Disclaimer: I wish, but no.
"That doesn't count."
"Yeah it does, you're the one not playing by the rules!"
"Don't be stupid, who says you can't go backwards?"
"Natsume its monopoly, there's only one way."
"Isn't a game about life? Who says people can't go back?"
Mikan groans in frustration as Natsume smirks and rolls the dice. When they stop rolling, he feels the bumps on them and mentally counts the numbers. Then he moves his car four steps and lands on the treasure chest. He feels around and picks up a card.
He frowns as he runs his hand over the card. "I can't tell how much money I get, I know I get money but my numbers are still no good." He looks at the card despondently.
"Let me see the translation." Mikan takes the card from him and reads out loud. "Pick up 175$."
Natsume smirks and feels around for the money. The two teenagers continue to play the board game in Braille until one of them wins and four hours go by.
"I win. Pay up ugly." Natsume grins smugly at the brown girl who frowns at him.
"You don't even know how I look like." She says defensively.
"I felt your face. You're either really ugly or really pretty, so I guessed ugly."
"Well, I'm drop dead gorgeous," Mikan takes out the strawberry pudding from her bag and hands it to him.
His face lightens up as his hands close around the circular object, Mikan though displeased, can't help but feel herself get happy at his endearing reaction over the dessert. "Who would've thought the great Natsume Hyuga would love such a girly dessert?"
He doesn't stop eating his pudding as he answers with a full mouth, sounding uncharacteristically cute, "Apparently Natsume Hyuga also plays monopoly and cheats to get strawberry pudding." He turns to her, "Look at what you've done to me."
Mikan giggles and it makes Natsume smile despite himself, he covers it by taking a mouthful of the delicacy.
"You know you can start off learning Braille like a normal person instead of playing monopoly." Mikan says as she turns half heartedly to her reading assignment, Walden in the Woods.
"I'm not going to read children's book in Braille if that's what you mean. Besides, having fun is the most effective way to learn. That reminds me, next week we start scramble. He says finishing his dessert.
Mikan narrows her eyes, "Do you even know enough words in Braille to play scramble?"
"Braille isn't a language stupid; it's just a different way to write in English." Natsume looks at the empty pudding cup sadly.
Mikan rolls her eyes and takes out another pudding cup. She opens it and hands it to him, taking the first one out of his hands. He turns to her but instead of saying thanks he simply smirks in her direction. She smiles back, knowing that's the closest she's going to get to a thank you from Natsume.
"You know you're always talking when you come here, I don't hear you doing your homework and you stay for a pretty long time." He turns to her suspiciously, "Are you failing?"
Mikan sputters, "No! I'm top of my class-
"I don't believe you."
"You don't have to. I'm doing just fine in school, thank you for your concern." She covers her face with her book, frowning."
"Reaalllyy?" He drawls. "You're not behind at all? No missing assignments? No overdue essays?"
Mikan blushes and turns sharply, "How did you find out?"
His eyes dance, "You seemed distracted yesterday and I kept hearing a paper rustle so I asked the nurse to read me the paper by the bedside."
Mikan's mouth fell open, "You looked at my stuff? Natsume!"
He held up his hands, "I was…concerned. And curious." There was a moment of silence in which Natsume quietly snickered and Mikan seethed.
"Why didn't you write it?" Mikan turns to see that Natsume was asking seriously with all humor gone from his features. "Did you not have enough time because you stay with me too long?
"No! No. That's not why." She shakes her head.
He waits, not saying anything. Finally she sighs and relents, "I don't know what to write about. It's a personal narrative; I don't have anything to say." She looks away.
He nods in understanding. "How long is it overdue?"
"2 weeks."
"And she said you could make it up? When does she want it?"
"…In a week."
"Write it," he says pinning her down with his voice.
"Natsume…" She starts pleading.
"Write it or I'll feel guilty for keeping you from you work." He says looking away.
She sighs and changes the subject, "How long till they take you away for the examination?"
"One hour till my fate is sealed." He says, still looking away.
