Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Twilight characters, however much I'd like to own Edward…mm mmm. Unfortunately all these characters belong to Stephanie Meyer not me.
Genre: Angst/Romance. I'll try and tone down the angst but we'll see how it pans out...
Rating: M for reasons that the later chapters will unfold.
It had been a week since that day with Edward. The details of that week are pretty simple…it was just a blur. Even though I had tried not to let what happened set me back, it had. All my insecurities and everything negative that I was trying to erase just came roaring back. I hadn't even managed 2 days and I was back to distancing myself from everyone around me.
The week had gone agonisingly slow. I felt like I was rushing through everything, yet time just slowed down. I rushed from class to class, I came home from school as quickly as it let out and I didn't stop to utter a word to anyone. Especially Edward.
It was an unspoken agreement between us that mine and Edward's Biology project sessions were off. He was clearly repulsed by the whole situation as he avoided me like the plague. This wasn't exactly unusual but normally he'd sneak in the odd glance or smirk to throw me off my day. Now there was nothing. This was great because I was avoiding him right back.
I didn't want to think about all the horrible things he'd said to me and I especially wanted to forget that kiss ever happened. I'd given into him again and once more shown how weak and pathetic I was. I wasn't just upset though, I was angry. So angry that he'd forced me back into my little dark corner, far away from any of the progress I had made.
It wasn't until Friday afternoon that it really hit me…in a very unexpected way.
I was walking through the hallway towards my locker at the end of the day, dodging people and keeping my head down. When I reached it and started to retrieve various books for an exciting weekend of homework and more homework, a conversation caught my attention.
"I can't believe Edward is still being like this! I can't bear it anymore." Sighed a soft voice. "I don't feel comfortable in my own home. Every time I walk into a room, he walks out. If Mum even mentions your name, he snarls and walks out. It's ridiculous!"
"Alice, baby, I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. He's mad at me, not you." Came the calming reply.
I turned my head and immediately recognised the pair. Alice and Jasper. They were sitting by a window and the sight of them almost melted me. Alice's head was in her hands and after attempting to calm her with his words, Jasper reached forward and took her hands in his own, forcing her to lift her head. He took one hand and pushed some loose hair away from her eyes and behind her ear, but left one hand to stroke her cheek. The moment was so touching, I was embarrassed to be watching but I couldn't tear my eyes away. Jasper went to speak again.
"Edward is my best friend and I broke some unspoken guy code by falling for you." Alice whimpered at this but Jasper continued. "But as my best friend and as your brother he shouldn't be punishing us like this. He should see what we have and he should know what it means to us."
Alice sighed, "Yes I know. But what if he doesn't ever see it?"
Jasper laughed. "Honey, if he doesn't see it, we need to get that man's eyes tested. How can he not see it?" His face turned serious as a frown formed. "And so what if he doesn't? The way he's treating you…it's disgraceful. What kind of a brother, shuts off his sister like that? He's hurting you and he doesn't even care. He's just plain selfish. And you know what Alice? I've had enough, we don't deserve it and we shouldn't have to live with it."
That's when it all hit me.
Alice and Jasper were so clearly in love, their touching scene warmed my heart and moved me beyond belief. How could it not? But Edward was ruining it. He was hurting his own flesh and blood and didn't care. He couldn't see what it was doing to them. But I could. As I looked at Alice's tears fall, it was like looking into a mirror. That unnecessary hurt had been caused by Edward just like he'd done to me.
I realised then and there that the problem wasn't me, it was him. I had my own issues that were entirely separate from him and something I had been trying to change. The situation with him was something completely different and it wasn't my fault. It had to do with him. He treated life like a game: if things weren't going his way, he'd bring down the winners to push himself back up on top. It was dark and twisted and only then did I realise that his issues were so much worse than mine. I never hurt people, I just hurt myself.
Looking at Alice, just proved that Edward was uncaring and cruel and that was just him. So why should I let what happened between us pull me back to that dark and lonely place again? I was better than him and I deserved to change.
As this all fell into place before my eyes, I caught sight of Angela walking out into the parking lot. Without sounding corny and weird, I knew this was fate. I took one last look at the couple in front of me, before closing my locker and running for the door. I saw Angela near her car and I ran to catch up to her.
