Standing in the Dark - Chapter Seventeen
The sunlight was warm and bright as Carlos slowly padded down the sidewalk that ran along the always busy Sunset Boulevard. He was pleasantly surprised that the sidewalk wasn't as crowded as he was used to. Normally, he would have been pushed and shoved by several impatient groups of paparazzi headed towards a confirmed sighting of some celebrity or other.
But today, the sidewalk was almost empty. Except for himself, the only people he saw were a few groups of teenagers visiting different shops and a couple of tourists who asked him for directions every now and then.
After pointing a particularly friendly man and women in the direction of Rodeo Dr. and the "place with the famous hand prints", Carlos finally spotted his own destination.
It was a rather small and not very well known pizza joint with an extremely underrated outdoor dining area. Carlos had been there several times with Bradley and Nathan and their group of friends, but this was his first time without one of them. A black iron fence enclosed the dining area, which was only a few pale green tables with matching chairs and a shady overhang to block out the harsh sun.
Even though it was only a simple pizza place, this was one of Carlos' favourite places in the city. From the dining area, you could see the Hollywood sign clearly and there were several types of plants that surrounded the tables and lined the fence around the area. It was a calming place to be and more than once, Carlos had snapped pictures of the shop and even sold a few prints to magazines and advertisement companies.
Carlos stepped through the open gate and onto the red stone ground. It was almost like stepping into another world. Letting out a deep breath, Carlos made his way over to one of the pale green tables and sat down.
"Hello there! My name is Karen, how can I help you today, sir?" A woman in a white button down shirt and black pants seemed to have appeared out of nowhere. She was wearing a bright smile and Carlos couldn't help but smile back.
"Just a cold peach tea, please."
"Sweet or Unsweet?"
"Sweet."
She turned away and walked back into the building, leaving Carlos outside alone once more. He leaned over the table, resting his elbows on the edge and folding his arms together. His heart was racing.
They'll be here any minute. The thought was enough to make him start sweating, but he decided not to stress about it. Carlos had always been a big fan of ignoring his problems until the last minute.
The memory was still fresh in his mind when he arranged this meeting with them this morning. He'd woken up with an awful hangover, several hours after Bradley has already left for work. After fixing himself a greasy breakfast of bacon and eggs and a large cup of coffee as a pick-me-up for his hangover, he had only just sat down to eat when his phone rang.
Abandoning his plate at the small dining table, Carlos picked his phone up from the kitchen counter and checked who it was. He didn't recognize the number at first, so he decided not to answer, but the nagging feeling that it could be Bradley or the blonde could be hurt convinced him to answer the call.
"Hello?" Carlos murmured as he slid back into the wooden chair at the dining table and digging his fork into the eggs.
"Carlos?"
The Latino almost choked on his eggs. Even though he hadn't recognized the phone number, he sure did recognize that voice. Not wanting it to be true, he asked, "Who is this?"
"Carlos, it's me, Logan."
Of course. There was no mistaking Logan Mitchell's voice. "What do you want? How did you even get my phone number?"
"Carlos, I – I mean we – want to talk to you." Logan sounded vigilant. Clearly he hadn't forgotten Carlos' outburst at the party.
To Logan's surprise, Carlos let out a long sigh. Bringing his hand to his face, the Latino pinched the bridge of his nose, just as he always did when he was thinking hard. "Logan… I-I.."
"Please." His old friend pleaded, "It wasn't right of us to bother you at that party. You were working and we caught you off guard. I understand that I'm sort of putting you on the spot right now, but please."
Digging his short fingernails into the skin on his nose, Carlos bit his lip and remained silent. He desperately wanted to talk to Logan and the other guys too, he honestly did. But he was also afraid. Every time he even thought about his old friends for too long, he would always find himself chugging down a bottle of whatever alcohol he could find. Even though the buzz from the alcohol would make the pain go away, Carlos always ended up hurting other people when he was drunk. Like he hurt Bradley the other night.
