?" said a bright voice in his ear; too bright and far too cheerful.

"Go away," he whispered, without any hope at all. "Why can't you just go?"

Unable to bear it any longer, Adam turned at last. He saw a glimpse of long blonde hair... a dark hood... before a heavy blow to the face sent him crashing to the ground.

"I told you," Haylen said, looming over him. Richard lurked behind her, sniggering. "I never give up."

Her smile was the last thing he saw before darkness took him - and he woke to find himself lying on the floor beside his couch. That was a shock in itself, but even more alarming was the pain that flared beneath his eye a second later.

Could pain cross over? Could the imagined become real after all? Was Dream-Haylen taking her revenge for the railway tracks?

He prodded at the tender bruise experimentally, before lifting himself off the floor with the aid of the nearby coffee table...

Oh!

Turning, he glared at the angular piece of furniture. "See what you did?" he told it, wincing as he poked at his cheek yet again. "How am I going to explain this at work without sounding ridiculous...?

Full of morbid curiosity, he headed for the bathroom and turned on the light. He was not prepared for what he saw staring back from the looking-glass world before him. Surely that couldn't be him - that pallid stranger? Dark-eyed and drawn, with a mark the size of a man's fist across his face? "What's wrong with me?" he murmured, watching the stranger mouth his words. Even as he spoke, he felt the ugly thought take root deep inside. What if there really was something wrong with him? Had he taken so little care of himself that his defenceless body was under attack?

"It's all your fault," he snapped at that other Adam, safe behind the glass. Leaning forwards, his voice sank to a whisper. "Can I swap places with you? I'm so tired..."

Talking to the furniture - and now to his own reflection. Wasn't that the first sign of madness? Sighing wearily, he ran the cold water, cupping it in his hands and dashing it over his face. Then he studied himself in the mirror again, as the droplets rained from his beard all over the sink, his clothes, the floor...

"Adam the Zombie," he muttered, seeking humour where there was none. "Not a good look."

Shaking his head, he could only imagine what Danny and his other friends would say when they saw him...

-xx-

"Adam - buddy! Tell me the other guy looks worse than you. Or - wait, don't tell me - date gone bad? 'Cause I've been there, man, and I recognise the signs." He gestured to the bruise on Adam's cheek.

"Oh, ha ha ha. Is that the best you've got?" Adam frowned as he leaned on the heavy glass door and let Danny pass into the building.

"I thought that was pretty good for a first attempt. Give me time - I'll get better."

"Please don't." His response was abrupt and Danny faltered.

"Sorry, Adam. I just thought..."

"No you didn't, okay? You're not thinking at all..." Adam marched ahead through the lobby, leaving Danny to spin his wheels in violent haste as he strove to catch up and make amends.

"Go on, then," he urged. "What really happened? You got some kind of trouble goin' on? 'Cause I could help you with that." And then, much softer, "You do know I was only tryin' to make you crack a smile, right? You look like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders."

Guilt flashed through Adam and he halted. "Sure, Danny, I know. It's my fault, okay? I shouldn't have jumped down your throat; that wasn't fair. I'm fine - and there's no trouble." He bared his teeth in a tentative grin and hoped that it was convincing enough to make Danny back off. To his relief, it seemed to do the trick...

One down. A whole labful of jokers to go.

The elevator was working today - and packed like a can of sardines. Overwhelmed by strangers, the two men rode up in silence but, just before the doors opened onto the crime lab, Danny offered one last muttered comment, for Adam's ears only. "I'm not buyin' the act. You can't fool the master. But I'll let it drop if you want me to - for now..."

And he rolled away, leaving Adam standing in the middle of the corridor, alone and uncertain.

Just as he was about to turn and head to the locker room, Mac's voice cut into his thoughts. "Adam. A word?" His face was pleasant but there was an edge to his words that Adam knew all too well. Not a friendly morning chat, then. One raised eyebrow was the only clue that Mac had seen the unfortunate state of his face. No surprise there. The boss-man noticed everything.