"Angela!" I shouted. I can't remember the last time I shouted, I had a surprisingly loud voice. So loud, it made some nearby students jump. This included Angela. She turned to me with a shocked expression which slowly turned into a smile as she waved.
"Bella, are you okay?" She asked, still clearly shocked that I was running at her. When I reached her though and caught my breath (I was not a regular runner), I was not nervous.
"Hi Angela. I'm sorry, I haven't ever spoken to you properly and I'm sorry I kinda fell off the radar this week but I was wondering if you wanted to do something weekend? I don't know what…but err, a movie maybe?" I mumbled. It all came out quite rapidly but I had to speak fast before I lost my nerve. I realised I had no idea what normal people do with their weekends so I just hoped she did!
That beaming smile that I had come to love, shone at me again. "Of course Bella! I'm so glad you asked. How about you come round to mine tonight and we can stuff our faces and watch some DVDs? I've got an extensive collection so you wouldn't be disappointed!"
She sounded so excited, it made me excited. It sounded like a proper girly night in, something I had never done before but was always so jealous of. I was even happier she said tonight because if it was tomorrow it may have given me time to change my mind. Maybe she knew that.
"That sounds great." I breathed, feeling the same elation I'd had last week. We organised a time and she gave me directions to her house and soon enough I was outside her door with a bags of chips, marshmallows and chocolate.
It was such a great night. It wasn't anything special, just a regular girls' night in with food and DVDs. But it was special to me. Just like the casual, mundane conversations with Charlie meant something to me. As I sat next to Angela, chatting over the movie about how hot the lead actor was, I finally felt normal. Though getting close to someone scared me to death, I had a friend and it felt good. That was all that mattered.
And as I said goodbye to Angela and arranged to go shopping on Sunday, in my head I just went *Screw you, Edward Cullen*.
The next couple of weeks passed with a much more pleasant blur. Angela and I started to hang out more and she introduced me to her friends Eric, Tyler, Lauren and Jessica. I was wary about this, especially as Jessica and I hadn't exactly gotten off on the right foot. But it looked like Angela had talked to them before I met them and they tried really hard to hide their suspicious looks…Jessica less so than the rest.
This was such a huge step for me, though it didn't look like it to anyone else and I was surprised at how open I felt and how easy it was to talk to people if you didn't overthink everything. I even braved the cafeteria with them. It was difficult at first due to all the looks and pointing but after a couple of days that let up and it was like nothing had happened. Well not nothing, but high school kids were so fickle, they moved on pretty quickly.
I hadn't seen Edward properly in 3 weeks. He was very good at just 'disappearing'. He'd been ditching lessons and spending a ridiculous time in detention. It was odd, because this was definitely not the boy I had met a couple of months ago. He had been a spoilt, arrogant, jock. But he'd never been a rebel. From what I'd gauged about him in my first few weeks, he was highly intelligent and everyone was expecting great things from him. But it seemed that that was all going downhill.
Not that I cared.
That sullen, angry face was not to be questioned. He ought to be left alone. And after everything that had happened, I was not going to be the one to attempt an intervention anytime soon!
I was just happy things were going slightly normal for me. So normal in fact that Lauren asked me to come round to her house for a party on Saturday night…which was tomorrow.
"Come on Bella! It'll be so good! My parents aren't back until late Sunday." She whined at me.
"Yeah and my brother can score us a keg." Chimed in Tyler.
"Underage drinking…oh hold me back!" I laughed. Their efforts to get me to go were hilarious and very sweet. It was very new to me.
"You can come over to mine before and get ready. Jess is coming over as well." Angela stated, with a smile on her face. She could see I only needed a little bit more encouragement to convince me to go.
But I was still nervous. I'd braved so many things in these past few weeks, I was sure that the party was pushing it. But I had taken risks and they had paid off, so maybe this was just another one I had to do. I put my hands in the air in defeat.
"OK fine, you've convinced me. I'll go! Just don't let Yorkie throw up on me…I've heard the stories." I said as I eyed Eric. His faced turned beetroot as everyone laughed and Tyler slapped his back. Apparently Eric can't handle his drink and I wasn't about to be another character in one of those stories.
