Responsibilities

Part 6

Jeff watched Alan tensely as they waited for Scott, Virgil and Gordon to join them. John's alert about the leisure centre fire had caused the slight ache that had been building behind Jeff's eyes to expand further. After the stress of the last 24 hours he was beginning to feel a decisively wicked migraine forming. The dull pulsing had been accelerating steadily since Alan had handed him his letter of resignation.

Looking at the strained stance that Alan had taken and the uncomfortable silence that had descended upon them since John had signed off to contact the danger zone had left Jeff's stomach in knots. Usually he wouldn't send Alan off on a rescue when he was in a state like this, but from the sounds of the situation he would need all hands on deck. Sending only Gordon and Virgil in Thunderbird 2 would be even more dangerous.

The minutes it took his other sons to enter the room felt like hours. Outside he could hear the trees rustling and the insects chirruping. He smiled wryly for a moment as he imagined a tumbleweed blow past. Jeff knew he should be trying to work out a plan of action, that he should be strategising and predicting various scenarios his sons might come across. His job as head of International Rescue meant that, ultimately, the lives of the men in the field were his responsibility, whether he was on site or not. The decision over when to act and when to pull back was down to him. And at the end of the day, the men being sent into danger were his sons. Lucy's sons.

But for all that, he could not drag his eyes away from the last son that Lucy had given him. The son she had died to bring into this world. He could feel pressure building in his chest at the sight of her youngest baby in such obvious distress. Distress that he was beginning to realise, unbearably, was in large part down to him.

Was it all worth it? In trying to protect Alan he had ended in devastating him, apparently isolating him from his closest friend and brothers, and ultimately driving him away from his father. What would Alan do out there in the world beyond the Tracy family? Jeff had no doubt that Alan would do well for himself physically. His innate talent for racing, coupled with his unique ability to be charming and endearing at the same time would see him far. Alan was intelligent too. Jeff knew that he often sold Alan short on that count. He supposed that next to John and Virgil that wasn't difficult, considering their more than impressive intellects. And when one thought of Alan an impulsive whirlwind usually came to mind. But Alan himself was owned of a higher than average IQ, and often surprised and delighted his bothers by coming up with solutions to problems, approaching them at completely different angles than would occur to his more lateral thinking siblings.

Jeff wasn't at all worried about Alan finding a job and supporting himself financially, or about him finding a place in society. He'd always been popular and outgoing. But for some reason his youngest seemed to be angry at everyone around him. Alan was talking about cutting himself off from his entire family. He was furious with his father, the only parent he had ever known. He was no longer on speaking terms with Tin-Tin - how could he be? She had been the calm to Alan's storm for as long as Jeff could remember. What would become of Alan if that centring presence was removed from his life? Also Gordon, his best friend, his kindred spirit. Scott, his confidante, his protector. John, who always understood him even when he didn't understand himself. And Virgil, the brother who never turned away from him no matter how furious he made him.

Jeff wondered not for the first time at the beauty of his sons as a whole. The boys seemed to fit perfectly together, like a jigsaw. And even more wonderful, they all loved each other with an intensity that any single on of them could be the centre piece of the puzzle, the piece which if it were removed would destroy the picture and cause all the pieces to fall apart. Take one away and the picture would no longer make sense, no longer be complete. How would the other boys cope without Alan? Would they blame him for their youngest's absence from their lives? Would they forgive him? Would he forgive himself?

The remaining subjects of his thoughts jolted Jeff from his increasingly dark musings. Scott, Virgil and Gordon had entered the room, and no doubt had picked up on the charged atmosphere between father and son. Gordon's gaze jumped from one to the other like a ping pong ball, while Scott looked grimly at Alan's dour expression and Virgil shifted nervously on his feet. Jeff rubbed at his temples a final time before steeling himself to face the hours ahead. He took a deep breath and began.

"We have a fire to put out boys. Leisure centre in Colorado built close to some extensive grasslands. As you all know it's been a dry summer, and the fire fighters don't think they'll be able to stop the blaze spreading. If it reaches the grass they won't have time to make further evacuations. Scott, get going in Thunderbird One, top speed."