She sighs again and decides to read for the next hour. Today was Natsume's eye examination. They wanted to see if he could regain his eye sight with surgery, it wasn't a sure factor but if his rods were unharmed the surgery could do him much good.
When the nurse came to take him away he looked back in Mikan's direction and though he couldn't see her, he knew that all her attention was on him. 'Bye Mikan.' He mouthed.
And then he was gone to face his destiny.
Visiting hours were over but Mikan was still walking aimlessly. She wanted to know what the doctor said to Natsume and couldn't keep her feet from walking towards his door. Was he curable? Would he do the surgery? But most of all is he ok? Is he sad? She wanted to tell him that even if he could never see the world again, she would be his eyes for as long as he wanted. She wanted to console him if he needed it or celebrate with him if that's what was called for.
She knew her feelings for him weren't that of a friend and she knew that they only got stronger every time she saw him. But she couldn't tell him that, not when there was such a strong chance that he didn't feel the same way.
Finally when she saw that it was getting dark outside she gave up with a heavy sigh and walked home.
"And so class, that is why Thoreau's principles are looked upon greatly even today." The woman smiled hugely at the class like she gave them the secret to ruling the world.
Somewhere in the back, a brown haired girl with warm eyes flecked with gold was taking notes and thumping her foot impatiently, occasionally checking the clock and counting the seconds till she could be released from this confinement they called class.
Ding Ding Ding!
The girl was out of her seat and out the door before the bell was over.
"Mikan!" She stopped in her tracks and looked back to see that her English teacher was sticking her head out the door motioning towards her to come back in.
Stifling a groan, Mikan walked back quickly. Her teacher smiled at her, "I see you're in a hurry to get some where."
"Sorry," Mikan mutters.
The teacher shakes her head softly, "its fine, and I'll keep this short. Your personal narrative is due in six days."
Mikan gulps. "Yes."
"Well? Are you almost done?" The teacher smiles kindly.
Mikan doesn't say what she wants to, which is, Yeah, see I haven't even started yet. But instead she says, "Almost, just a few finishing touches."
"I see. That's very good." The teacher remarks.
"Yeah..." Mikan shifts her feet.
"Well that's all I wanted to know. I can't wait to read it. You can go now, sorry for stopping you."
"Its fine," Mikan replies and then slowly walks out. When she's out the door she starts running again, faster then before.
She runs down the halls and out the school door. She had been waiting 18 hours, 21 minutes and 33 seconds to go to the hospital and talk to Natsume.
Mikan usually went to her mom's room and chatted with her for a while and did her homework before heading for Natsume's room. But today she made a right turn that would take her to Natsume's room faster. When she reached the Pediatrics 5th unit she turned to look for his room only to be stopped by a short nurse with red hair and freckles.
"I'm sorry but you aren't allowed without a visitor's pass."
Mikan takes out her pass and the nurse inspects it, "This is for Yuka Yukihara. There is no one here by this name."
"I'm visiting a friend, Hyuga Natsume." Mikan tries to be patient.
"I thought so. Hyuga-kun isn't allowing any visitors today, he told me to especially keep a girl with a high pitched voice away from his room."
Mikan almost choked in surprise, "what? Are you sure? I'm his friend." She says, trying not to show how much the nurse's words hurt her.
The nurse looked sympathetically at Mikan, "I know, he's just not feeling good. He probably doesn't want to talk to anyone."
Mikan blinked at the nurse, did that mean his check-up didn't go well? Mikan thought about pushing past the nurse but then even she had enough pride not to be where she wasn't wanted and Natsume clearly didn't want to see her.
So she dejectedly made her way back and went to her mother's room.
"Hi mom," Mikan said softly and sat on her mom's bed. She tried and failed to sound happy, so instead she talked softly and stroked her mother's soft hand.
"I was thinking about writing my personal narrative on you but then, I don't know, isn't that too personal?" Mikan sighed shakily.
"I didn't get the top position this time, I was second. Tobita beat me by five points." Mikan smiled wryly.