Of course I started to regret my decision when I couldn't find anything to wear and my attempt at a hairdo ended up looking like I'd gone through the about 10 hedgerows backwards. I arrived on Angela's doorstep looking like a state. I knocked on the door but immediately turned around and started to walk back to my truck.
"Bella?" Angela called behind me. I turned to give her a quick smile.
"I'm sorry Angela, I can't do this. I thought I could, but I can't." I turned back to my truck and opened the door.
"Bella, wait!" I heard Angela run up the path behind me but I continued to chuck my things back into the backseat. She reached me and gently touched my shoulder. We'd come so close these last few weeks that it didn't shock me. I turned round to face her and saw her eyebrows furrow in confusion. "What's up?"
I took a deep breath. "I've never been to a party before, I don't think I'm ready for big crowds of people bumping into each other, I have nothing to wear and I think it's time to return the thing on my head back to the wilderness." I said in a flurry of words, pointing at the mess of hair on my head.
I could see Angela stifle a giggle as she surveyed the damage. "So what? You're just going to leave me to deal with the animals alone? I thought you were better than that Bella Swan!" She pointed accusingly at me. I tried not to crack a smile.
"But seriously, don't worry so much. The party is just a party, it's not a big deal. Yes, there will be quite a few people as Lauren told the whole of the senior class to come, but that's nothing we can't deal with. Think of me as your bodyguard for the night…I'll fight off anyone who gets too close." She offered. I couldn't help but admire her sweetness.
"Aaaand…Jess has a ridiculous amount of outfits with her which she'd be happy to lend and I am a wiz with the curling tongs, if I do say so myself. So get your little hiney upstairs pronto, I won't hear another word about it." And with that, she started removing the stuff I had just flung into my truck and pushing me towards the door.
When we entered Angela's room, I was almost knocked out by a shoe flying past my face.
"Whoa, whoa Jess! Watch it with the flying footwear!" Angela laughed as she dumped my stuff on her bed. I walked further in to find Jessica rooting around in the largest bag I'd ever seen. Her whole upper body was practically inside it. She huffed as she turned to face us.
"Sorry! I think I've forgotten my baby pink lace up heels." The way she said it, sounded like it was the worst thing to occur since the Beatles split.
"You mean the ones you wore to Mike's birthday a few months ago? The ones you always go on about because Mike thought they were 'totally awesome'?" Angela said, putting on her best jock voice for effect.
"Yes those ones! That was the first time Mike really noticed me! And now it's too late for me to go home and get them, what am I going to do?!" Jessica squeaked.
"Err wear different shoes?" I offered. Cleary this was the wrong answer though as she huffed even more and continued to rummage through her bag. How on earth had she carried that thing anyway?
"Jess, while you're attempting to retrieve your sanity from that bag, could you also see if you could find something for Bella to wear? We err…have a little situation." Angela eyed me up and down, taking in my baggy jeans and hoodie with a disapproving look. Soon Jessica was up on her feet doing the same thing.
"Dear God Bella! It's like you don't know how to be a girl." She accused, but slapped her hand over her mouth as she saw my face drop. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Let me see if I have something a little more…dressy?"
Jessica often let her words just slip out and sometimes they could be quite brutal. But she was right, I had no idea what I was doing. I missed the real 'teen discovery' years. I didn't do the makeup lessons, the chats about how to flirt with boys or the copious amounts of shopping trips. Renée was too busy for that and I had lost all friends by then.
So I was happy to listen to Jessica rant and rave about what colour goes with what skintone. I was happy to let her and Angela dress me and pluck me and paint me. I was happy to let her play with me like a doll.
I was happy until I saw myself in the mirror.
I liked the makeup on my face, it was very natural and thankfully a lot more toned down than the stuff on Jessica's face…I would call that war paint ready for battle. I liked the loose waves that Angela had styled my hair into. It even looked glossy which was something I never knew it could do.
But the outfit? Jessica had squeezed me into this skin-tight, bright red, bodycon dress. I was so uncomfortable, I kept fiddling with the hem trying to pull it down lower but that succeeded in exposing my boobs more. I couldn't win.