Taking a deep breath, he decided to risk it. "Fine."
"Really?" Logan's shocked voice echoed through the phone, "W-where do you wanna meet?"
"I know this pizza place on Sunset Strip – I'll text you the address, alright?"
"Okay. Thanks, Carlos."
"No problem."
It had been hard to resist a beer after he hung up with Logan, but Carlos figured he had to be sober if he was going to have a good conversation with the guys. He didn't want the booze to make him angry and have another outburst like he did at the party.
So now he was sitting in the small dining area, tapping on the table with his index fingers impatiently. His stomach was twisting with anxiety but he swallowed thickly and ignored the nerves. He had to handle this like an adult. No more childish grudges. No matter how much the guys had hurt him before – at least they were trying to make it up. He had to respect that.
"Hey, Carlos!"
Squinting against the sunlight, Carlos managed to make out three figures walking towards him on the sidewalk. Immediately, he recognized Kendall, James, and Logan. For some reason their smiles made him feel sick to his stomach, but he ignored the feeling as he waved at them and smiled faintly.
James walked through the gate first and plopped down in the chair across from Carlos. He was followed by Kendall and Logan, who grabbed chairs from nearby tables and pulled them up to Carlos' table. The Latino immediately felt cornered and his heart began to beat faster, but not enough for him to freak out.
I can't let myself freak out. I have to do this.
Running a hand through his hair, Carlos cleared his throat to break the awkward silence and looked away from their heavy stares. The three of them always had a strange way of being able to make him feel very small. It made him nervous.
At that moment, Karen the waitress came out of the shop holding his tea. She smiled at the other three boys as she set Carlos' drink down next to him and asked them politely if they wanted anything. After declining her request, the four boys sat in an uncomfortable silence as she left them.
"How are you?" Naturally, Kendall was the first to break the uneasy silence.
Carlos leaned back in his chair and sighed, "I'm alright. Today's one of the few good days I'll have."
"What do you mean?" It was James who spoke this time. Something about James' voice eased Carlos' nerves. Maybe it was because, out of the three of them, he had always been closest to James.
"Most days I hardly feel the desire to get out of bed. A couple of years ago I had absolutely no desire to even live. But it's getting better." Carlos murmured, "Bradley's helping me."
He felt a sudden pang of guilt in his heart. He's helped you so much and you repay him by hurting him. You're pathetic.
"I'm glad to hear that." Finally it was Logan's turn to speak up. Carlos had the feeling that they had rehearsed what they would say to him because of the sequence they were speaking in.
"Yeah."
It was quiet for a moment, but then…
"Is he your boyfriend?" James asked suddenly.
Carlos felt his skin grow hot. He suddenly felt as though he was being interrogated or being observed under a microscope. He hated that feeling, but he didn't allow himself to get angry.
"No." Carlos said, "He's my best friend."
"He seems to really like you." Kendall offered.
"Yeah it's just… It's kind of complicated." Carlos wasn't looking at them anymore. He was staring at his hands, which were linked together on top of the table. Eye contact was never something that was easy for him. "I mean, I like him too but… I don't know."
Logan smiled, "I'm glad he's there for you, man."
They were quiet for a moment before Kendall spoke up again, "We really are sorry, Carlos."
Carlos stiffened slightly but allowed himself to relax and let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. "I know. I forgive you."
The three of them stared at him with surprised eyes. "Really?"
"Yeah, I do. I mean, it still hurts. I won't forget what you put me through quickly, but I forgive you."
Kendall, James, and Logan could see the pain in their old friend's eyes. They could see how much they had hurt him, even though it had been three years since they so much as laid a finger on him. He was broken from the inside and out.
