OUT THERE

Chapter Thirteen

"If you are untrustworthy, people will not trust you." (Lao Tzu)

Stella seemed pleased to discover that Adam was not alone. Jade ushered her in as though she had taken over the whole apartment. Her confident manner was highly disconcerting.

"I'm Jade," she explained, once Stella had set down the box that she was carrying. "Friend of Adam."

Surprising how often that word popped up. When had they become friends, exactly? He couldn't quite pin down the moment. "Hey, Stella," he said from the couch. He started to rise but she held up a reassuring hand to stop him.

"Jade?" she said. "Oh, I see."

An innocent phrase; and the tone was quite placid for Stella. If she really was a cat, Adam thought, then right now her tail would be twitching. In fact, he could almost see it. He tipped his head and squinted. Stella frowned to see his odd expression.

"How are you, Adam?" she asked, moving closer and perching on the coffee table. Left to her own devices, Jade circled the room, her dark eyes fixed on the two of them; sharp, like a knife in his shoulder...

"I'm good," he said hurriedly, pushing the image away.

"Here are your meds." Stella lifted them out of the box. Adam thanked her and set them to one side; ashamed, somehow, to admit his need in front of her. Stella watched, but did not comment. "I'm so sorry about what happened," she said. "Adam, next time I offer to bring you food..."

"Say yes?" He gave a rueful shrug.

"Don't offer - just do it. Worked wonders for me," Jade suggested.

"Yes, I can see that." Stella kept her eyes fixed on Adam. "You're sure everything is okay?" she insisted quietly. Fuzzy though his brain was, he could still make out the second question hidden beneath the first. Unfortunately, so could Jade, who halted.

"I'm sorry - what are you implying?"

For one dreadful moment, Adam began to fear that he would see these women come to blows. The world had gone crazy and, right now, he wouldn't put anything past Jade. 'I've got moves,' said a smug voice in his head. But this was his home, not some back-alley brawl, and Stella, at least, had far too much respect for herself. She rose to her feet and smiled. To Adam, who knew her, the smile was a warning sign. To Jade, who knew nothing, it rankled.

"Your colleagues like to make assumptions, don't they?" Jade said to Adam, addressing her comments to him as though Stella was somehow beneath her. "Maybe she isn't aware that I saved your life yesterday?"

"I don't think she meant..." he began.

Stella stepped in front of him, effectively cutting him off from Jade's line of sight. "'She' can speak for herself, thank you, Adam."

He choked on the rest of his words and fell silent. Glancing round, Stella winked at him briefly. Trust me, her eyes said.

Always. Filled with relief, he focussed on the sound of her voice as she turned back to Jade. "Detective Flack briefed us this morning," she said. "I know everything I need to know."

Briefed us. Adam flushed pink with embarrassment. Jade was unperturbed.

"Like I said - assumptions. Don't you CSIs usually deal in facts?"

"Yes, we do," Stella told her smoothly. "Fact. The only trace we found at the scene belonged to you and Adam. Fact. Your arrival was very convenient. Fact. Adam was unconscious when you 'saved' him, so we don't really know how that happened, now, do we? And fact: four nights ago... you want me to continue?" Her pause was an open challenge.

"Say what you like," was Jade's careless reply. "I've got nothing to hide. Adam knows that."

A brave statement and a flawed one, since Adam knew nothing of the sort. He pricked up his ears. Now, at last, he was going to solve the mystery of Flack's antagonism. He waited for Stella to speak again, wishing that he could see the expression on Jade's face. How rude would it be if he shuffled along to peek...?

"Ouch," he grunted, as a twinge of pain kept him exactly where he was. Locked in confrontation, the two women were oblivious. Adam bit his lip, holding back any more sounds that might interrupt them. He wanted to know...

Stella took up her story. "Four nights ago," she said, "Flack was working late at the precinct when a crowd was brought in from Byron's - a club with quite a reputation."

"So you say. I'm from out of town," Jade cut in smoothly.

Stella went on as though she hadn't spoken. "This crowd was part of a nasty incident - an unprovoked attack on one of the bouncers. Trouble was, they were all so high that no one could get any sense out of them. So they spent the night in lock-up until they were fit to be questioned. Flack swears that one of them looked just like you - was you, in fact. He went back this morning and checked the log. Jade Tomlin."

