Chapter Nine : Nothing is Okay
Grace sat in the bathtub her knees pulled up to her chest as Crowley attempted to work the conditioner through her tangled curly hair. She felt a little ridiculous having Crowley knelt beside the porcelain bathtub, bathing her like she was a child.
After Crowley and Grace had disappeared from the factory, they had reappeared in a hotel room, not far from a highway that ran through the middle of Minnesota. The hotel wasn't that nice, it was below Crowley's standards to be honest, but he knew that he had to change up his usual routines.
Every demon in hell and earth would be looking for them now. Now that the colt had failed to kill Lucifer. He was sure that he...or actually both Grace and he would be in even bigger trouble now, since he'd killed Eli, and the three demons whom had eaten his tailor. Not to mention the fact that everyone knew that he had been the one to give the Winchesters the colt. He knew that his fellow demons wouldn't be pleased about his betrayal. Crowley had a feeling that the demons wouldn't be very pleased about his murdering Eli. The act of killing Eli had just added on to the fact that he'd betrayed his own kind.
Not that Lucifer exactly cared about losing a few more demons, after all demons were just servants to him, but most demons weren't willing to accept that they were nothing but servants. Crowley preferred to keep his distance from other demons. Honestly he found them to be gits the whole lot of them. It annoyed him that other demons couldn't bother to think for themselves.
He knew that they were truly on the run now.
Crowley knew that Grace and he would no longer be able to live in nice large homes, or stay in fancy hotel suites. That's what every demon would expect them to do, keep up with Crowley's usual routines.
Things had to change, It would be crappy motels, abandoned camping cabins, and abandoned homes from here on out.
They would only be able to stay in this hotel room for a few days just long enough to give Grace time to regain her strength.
Grace hadn't said a word since Crowley had come for her. She had been silent only nodding or shaking her head in response to Crowley's questions. It was beginning to worry him to be honest.
What if there was no way for her to truly ever recover from this ?
He cleared his throat as he took one of the Styrofoam cups that was meant for the coffeemaker in the room, and filled it up with water using it to rinse the conditioner from Grace's hair. "It's okay now darling. I'll get you some food after you get cleaned up."
He silently wondered if he should have gotten a little food in her before he had decided to bathe her. She was so weak, she looked as though she could barely hold herself up. She had been so filthy though, covered in dried blood, dirt, and sticky sweat. He had thought that she would be more comfortable once she was clean.
Crowley was surprised when Grace finally spoke her voice barely above a whisper. "I was afraid that you wouldn't come for me."
He nodded his head trying not to be upset with her for assuming such a thing. He knew that he wasn't moral, not even close to being good or righteous. He was self serving, power hungry, he had been selling sin to saints for centuries now.
If it had been anyone else but her, then yes, he would have abandoned them. Left them to take the torture, been thankful that at least it wasn't him.
When Grace had been taken from him though, it had felt as though someone had ripped his heart out of his chest. He couldn't even begin to understand why losing her had hurt so badly, why he'd had such emotions, sorrow, rage, fear, and vengeance.
All he knew that what he felt for her was becoming so strong. He didn't have a name for things he was feeling for her, it was indescribable. He didn't know what to think about it, or how to express it to her. It wasn't like him to care about anyone but himself. She had only been in his life for a little over a week, but she was changing something within him.
Yes she irritated him, she questioned every move he made, she was too moral for her own good, she challenged him constantly, but she was all he had. He needed her rather he wanted to admit it or not.
He knew he couldn't exactly tell her how he was beginning to feel. It would only spook her, she was fragile enough already.
Once Crowley was satisfied that Grace was finally clean enough, he helped her stand up being sure to wrap one of the hotels fluffy white towels around her. He frowned realizing that she had no clothing.
All of her possessions had been lost in the fire. The clothing she had worn when she had been taken had been ripped from her body, torn to shreds. She had nothing now.
He went to the only suitcase he had, the one containing his suits. He had made sure to set up storage containers all over the country, just in case something went wrong with the colt. Crowley had been sure to store some of his clothing, some money, and anything else he may need. He hadn't thought to store any clothing for her though.
After all he hadn't expected his house and all of Grace's belongings to be sat on fire and burnt down to the ground. He had placed so much hope on the colt working, he'd had such hopes that he wouldn't have to face any backlash for his actions.
He fished out a black dress-shirt, before he went back to her, helping her put it on. The dress-shirt was big enough to cover her. She was grateful for it, it was nice to finally have clothing on, to be covered, to have some dignity finally.
