Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters, however much I'd like to own Edward…mm mmm. Unfortunately all these characters belong to Stephanie Meyer not me.
Genre: Angst/Romance. I'll try and tone down the angst but we'll see how it pans out...
Rating: M for reasons that the later chapters will unfold.
Of course the minute Charlie got home and saw the ice pack on my head and the scratches on my arms and knees, he demanded I go to the doctor to get checked out. Yes, I was still feeling dizzy and yes every time I tried to stand a wave of nausea hit me, but really? What on earth could the doctor do for a tiny bump on my head? But Charlie insisted. He heaved me out of my comfy couch position and pushed me to his car. Through my weariness I noted the fact that when we touched I didn't react…but I'd have to overanalyse that another day.
I felt stupid sat on the doctor's table, swinging my legs like a child, all because I fell over. Renée was never this tentative but the look in Charlie's eyes told me that I couldn't argue. A couple of minutes later a tall blond-haired doctor walked in. He was undeniably attractive and looked way too young to be a doctor. As I watched him close the door, I noted something familiar about him. But as soon as he looked at me and smiled warmly, the recognition disappeared.
"Hello Isabella. It's lovely to finally meet you. Your father has gone on about his only daughter for years now, it's nice to have you with us in our little town." He chuckled. I frowned at the fact that Charlie had spoken about me. There can't have been much to say. We never had much contact except for birthdays and Christmas's and I wasn't exactly the dream child that parents boast about. Still, I was touched and I took the frown off my face.
"So, he told me you fell over and bumped your head, am I right?" I nodded as my face blushed with embarrassment. "That's easily done. I'm always forgetting how tall I am and often bang my head on ridiculously short door frames." He laughed again and immediately I was comforted. The warmth in his voice and the friendliness of his smile could bring anyone out of a funk and feeling cheery…even me.
So when he reached to examine by head I didn't recoil. All the panic that I usually felt was eased by his voice. He questioned me simply so I could answer 'yes' or 'no' or 'there' if it hurt. It wasn't a shock that I didn't react because I felt like I was in a place of comfort. Maybe this was why it was OK with Charlie too. Well hey, finally I had a conclusion to some of my issues.
After a full examination he concluded that I was still a little concussed but to take some pain medication and leave it a few hours before I try and sleep. I groaned a little as I was already incredibly sleepy so staying up was going to take a massive effort.
He chuckled once more at my obvious grumble and went to help me off the table. Just as we were reaching the door he stopped himself. "Oh my, here I am having just met you and going straight in and examining you before I even told you my name! It must be because of all the good things I've heard from Charlie over the years, I feel like I already know you." Once again my heart soared a little at the thought of someone talking about me in a positive manner.
He held out his hand to me which I gladly shook but froze as he said, "Carlisle Cullen, pleasure to have met you Isabella."
Carlisle Cullen. Cullen. Edward.
My hand dropped quite rapidly and a small gasp escaped my mouth. I was shocked. How on earth could this man be related to Edward? This kind, gentle, comforting man bared no resemblance to the cold-hearted, malicious and unnerving boy that was Edward. I know understood why I thought Carlisle looked familiar. It was the smile that took me off that track. Edward never smiled…he smirked.
I could tell that Carlisle was somewhat taken aback by my reaction as his brows furrowed. But before he could say anything Charlie appeared and starting asking questions about my health. That man has excellent timing. They talked everything through and we were soon saying our goodbyes. Carlisle still looked a little wary from my previous action but was quick to put a smile back on his face as he waved us off.
Back home, all I wanted to do was curl up in bed and sleep it all off. After yet another awful day and another unbearable encounter with Edward, I just wanted to forget. I soon found that this was going to be impossible as Charlie sat me down at the kitchen counter and started opening up cupboards.
"What's going on?" I asked as Charlie removed various bowls and spoons.
"I'm making us some dessert." He said simply.
"Why?" I questioned because my head was banging and confusion just made it worse.