Stepping through the doorway for the second time in as many days, Adam glanced at the couch with longing - but this time, Mac gestured to the chair. Not good. He placed the desk between them like a barrier as they both sat down. Adam stared at him in silence, waiting for the blow to fall.

"I had a phone call this morning," Mac said, tilting his head. "Can you guess what it was about?"

"Um - yes." Adam's throat was dry. "I'm sorry, Mac. I was going to tell you..."

"Sorry?"

"For causing trouble. And, you know, for getting involved..."

"The phone call I had," Mac continued, holding his gaze, "was from Gerald Valens. You've met, I believe? Apparently, he wanted to congratulate me on the quality of my team. 'Their commitment to the victim' - those were his exact words."

Adam felt his jaw drop and was powerless to stop it. Mac went on. "You can imagine my surprise. I thanked him, of course, and asked him who it was that he was talking about. Adam Ross, he said. The young man who visited his grandson at the hospital last night."

By this point, Adam was struggling to follow the turn that things had taken. He flushed with hope and found his voice again.

"Wait, boss... I don't get it. Am I... Are you mad at me or not?"

"The truth?" Mac said. "I should be, Adam. You know the dangers of getting too close. You're a scientist, not a social worker."

"But?" Adam asked him warily. Was there a 'but'?

"But," Mac sighed. "I can't condemn a man for showing compassion. I can take him off the Valens case, before he makes a mistake that he can't wriggle out of. Where did you get that bruise, by the way?"

The careful timing of his remark was so unexpected that Adam blurted out the truth at once. "I fell."

"You fell."

"Off the couch. When I was... well, I was trying to sleep, like you said." Unbidden, the image of Dream-Haylen, hooded and smirking, leapt into his mind and he flinched. Mac caught the strange reaction and frowned at him. Standing up, he walked around the desk and peered even more closely at Adam's face before delivering his final verdict.

"Go home."

"Oh - no! I'm fi... there's no need, boss." Déjà vu was starting to make his head spin.

"That's not a suggestion; it's an order." Mac was adamant. Adam's feeble protest died in his throat. At the same time, behind Mac, Haylen sailed past the window, waving her arms as she spun some kind of animated tale for Lindsay and Hawkes, who appeared to be enthralled. The vision was fleeting - but it had a powerful effect on Adam. He turned back to his boss.

"Please," he begged. "Don't send me home. I want to work."

Mac shook his head. "I'm sorry - my mind's made up. Look at the state of you, Adam. If I let you stay, you'll be a danger to yourself and everyone else in this lab. Not to mention the fact that I won't be able to trust you to do your job to the best of your ability. Learn from yesterday. You know I'm right." His voice was rough, but kind. "I'll say it one more time - go home. Get the sleep that you need. Come back tomorrow, when... if you're fit. That's not weakness; it's common sense."

"Yes, boss," he mumbled, pushing up from the chair in one unhappy movement and lurching towards the door as quickly as he could, desperate to get out of there before he shamed himself any further. Even now, he could feel hot tears pricking behind his eyes and tried to blink them away surreptitiously. At the same time, a single word from Mac stopped him in his tracks.

"Wait."

"What is it, boss?" He kept his face to the door so that Mac couldn't see his bleak expression.

"Are you safe to drive home by yourself?"

"No, I'm not," he admitted softly, looking back at last. "I know that, okay? I took the subway to work this morning." He kept silent about the part where he had almost drifted off to sleep and gone sailing past his stop...

"I see." Was that relief on Mac's face? "Good decision. That's settled then," he added, dismissing him properly with a nod. "We'll find someone to give you a lift." When Adam began to protest, he held up his hand. "No more arguments..."

No point, Adam thought, weary in defeat.

-xx-

'Someone' turned out to be Stella, of all people. Adam felt quite embarrassed as he followed her to the Avalanche. To his great relief, however, she never uttered a single word about his bruise or the pallor of his face - or even the fact that Mac had sent him home. She simply smiled at him; a genuine smile that filled her eyes with warmth and sent a spark to kindle him from within.