"FAB, Dad. What about…" Jeff cut off Scott's question with a wave of his hand.

"Virgil, take Gordon and Alan with you."

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Dad?" Scott interrupted once more.

Jeff did not miss the flash of emotion in Alan's eyes. Whether it was anger, annoyance or hurt he could not tell. The numerous emotions that had been rolling off Alan over the last day were beginning to coalesce into one huge tattoo across his forehead that said 'back off'.

"I'm quite sure, Scott. We need all the help we can get. Your brother is quite capable of acting rationally." Jeff looked at Alan as he said this, waiting for the inevitable reaction. Alan's brow creased and he opened his mouth, though what he was about to say Jeff would never know. Alan was cut off by the sound of Tin-Tin's voice.

"May I go too, Mr Tracy?"

The boys gaped at her, but did not have time to wonder about the reasoning behind such a request, given all that had happened on a rescue only yesterday.

"Absolutely not, Tin-Tin."

"But I can help…"

"No." Jeff's voice, hard as steel, brooked no argument. "The boys will be fine. Scott, you should be in the air by now." Jeff stared pointedly at his eldest, indicating his displeasure at being questioned.

"Yes, Sir." Scott glanced once more at his youngest brother before heading to the revolving painting that would take him to Thunderbird One.

"Virgil, you'll need the FireFly, and take the Mole and the new fire suits and oxygen tanks Brain's has developed. I don't anticipate you having to enter the actual structure, but we need to be prepared."

"FAB, we're on our way."

Gordon and Alan began to head towards the access elevator to TB2. Jeff watched the taught shoulders of his youngest son heading steadily away from him and felt a sudden panic tighten in his chest. He started forward and caught Alan by the arm. Alan spun to look at him, his defiant eyes daring him to say something, anything to garner a reaction. Jeff paled at the pain in Alan's usually sparkling eyes.

"Son…be careful," Jeff said. Alan did not react and shrugged off his father's hand. Jeff felt the iciness grip his heart once more. Again, he lurched forward and gripped Alan's shirt.

"Alan," he whispered. "I love you."

Alan looked at the floor, nodded once, and was gone. Jeff watched his retreating back feeling some relief edge into his disquiet. He could fix this, he thought. He would fix this. He had to fix this, for all their sakes.

Tin-Tin did not wait to be excused, nor did she stay to watch the boys leave. She couldn't watch Alan head into danger knowing how much he hated her. She had only recently left the sanctuary of her father's rooms, having spent the day in his calming presence. She had sat with him while he tended the gardens, enjoying the quiet solitude they allowed her. Her father, it seemed, knew what had happened. He knew everything that happened in the Tracy household. He had not tried to question her, neither tried to support or chastise her for her actions. He seemed content to let her bask in his comforting presence without fear of being judged for her actions.

But seeing Alan again and once more being subjected to Mr Tracy's ire had sent her fleeing back to her father's calming company. She found him reading a book quietly. She did not make a sound as she entered his room, nor did he look up and acknowledge her presence. Yet somehow, he knew she was there. She startled when he spoke to her.

"Back so soon, Tin-Tin?"

"I am sorry, Father. I did not mean to disturb you."

"Your very presence is a disturbance, my daughter. You are overwrought. I can feel your spirit crying out though you make not a sound. Will you not tell me what grieves you?" Kyrano set aside his book and approached Tin-Tin slowly.

"You know what grieves me, Father." Tin-Tin replied quietly, looking anywhere but her father's eyes. She could not stand the intensity of his gaze. He could look right through her, he always could. She could not stand for him to see what she had done.

Kyrano would not be put off so easily. He stood before his only child and gently grasped her chin, raising her eyes to meet his with gentle encouragement. He looked at her long and hard, searching her gaze, what for she did not know. After a while he smiled sadly and kissed her forehead gently before stepping away.

"Ah my little Tin-Tin," he almost choked. Tin-Tin could see the beginnings of tears behind in his eyes, though why she could not fathom.