Once he got her settled down into the queen sized bed , he made sure to call for room-service ordering her broth with no salt at all, knowing that she needed something gentle on her stomach, she hadn't eaten in so long. He made sure to order her a bottle of water, and cup of hot tea, He ordered himself a rare steak as rare as he could get it, his favorite meal, no salt of course either. He ordered them to not even put a salt shaker on the room-service cart.
He had been around long enough to manage to go without food for longer periods of time, he knew how to keep up enough energy to keep going despite the lack of sleep. He knew it would be a long time before Grace developed those abilities though. What she needed now was rest, time to regain a little strength.
He was thankful that she managed to sleep for a little while, so soundly. He was reluctant to wake her when the food arrived, but he knew that she needed to eat.
Grace was surprised that she allowed him to help her eat, helping her hold the bowl as she sipped the soup down, she was too weak to even manage to work up the coordination to hold a spoon.
She settled down back in the bed once she had finished the broth, drank the entire cup of tea, and all the water. She allowed Crowley to finish his own food before she took him by surprise speaking up a pleading tone to her voice. "Crowley, hold me...please."
Crowley looked at her in shock, he had almost expected her to pull away from him, to want to be alone,to want to be far away from him. He had feared that she would blame him for what had happened to her.
He unfastened his belt taking off his pants, unbuttoned his dress-shirt, leaving him in his usual choice of black silk boxers.
He hesitantly got into the bed beside her taking her in his arms, trying to hold her as tightly as he could without hurting her.
He reached up snapping making all the lights in the room go out, he was surprised when she spoke up her voice tiny and fearful. "Can you leave on a light...I just don't want to be in the dark."
Crowley nodded his head reaching over to turn on the bedside lamp, allowing a little light in the room.
She took him by surprise again speaking up a quiet tone to her voice, she was barely speaking above a whisper. "He...Eli, kept slicing into me, hitting me..."
"You don't have to tell me darling, not until you're ready. Don't feel like you have to tell me anything right now." Crowley interrupted her.
Grace shook her head knowing that she had to get it out now, or she would never be able to work up the courage to tell him all that had happened to her. "He told me how he tortured you down in hell...how he cut your tongue out for spitting at him...how you would scream."
Crowley pulled her closer to him closing his eyes for a moment trying to block out those memories, not wanting to remember any of it, not wanting to remember what it felt like to still be Fergus McLeod.
He spoke up his voice strained as he tried to block out most of those painful memories. "I only lasted a few years on the rack...before I begged him to let me off it...to let me do anything else ,that's how I wound up working the Crossroads. I worked my way up to King of the Crossroads, and I tried to forget...you don't forget though...not really."
She swallowed the lump that was quickly developing in the back of her throat. She didn't want hear that you could never forget the pain, she wanted nothing more than to forget the pain.
Grace found herself speaking up again recalling all that her body had been put through. "He would heal me at the end of the day, just so he could start all over again the next day. He kept shoving me down in a box at night, a long one...like a coffin. It was dark...so dark...I would just stay up and pray, I know it was stupid of me….praying, especially considering what i am now."
She felt her eyes begin to water hot tears running down her cheeks. Crowley reached over wiping her eyes. She spoke up again not wanting to really be discussing any of this. "He would touch me...my thighs, my breasts...it made my skin crawl every time he did it. I just wanted him to stop."
Crowley felt his body tense as he heard this. He let out a sigh feeling sick and hating that he was even having to ask her this. "He didn't...do anything more..."
She interrupted him her voice growing a little louder. "No...he just touched me. He kept making comments about how jealous he was of you... getting to have such a nice little pet. He said that he had listened in on you trying to comfort me...he had tracking devices planted all over our house...in our bedroom."
He nodded not surprised when more tears began to work their way out of her eyes. He pressed a kiss to her forehead before he spoke. "It's all over now. It's going to be okay I promise. Everything is going to be okay."
She continued to sob as he held her, he continued to hush her to tell her that it was all going to be okay. She was unable to stop her crying though. No matter what he said, how he attempted to comfort her, she knew that nothing was okay. Nothing would ever be okay again.
Crowley sat back in bed rolling his eyes as he responded to the person on the other end of the phone. "No she needs flat shoes...she can't walk in heels...just give her a few in both sizes...yes I'm sure...yes, yes...okay...no I'll pay you when you get here."