"But I'll get it back next time mom. I'll become a doctor for you." Mikan's eyes glazed as she brushed her fingertips lightly on her mother's cheek.
"Yukihara!" A voice bellows from Mikan's right.
Mikan flinches and turns towards the voice, it's her manager, Rei. "Yes sir?"
"What is this I hear about terrible service from the brown haired waitress?" He barks.
Mikan closes her eyes and massages her forehead before replying, "They were being rude."
Rei's eyes narrow and glow with anger. "You're a waitress; you don't get to decide your customers. You suck it up and serve everyone with a freaking smile."
Mikan's eyes twitch and with tremendous effort she holds her temper and cracks her pride, "I'm sorry."
Rei turns away coldly and goes back into his office, and from her left Mikan could hear wolf whistles from the teenage boys that most likely got her yelled at by her vicious manager.
She takes a breath to control her anger and smiles as the next customer comes inside, greeting them, "Welcome to Persona's noodles."
"What do you mean he doesn't want to see me!? It's been three days!" Mikan yells, unable to stop herself.
"I'm sorry, but that is what Hyuga-kun wants, and we can't go against out patient's wishes." The nurse says in her eerily calm voice that only makes the vein in Mikan's forehead pop.
"He's being a hard headed pig!" She bellows.
"Please, you're disrupting the patients." The nurse continues in the same tone.
"Let me through." Mikan says through her teeth.
"I'm sorry." The nurse turns to block the entrance.
"You don't understand! He's being stupid! That idiot won't tell me anything either." Mikan starts to beg.
"I'm really sorry, but if you ask this anymore, I'm going to have to call security." And with that the nurse dismisses her.
Mikan, knowing she'll burst into tears the moment she sees her mother's still face decides to walk home.
"Dad?" Mikan says as she steps inside the dark house. "Is that you Dad?" Her heart hammering in her chest Mikan feels the wall for the light switch. When she finds it, she switches it on and almost screams out at the sight in front of her.
Lying on the floor was her father. And by him was a broken bottle of what could only be alcohol. She runs to her father's side and shakes him.
"Dad?" She whispers. "Daddy, wake up."
He stirs a little and Mikan lets out a shaky sigh of relief, "come on let's get you off the floor." She heaves her father up and with his arm on her shoulder, drags him to his bed. She runs back to the kitchen and grabs a glass of water.
"Wait dad, drink this and sleep." He drinks half the glass and passes out again.
Feeling exhausted, Mikan walks to her own bed and falls into nightmares.
Ten hours later she awakens with only two hours of sleep. Her nightmares kept her awake most of the night; she dreamed of a hot poker going through Natsume's eyes, her mother waking up and falling off a cliff and she dreamed her father leaving and never coming back. It was only when light started streaming through the window that she finally fell into a dreamless sleep.
"Mikan?" her father's soft voice jolted her awake. "Dad! Are you ok? What happened last night?" She sat up in her bed and turned her gaze squarely on her father.
Her father cleared his throat, "Mikan, there's something we need to talk about." Mikan's eyebrows furrow with worry. "What is it dad, is everything ok?"
"Mikan, sweetie, last night.." He sighs heavily, and closes his eyes for a moment. Mikan waits in wretched silence.
"Last night, I lost control, and…and did what I did." He looked away from her as though he couldn't continue bear to see her face.
Mikan took her father's hand and clasped it together with her own, she smiled at him, "Dad, it's ok, everyone has weak moments. The stress was too much to handle, I get it."
Her father closed his eyes and whispered so softly that Mikan had to strain to hear him, "I lost all the money."
Confused, Mikan asked, "What money?"
"My paycheck. This month, and the last month. I gambled it and lost." He looked at his hands with shame.
Mikan stammered, "B-but the money we've been saving up for mom's hospital fees?"
"Your paycheck for the last two months along with mine, I gambled it all away." He looked at her with pleading eyes. "I thought we could get more, I didn't mean for this to happen."
Mikan took a deep breath to calm her nerves. "So, we have no money?"
Her father nodded with embarrassment.
"F-food and apartment rent?" She questioned dazedly.