"Released without charge." Jade's tone was icy. "A victim of circumstance, just like Adam."

"Whatever you are," Stella murmured, "it isn't a victim."

As he listened, a horrible thought occurred to Adam. "Jade - was Kevin with you? Only... he said you both went out. That first night, when you came to New York. Did you take him to Byron's?"

"No, Adam. He took me." Her answer was firm. "What, you think that your friend doesn't know about places like that? He's a fool, yes, but Kevin's no innocent. He has his appetites, same as the rest of us. Well... not the same, exactly. Quite a shock, to discover his dark side..."

"Stop it!" Sick of the sound of her voice and her unwholesome words, Adam clapped his hands over his ears. "Just stop it, okay? Don't talk about Kevin like that. I don't believe you." Which wasn't the whole truth - even now, doubt was crawling through his mind like a cancer; twisting his memories, changing their shape... "I don't," he whispered miserably. "Kevin's my friend."

"Friends can disappoint us," Jade said.

Meaning what? Meaning him? Adam struggled to his feet. Stella reached out to help him and he clung to her arm without shame. "Look, Jade..."

"I know. I'm leaving," she said. "You'll be sorry for this, Adam Ross. I thought better of you."

His mouth fell open. When did he become the one at fault?

Jade's parting shot was delivered from the open doorway. "Enjoy your breakfast. And, when you're ready to apologise - well, you'll know where to find me. Don't leave it too late. And don't bring her - or your friend, the mouthy detective."

"Jade..." He let go of Stella's arm, wobbling slightly, and stepped forwards. "Look, I... I meant what I said before, okay? All of it..."

"Words." Jade shrugged. "I prefer actions. Stay safe, Adam - and goodbye."

She closed the door. Adam stayed frozen in place. He felt cold and uncertain. Either he'd just rid himself of a menace - or he'd acted like an ungrateful coward.

Which one was it?

Even Stella seemed taken aback by Jade's reaction. "Adam, I'm so sorry. If I went too far..."

"No." Making up his mind, he shook his head. "I don't know that woman. Not really. You're my friend and you wanted to help. Please don't feel bad, Stella, okay?"

"Okay." Her voice still held a note of doubt, but she mustered a smile as she finally took a good look at her friend. "Oh, Adam..."

"What?" he said, ducking his head. "I've looked worse."

"Is that supposed to reassure me?" Her eyes were kind; too kind. He could feel himself crumbling. Stella must have seen the signs because her manner suddenly became much breezier and she changed the subject. "Right. Breakfast. Danny briefed me too, and I've got supplies. Unless you're wanting these... what are they, croissants?"

"No." Adam glanced at the paper bag which was so soggy by now that it was almost in tatters. Cheese was beginning to leak out onto the coffee table, streaked with shining veins of bacon grease. He swallowed. "They looked great at first, but I think I've gone off the idea."

Without another word, she swept up the bag and bore it away to the kitchen. Edging over to the cardboard box, Adam peeked inside. A welcome selection of food, fresh and plain - just the sort of thing his fridge and his stomach were crying out for. Tucked in beside the food was a slim brown envelope.

His fingers twitched.

There it was, without a doubt. The picture that Danny had promised him. How could an image haunt his mind so much when he hadn't even seen it? More to the point, did he truly want to see it?

Yes.

Oh, yes.

He was shaking by now, but he stretched out his hand and reached into the box just as Stella returned. Caught in the act. He faltered.

"Oh - that." Stella nodded when she realised what he had found. "It's for you. Stop looking so guilty, for heaven's sake, Adam. Lindsay sent it over when Danny explained... what's the matter?"

Speech was impossible. Adam clutched the envelope and stared at her, eyes pleading.

"Oh," she said softly. "I see."

Prising it from his fingers, she took his arm and helped him down onto the couch, sitting close beside him. Her face was thoughtful as she weighed her words. Adam watched the subtle movement of her brow in fascination. Where Jade had set his nerves jangling with her over-intrusive manner, Stella's closeness only brought him comfort. He could feel himself beginning to relax, the tightness in his chest and his neck growing looser. His whole body sagged.

"Oof," he sighed.

