Ryuuken knew what hell was like. Hell is watching your wife hooked up to all those damn machines and being so utterly powerless. Oh the irony of it all, that he would be the one left with his Quincy powers, but to feel so powerless. What did all the Quincy powers in the world mean if you couldn't save your own wife?
At the beginning, he had hope that she would wake up and they could start planning their life around this change. But it seems that the loss of her Quincy powers had somehow made it that much harder for her body to struggle against the cancer. There was still so much that is just not known about cancer and the human body.
When they first found out that Kanae was sick, Ryuuken had started researching right away, working to make sure that she had the best doctors. After all those years of her taking care of him, he was going to take care of her, but once again her failed. What miserable karma he must have had in his past life, so that all he ever wanted to do was protect and yet he fails every single time. Ryuuken was almost glad when Isshin had originally blamed him as he struggled to explain to the shinigami why Masaki had died. Someone needed to blame him for what happened, but it seems that Isshin has forgiven him too, once he found out about Kanae.
Then there was Uryuu, who didn't completely understand what was going on, but wanted his mother back. Rational Ryuuken would explain to Uryuu the truth about being a Quincy. Tell him that his mother was going to die and now it was just a matter of time, but rationally had left Ryuuken when the only person that he trusted with his whole being collapsed. Ryuuken wanted to keep Uryuu innocent to the cruelty of the world, and if that meant that Uryuu transferred all his anger about Kanae's death toward Ryuuken then he would finally get what he deserved. He deserved hate because he tried his best and his best wasn't good enough, and Ryuuken would never forgive himself for that.
Hell is sitting there running thoughts of what could have been and should have been, and knowing that things will never be the same. Kanae Katagiri had been the one person that had been with him though it all. She was the one that had always listened to his problems. She was the one that helped him pick himself up when he lost all hope in himself. Damn it! She promised that you would always protect him. How could she protect him from a grave? He wasn't strong enough to do it alone, to be a good father and a good doctor and a good Quincy.
So this is what rock bottom feels like. So this is what it is like to lose all hope. Was it really Kanae who died because Ryuuken could swear that this is hell?
Author's Note: sorry for the wait, end of the school year is busy. There will be many updates over the summer. I have tons of ideas, but as always I own nothing.
Sorry, I refuse to accept the mysterious "weakness" disease, so I decided that Katagiri would have either MS or cancer in this drabble and this is what came out. I hope that I haven't offended anyone, and if anyone has any strong preference toward what medical condition I am willing to revise for future chapters.