I shook my head at them and pointed to the dress. "This has got to go. I look like a hooker! It's too much!" I squeaked. My obvious discomfort was evident in my voice.
"What are you talking about? You look hot! Like seriously Bella, who knew you had this body!" Jessica clapped, obviously excited by her creation. But I was still having none of it.
"Either you lend me another dress to wear or I'm not going." I stated my ultimatum very bluntly and very confidently. Because I was confident I was not going to be wearing that dress.
"Although I do agree with Jess when I say you look hot in that outfit, it may be a little too much for your first party. Maybe we'll save that for a special occasion!" Angela laughed, registering my sigh of relief and Jessica's groan of disapproval. Angela went over to her own closet and retrieved a much more appealing jeans and top combination. Though when I tried the black jeans on they were still decidedly too skinny and the blue top that hung off one shoulder only just covered my stomach. But I dealt on this because it was ten times better than the dress.
As I stared at my reflection in the mirror, I was reminded of the feeling I'd had when I wore the summery dress the day Edward first 'had fun' with me. Who knew an outfit could make you feel so good? It was a shame it bought back the memories of him but what are you gunna do?
My new look achieved wolf whistles from the girls and an 'Oh don't you girls look lovely!' from Angela's mother as we jumped into Jessica's car.
As we neared Lauren's house, the bundle of nerves that I'd been controlling went spiralling out of control. There were more cars there than I had thought there'd be which meant more people. Which meant more of a chance for me to snap back to old me and fully embarrass myself in front of the whole senior class…again.
As I was about to voice my concerns and ask to be dropped back home, Angela turned in the front seat to face me. She looked at my face and smiled comfortingly, reaching to place a hand over mine.
"Anytime you wanna leave, I'll go with you, no questions asked." And with a quick squeeze of my hand I was instantly calmed, though not to full comfort zone.
We entered the house as a trio and immediately we heard a squeal from Lauren.
"GIRLS! Am I happy to see you!" She slumped into us as her legs failed her during the running hug. She lifted her head to smile at us. "I got started a little early on Tyler's keg…I think that may have been a mistake."
The slurring of Lauren's words caused us to raise our eyebrows at each other and escort her to the nearest couch. She very ungracefully plopped down, somehow still holding a red cup upright.
"You guys go, enjoy the partaaaay. It's fucking fantastic, if I do say so myself. Oh hey, you!" She suddenly pointed at me with her red cup filled hand. "You look fucking fantastic, if I do say so myself."
And with that nonsensical shout, she rested her head down on a cushion and closed her eyes. We all burst out laughing. I worried though that this was usual behaviour for a party and was everyone going to be so brazen all night long? Angela grabbed my arm and started to pull me towards the kitchen, not even looking back to the Lauren mess behind us.
"Don't worry about her, she always peaks a little too early." Angela giggled. "You've always got to have that friend in your group to make the rest of us look mildly respectable!"
All of a sudden we were drawn into the mayhem of the roaring party. Music was blaring in the nearby room as guys and girls danced fairly erotically with each other. As we entered the kitchen, some boys were playing beer bong across the table while girls cheered on the sidelines. Essentially, everything I had seen in those terrible teen movies had been correct and I was right to be afraid. Everyone was a mess.
Jessica had gone ahead of us and came back grasping the infamous red cups in her hand, thrusting them to us. I took it gingerly, looking to Angela for encouragement. I hadn't really drunk properly before, unless you count the odd glass of wine at Christmas. I turned to see her quickly down her drink without regret, so I followed suit. If I wanted to fit in, I'd have to join 'em right?
Soon we were dancing like the rest of the fools. We found a wide space and with copious amounts of drinks in us, we danced like there was no tomorrow. Angela hadn't left my side, like she had promised, and I was grateful. The alcohol was doing a great job acting as fuel for my confidence, though. I suddenly didn't mind if someone accidently brushed my arm as we jumped around the room.
We laughed as we watched Jess totter very shakily towards Mike, ranting about not finding 'those baby-pink lace up heels that he'd liked the last time'. Mike looked bemused but let her carry on anyway, grinning wildly as she pressed her chest into his and fluttered her eyelashes.