Her father's eyes brightened for a moment with happiness, "I already paid the apartment rent for the next three months. And for food I think we can manage, as long as we don't buy meat for the next two months."
Mikan was okay with that, she had gone months without eating meat and she was used to eating a single meal a day. She had to be strong; she knew that if she cracked, her father would crumble.
So she smiled up at him, "Then we're ok dad."
Her dad stared at her with shining eyes and looked away, she tightened her hold on his hand, and "we'll get through this. Together." She assured him sounding more positive then she felt.
"You promised to come over tonight. I can't lie to the old woman anymore; she'll eat me alive if she doesn't get to see you Mikan. She's been sad since you stopped coming over." Hotaru said in her whiniest voice, which for Hotaru was her usual monotone drawl with an edge.
"I know, and I'm really sorry. I miss your mom a lot too, especially her cooking. But I can't tonight, I'm working extra shifts." Mikan packs her things slowly into her book bag as an excuse to not look at her best friend, knowing she'll only feel guiltier if she does.
Hotaru's eyes narrow, "Why are you working extra shifts?"
Mikan holds back a wince; trust Hotaru to never miss the mark, "Sara can't work tonight so she asked me to cover for her. And you know I can use the money." Mikan says placing everything in her bag neatly for the third time.
"Mikan look at me." Knowing she can only oblige in this situation, Mikan looks up.
"Why are you working extra shifts?" Hotaru repeats.
"Hotaru I just told y-
"And I heard through your lie."
"Hotaru please." Mikan begs.
Hotaru looks away, "Ok. I get it."
Mikan knew that tone. Hotaru used it only once before. It was when Mikan chose Sumire as her lab partner in seventh grade instead of Hotaru.
She was hurt.
Mikan reached for the girl's shoulder only for her to shrug her hand away, "I didn't mean it like that Hotaru, it's not like I want to hide anything from you. It's just that I don't want to burden you."
"Last time I checked, we told each other everything." Hotaru drawls still looking away.
Mikan sighs in frustration, "I'm trying Hotaru! I have so much going on, and on top of that there's that damn narrative and just, I'm sorry…I'm really sorry."
When Hotaru still didn't turn around Mikan sighed shakily. She was close to breaking down now. Before she could, she turned around and ran out in the rain, not stopping until she reached the hospital double doors.
Without thinking, without so much as stopping, she stalked towards Natsume's room and ran past the red headed nurse. She could feel the nurse behind her call out to her but she didn't stop. She couldn't stop. She opened the door with a slam and stepped inside.
Natsume jumped at the sound of the door and turned towards it. "Whose there?"
Mikan wanted to strangle him, "guess, you moron." She said icily.
"Mikan?" He said surprised.
"The girl with the high pitched voice who you didn't want to see for the past 4 days!" She yelled loudly.
"Five days." He said softly.
"Whatever!" She snapped. She breathed heavily as she looked at him. He seemed so calm and serene. It drove her nuts.
Suddenly the door opened and the redhead nurse came inside, "Natsume-kun, I'm sorry I told her you didn't want to see her. I'll take her away right now." The nurse grabbed Mikan's arm and started pulling her away with force.
Mikan was about to yell at her but Natsume beat her to it, "Stop!"
The nurse looked at him in surprise; he regarded the door angrily, probably guessing that's where she was standing. "Let her go."
The nurse stammered, "But you said-
"Leave," He says coldly and with a wince, she obliged.
Mikan watches her leave and close the door behind her, then slowly turns back to the beautiful boy with the burning red eyes.
"Did she hurt you?" He asks her.
It was the last thing she expected him to say, "What? No, no she didn't."
Not knowing what else to do she walks up to his bedside and sits in her usual chair by him.
A moment passes before she asks softly, "Why didn't you want to see me?"
Natsume turns his head towards the ceiling, "I talked to the doctor that day I last saw you." He says quietly.
Mikan can't help ask, "What did he say?"
Natsume closes his eyes and slouches against the bed, "He said there's a fifty percent chance of the surgery. My cones are damaged badly."