"Because Doctor Cullen said you can't be going to bed for another few hours and by the look on your face, if I left you alone you'd just pass right out. Which is why I'm gunna make us some disgustingly sugary treat so you get so buzzed you don't fall off your chair in the next 5 minutes." He turned to look at me as he removed the ice cream from the fridge. His face was questioning me yet not giving me much choice in the matter.
I smiled. A genuine smile. Possibly my first in years. I waved my hand as if motioning for him to continue, which he did. Not only did Charlie make us the biggest sundae I have ever seen, but he also stayed there and chatted with me as we ate it. The conversation wasn't exceptional, we only spoke about his work, the guys he likes to go fishing with and the changes he wants to make to the house. But it was the longest I have spoken in such a long time. It felt strange to hear my own voice chatting away…but it was brilliant. I felt so at home in that little kitchen, on those creaky chairs, with Charlie than I have ever felt in my whole life with Renée. It may be because he didn't push me for personal information about me. It may be that he never cut me down with a harsh comment or insult. It may be that his own awkwardness reminded me of mine and bonded us on some level. Whatever it was, I liked it.
It made me realise, Edward was wrong. I could talk to Charlie because I was comfortable with him. I could let Carlisle examine me because I was comfortable with him. I even had the desire to talk to Angela more because I was comfortable with her. OK, the thing with him doesn't make sense. I still have no idea why he can touch me and why I can talk to him. But he was wrong about him being my only trigger. It wasn't just a sick part in my brain acting up to confuse me, I also spoke when I was comfortable. That sounds pretty normal to me.
I was elated at the feeling. After a long chat with Charlie, my time was up and I was able to go bed. Just as I was about to walk up the stairs I turned to face Charlie. I was feeling so good, I gave him a swift kiss on the cheek and ran upstairs before I could overthink it some more.
I knew this was my turning point. I could do it, I could be normal, but I couldn't do it without trying. It was my fault that I was so damaged, that I had shut myself off from everyone else. I was right to do this about those that could hurt me, those that have hurt me. But I could not go on thinking that everyone would. Those that show themselves to be kind and gentle deserve something back. It wasn't fair to them and it wasn't fair to me.
I just had no idea how I was going to judge who was safe and who was not. Well, there'd be no need to take giant steps just yet. I knew I could talk to Charlie and I knew I wanted to give something back to Angela for all her kindness. I'd just have to start there.
Who knew a bump to the head could cause some life-changing thoughts.
The next day I woke up with a slight headache but a buzz in my body. And it was not from all the sugar consumed last night. I was excited to attempt to start a change in my life. I had no idea if I could do it but there'd be no harm in trying.
So, on my way into school, I stopped to pick up a coffee and a bagel. As I wondered into Maths, I placed the coffee and bagel on one of the front seats with a small note attached.
Angela,
For all the unnecessary kind things you do.
Bella.
I knew it wasn't poetry but it was something. My heart pounded as the rest of the class started to fill in. Thankfully no one noted the gifts and didn't try to steal them. When Angela walked in with her usual beaming smile, I knew I'd made the right decision. She looked at her desk warily as if unsure if she was at the right seat. I watched as she opened the note and shock registered on her face. It was soon replaced by that beaming smile as she eyed the gifts. She quickly looked around the classroom until she found me. There was no squealing or hugging or jumping around and making a big deal of it all. She just raised her coffee cup to me and took a sip, rubbing her belly as it went down. The best reaction I could have hoped for.
I chuckled to myself and genuinely smiled back at her. Yes, I had definitely made the right decision.
The rest of the morning went quite well after that. I got my Chemistry test back and I'd actually managed to scrape a B, even after skipping some of the lessons last week. I was feeling so good that I couldn't keep the smile from my face. Things were off to a good start.
I was walking to my car for lunch, because I wasn't ready for the cafeteria just yet, when I heard my name being called.
"Swan! Hey Swan!" I whipped around to see Emmett's large form waving at me. It wasn't until he started jogging towards me that I saw he'd left a group of open-mouthed friends behind me. One of which being Edward. This was clearly not a good thing. From his clenched hands to the frown on his face, I could see he wasn't pleased.
