OUT THERE
Chapter Eighteen
"We are more severe judges of our own acts." (Anaïs Nin, 'A Spy in the House of Love')
What happened next was even more alarming. Two shots rang out simultaneously; their echoes rolling down the alleyway towards him. Adam jumped so high that he overbalanced and slammed into the wall. He pressed against the brickwork, trembling - until his brain finished processing the situation; an act which took mere seconds but which felt like a lifetime.
Deep down, he already knew what his choice should be. There was no other way to tell what had happened; not really. At this very moment, Dr. Hawkes - Sheldon - could be lying on the ground, bleeding out from a gunshot wound. Bleeding to death...
"Coward," Adam accused himself. "You need to look. Do it now."
Urgent voices, and a muffled cry of pain. Footsteps, running. He held his breath and peered round the corner.
Oh, God.
The nightmare was back - and this time it was almost upon him. A hooded figure, tall and lean with flashes of blond hair, straight from his darkest dreams. Was it real or imaginary?
Doesn't matter. Adam pulled back out of sight, wishing he was armed and even slightly dangerous. A proper hero, like Detective Flack; not some crazy lab rat who had just spent a whole week agonising over a single act of violence. In vain, he checked his pockets but all he found was his cell phone and a flashlight. His mind raced, trying to find a solution as the pounding grew closer. "Ohgodohgodohgod..."
A split second before it was too late, Adam went with pure instinct and stuck out his foot blindly. Somehow, it connected and he squealed in shock as momentum took over and slammed the fleeing perp head first into the sidewalk.
Adam dropped to his knees, effectively pinning his captive to the ground. He tried not to focus on where he had learned the technique. Fishing out his flashlight, he jammed the base against the black hood and the skull beneath it. "That's a gun, okay?" he lied breathlessly. "So don't even think about moving."
A muffled groan escaped from the twisted hood.
"Did I hurt you?" Adam was riding high on adrenaline by now. His voice held no sympathy and only a trace of guilt for his action. You reap what you sow... "Then I guess we're even, right?"
Distracted by a second, halting set of footsteps behind him he turned and saw Wallace. There was blood running down the officer's arm from a hole in his shirt sleeve. His face was drained of all colour and his eyes were dark pits into his soul.
"Where's Hawkes?" Adam gasped, his triumph fading. "What happened back there? Tell me!"
"She had his gun. She... I... I don't think she meant... I just pulled the trigger."
Adam knew shock when he heard it. Wallace stood there numbly, unable to find the words he needed.
"Cuffs," Adam ordered.
"What...?"
"Give me your handcuffs. Or, wait - look, you do it. Stay with the perp and I'll go check on Hawkes."
"Who...?" Wallace mumbled.
"The doc. He's hurt, right?"
"Oh. No - the girl..." With a catch in his voice, the officer locked his gaze on Adam and sent such a look of despair crashing through him that the shared sense of devastation was like a blow to his gut. "I shot the girl. I'm so sorry..."
"No," Adam told him. "This isn't your fault, okay?"
It's mine...
-xx-
"You did good," Flack said. He stood beside the Avalanche, grinning at Adam who sat on the back seat, legs dangling outwards.
Praise. He spent his life yearning for it. How pathetic was that? Adam watched the detective's lips move; heard the words come out - and left them hanging in the air. I can't accept them. His own mouth refused to work. It felt as though his jaw had frozen solid and he stared at Flack with troubled eyes.
"I'm not kiddin' you, Ross. Bringin' down a suspect - that takes stones and you got 'em, buddy. I'll say it; I'm impressed."
A loose thread stood out on Flack's sweater. Adam resisted the urge to pull it.
"Not talkin', huh? Okay, I get that, really I do. Tell you what. You stay quiet, take some time. I'll go see if the paramedic's done with Hawkes and Wallace. Get the DL on what happened. And don't worry - soon as Mac gets here, I'll point him in your direction." Flack's smile was softer, kinder than before. "I'm guessin' he'll be proud of you too."