"My daughter, this is such a bittersweet moment. One I knew must come but could not bear to imagine. I can guess what grieves you, but I can longer look in your eyes and know for certain what it is you feel. You are not my little girl anymore. You are a woman now, and your heart and mind hold dreams and desires I cannot know, and should not know." Kyrano looked at his daughter proudly, basking in how beautiful and independent she had become - how he knew she would become. Sensing her confusion, he continued gently.

"It has been coming for a long time now, but I think that finally knowing the love of your heart's choice, however briefly, has made the transition complete. Things are not as they were when you were a child. When I could read your simple hopes and fears and wants. From now on, my daughter, you must actively seek my council. I can help you if you wish it, but your mind is not open to me as it once was."

"I'm sorry, Father" she whispered. Kyrano hushed her gently and held her to him.

"No, my daughter. You must not be sorry. This is a part of life, there is nothing to be done to change it. Although I will miss my little girl, gaining the trust and friendship of the woman you have become is a far greater honour."

Tin-Tin could not reply, but held her father to her tightly. They stood like that for a long time, before Kyrano broke away and led her to sit by the fire. She looked at her hands for some time, trying to work out how to talk to the father who before had always known what she was thinking.

"I have hurt Alan, Father."

"Yes, you have. But you have not told me why." Kyrano gently coaxed.

"I told him I could not marry him," she whispered.

"Why would you do that? Do you not love him?"

"Of course I do!" Tin-Tin replied loudly, without hesitation.

"Then why will you not marry him?"

"On the rescue, I thought Alan had been hurt. I thought he could be dead. Father, I nearly lost my mind! I tried to charge into a building that had just collapsed to find him. I put myself in danger, I put Scott in danger. I completely disregarded my responsibility to International Rescue. Father, the pain I felt in that moment was so intense. It was terrifying. I could not breathe, could not think. All I could do was imagine Alan in pain and it tore me apart. I can't go through that every day, I just can't. There'll be nothing left of me." Tin-Tin was sobbing by the time she had finished, finally giving voice to her fears letting out the pain she was in.

"As you say daughter, Alan's life is perilous indeed. You are right to be wary of what the future may hold, to be otherwise would be foolhardy. I cautioned him about the selfishness of asking you to marry him when he asked me for your hand. He too realised the risk to both your hearts by entering into a marriage within International Rescue. But he seemed to understand something better than you, Tin-Tin. That is something I never thought I would say!" Kyrano laughed merrily at the look of confusion on his daughter's tear stained face.

"Tin-Tin," he said, taking both her hands in his. "All grown up, yet in some ways still a child."

Kyrano paused before he continued with what he was going to say. If he continued on this course, he would be shaping the future of his daughter. A future in which she would be his daughter second, and a wife first. A future when her loyalty would be first and foremost to Alan and the family they would have. He smiled at Tin-Tin, marvelled at the strong, beautiful woman she had become, even without a mother. Then he made his peace.

"Tin-Tin, I would not wish to influence the decision you make, but I would show to you a path you are blinded to in your fear. Alan understood that your lives would be dangerous, that you would risk grief and loss everyday. But he also knew that he loved you, and that you loved him. Denying these feelings, or doing nothing about them, would not change the fact that they were there. He would still love you. And had he not just asked you to marry him, you would still have tried to charge into that building after him."

Kyrano watched patiently as Tin-Tin considered all he had said. Alan's intention to propose to Tin-Tin had caught him off guard. He had been expecting them to embrace their budding romance, in fact he was surprised it had taken them so long. He wouldn't have been surprised if they'd become engaged. But Alan asking for his blessing had rendered him speechless.

He had always found Alan to be an enigma. He was so different from his brothers, and Kyrano felt slightly ashamed that he had once wished that Tin-Tin's eye might have fallen elsewhere. He had once harboured a hope that she and Virgil, with such similar interests in engineering and love of the arts, might have formed an attachment. But what chance had any of the others had with Alan's boundless energy and charisma sweeping Tin-Tin off her feet. He acknowledged now that they were perfect together. And Alan's understanding of the closeness of the relationship between father and daughter proved that Alan would do anything to make her happy.