Before I could worry about that, Emmett was in front of me, blocking them all out. He wore a smile as he panted softly from the jog.
"I just wanted to check that you were OK, you know, after yesterday and everything." He gestured to my head which I gently touched, feeling the small bump that hadn't gone down yet.
This was it. My first challenge. Someone outside of those on my list (the list being Charlie and Angela), who was offering a conversation out of genuine interest. Was it genuine though? He was Edward's friend, best friend from what I could tell. He was a jock and part of the 'in-crowd'. What would he gain from talking to me? Surely it would just hurt his reputation. But maybe this was a joke. Maybe I was being set up and he was just out to humiliate me in some way.
I shook my head. How could he humiliate me by asking how I was? These were the kinds of thoughts that set me back. That stopped me talking, that pulled me away from people's touches, that isolated me from real friends and a proper life. It was with this thought that I found my voice.
"I'm just fine. You were the hero remember." I uttered. It was quiet but it was purposeful and it sure as hell knocked Emmett for six. He looked stunned for a second but then let out a laugh.
"That's right, I was. You're clearly not having memory lapses then." He scratched the back of his neck as if unsure of what to say next but soon gestured to my head again, "So is there a big bump or is it a wimpy war wound?"
"I'm not sure really, can you see anything?" I parted my hair slightly and bent my head. I couldn't believe I was doing this. I was essentially offering up myself to be touched, I was so open right now it was scary. But I had been on a roll all day and there was no arguing that Emmett seemed like a good guy.
He lightly touched my head and laughed. "Nah, can't see a thing. Pathetic effort if you ask me."
"I'll try harder next time," I chuckled. Yes, a genuine laugh came out of my mouth whilst speaking. I never thought I'd see the day. Emmett seemed pleased with the interaction too, there was no pointing and laughing or poking and pushing. I must have done alright. I saw Emmett glance back at the group who were still stood there, shocked and somewhat appalled by our exchange. I took the chance to quickly examine Edward's face and I immediately wished I hadn't. It was worse that the frown he had previously worn. It was a blank but icy stare.
Emmett must have seen this too as he started to slowly walk backwards, still facing me. "Well, glad you're alive and kicking Swan. Try not to have any more dramatic falls without me around to save you ey?" It was a sweet ending to our short talk and it hadn't been ruined by the rest of the group's obvious distain. Once again, I'd made the right choice. Emmett was a good one.
Despite the disgusted looks I was now receiving, I was happy. I continued on to my car to have my lunch. Maybe I was almost ready for the cafeteria after all. Almost.
Thursday had arrived.
After the most successful day of my life to date (yes talking to people counted as success for me), I knew I was going to be facing a rough day of it today. Or rather just a rough afternoon. It was time for another Edward session and I had no idea how it was going to go.
On Monday he'd been exerting his power over me, pushing me up against the wall and exciting me with his touches. On Tuesday though, he'd tried to ignore my small accident, stopped Emmett from helping me and verbally abused me once more. And yesterday…those looks. As the saying goes, if looks could kill, I'd be like squashed road kill on the highway.
Which Edward would I get today. Would it be the inquisitive, touchy feely and downright hot and steamy Edward or the rude, insulting, aggressive and downright scary Edward? Neither was a piece of cake and neither made me wish for class to be over. The nervousness and the impending threat of it all was enough to make me revert to my old ways as I steered clear of eye contact in the hallway and dodged the physical contact expertly. However a note slipped into my locker brought me back.
To Bella,
Thank you so much for my little treats yesterday. You're so sweet! I'm sorry I didn't catch you to thank you in person but I wasn't sure if you'd want me to. I've put my number on the back of this note though. So if you want to chat sometime or do something, I'm around!
Love, Angela.
I turned the note over and sure enough, Angela had put her number on it. I smiled to myself as I read it. This girl was definitely my cup of tea. She knew that I didn't want to make the treats a big deal but that it still meant something. I guess I'd have to take the next step and talk to her; maybe then we could actually be friends. I grinned at the thought.