He hung up the phone before he placed the telephone back on the nightstand. He had just gotten off the phone with a personal shopper. Calling a personal shopper had been his only option. Grace didn't have any clothing, nothing at all. And they would be leaving this hotel soon. She needed something to wear, one outfit to last her until he could get her more clothing.
Ordering clothing for her had been a difficult task, he didn't know anything about shoe sizes, dress sizes, or bra sizes. He had given up even attempting to guess and had just told the shopper to bring something in every size.
He could have woken Grace, put her on the phone, but he wanted to let her rest. She had struggled to get more than a few hours of sleep at a time. Nightmares plagued her sleep. He had attempted to get her to talk to him about her dreams, but she refused.
She barely spoke, not since the first night they had been here. When she had told him everything that had happened to her. Hearing what had happened to her over the course of those three days was enough to make him sick. He wanted to rip Eli apart all over again, this time without the hellhounds. He wouldn't mind ripping him apart with his bare hands.
He frowned looking down at Grace as she began to stir beside him, she let out a whimper twisting her body as she began to squirm in her sleep. He heard her let out a gasp as she shot up in bed, her eyes wide, her breathing fast, her body in a cold sweat. She blinked a few times as she tried hard to catch her breath.
He leaned over pressing a soft kiss to her cheek. "It's all right Gracie. It was just a dream darling. It's all okay now."
Grace nodded her head focusing on every little detail of the room, the pale peach wallpaper, the pale wood floors, the crappy television across from the bed, the ugly paintings on the walls. She was sure the paintings were supposed to be of flowers and maybe a rabbit but she was having a hard time distinguishing what was what among the spatters of paint.
She could admit her biggest fear was waking up to see that none of this had really happened, that she wasn't safe after all. She feared waking up back at that factory, strung up by her wrists still in pain.
She turned to face Crowley leaning towards him letting her lips brush against his. He returned her kiss keeping it gentle and innocent.
He spoke up as she pulled away from him. "I've made arrangements to get you an outfit brought to the hotel. We can leave after your outfit arrives."
She nodded not responding to him vocally. He let out a tired sigh wishing that she would speak up, say something, anything.
It had been two days, and her silence was beginning to really trouble him.
"We're going to go over to Washington state. There's a few state forests there and there's bound to be some cabins in those woods. Abandoned ones, it's autumn, so there won't be any summer campers. We should be able to hide out there for a few weeks at least." He told her.
She nodded her head still keeping quiet. He spoke again. "We'll have to stop somewhere for food, more clothing for you, blankets and pillowcases."
He leaned over pressing a kiss to her forehead before pulling away. "I wish you would talk Gracie."
Grace frowned at him not knowing what she could say. She felt stronger, but her mind was still a mess. She couldn't try to sleep without having a nightmare.
Most of her nightmares were more like flashbacks, flashbacks of being in that factory with Eli, being in pain, being sure that she would die there. She had other nightmares, about her family. She dreamed that they had forgotten about her, that they were happy that she was gone.
She always managed to wake up from her nightmares feeling frightened. The nightmares felt so real, and it always took her a moment to realize that she was safe, here in this hotel room. She was always relieved to find that Crowley was right beside her when she woke.
She had realized that she was uncomfortable with the idea of Crowley being out of her sight. She was so afraid to be left alone.
Grace reached out for Crowley wanting to forget her nightmare, she let out a relieved noise when he wrapped his arms around her holding her in a tight embrace. She leaned up pressing her lips to his happy that he returned her kisses.
She frowned reluctantly pulling away from him before she forced herself to speak up. "How long will we have to run ?...Do you know of any other way to stop Lucifer ?"
"I've been listening in on the Winchesters through that tracking device I had planted into their car. The morons are bound to come up with something eventually. We just have to keep moving." He admitted
"What if this is it ? I mean what if there is no way to put a stop to the apocalypse ?" She blurted out having the feeling that she already knew the answer to her question.
If the apocalypse went on, then they would be screwed. If Crowley was right about Lucifer wiping out all demons once he was done with them, then they wouldn't stand a chance.
No one stood a chance, not Crowley or her, or her family, or anyone else. No one was safe unless they put a stop to this
"We'll figure it out Gracie." He responded leaving it at that. To be honest he didn't know what they were going to do. They just had to keep running and keep their ears on that tracking device. He didn't like having to put all his hope on the Winchesters coming up with an idea, but he was out of options.
Grace rolled her eyes not satisfied with his answer. They were so screwed.