Adam watched the detective walk away. He felt cold and confused. Flashing lights were everywhere; and people - too many people. Tucking his legs inside the car, he hugged himself tightly for a while, in an effort to find some warmth, but the tremors persisted. Now who's in shock? his brain offered helpfully.
There was a squad car next to the Avalanche, parked at a hasty angle that blocked the road entirely. Peering sideways, Adam caught a glimpse of blond hair and a scowling face...
The situation was impossible. Wallace couldn't hold the suspect; that much was clear by now. And yet, the urge to see Hawkes with his own eyes was so strong that Adam began to rise. As he did so, the flashlight shifted and his captive turned.
A mask of blood. A matted fringe of hair. And two baleful eyes; their pupils blown wide.
All wrong, again. Another illusion shattered.
The hooded stranger was a man.
"I'm gon' sue you," he grumbled to Adam. "Broke my face..."
In the back of the squad car, the suspect pressed his nose against the window, leering at his foe. The sight was monstrous. Adam jerked back and scrambled out of the Avalanche altogether, startling a passing uni who gave him a wary look before moving on quickly.
The brightest light of all belonged to a nearby ambulance. Drawn by its glow, Adam stumbled towards it. Hawkes, he thought. Sheldon... Need to apologise...
Perched on a gurney, the doctor seemed just as stunned as he was; twitchy, and out of phase with his surroundings. His eyes stared off into the distance. There was blood on his hands and his clothing but none of it belonged to him...
Between them, somehow, Adam and Wallace managed to handcuff their captive. The officer took Adam's place on top of him, sitting down heavily. "Call for help," Adam told him, pointing to the radio.
Wallace gave a dull shrug in acknowledgement. Not waiting to see if he managed to follow that simple instruction, Adam turned his face to the alleyway. Darkness beckoned, waiting to swallow him alive.
'I don't want to,' said a small voice deep inside him.
"It's okay," he lied. "The monsters are gone." Not true. The monsters had evolved, as they always did, and now they lived in his head. Or had they been there all along?
"Hawkes?" he called out softly, turning on his flashlight. The thin beam cut through the darkness like a blade. Its twin shone in the distance. Adam moved towards it. "Hawkes?" he called again.
"I told you," the doctor sighed wearily. "Call me Sheldon."
Humour, Adam thought. Why do we do that? Cover our pain with a smile...
Truth be told, he was equally guilty - and yet, right now, he couldn't think of a single bright thing to say. "Are you hurt?" he asked solemnly, reaching Sheldon's side at last. The beam of his flashlight spun round and down, catching the doctor's bleak expression before moving on to reveal the girl who lay at his feet, a pale new friend for the corpse that had brought them here.
"Defensive wounds. They caught me by surprise but I managed to hold them off until..." Blinking, Sheldon took a deep breath and changed the subject. "Where were you?"
Adam faltered. His voice dried up in his throat. "I... I..."
Sheldon didn't seem to notice. "She's dead, you know," he offered suddenly, in a dull voice. "Bullet tore right through her chest. I tried... but I couldn't..." He shook his head. "Wallace may be green but he's a crack shot. What happened to the other one?"
Mutely, Adam pointed back towards the street.
"You caught him?"
Adam nodded.
"By yourself?"
He wasn't offended by Sheldon's tone. He knew that what he really deserved was condemnation. Or maybe a psych ward. No doubt Mac would decide.
The wail of a siren made both men shiver...
Adam was about to take a step in Sheldon's direction when he saw Mac's SUV pull up. Now he was torn. The urge to confess straight away warred with his baser instinct for self-preservation. As Flack hurried over, the lab tech slipped around the back of the Avalanche. There, he could hear and observe without being seen. No harm in finding out the prevailing mood before he gave himself up and made things ten times worse.
"Tell me," Mac said, before his feet had even hit the sidewalk.