I was definitely learning a thing or two about flirting. Having never tried before, I could tell that guys liked a lot of it and right up in their faces. Whatever 'it' was, anyway. I was definitely not going to practice tonight, however. I wasn't there yet. I was mainly trying to focus on not letting my eyes search for Edward as they so often did. I had no idea if he was here, if this was the kind of party he'd go to or why I even cared. I pushed it all out of my head and concentrated on the music, this dancing and drinking thing wasn't so difficult after all.
Hours later and after about my sixth or maybe it was my seventh cup, I started to feel a wave of nausea take over me. Maybe I'd found my limit. The room was starting to look a little wobbly and my legs were doing a jelly-like performance. I told Angela I needed a little air and she offered to go with me. But I saw the guy, Ben, that she'd been raving about recently, dancing decidedly close to where we were and offering furtive glances her way. So I told her to stay and slyly pointed in his direction. To which she blushed and tapped me away.
I stumbled out onto the porch. Looking to my right I saw a couple attached at the mouth and pretty much just going for it, so I manoeuvred myself to the left and onto a swinging bench.
I immediately regretted my decision as the combination of the drink and the swing of the bench made my stomach lurch and I grasped hold of the rope in earnest.
"Stop, stop, stop. Bad idea, swing. Bad idea." I muttered to myself, the drink had clearly debilitated me.
I heard a light giggle next to me. I peeked up from the rope and frowned at a tiny shadow on the steps of the porch. I focussed my eyes and realised it was Alice Cullen. Her pretty features shone in the light as she smiled brightly in my direction, clearly amused at my state. But the sight of one Cullen bought back memories of the other and I groaned as another wave of nausea went through me.
"Are you alright?" She asked sympathetically.
I mumbled in response, clearly words were failing me at this point.
"You don't look so great. Have you been on Lauren's punch too? My friend, Rose has been a victim of that tonight as well." Alice said; her voice clear and bright. Clearly, she hadn't been drinking like the rest of us.
"To be honest, I don't know what I've been drinking." I slurred. Laughing at how terrible that sounded. Thankfully, Alice laughed along with me.
"I guess a red cup is a red cup to most people." She laughed, but still with a note of care in her voice.
"I'm just trying to fit in. I have no idea what I'm doing." I blurted out. Wow, alcohol obviously disrupts my usual filter…that was slightly worrying.
"I hate to break it to you, lovely, but no one knows what they're doing. We all just play along with whatever 'the norm' is."
"Well you do. Normal isn't exactly where my skills lie. But I think that's very much obvious to everyone." I blabbered; I seriously couldn't stop talking rubbish.
Alice pushed herself up off the steps and wondered over to my swinging bench. She perched gently so as not to rock me any further, for which I was grateful.
"You're Bella, right? I'm Alice Cullen." She didn't offer her hand. If she knew my name, she must know ALL about me.
"I know. You're Edward's sister." I suddenly blurted. Oh my god, I just couldn't stop! Why did I have to say that? Quick…need to backtrack. "I mean, you're a Cullen, soooo you must be his sister. Not that I know him. Not that I've spoken to him. Not that…"
I managed to stuff my right hand into my mouth before I said anything else. Thankfully, Alice hadn't caught onto my rant. It seemed the minute I mentioned Edward, her face fell and her mind was somewhere else.
"I'm sorry, I'm drunk. I'm not sure what I'm saying and I think I may have lost my shoe." I looked down. Yes, I was only wearing one shoe.
Alice laughed again and the smile was vaguely back. "No, you're fine. You've probably heard all the rumours about our supposed scandal, so it's no wonder your first thought was to him." Yeah, that was the reason why I thought about him. Cough, cough.
She sighed heavily but continued, "He's just a big selfish idiot. He really is. He needs to get it into that thick head of his that the world does not revolve around him and his wants and needs." Of course I knew what she was talking about so I nodded along, trying not to give my emotions away.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't rant to you; I don't even know you. I'm just so frustrated! I mean I'm out here now, in the freezing cold, avoiding him. How pathetic. My own brother, making me feel so alone." She put her head in her hands and sighed. I couldn't help but raise my hand to stroke her back slightly in what I hoped was a gesture of kindness. Even in this state she just gave off this warm, comforting aura and clearly I wasn't following my own rules tonight anyway.