"Tin-Tin, Alan understood that a love denied would be far more painful than a love risked, no matter how long it might last. He wanted to embrace his love for you while he still could. He was raised on whispered stories of how much his mother and father loved each other. All he wanted was to know a love that strong for himself."

"But I hurt him so much! How can he forgive me?" Tin-Tin grasped her father's hands tightly, realising too late what she had done.

"Tin-Tin, do you love him?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to marry him?"

"Yes! But he looked so betrayed."

"But this is a good thing, my daughter. If he no longer cared then that depth of feeling would not be there. While there is love there is still a chance. Now you should rest, you have a fight ahead of you."

Tin-Tin squeezed her father's hands and rose to leave. As she grasped the door knob, she turned once more to the wisdom of her father.

"What of Mr Tracy?" she asked. "He forbade us to marry."

Kyrano sighed and considered his words carefully. Mr Tracy's words had done much damage, but what he did was out of love for his son. Jeff was his closest friend, and he would not encourage Tin-Tin ignore his fears and wishes.

"Daughter, it is not Mr Tracy's right to deny you and Mister Alan to wed. You must understand though, his actions stem from the pain of a loss so deep that you or I cannot understand. Mr Tracy fears for his son's heart. You must make him understand, as I do, that to be loved by you will make Alan blessed beyond compare."

"Seriously Virg, what was Dad thinking?"

"Sssh, keep it down Scott, he'll hear you!"

Scott rolled his eyes and lowered his tone.

"We're on a secure line Virgil, he won't hear anything."

"He still has ears you know, he could walk in here at any moment. The last thing he needs is to hear his biggest brother, his hero, agreeing with his father that he's not up to the job. Wasn't it you who was saying not two days ago how impressed you were with Alan? He's a professional no matter what Dad might think, and despite him being the youngest. He's a grown man now too you know!"

"Yeah, yeah Virg, I know. But he's not up to such a big rescue, he's so upset right now. And being a grown man means jack in our family! John's supposed to be a grown up too, in fact according to Dad and Grandma he's the most adult, reliable one of the lot of us. But you know what he did last time he was on shore leave?" At Virgil's blank expression Scott smirked and continued. "It was something even the brats would be proud of."

"Well come on, don't keep me in suspense!" Virgil not only wanted to know what on earth the holier than thou John could have done that would be as impressive as Gordon or Alan, but he also wanted to keep Scott on this lighter topic of discussion. He was starting to find this 'dump on Alan' mentality that seemed to be an ingrained part of Tracy life to be a bit wearing. If you asked Virgil, Alan was way more of a saint than John for putting up with it for so damn long. He really wasn't the live wire everyone had him pegged as, deep down.

"Well, first he hired a limo, to impress some girl he'd met on-line in some astrology chat room. Then he and this girl had such a good time that they decided to steal the limo. Thankfully the girl was stone cold sober and able to drive. John, however, decided to drink three bottles of five hundred dollar champagne, to himself, and cruise around LA with his upper body sticking out of the sun roof and singing 'YMCA' at the top of his voice, with the actions. Then he started feeling sick so this girl pulled over, on Hollywood Boulevard no less, where he was promptly arrested for trying to pick up a hooker!"

"No.Freaking.Way" Virgil was stunned. His brother, arrested! For curb crawling? Never in a million years.

"Dad's lawyers had such trouble keeping it out of the press. Plus Dad nearly had a stroke when he found out. Why do you think John's been up there for so long?! He's being punished."

"Well Scott, that certainly puts Alan in the shade!"

"I think it's the blonde genes, there's something wrong with 'em. I mean, where did they even come from anyway?"

"Where did the blonde come from? What about the red?! Honestly Scott, I think they're all adopted apart from us. We're the only normal ones after all."

"I think you might be right Virg. Anyway, I gotta go. Approaching danger zone."

"FAB, Scott, be careful."

TBC