I slipped out of my swimming suit while the running water in the shower was getting hot. I sighed and stepped into the bathtub and sat down, letting the water from above fall on me. My back rested against the cool wall and the mixture of the hot water and cold air sent a somewhat satisfying chill over me.

I closed my eyes and tried to relax. What was Demi up to? The way she touched me, the way she talked to me, and looked at me…she couldn't be gay could she? Could this have been something her manager has had her hide? The thought that Demi might possibly like girls was stuck in my brain, and I turned it over and over in my mind.

I found that I was now rubbing small circles on my clit with my thumb-this is what that woman does to me. "Oh Demetria," I said aloud, "I wish I was somehow right." But even if she was gay and she did have a thing for me, it probably wouldn't work out. It's not her, it's not her fame. The problem in the relationship that I had in my mind would be me.

I've always pushed people away that love me, maybe it's because I just got used to being so alone that I was afraid to let people in. I opened my eyes and shook my head before my fingers could make it inside me. I wasn't going to think about her that way tonight. I stood up and washed the chlorine out of my hair and then turned off the water.

I stepped out of the shower and dried my body off. There was a pair of black lace panties and an old concert t-shirt of mine sitting on the counter. I slipped my pajamas on and turned off the bathroom light before getting in bed again. I really was tired now, but not so much physically as I was emotionally and mentally.

I closed my eyes and images from the events in the pool popped into my head. I was so in love with her, if only I could tell her. I really couldn't tell anyone about anything that happened today, I didn't have anyone to tell. Then I remembered my sister.

My sister was the only member of my family that didn't hate me, and vice versa for that matter, and she and I used to be so close. But now that my parents have disowned me, my sixteen year old gem isn't allowed to contact me. We have to be careful whenever we want to talk, because if my parents find out they'll find some way to get me put in jail or sent out of the country-which doesn't make much since, I was born here.

Sadie, how I miss that adorable girl; it's been far too long since we've talked, and I'd been worried for the longest time, but you know how thoughts can escape you mind. It wasn't until now that I'd realized it'd almost been a year and a half since our last phone call. I heard some splashing from outside the window, and it brought me out of my thoughts.

I forgot that I was above the pool. A grin appeared on my face-is she still out there? I walked over to the window and looked behind the curtain. Demi didn't see me, but I saw her. She was doing laps in the pool again, but something about it seemed different. She seemed almost sad.

I got back in bed and fell asleep.

The next morning there was a knock at my door. I quickly ran to get my bathroom and put it on so I could answer. I opened the door to reveal a rather tired looking bellhop holding a bouquet of flowers with a card attached. "Sorry to disturb you miss," he said noting that I still had my 'Do not disturb' sign out, "But someone asked me to give these to you right away," he said.

"Thank you," I said with a smile as I took the flowers from him. Before I shut the door I held my pointer finger up indicating him to wait a moment and then I rushed over to my wallet. I pulled out a few bucks to give him as a tip for his service knowing that he works the night shift and should be at home sleeping.

"Thank you miss," he said before taking his leave. I shut the door and then went to sit on the bed to read the card.

Alexandra,

You puzzle me in every way possible and it's obvious that you're hiding something. If you ever need anyone to talk to I want you to know that you can trust me. I hope the next time I see you; you won't cut our interaction short and run off. I spent the whole night thinking about you. You're beautiful, always remember that.

Xoxo,

Demi

I didn't know how to respond to this. Now I know for sure though. Demi is gay, and she does care about me. Now it's my turn to confess a secret I don't tell anyone. My dark past is creeping up on me faster and faster every day, and again I'm afraid I'm going to push her away from.

This being a nice hotel, there was a vase on the counter. I took it and filled it with some water and then cut the stems of the flowers before putting them in it. The bouquet of orchids, daisies, and various other flowers brightened the room. I noticed that in the middle of the bunch there was one red rose. A smile appeared on my face when I saw the flower.

I had two more days in Austin, and I had no clue what to do. In all honest I'd never been to the state's capitol before and I thought that some historical sightseeing or maybe hitting a few museums would be fun.

I got dressed for the day in a pair of short denim shorts and a long sleeved Beatles shirt. The shirt was whit and the sleeves were black. I flat ironed my hair and put on my favorite Batman snapback. I grabbed my purse after making sure that everything I needed was in it then slipped on my black Converse that I left by the door.

I got the elevator and pressed the down button. I watched lights go from the fourth floor to mine, there was probably going to be someone else in the elevator. The doors opened and ironically Miss Lovato was on the other side.

It was almost like were stalking each other. I stepped in the elevator not wanting to cause a scene or strike up a conversation. I kept my distance from her, but she didn't agree with that. "What the hell did you just do?" I asked her as the elevator stopped.

"You're going to stop ignoring me before you get out of the elevator," she told me. I was about to walk over to the panel to press the button to go but Demi stopped me by pushing me back towards the other side and against the wall. "Please stop ignoring me," she pleaded looking me in the eyes.

"I-I'm not," I manage to say.

"Do I need to tone this down? I thought you were into me too," she said sounding quite embarrassed as she looked to the floor.

I sighed and lifted her chin up with my thumb, "Demi I didn't even know you liked girls," I confessed. "And to be completely honest I've been crazy about you since before you knew I existed. But most people who find me intriguing end up getting hurt or hating me."

"I knew you were hiding something," she mumbled.

"I am, and it's not that I don't trust you. I don't trust myself, and I don't trust the world."

"Let me help you," she said like she knew what was wrong with me.

"Demi I can't," I said.

"Alexandra, when I saw you my whole world turned upside down. And my manager has been forcing me to hide myself through my whole career. It was like I was finally going to be able to tell people. I fell in love. Real love," she said the last six words with a saddening excitement. There were tears streaming down her face now.

"I don't want to have to lie to myself and the world anymore. I want to get to know you. I want to be your best friend, your one girl, your love. Let me in," she pleaded once more.

I stepped away from her and pressed the button for the elevator to start again. Before I stepped out I looked back at her once more and said, "I love you, but I don't want to disappoint you." I walked through the lobby and then out into the Texas heat. I made my way to my car and then started the rest of my day.

Walking through museums is kind of a bore, even for people who enjoy that stuff like me-okay I know I'm not making sense. Basically nothing makes sense to me right now. This morning's elevator incident won't stop replaying over and over in my head. Demi sounded just as lost as I was. I wanted to help her too. I wanted to love her, and show her what real love could be, but again, I wasn't capable of that.