"You're close." I mumbled. She raised her head slowly and smiled at me, nodding. "That's why you feel like this. You care, he cares, and that's the big problem." I know what I was saying probably didn't make much sense but she listened anyway. "People act out when they feel betrayed, even if it isn't logical. He just thinks he's not as special in your life as he was before and he's punishing you for his own feelings. It's irrational, but a temperament like his can't be explained. He's making you feel alone because he feels alone."
Alice looked at me stunned. She shook her head slightly but smiled and took one of my hands. It surprised me but I didn't react to it.
"You have some really amazing insight there, Bella. Like really. Very deep, rational. It sounds like you really know him." Her eyes and tone questioned me and I quickly looked away in an attempt to hide whatever feelings were fluttering across my face at the time.
"Oh, I err guess I've just learnt a lot from being on the outskirts of life most of the time." I lied.
"Well you've got a good head on you. Sounds like you should leave the outskirts and get involved more in life; we could do with more people like you." She squeezed my hand.
"Well, I am trying." I grumbled and grabbed my stomach as it lurched again.
She laughed and went to get up. "Maybe do it with less alcohol next time, I don't think you need it." She walked gracefully to the door but stopped as she was about to pull it open. She looked to me again, "Thanks Bella, for listening. I think it's time I really talk to him, even if it's just me doing the talking." She laughed lightly and disappeared inside.
What I had said to her rang true to my own issues with Edward. A part of me hoped he acted the way he did with me because he cared and because he wanted to be the only special one who could touch me. But I knew I was fooling myself, he'd told me that wasn't the case.
I then had a horrible realisation that I'd been talking to Edward's sister.
No, I'm not being dense, it just hadn't properly dawned on me that I'd been talking to his sister. I knew I was talking to Alice Cullen, but she was also Edward's sister…EDWARD'S SISTER.
Oh crap, he wasn't going to like that.
I pondered the possible outcomes of this for a while. Would there be complete avoidance as was usual for Edward? Could there be another confrontation like the last time? If so, did this mean more kissing? I shivered at the thought. More so in trepidation than in disgust; I wasn't sure I could go through that again.
And as if the world heard my woes and sought to punish me more, I felt the lurch of the bench as it was pushed suddenly forward. I slipped off and rolled to the floor in a slump, groaning as I went.
I heard a sharp laugh behind me and recognised it immediately.
"Jesus, Bella. I was going for a scare; I didn't know you had completely lost all normal functioning of your body. But I guess normal is the obvious word there." Edward sneered as he made no attempt to help me up.
I lifted my head to glare at him as I pushed myself up and slowly walked away down the steps and out onto the front lawn. I was not in the mood for another emotional clash, especially as I was mid-panic about what he would do or say if he knew I was talking to another one of his family members. Luckily, from the look in his eyes, I could tell he hadn't clocked that I'd been talking to Alice just 10 minutes beforehand…about him.
I still sought to get away though. I didn't trust the man. I also didn't trust myself not to blurt it out like I seemed to be very good at this evening.
I tried very hard to keep my head up but soon found it difficult as I couldn't see where the hell I was going as I moved further away from the light of the house. Was that a forest in front of me?
"I do hope you're not running away from me, Bella." He breathed, my name rolling off his tongue with a ridiculously seductive note. His voice came from right beside me, giving me such a fright that I squeaked like a little girl and stopped in my tracks.
His chuckle resonated through me and I felt him move closer. It was dark so his face wasn't clear but I could just about make out the outline of his body as it neared me, I felt like prey being stalked. The comparison seemed highly appropriate for the situation.
The very idea of him being close to me sent shivers down my spine and I thought back to the memory of us the last time we were together alone. That was a silly mistake to make as I started to feel lightheaded. I forced myself to remember my feelings after the event and all the other times he'd made me feel so small: I was angry.
I drunkenly grumbled to myself and turned to walk a different way where I knew he wouldn't be. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold in the anger for much longer. But he caught my wrist (in that damn spot again) before I could run off. I was immobilised for a second.