Flack nodded. Straight down to business - that was an approach both men understood. "One down - but not one of ours, okay? Beyond that, there's not much to tell, as it stands," he began, pulling out his notebook. "I tried to question Ross but he ain't talkin' - ask me, he's in shock. As for Wallace, he ain't much better, but at least I got a few facts outta him before the bus took him away. Put that together with the doc's story and you've got the bare bones, at least. Make of 'em what you will."
"Go on."
"Okay. So, according to the doc, Ross and Wallace were settin' up a perimeter while he stayed with the vic. Next thing, according to Wallace's tale, your lab guy jumps up like he's seen a ghost or something and tears off down the street, yellin' out for backup."
"Meaning Wallace followed him?"
"All the way to the Regal - you know, the movie theatre? Next part's a little hazy. Ross stopped running and they turned back. Wallace couldn't - or wouldn't - go into detail. An' like I said, Ross ain't talkin'."
"He left the scene and took the officer with him - and you don't know why?"
"That's about the size of it."
Mac's voice was low but his words still carried. "Then he'd better have a damn good reason."
"Come on, Mac. I'm sure he does. I know, I know, he's a little crazy sometimes - but he's smart as a whip. You trust him, right?"
"I did." Mac sighed. "Ask me a fortnight ago and I'd have said 'no question'. Right now, I'm not so sure. Something's off, Don. I can't put my finger on it... This is my fault, really."
"How so?"
"I should never have sent him out here in the first place."
Adam's head was aching. He dropped it against the rear window, letting the cold sting of the glass bleed inwards through his skull.
You trust him, right?
I did...
Sounding more than a little uncomfortable by now, Flack went back to his story. "Hawkes was in the alley by himself at this point. He didn't know that, of course, so he wasn't suspicious when someone came up behind him. First off, he assumed it was Ross. Then he turned..."
"And got the shock of his life," Mac said.
"More like a boot to his ribcage." Flack winced. "The doc's no pushover, though. Refused to let 'em pin him down. Guess he knew his number would be up if that happened. Or he was countin' on some backup."
You trust him...
I did...
"How long?" Mac demanded grimly.
"Long enough for the girl to snatch his sidearm and threaten him with it, just as Wallace appeared on the scene." Flack sighed. "Look, Mac - I know the doc was in two minds about carrying a gun. 'First do no harm' - that's pretty cut and dried as ethics go."
"I made that call and I take full responsibility for it. After the shooting in the bar... well, I wasn't going to send any of my team out onto the streets again without protection. Hawkes aced the training - top marks in every category - and his knowledge of firearms is excellent."
"Okay - but what about Ross? He's just a lab tech, right? The only way he gets to fire a gun is into a tank, or a big block of jello..." Flack's question was tentative. Adam stiffened.
"He knows the drill. If you don't have a weapon, stick with the guys that do."
"Can't fault him for that," the detective muttered. "He caught the suspect, though. That's gotta count for somethin'."
"Yes, it does. But leaving Hawkes alone without a word..." Mac shook his head.
No need to say any more, Adam thought. The implication was clear. By his own actions, he had put his colleague's life at risk.
"You gonna talk to him now? He's in the Avalanche, waiting."
"Not here. It's not a conversation I want to have in a public place. I'll send him back to the lab in one of the squad cars. He can wait for me there. Find his voice..."
"You gonna yell?" Flack asked him, quietly. "'Cause I'm thinking that won't help."
"I'll deal with my own man as I see fit, detective." Mac's voice was sharp and Adam quailed. If the boss-man was so pissed that he was being snarky with his friend, then there was no hope left for him. And deservedly so. He had acted like a fool - worse than that, a crazy person - and he knew that it was only a matter of time before the axe fell.
Slipping round the Avalanche like a shadow, he climbed up into the back seat and folded his hands together on his lap.
You trust him, right?
I did...
Nine... ten... eleven silver droplets settled on the window as the rain began to fall...
-xx-
A/N: As always, I can't thank you enough for your thoughtful and entertaining reviews! I promise that all of your questions will be answered before the end! I'm also grateful to 2NYwLove for her helpful PM, and to 1917farmgirl for her constant encouragement.
Hope you enjoyed this update. More soon!