I was smiling all the way home until I saw the Volvo parked outside my house. It brought me slamming back to reality. It was Edward time.
I slowly got out of the car and grabbed my bag, making my way to my front door. Edward was sat on the porch step leaning back and eying me carefully. That icy look was still there. I guess this was the Edward I was going to be dealing with today, fantastic.
Without a word I opened the door and set my bag down but before I even had a chance to turn around and invite him in, Edward had me up against the wall in a flash. His hands were on my shoulders, pressing me further into the wall as his face hovered directly in front of my own. I felt his angry breath wash over my face and I braced myself for the onslaught.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing Isabella?" He snarled. The way he said my full name sent shivers down my spine.
I didn't know how to respond, I didn't know what he meant. I could tell he was angry at me about something in particular because his facial expression reminded me of the day I slipped the note into his locker and he dramatically overreacted. This however, seemed worse.
I couldn't answer him so I just turned my head away from him. He quickly grabbed my chin and forced me to look back, his eyes pouring into mine.
"Look at me when I'm talking to you!" He shouted gruffly. "I asked you a question. What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He clearly wasn't going to give me an idea on what he actually meant by that question so I had to say something.
"W-what do you mean?" I stuttered. Oh way to go Bella, really strong.
His fingers pushed deeper into my shoulders and I let out a little gasp of pain. That would definitely bruise. He paid no regard for my obvious discomfort and if possible he moved his body even closer to mine.
"What do I mean? What do I mean? I'm talking about your little stalkerish desire to force your way into my life." That confused me, I was pretty sure I tried to stay away from him as much as I could because of these unnerving situations he kept putting me in. The confusion was obviously still evident on my face as he continued. "Emmett. My father. Who would you like to target next? My sister?"
He released me for a second as he turned around and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. I was utterly and completely lost. I had no idea why he was so worked up and what on earth it had to do with me. I quickly straightened out my clothes and my hair as I tried to steady my breathing. I watched as he turned to me once more.
"You still have no idea what I'm on about?" He was clearly angry at my confusion, but fortunately he took the time to explain. "It seems that after our little encounters, you've now decided to root yourself into my life by moving in on my family and friends. You played the little victim act with Emmett so he had to take care of you. He likes to play the hero too much to resist. And my father. You purposefully took yourself to see my father about a pathetic little bump on the head just so you could talk to him. It's pitiful really, Bella. What did you think you'd achieve? Did you think after a few little nice words from them, I'd be on my knees begging to have you? Grow up little one."
His words were harsh but they didn't upset me. They angered me. How dare he think that I was purposefully getting to know the people close to him just so I could get closer to him myself. Yes, I was somewhat physically attracted to him. OK, I was absolutely entranced by him. But not on a mental level. Though his head clearly held many intriguing thoughts and the mystery did draw me in, the way he acted and the callousness that radiated off him was in no way attractive. I had no desire to be around that Edward, but he obviously thought I did.
These thoughts made me scoff…out loud. A showy and angry sneer, because I just couldn't find the words. How could I say that Charlie forced me to the doctor who I didn't know was Edward's father and that Emmett was the one shouting my name, without sounding more pathetic? That's what he had expected but my scoff threw Edward off guard. He rounded on me again but still kept a distance between us.
"You oppose? Of course you do, who would ever want to be known as the stalker freak who tries so desperately to get close to people but can't actually get close to anyone?" Now his words hurt. I was trying to turn over a new leaf but my main fear of never being able to achieve normality, never being able to fully let someone in, was constantly raging through my head. He knew this and he used it against me. I'd had enough.
"You think you're the only one I can touch. You think you're the only one I can talk to. You're wrong." His eyes snapped to mine as I released the words. He was so high and mighty, feeling oh so powerful over weak little me. Well he was wrong. I could tell that this angered him as his eyes flashed. But I could see something else. And then it clicked.