Mikan processes this, "so you're going to take the chance?"
Natsume grimaced with his eyes still closed, "he also said that my vision could recover spontaneously within ten or twenty years. But it wouldn't be normal, I would still see blurs and some days I would only see a wobbly vision."
Mikan eyes filled with confusion, "Wait so within ten to twenty years you would be able to see without surgery? Why don't you do the surgery and then if it doesn't work, it's ok, you'll be able to see in ten years time or so." Mikan said feeling happier then she had in days.
Natsume opened his eyes and looked towards her, and even if there eyes couldn't meet or see, she still read the expression in them like a book, so she already knew what was coming next when he said, "the surgery is a one time thing only. If I can't see after it's performed then I'll be blind for the rest of my life."
Mikan almost fell off of her chair, "You denied surgery then, right? Please, please tell me you did."
Natsume shook his head, no.
"Natsume! Why? You'll be able to see one day! But with this, there's no hope of it." Mikan cried out loud.
"It's a fifty-fifty chance." He muttered.
"Yeah but there is also a one hundred percent chance! Natsume, how could you be so stupid?!" She pierced him with madness evident all over her face.
"This is why I didn't want to see you, you would weaken my resolve." He said in exasperation.
"Damn straight! Why would you even decide on something like this?"
"Because of you, you dumb girl!" He yelled so loudly, she was sure the entire hospital heard it.
She gaped at him, at a loss of words for once in her life. Finally, she stammered, "B-but why?"
His eyes softened and he shook his head before saying in a tender voice that she had never heard, "if you haven't figured out why by now then you must be a bigger blockhead then I gave you credit for."
He started getting up and shifting on the bed. Mikan got up ready to help if he needed it. His arm slipped and he almost toppled off the bed to the floor but Mikan caught him by the shoulders and he hoisted himself on the bed. Just as she was about to let go, he circled his left arm around her waist and pulled her closer. He took his right hand and started tracing her feature hastily, like he was looking for something. When his fingers touched her lips, instead of pulling away like he did last time, he brushed his fingers against them softly.
Then pulled her down and met her lips with his. He kissed her tenderly, being gentle with her, like she was fragile glass that could break with just a little force. She would've fallen to the floor if it wasn't for his strong grasp on her waist. She melted into his arms and they both fit each other like a puzzle.
When they broke apart, he put his hand on the back of her head and touched their foreheads together. "I want to see you." He said searching her features with his hand again.
Mikan blushed crimson, "I'm nothing special. You might be disappointed." She looked away.
"I have a feeling you're beautiful." He continued to trace her, "I want to see. I want to see what the color of your eyes is, how you look like when you're mad, how your smile is when you're happy." He stopped tracing and let her go.
"And for that, I'm willing to bet on a fifty-fifty." Natsume said evenly. She felt tears spring to her eyes, but she held them back, she's been holding them back for a week, she could do it for a few more hours.
"I'll be here," she says gently. He turns to her. "I'll be here whether you can see me or not. I'll be your eyes if yours don't see," she smiles at him tenderly.
He smiles at her with an adoring expression in his eyes and she knew that she was going to fall in love with this boy whether he could see or not.
Mikan left Natsume's room feeling heavy. She was carrying all the stress from school and Natsume and her dad that she knew she would burst soon. She needed to get home.
Mikan made her way to the elevator but instead of pressing the ground floor, she unconsciously pressed the 22nd floor. Her mother's room was on that floor. The elevator had already starting going up by the time she realized that she was heading the wrong way.
When it stopped on the floor, Mikan got out instead of going down. She made her way to her mother's room mechanically.
This time she didn't stop like she usually did in front of the room to catch her breath or add cheeriness into her voice, she continued on.
The doctors had told her for the past two years that her mother would wake up. They didn't know when but they believed she would one day. They had told her to talk to her lightly, to be there for her and give her strength and reassurance that she would be there when she woke up. She had done so for the past two years, not slipping up once.
"Hi mom." She says as is her routine and sits on her mother's bed and grasps her hand.
"Natsume kissed me today." She says lightly and then laughs a little.
"It's my first kiss, mom." Mikan takes a deep breath.
"He's going into surgery next week mom. He could be blind for life. He says he wants to see me." She says hysterically now.
"I think I'm going to fall in love with him." She says softly now.
"Hotaru's mad at me; I haven't been a very good friend." She starts playing with her mom's fingers now.
"My manager yelled at me for the sixth time the other day. I'm falling behind in school and remember that narrative I told you about? It's due tomorrow." Mikan's eyes glaze over and her fingers start to shake in her mother's hand. She tried to control it but she wasn't strong enough.
"Dad lost all the money gambling, we barely have enough food for a single meal in the day and we're straining with the hospital fees," she knew she was in dangerous territory now but she couldn't stop. She didn't know what it was but everything was flowing out. Maybe it was the nightmares, or the money situation, or the narrative! She didn't know. But she couldn't stop.
"And every day that I come here with hope that today, maybe today's the day you wake up, I'm always rejected. I know it's not your fault but mom with every passing day that you go on like this, it makes me think, maybe she doesn't want to wake up." Tears start falling down Mikan's pink cheeks.
"I don't want to keep you here if you don't want to be here. I want to let you go if that's what you want. But maybe I'm selfish, because even now I think, tomorrow, tomorrow I'll let her go. Tomorrow I'll stop having a mom." She takes a deep breath and cries softly before continuing.
"But mom even though you're here it's the same as you not being here. I want you mom! Not a breathing mom but you, who makes me breakfast, wakes me up with a kiss and talks to me about secrets! I want to talk to you mom. I wanted you to be my mom. I wanted you to be there for my first kiss, my awards for first place, I wanted you to be there with me." Mikan takes another deep breath to calm her.
"But that's what I want. And I can see that what you want is freedom, from this world, from life, from me." She chokes on the last word.
"So I'll let you go mom. I'll face life alone if it makes you happy. Just know that wherever you are, I love you. And I miss you, so much." Mikan gives her mom's hand one last squeeze and kisses her forehead. She wipes her tears and breathes deeply.
Then as she is about to leave, she hears a voice that she thought she forgot, it's a soft voice, coated in gentleness and childhood memories. She turns around in surprise and locks eyes with warm brown ones filled with gold specks. Eyes which are identical to hers.
Mikan Yukihara, Personal Narrative.
I walk out into the bright sun and breathe in the fresh air coming from the oak trees. I touch the barks of the oak trees and close my eyes feeling the wind play with my hair, I think about a time not too long a go when the world was simple and beautiful. When the largest building in my world was the play ground and I smile.
I turn and look into the eyes of my mother. She smiles at me and in my mind's eye; I see a past where her smile meant so many promises. Amusement, Endearment, Wonder, Sadness, Strength, and Love. I smile back and try to replicate all the feelings she gave me with her one smile. We smile at each other and take one another in, trying to see what marks time has left on each of us, how the other has changed when we weren't looking.
She's not the same woman in my memories, she's older, more graceful and gentle, but also sadder and I know that it will take another few years for that sadness to completely disappear, and even then, it might not, for some marks that time leaves, often turn to scars.
And scars do not disappear easily.
She takes me in too and I can almost see what she can, a girl on the verge of womanhood, with eyes too bright and hair too messy. Wild hair and pink cheeks. A woman in the place of the girl she once knew.
My sight sees her in a past echo despite her being in front of me, and I know it will be a while before either of us starts living in the present and not a past sight.
I watch as my mother smiles widely and join me by the oak trees.
A/N: So here it is, I turned it into a two shot since you guys wanted me to continue. I apologize for any grammatical mistakes; I've been working on it for six and a half hours straight. I seriously got back from collage and started writing like a mad woman. Sorry if it's not what you wanted. I wanted to leave it as a more of an open ending since the story was originally supposed to be as such. But I hope you guys liked it…please don't kill me! Fingers Crossed. And thanx for the reviews guys, I would check my email every five minutes to see if I got a review!