Stella pretended not to hear the involuntary sound. When she tilted her head, he could tell that she had come to a decision. The look in her green eyes was one that he had never seen from her before.

"Do you remember... Did anyone tell you...?" Stella paused. Starting a story was difficult; Adam knew that and he sympathised as she took a deep breath and tried again. "Believe me when I say that I know how you feel. There was an incident..." Her face settled into a mask. "I was attacked myself four years ago. By my ex-boyfriend, Frankie, in my own apartment. I'm not sure... it wasn't common knowledge in the lab..."

"I knew." Adam's voice was low.

"Yes, I thought maybe you did. Anyway." She tried to recover her composure. It was an admirable effort. "The point that I'm trying to make is this. When I left the hospital, Mac advised me not to go home that night. They all did, in fact. But I had to. I needed to see." She tilted her head. "Do you understand what I'm telling you, Adam?"

He nodded. "You think I'm right to look at this photo."

"Yes. But listen - going back there taught me something vital." Stella fixed him with her gaze. "I thought I could cope; thought I could just pick up the pieces of my life and get on without any problem. I told myself I was strong enough for that."

"You are strong."

She smiled at his conviction. "Yes, and stubborn too. But thankfully, not so stubborn that I couldn't listen to my heart when it told me the truth. In the end, I stayed in that apartment for less than an hour. I said goodbye to my memories, walked out and locked the door behind me. That's the point of this story, Adam. Do what you need to do, for your own peace of mind - and then, when you've done it..."

"Move on," he whispered. Sound advice; and the one thing he spent his life trying to do. "Thank you, Stella. I guess... well, I'm ready now. Sorry to be so stupid."

"One more lesson." She glared at him, yet there was humour in her eyes. "Save your apologies for the times when you really need them. That way, they'll mean so much more."

"Okay. Sor..." He grinned. "I mean, sure."

Stella handed him the envelope and he tore it open, leaving a ragged edge. Inside, there was a single photograph. He held his breath and pulled it out.

Silence.

"Oh," he said at last, in a small voice. That was it, then. Ever since the attack, he had been imagining something fierce and dreadful, a dark symbol of the fear that had overwhelmed him at the time. The reality was far more crude; like some prehistoric tagging on a cave - except that this was no stone wall. It was his own skin. Adam stared at it dismally. "It's not even a good drawing," he protested. "Guess I'm stuck with it, though." He ran his finger along the deep red lines, tracing the ugly shape and learning it by heart. After all, it was part of him now. The photograph was flat but he could see how puffy his skin looked around the carving. "No wonder it feels so sore."

"Skin grafts," Stella said firmly. "They'll fix it, Adam, I promise."

"Maybe..." One more scar. What did it matter, he tried to convince himself, on a body that secretly bore so many? His right hand clenched around the picture, crumpling the edges. The eye creased in a knowing wink. "Do you think they're watching me, Stella?"

"No," she said with absolute certainty. "I think they just want to frighten you."

"Why?" The word was plaintive. Releasing his grip, he let the picture fall to the floor. His own wide eyes begged Stella for an answer; a real one.

"I can't tell you that, Adam. And you shouldn't be dwelling on it either."

"Easy for you to say," he grumbled softly, trying to smile.

"No, not really." She studied him, full of concern. "Look, I have to go back to work soon. Will you be okay here on your own? Because I could always call Mac and..."

"No!" His interruption was far too emphatic and he knew that he had startled her. No way to take it back, however. "Stella, it's okay. I'm just gonna sleep, you know? I don't need a babysitter - and I know you guys are up to your ears right now. Promise me one thing, though."

"Anything."

A tiny laugh broke free. "That's a dangerous promise to make when you don't know what I'm gonna ask you."

"Maybe I'm just humouring you." Stella raised one eyebrow. For a moment, her expression was unreadable - and then she grinned. "What is it, Adam? And don't you dare take advantage of my generosity."

"I wouldn't... I'm not... I only wanted..." Now it was his turn to take a deep breath. "Catch them for me, Stella. Please?" He watched her face fall as she caught the note of desperation in his voice, but he couldn't seem to hold it back any longer. "I'm scared."

"Oh, Adam," she sighed once more and she pulled him close in a careful hug.

-xx-

A/N: Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter.