Broken Circle
by Phantom

Chapter Three

Rodimus ran a hand over his bleary optics as he forced his attention back to the silently accusing stack of data pads. So much work to do, and such little time to do it in. It didn't help that both he and Optimus weren't exactly at their peak. Once more the darkness had invaded the elder Prime's mind, tormenting him nightly, and Rodimus was the victim of the spillover. He did not blame Optimus one bit, for he knew that his friend's pain was very private and he would much prefer to keep it to himself. As the Autobot leader, Prime felt he had to present an invulnerable front, and he was loath for anyone to know when something was the matter. No torment could make him speak of what plagued his mind. But Rodimus was not so easily fooled. He had come to know Optimus very well this past century and a half, and he could now read all his subtle mannerisms like a book. But the link was the real clincher. It meant that the proud Autobot could no longer bury his tangled emotions and profess that nothing was wrong -- not that he didn't make the effort anyway. Sometimes Roddy wanted to smack him. Bottling it all up was making it worse!

Frowning, he opened the connecting door between their offices and stepped in silently. Optimus was staring out the window, watching the bustle on the streets of Iacon, clearly unaware of his presence. His concern for his friend rose another notch; the elder Prime had an unfailing sense of his surroundings that seemed to border on the psychic, and his current obliviousness was an ill sign. Many considered Optimus to be rather unfeeling and emotionless, and it was true that the Autobot leader kept his composure under the most trying of circumstances, but to anyone who knew how to really look, there was an enduring pain that haunted his optics. A pain that spoke of countless soldiers that had died under his command, millions of years of ceaseless combat over rapidly dwindling resources and a rapidly escalating arms race. He had outlived nearly all of his friends, been to the other side of death and back, seen countless horrors that would paralyze a weaker 'bot with catatonia. And he hid it well, so well that even Optimus himself was nearly convinced that nothing was wrong… until his mental skeletons tumbled out of the closet and buried him. Feeling the melancholy atmosphere that seemed to emanate from Optimus like a beacon, Rodimus came up behind him and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

Prime's shoulders slumped and he bowed his head in silent despair. A stab of guilt struck him to the core. Once again he was letting his personal problems show. Rodimus had more important things to worry about than his state of mind. Dammit, he should be stronger than this! He turned his face away, unable to bear Roddy's look of concern. The guilt was replaced by a burning, pervasive shame. How could he possibly hold the Alliance together when his own mind was coming apart at the seams?

Rodimus felt a similar despair, but it was for Optimus' sake. How he wished he could help him! He'd give anything to reach out and wipe away the tormenting memories, or at least put Prime's demons to rest. Even the link was not enough if Optimus kept shutting him out. But in the end, this was Optimus' problem, and he was the only one who could decide to get the help he needed. In the meantime, Rodimus would be there for him, as much as he could. Of course, that was easier said than done.

"Talk to me."

Optimus stiffened imperceptibly. It was such a simple request. So why couldn't he respond? Why couldn't he confide in his closest friend? All his half-formed fears and anxieties sat on his chest with a crushing weight. And yet he could not manage to unburden himself. He was ashamed of his cowardice, his emotional weakness. Rodimus would never judge him, but he held very high, strict standards for himself. The Autobots depended on him to be strong. Anything less than that was inexcusable.

"I'm sorry, Roddy…. I just can't."

Rodimus' hands clenched reflexively into fists, showing his frustration. "Dammit, Optimus, what in the hell is wrong?! If you can't talk to me, then who else can you confide in? Personally I don't care if you talk to an amoeba, so long as you find someone to unburden yourself to! Because if you keep going on this way, you'll destroy yourself!" The moment the words were out he wished he could take them back. Optimus needed him to be patient and caring, not short-tempered and cross!

"Maybe you're right." The words were spoken so softly that Rodimus almost thought that he had imagined it. Amazing! His little tirade had done more than all of his gentle cajoling and prodding put together. Optimus looked shamefaced as he spoke. "I know I need help, Roddy. I've known that for a long time. But when I've got so many others to look after, my own problems seem of little consequence."

Rodimus was awestruck. Did Optimus actually admit that he had a problem? That everything wasn't just fine and dandy? It was a painful but crucial step, and he hoped that it would bring his friend closer to finding absolution. "Don't you see, Optimus?" he said as gently as he could. "They need you. They need you to be healthy and whole. The humans have a saying of 'physician, heal thyself'. It means that you have to iron out your own problems before you try to help others. If you have a mental breakdown, you won't be able to help anyone."

Prime merely gazed at him with a tormented look. Emotions flickered on his face too quickly for Rodimus to read. It was plain to see that he felt trapped. After so many years of suffering in silence, he wasn't sure that he was able to open up to anyone. Rodimus gave him as much reassurance as he could through the link, and Optimus clung to it like a lifeline.

The door buzzer sounded, and Rodimus actually saw the emotional mask slip back into place. Suddenly Optimus Prime wasn't uncertain, scared, and hurting. He was the mighty Autobot leader, omnipotent and perfectly in control of everything that went on under his command. This was the persona that the Autobot army was familiar with, the one that had gotten them through countless crises. This was how his people needed him to be. Rodimus felt equal parts of relief and disappointment. He was upset at the interruption just when they were making progress, but he was glad to lay off of Optimus for awhile. Forcing him to confront his demons was obviously very painful, and Rodimus was content to pursue it another time. "Come in," Optimus spoke calmly, and the younger Prime marveled at his composure. He'd never be able to tell that, moments ago, Optimus had been feeling such anguish.

Prime's rigid posture relaxed slightly when Ultra Magnus entered the office. Rodimus looked palpably relieved -- Magnus was one of the very few who knew Optimus on a close, personal level. Their friendship went back to the Golden Age. Few knew Optimus better than Ultra Magnus.

Magnus took in the entire situation in one glance. He knew without being told that Optimus was having problems once more. He couldn't say he was surprised -- after what that demon-creature had put him through, Optimus was lucky to have a mind left. Of course, his lifelong friend had had problems long before that, reaching back to his assumption of leadership. Optimus Prime had changed a great deal after his transformation from Orion Pax. If it weren't for very rare flashes of his old personality, Magnus would never believe that the two robots were related in any way. Poor Optimus -- in accepting such a massive responsibility, he had lost a good chunk of himself. But Rodimus had recently told him a fantastical tale of Orion Pax as an emissary of Primus, serving to lead him and Megatron to the mystical Sword of Primus. If that were true, then Orion could not be truly dead. His spirit lived on, somewhere, buried deep in the psyche of Optimus Prime. If Optimus could accept that part of him once more and resolve the conflict within his own mind, then maybe he could be whole once more.

Magnus couldn't help but feel a little jealous of Rodimus' closeness to his old friend. Magnus had known Optimus for millions of years, but Optimus and Rodimus had become so tight that it was hard to imagine one without thinking of the other. He knew that he couldn't hold it against Roddy. Roddy wasn't trying to take his place at all. In fact, Magnus and Rodimus had grown close after Prime's death, when Roddy had sorely needed some moral support. But it still hurt to see them always whispering together, and how one always seemed to know when something important had happened to the other without the need to communicate. It was the link, of course, that had brought them so close. Magnus supposed he should be grateful for that. Optimus had distanced himself from everyone who cared about him upon his return to the land of the living. It had been very unhealthy, and despite his best efforts, Optimus kept shutting him out. If it hadn't been for Rodimus, Optimus might have completely fallen apart by now. The worst part was that Magnus felt so helpless over it all! He never had any idea of what to do when Optimus slipped into one of his dark moods. He was always terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing and making it all worse. Rodimus, on the other hand, seemed to know exactly what to do to comfort Optimus. No doubt he empathized with what Optimus was going through due to the Matrix link, but that was not the entire reason. Rodimus was just a caring, compassionate person who easygoing nature won him many friends. Magnus knew that he and Optimus both were very lucky to be close to such a unique and special person as Rodimus.

"Hello, Optimus, Rodimus," the city commander said a bit hesitantly, looking at each of them in turn. Rodimus gave him a concerned look, and Magnus knew that things were indeed grim.

"Hello, Magnus," Optimus said, his demeanor businesslike. It was clear that he did not want to discuss personal matters. The Major General could not help but wonder exactly what had been discussed between the two leaders before his arrival. It could not have been anything pleasant. "How have things been going on Earth?"

"Quite well," he replied with pride. It was rare that things ran so smoothly on Earth, or Cybertron, for that matter. Some crisis was always brewing. "The glitch mites in Metroplex's processor have been entirely removed, and his circuitry has remained clear for over a week now. The latest batch of recruits has proved quite capable of following orders, and their training has been rapidly progressing. The Technobots have been working closely with the EDC to repair a malfunctioning warp gate, but they seem to nearly have the problem licked." During his informal report, Magnus and Rodimus held a silent communication through brief, darting glances. Clearly something had to be done. Optimus could not go on like this for much longer. It had been a long time since Optimus had confided in Ultra Magnus about whatever emotional problems plagued him. Magnus would hate to force the issue, but it was better than watching Optimus slowly self-destruct.

"Optimus," he began somewhat awkwardly, "we've been friends for a long time, right?" Dammit, he was so inept at these things!

"Yes, we have." Optimus looked mystified. Where was this leading?

Ultra Magnus shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. "And you know you can always come to me if you have a problem…."

Optimus immediately stiffened. He did not want to get into this right now! Why couldn't he be left alone with his problems? "Magnus, I appreciate your concern--"

"Please, hear me out!" Magnus finally felt his emotional paralysis shatter. He gripped Optimus strongly by the shoulders. "I'm worried about you! We both are! Dammit, Optimus, stop pushing me away! I don't pretend to understand what you're going through, but I do want to be here for you. We used to be close…." He trailed off and looked away, his arms falling limply to his side, a sense of frustrated helplessness seizing him. It hurt to feel the distance between them.

"Magnus… I'm sorry…." Guilt was written all over the elder Prime's features. He hadn't realized that the gulf between them had grown so wide. He had allowed his comparatively new friendship with Rodimus, compounded with the increasing demands of his position, to drive a wedge between himself and his longtime friend. Now he felt the strain in their friendship acutely.

As bad as Optimus felt, Ultra Magnus felt even worse. He hadn't meant to lay a guilt trip on Optimus! He had only wanted to give him a mental shake, trying to get him out of his fog and to see reason. He did want Optimus to reach out to him, but not out of remorse. He kicked himself mentally. He was only making things worse!

Rodimus watched the entire exchange wordlessly. Neither of them seemed to realize that he was even there. The tension was palpable. He wanted to shatter it with a lighthearted remark -- but that was what the old Hot Rod would have done. Rodimus was more mature and knew the difference between relieving a tense moment and intruding on an emotionally charged one. It was not his place to intervene.

The strained atmosphere was finally broken by the urgent beeping of Ultra Magnus' communicator. The expression of relief on his face would have been comical if the situation hadn't been so bleak. He turned and walked a few paces away to respond, holding his side of the conversation in a hushed but clearly worried tone. "No, I'm here with them both. I'll tell them." He wrapped up the communication and turned to face the commanders with his mouth set in a grim, tight line.

Rodimus leaned forward, his friend's somber mood causing him no small measure of anxiety. "Magnus, what's wrong? Has something happened?" Optimus folded his arms, preparing himself for whatever bad news that Magnus was about to deliver.

Ultra Magnus pressed his hands together to stop them from trembling, either from anger or distress. "It's Metroplex." His tone was flat, emotionless. He was clearly in some form of shock. It was plain to see why. Metroplex was *his* domain, *his* city. Ultra Magnus took all matters that concerned the city-transformer very personally. His hands clenched into fists as he spat out the words, the anger finally reaching him. "He's been sabotaged."