"Oh you are trying to get away. This is new." I could hear the sneer in his voice. It encouraged me to try to tug my arm free, but he just grasped tighter. He swung me around until I stumbled into him, bracing myself on his chest for support. Big mistake. His scent filled my nose and I almost lost myself completely. I felt his breath at my ear as he whispered, "Didn't you miss me, little one?"
I couldn't help but whimper against him. How weak, where had my anger gone? Oh wait, I found it again, there it was…hurt, frustration, infuriation. I pushed him back as I made another attempt to walk away. He was so surprised he even stumbled back a few paces so I could make a good distance between us.
But still, I heard his voice following me.
"Are you upset I didn't call?" he joked in a sad voice. He was getting nearer, so I sped up my walk.
"Are you annoyed that I missed a couple of our special sessions together?" The way he said special sessions, made me groan in understanding of its less savoury meaning.
"Or maybe you're just frustrated." His voice was even closer now. "Frustrated that I left you high and dry. Did you want more, Bella? Did I leave you craving me so much that you can't even speak now?"
His last comment made me jolt to a stop. How dare he be so shameless? He had wanted to leave a trail of destruction in his wake like every other bully before him had but he'd unintentionally made me bolder. I could talk now, I could touch now, and I had friends now. It made me want to laugh…so I did.
"Speak? Oh I can speak, Edward. I'm just not sure I want to waste my breath on you." I barked and I immediately heard him come to a stop behind me as I swung around to face his general direction.
He didn't say a word and the silence created made me more frustrated.
"You're oblivious to everyone around you, aren't you? I've changed Edward. I have friends now and I'm actually trying to make an effort to be different. And that's down to you, Edward. I had a serious amount of problems before I met you which anyone who's ever met me has always reminded me of. But you, you had me believing that you were the only one who could bring the human inside of me, out. You made me feel like only you had the ability to make me normal. You knew that and you played on that. It wasn't until I realised I could do it without you that I finally started to do something about my life. It was then that I could see what a messed up life you actually lead. It's all fake. You've pushed away anyone who actually gives a shit about you and you call me the loner? You're the one who's all alone. So there, is that enough for you? You discard me for almost a month and now you want me to speak, Edward? Oh I can speak…just try me." I let out a huge breath in relief as all the words just flooded out of me.
If I hadn't heard the faint pant of his breath, I would have started to believe that he'd left. There was only silence after my rant and as the seconds passed, the relief that I originally felt was starting to turn to frustration again. He was there; I could hear him, so why hadn't he reacted? I would never have thought he'd have let me get away with that and this empty reaction was killing me.
I outwardly groaned again and I think I actually stomped my foot.
"What are you doing, Edward?! Have you nothing to say to me now? Can't think of a good enough insult to fire at me? Why don't you just call for your cheerleader friends to come and beat me up then?" I growled.
Still there was silence.
"I know you want to hurt me. Come on! Cut me down to size. Say something, dammit!"
Still silence. I was getting even more wound up with each second that came and went, I felt like I was about to pass out from the tension. I could not understand what was happening, what he was doing. I had lashed out to a pretty intense degree so he should be doing something about it.
I guess in true Edward form, he had found it very easy to make me feel so small and degraded. This time he'd done it without any words and it was made even easier for him by the fact that I couldn't even see his face. I felt drained as the anger started to fade and the tears started to form.
I asked the only question I had left in me to ask as a tear rolled down my hot cheek.
"Why are you even here?" I whispered.
The sound of leaves under foot started as I saw Edward's vague outline near me again. I whimpered in defeat and waited for the onslaught as he stopped directly in front of me, his breath washing over me.
His hands were on my face, gently stroking the tears from my cheeks, when a whispered reply came, "Because you're here."
His mouth then descended slowly onto mine.
A/N: Hello! I know my apologies don't mean much anymore, as you have probably grown to expect a slow update from me, but I am sorry it has taken me so long again! I hope this chapter was worth it and I can definitely say that an intense chapter more focussed on Edward and Bella will follow this.
This one was mainly focussed on Bella's change and then introducing Alice a little more to the story. I hope I've managed to stay true to Bella's character and not change her completely. She's still a very angsty mess, don't worry!
I hope you enjoyed it anyway, tell me what you think :)