They weren't sure if Carlos would ever be entirely whole again. The kind of emotional pain he went through was enough to ruin a person for life. He might forgive them and try to move on, but there would always be those lonely nights where he would hear the echoes of their words and feel the ghosts of the bruises they had left on his body. There would always be that half empty bottle of whiskey on the counter, waiting for a bad day where Carlos would take one sip and fall back into his old habits.
They weren't entirely stupid. They knew he was drunk that night at the party. Kendall knew he was drunk from the first word Carlos uttered to him. But they were so desperate to clear their guilty consciences; they had accidentally hurt him again in the process.
Drinking the last of his tea, Carlos set the empty glass down on the table and cleared his throat again. "Don't be so shocked. You guys know better than anyone that I can't hold a grudge forever."
The boys chuckled at that. Logan reached across the table and rested his hand on top of Carlos'. For the first time, Carlos didn't feel the urge to flinch back.
"We're don't want to take up too much of your time, Carlos." James said softly, standing up from the table and pushing his chair in, "It was good talking to you."
Carlos stood up as the other two did, leaving a five-dollar bill on the table for the drink, and the four of them walked out onto the sidewalk.
"It really was. We'll have to do this again." Carlos smiled as they turned to face him.
The three of them smiled back and Kendall nodded in agreement, "Yeah we should."
"Alright. I'll see you guys soon?"
"Definitely."
Carlos smiled to himself as he turned away from the guys and began to walk into the opposite direction on the sidewalk. The sun was now behind him, so he didn't have to squint against the sunlight anymore as he began to make his way home.
For the first time in a while, Carlos actually felt happy. He didn't feel the urge to down an entire bottle of whiskey for the first time. He didn't feel to rotten inside.
Quick footsteps sounded on the pavement behind him and Carlos felt a hand gently grab a hold of his arm. Turning around, he found himself face to face with Logan. Kendall and James were waiting for him all the way back at the restaurant, so it was just Carlos and Logan in that moment.
Logan smiled, his dimples showing more than ever, and said; "I saw that look on your face when James asked you about Bradley. You were practically glowing."
"Yeah, so?"
"You love him, don't you?"
Carlos was taken back by the sudden question, but quickly recovered and answered with a small laugh. "Yeah… I do."
Logan winked at him and released his arm before turning away and heading down the sidewalk towards Kendall and James who waved. Waving back, Carlos turned around and started home.
A soft breeze ruffled his hair as he walked and he found that he couldn't stop smiling.
"Bradley! Bradley, are you here?" Carlos called out into the quiet apartment as he walked through the door with a smile still on his face.
Walking past the kitchen, he dropped his wallet onto a glass dish that held a small pile of coins and Bradley's car keys. As he turned around to face the living room, the smile on his face immediately fell.
His blonde friend was sitting in one of the wooden chairs beside the couch with his hands in his lap and his dark brown eyes staring directly at Carlos. He wasn't wearing the usual smile he greeted Carlos with, but a rather furious looking scowl.
But Bradley's expression wasn't what had wiped Carlos' smile off his face. The blonde man was wearing a tank top that perfectly displayed the bruises that littered his arms and neck and jaw. Looking closer, Carlos noticed that Bradley's eyes were bloodshot and puffy, as though he had been crying for hours now. Carlos' jaw fell open in shock but before he could utter a single word, Bradley spoke.
"I need to talk to you, Carlos."
What do you guys think is going to happen? Will Carlos become good friends with the guys again? Do you think they deserved his apology? What do you think Bradley has to say to Carlos? Do you think their relationship is in danger? Leave your thoughts in a review!
I hope you guys liked this chapter! I've been working on this all day, so I didn't have time to write the first chapter for my other story, The Perfect Con, but I'll get started working on it as soon as possible!
I really appreciate all the support that I have for this story. This is the longest story that I've ever written and although I'm sad that it is slowly coming to a close, I will be proud to call it the first story that I've ever finished. But I can't call it that just yet - there is still a few more chapters to go! Are you guys excited?
See you guys soon! ~ Carnie