You're not in disgrace, he told himself firmly, tagging along in her wake. The boss-man was just looking out for him. They all were; Danny, Stella - all of his friends. He was lucky to have them.

Yes - and don't worry about your work, the beaming image of Haylen told him. I'll get it done for you...

The spark died away and he shivered.

"Cold?" Stella asked him, unlocking the doors. He shrugged non-committally. Like Mac, he was growing heartily sick of the phrase 'I'm fine', and how often he felt compelled to use it. Besides, his charade was a failure. They had seen through his mask and now they had sent him away...

Stop it, he told himself crossly. Wallowing never helped anyone.

"Lucky for you that my crime scene is near your apartment," Stella said, trying to keep up a cheerful flow of conversation. "You could have waited all day for a lift; the lab's so busy..." She paused, as she realised the hidden implication of her remark. "I mean..."

"It's okay, Stella." Adam stared ahead through the windshield. "Mac's right. I wouldn't have been much use anyway. Sorry," he added, turning to smile at her. "Bad time to get sick, I guess."

"I know." She looked at him sideways. "Is there anything you need?"

"No," he lied, thinking of his barren fridge. "I'm okay."

"I could swing by with some chicken noodle later..." Adam could tell from her face that she wasn't entirely joking.

"Everyone's got this sudden urge to feed me," he grinned. "Stella, you said it yourself - you guys are busy. Just drop me as close to home as you can manage. I think I can take it from there..."

The rest of the journey passed in comfortable silence. Adam closed his eyes and leaned back against the seat. In Stella's company, he always felt safe somehow. If he slept at all, it was a dreamless sleep, for which he was grateful. Time shifted and blurred around him to the soundtrack of the engine's quiet hum. When the car stopped, he couldn't be sure at first whether minutes had passed, or hours.

"We're here," Stella said, her hand on his arm.

"What...? Oh! That's great." Suddenly, strangely, he felt reluctant to leave the warmth of the Avalanche - but Stella was sneaking a glance at the clock on the dashboard and he knew that his time was up. Peering out of the window, he saw that she had brought him right to the door of his apartment block. "Thank you, Stella," he said quietly. "For the lift, and... you know..." Putting his thoughts into words was harder than usual these days; like swimming upstream. "See you tomorrow."

"Get some rest," she replied, as he slipped out of the car and paused on the sidewalk to watch her pull away.

"Yes, mom," he answered, with a cheeky grin that he held in place until he was sure that she had gone.

Feeling slightly out of sync with the rest of the world by now, he climbed up the steps to the front door and pushed his way into the lobby. There was a large wad of junk mail in his slot, so he took it out and rifled through it as he waited for the elevator, making sure that there was nothing more personal sandwiched in between the wild promotional offers and unwanted catalogues. No bills, thank goodness - but there was an unexpected envelope; small and white, with nothing but his name scrawled on the front in bold green writing. "Okay..." he muttered, stuffing the junk mail into his bag and tugging at the envelope with clumsy fingers.

The letter was from Jade. That fact alone made him pause. The elevator came and went as he scanned its contents nervously.

Adam.

Kevin doesn't remember much about last night but I do, and I know that I upset you. You let a stranger into your home and, in return, I was rude and thoughtless. I'm sending you this note as an apology, since my useless cousin wouldn't give me your number. I thought I might catch you in, but I guess you're at work. Maybe I'll see you later?

Jade.

At first glance, the letter was pleasant enough - an attempt to clear the air between them. So why did it make him feel uncomfortable? "I really am getting paranoid," he told himself - but the words had a hollow ring to them.

Pressing the button again, he brought the elevator back and headed up to his floor. Someone had opened the window at the far end of the corridor, releasing the stale smells and letting in a breeze. Adam shivered and pulled his jacket tighter. He had just passed Elma's door and was reaching for his keys when he heard a sound that made him stop in his tracks, his heart beating rapidly.

Crash!

A terrible, rolling crash, followed by a frightened shriek - and then nothing at all.

The sound came from Elma's apartment.