This wasn't about me getting 'in' with his friends or family. This wasn't about me being a supposed stalker. This was about him realising the fact that he wasn't the only one anymore. His Dad must have told him about the examination. He saw Emmett and I talk and watched as Emmett touched by head. I reacted to neither of these. He was so conceited and power mad that this actually bothered him.
"You're angry. You're angry that you're not the only one anymore. The 'trigger' as you said, isn't you and you hate that." I growled. All these words and feelings were just pouring out of me and I couldn't stop them. I had reached my breaking point and after all the weeks of insults and abuse, I was finally fighting back. I felt victorious.
That was until the slow smirk returned to Edward's face. That smirk. That cruel, menacing smirk that only meant he was fighting back too.
"That's precious Bella." He edged closer to me, closing the distance as his feet met mine. "You honestly think that I care."
One hand reached out to my wrist, his favourite spot. But this wasn't like the other times, his face was cold and mean.
"Do you think that touching you like this means anything to me?" He asked, gently stroking my wrist in circles. His fingers started to trace a path up my arm and around to my back. I knew what was coming. He pulled me towards him so my chest touched his. I couldn't stop my heart from pounding and my breath shortening.
"Do you think that I go weak at the knees when my body is pushed up against yours like this?" He pressed against me a little harder at that. It may not make him weak but it sure as hell did something to my nervous system.
He took one hand and lightly brushed the hair from my face. Any strands he missed he blew away with a soft breath right by my ear. I couldn't take it much longer, I was about to turn into a pool of mush if he didn't stop soon. But as his face moved back so I was looking directly in his eyes, there was something there that scared me, he looked somewhat wild and unstable.
"And do you think that if I kissed you right now, I would see fireworks?" At his words my breath hitched. I had officially stopped breathing. There was no way, no way in hell that he would kiss me right now. Surely not…
Before I had time to get my head around it, his lips were on mine. So gentle and soft that I could barely feel him at first. I was kissing Edward! This was actually happening. It was so tender that I almost collapsed in his arms. I gripped onto him in order to stop that from happening but that triggered something in him.
All of a sudden the kiss was deepened. I was pushed back against the wall as his chest slammed into mine and his mouth started to wreak havoc on mine. I could do nothing, I was defenceless and it just felt too good. So I kissed him back. I pressed into him with all that I had and that spurred him on more. His hands pushed against my hips as his tongue found its way into my mouth.
The passion was extreme as he grinded into me. My hands were in his hair, pulling and tugging. I had no idea what I was doing but damn it felt good. I couldn't stop from letting a small moan escape but it was echoed by Edward as he groaned against me.
But it wasn't long though until we were both running out of breath and had to part. He removed his lips from mine at an excoriatingly slow pace. But the rest of his body stayed in place, fixed into mine.
I snuck a look at him. His lips were parted and he was panting lightly. His hair was sticking up at all ends from my ruthless stroking and there was a slight blush on his cheeks. His eyes suddenly locked with mine. I thought I saw a flash of confusion as if he'd forgotten who I was, but it was soon replaced by the cold stare I'd come to know so well.
As he pulled away, leaving me propped up against the wall, his smirk said it all. To top it off he bowed, slowly and purposefully as if he'd just put on a show. But that is what he'd just done. He'd shown me that he could do whatever the hell he wanted and I would clearly just melt into him.
"Fireworks, Bella? Pah! Please." He sneered. I felt my defence fall as he laughed at me. "Get it into that pretty little head of yours, this means nothing to me." His voice was steady and his words were clear. I was nothing. But before the first tear had a chance to fall he finished by saying, "Oh and Bella? Stay away from my friends. You're really starting to show yourself up."
And with that he was gone.
A/N: I hope you enjoyed it! I was a little unsure of how I wanted the chapter to go but I think it ended up OK, although a little confusing for poor Bella! I am going to be continuing to improve on her character as we get through the story. We can't have her staying as the untouchable, unspeaking hero the whole time, can we? Anyway your feedback is encouraged as always and I hope to get some of your thoughts on the story so far. I'll try and update again soon! Thanks for reading :)